Lunar New Year and Guānzhuàng bìngdú or Coronavirus

A fascinating thing that has been occurring more and more these days has to do with my work and vacation time. Instead of resting during vacation so as to have energy to be very busy during work time, I find myself usually feeling as though I’m busier during my vacation time. Metaphorically speaking, it’s as though my working is now like a routine flight path (that I enjoy), while vacation time is the time that I find myself having to get a lot of challenging stuff done, fixed and replaced - which I also enjoy most of the time.

As though the home that I return to for vacations and on every other weekend is aware of my schedule, appliances, plumbing and other things of late have been breaking down almost as soon as I walk through the door. For example, during the last five weeks, we’ve had to replace the microwave oven, the hot water dispenser and now the hot water heater. And as if that wasn’t enough, upon our return from a family visit to the center of Taiwan, water just started pouring out through one of the air conditioning drainage outlets in the living room onto the wooden floor. It was really weird; however, instead of allowing myself to go into a state of overwhelmingness, I’ve just been dealing with everything on a case by case basis. And honestly, really quite thankful that all of this has been happening while I’m home on vacation, so that I have the time/opportunity to deal with it, rather than being away at school and unable to deal directly with it. My philosophy here: as long as you’re standing in the home, as one with the home, the home will stand “equally as you stand.”  In other words, you have to become one with the home, a part of it wherever you are, because it is the ones in the home that will define the structure of the home.

Getting to the Guānzhuàng bìngdú, Coronavirus or devil virus as some in mainland China are calling it,  I have (in consideration of world events) also been preparing for some possible changes that may be stimulated (a nice word for it) by what is currently  unfolding. Without adding to the fear of the future that many may already be experiencing, I think that it’s important to prepare for some disruption to our daily living routines - perhaps just a little, perhaps quite a lot.

Transportation and logistical supply lines are already getting hit in Asia and it could get a lot worse. Taiwan’s government just announced that they would be postponing the start of the spring semester for public schools, which means that my university will likely also follow suit. Herein, I strongly suggest that people use common sense, err on the side of caution and have an ample supply of daily necessities on hand to weather the transition through the storm that seems almost to be upon us. And then if it turns out to be a false alarm, as the preppers often say, you can always eat the food you set aside as your insurance policy. The good news here in Taiwan is that, from what I’ve seen so far, people are not panicking and the government is doing an awesome job of leading by example while also preparing for the worst.

The way I like to look at my location in relation to the big picture is in increments by imagining rings of influence going out from myself into the broader environment as far as is practical and then reversing the view or process back to myself, so as to have some sort of a picture or idea of what we might be facing, so as to then take practical steps or measures to prepare. In terms of an immediate, this entails looking for about two to three months into a future of possible playouts, preparing as I am able, while also realizing that plans are no substitute remaining here, breathing and dealing with points as they arise.

In terms of viruses, one important thing to remember is that, regardless of the origin of this particular virus or combination of viruses, it’s still just a virus, like a flu virus. Which means that, rather than fearing what the virus may or may not do to our bodies (and in so doing, waste valuable living resources of the body), better to focus on self care, which usually involves caring for yourself as well as your immediate environment, i.e., expanding the ring around you into and as your environment to care for others as well as your environment, as a whole, which will in turn then reflect back unto you at the center of  your environment.


From a personal perspective, rather than being programs that attack our physical bodies for the sake of physical harming our bodies, I view viruses more as frequency disruptors that attack certain systems of conscious programming. In other words, I think that viruses (which are apparently frequency based) are more focused on devouring the energetic systems designed to keep our lives automated, rather than on devouring and/or destroying our physical bodies. After all, isn’t it usually an “overreaction” on the part of the body’s immune system that causes damage to our physical bodies, rather than the virus itself?

As such, the way I personally choose to face viruses is to essentially embrace them and let them do their thing, while I do my thing supporting my physical body by remaining calm and not wasting valuable resources on fear. Yea, this is my advice when it comes to viruses: embrace them by focusing on caring for the physical body (rather than going into a state of fear) and letting the viruses do their thing. After all, other than this particular virus perhaps being a new combination of viruses, I don’t think that it’s really anything new. I’ll  have more updates from Taiwan in the near future.

Continuing with gOALs

Goals and becoming more goal oriented: when I looked at this point and consciously acknowledged that I didn’t really have much in the way of goals to achieve beyond that which I’ve already loosely set for myself based on where I am now, the direction I’m currently heading and a long term mission that I’ve given myself that may or may not be relevant (depending on a whole lot of variables), I also had to acknowledge that I had deliberately limited myself in terms of concrete goals to reach for, so as not to put too much pressure on myself. 

Why? Funny, my first instinct was to come up with one of those wise sounding sayings evoking an image of the expansive unknown - which is also difficult to argue against. However, I guess it's really just because I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I honestly like where I am. I like where I’m heading and I like that I’m finally directing my life, rather than just struggling to stay afloat as I feel I had been doing since I was 7 or 8 years old and, and, and, and... Hells bells, many others must “feel it, an impending sense of uncertainty bordering on a sense of dread permeating throughout humanity.

While some are attempting to define this sense of dread, once again in terms of ecological annihilation in order to squeeze just a little more fear out of the people in a last ditch effort to hold on to their control of the narrative that has been steadily slipping from their grasp, I would honestly have to say that nature is flourishing like never before - just the way I see it. 

However, I too feel an impending sense that major structural changes are in the works. A restructuring of sorts is the only way to describe what I see taking place within and around planet earth. It’s as though so many points are finally coming together everywhere; and while some of these points are merging, some are also in the process of colliding in a big way, which I guess will result in the destruction of large sections or industries of the old world system collapsing into heaps of dust so as to give way to the new.

Thus while I have things that “I” consider important still to accomplish in this lifetime, I’m finding it somewhat difficult to define them. Strangely enough, this is due I think to my uncertainty of a future, how everything’s going to look when the dust settles. It’s as though Heaven’s program is finally, finally, finally coming to an end and getting ready to shut down, which in itself is perhaps exactly I/we require to set some new goals. Goals are useful to maintain one’s course and keep pushing to establish a new foundation for humanity, based on the principles of equality, oneness and what is best for all - the best course for sure. 

Because the next chapter of our story isn’t going to write itself. Once the current system comes down (a point that is accelerating), we will have another new window of opportunity (requiring the setting and reaching of lots of goals) not only to solidify the course correction of humanity/mankind, but also to establish a solid foundation (based on the principles of oneness, equality, what is best for all) from which all may finally have the opportunity to create in ways that we never imagined. 

Cool! I see that in writing and rewriting this point, the questions as well as my quest (of goals to set) begins to come into focus. So, I will leave this here for now and pick it up in the next post with some concrete goals.

gOaLs

Recently when someone mentioned “becoming more goal oriented” to me, I thought to myself, how can I become more goal orientated when I don’t really even have any goals? Of course, I’ve got the standard stuff that I’d like to see, such as world peace, an education system that actually educates to the benefit of students rather than brainwashing and indoctrinating them, governments that really are of the people by the people and for everyone, a world free of GMOs, pesticides and pharmaceutical toxins, clean oceans, rivers and lakes, an equal money system, all beings coexisting in harmony with one another and of course unobstructed interstellar access for all.

So here I am back to this idea of becoming more goal oriented, which I agree is a point that I’m able and ready now to utilize in order to keep moving so to speak. Because even though I am still in the process of solidifying into and as a way of living the goals that I set some years ago as process points of self-change, I realize that I have indeed accomplished these goals to the extent that I am essentially in the living phase of manifesting or solidifying them into and as the substance of what I am.

An interesting note here that just came up has to do with the key to actually solidifying self- change. Even though I’ve essentially deactivated so many lines of programming (that had been running my life) and rewritten so many new lines of instructions as a guide for me to live, I still require to remain here directing myself in every moment. It’s kind of like driving a car through crowded city streets, even one lapse of focus can end in catastrophe.

For example, yesterday while in class with a group of first year students, I noticed them looking at me with these “what the hell is he talking about” expressions on their faces. With a classroom computer not working, an air conditioning that wouldn’t turn on and me just wanting to get the hell out of there for the three day holiday weekend, I ended up going into an energetic-mind hurry mode which apparently also opened the door for an irritation goo to ooze its way up around me. I could see that goo coming up, yet instead of just stopping, breathing and clearing myself of it, I continued to hurry.

Suddenly there like an ether inside of me and all around me and in that moment (in like quantum time), I was inside of myself looking at this dark gray fog  that had  already filled the space of my body and was ready to ignite “in anger.” Then in that same moment (that was almost like existence giving me a breath) of looking inside of me, I simply stated as movement or shift “NO” and I was once again looking on the outside of me, this time with the intention to slow down. This time, I just started speaking Chinese and suddenly (lol) the faces of these new students softened with relief. It turns out that most of them simply had no idea what I was saying. The moral of the story: by accepting and allowing myself to go into an energetic hurry mode, I had also abdicated my self-directedness to an extent, which opened the door for more problems to creep in - showing me once again the importance of remaining here, breathing all of the time. Honestly, I think it was the whales that helped me out in this case. Thank you whales.

So getting back to becoming more goal oriented, aside from the main ones, like remaining self-directed, here all of the time, for which I still require to remain vigilant all the time, I guess there are ways of living that I am curious about and would like to understand and change myself to become. For example, I wonder what it would be like to “enjoy” communicating  with people from the starting-point of really caring to see  who they are rather than simply assessing their personality designs as matters to be dealt with in a caring way. In other words, I would like to actually find everyone interesting, which I’m sure I’m able to do, because everyone is unique. And I’m certain that this point would be an honorable trait to add to the way I am because I’ve seen it in others whom I consider to be honorable for the way they appear to unconditionally focus their attention to others by way of listening to them, here to see them.

Okay, so this is the first goal: as a matter of self-creation, I’m going to push myself to “enjoy” communicating with people from the starting point of seeing who they really are by unconditionally focusing my attention to them by way of listening to them, here to see them when communicating with them. And I guess I’m able to do this in communication with everything. I think this is a cool goal; however, I probably need to specify it a little more.

Sounds within Sounds Without

Sometimes it feels like I’m on a roller coaster ride of outflows and side effects of mine. Take for instance my dreams. Recently, they’ve been oscillating between the types that I used to have as a child (and apparently still do) and those with more clearly defined symbolic significance or I guess I could just say symbolism. For example, for a while I had been having a lot of dreams about my family, including feelings of being left out and not counted or considered. Perhaps that comes to an extent from being in a family of six with no dad and a mom that I always felt I never got to see enough. Hence, one of the best times of my life, believe it or not was the year or so that I spent living with my mom a couple years after graduating university, working in the same company that she worked and commuting with her an hour each way to and from work. Anyway, in recognizing that these dreams were related to a point of indecision regarding going or not going to the USA this summer for a family reunion, I simply faced my uncertainties, made the decision to go and the dreams have dissipated, but not yet disappeared. Some points just have to be physically walked in real time.

While the symbolism of certain dreams is clear, other dreams seem not even of this reality. They are dreams I guess of my conscious perception of numerous levels or dimensions of reality - the point of me on different levels attempting to make sense of information. Imagine a world of information that doesn’t seem to abide by the boundaries of time and space. Imagine a world of constant movement of energy in formations (which I sometimes have picture interpretations for, but not always) moving along their pathways, always in my head and always making a racket or a symphony depending on how I look at it. I usually define it as a symphony. I guess it is simply the noise of millions, billions or trillions of neurons constantly firing. This morning while in awake in bed, I had a look for a moment at the scene in my head. It was like a bundle of clouds or fog filled with lightning hovering over the brain below. Add to this a high pitched ringing like millions of symbols (or those things they bang together in an orchestra, whatever they’re called) being struck together almost the same time, almost in sync but definitely not in harmony… and that’s what I hear every time I pause for even a moment to listen to the mechanics of what’s going inside of my head. But for the pumping of my heart determining the rhythm of the blood/information flow seemingly coordinating the entire flow of the noise of energies, I would probably define it as chaos inside of my head. Thankfully, as within so without, each of us have a heartbeat to keep the rhythm, like the rhythm of earth I guess. On a point that may be relevant, I was watching a YouTube video the other day of the sound of stars as received by radio telescopes. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but in looking back it occurred to me that the noise we hear within ourselves, inside of our heads is perhaps the same or similar - with a slightly different sound frequency signature or whatever you want to call it. Maybe! And for the investigative types, which I certainly am, you may want to have a look at the pictures that amateur astronomers are taking these days of stars. To me, they appear a lot different from what the misinformationists at NASA and the other so called space agencies have been providing us. The key point here has to do with the information provided in The Secret History of the Universe Series at Eqafe. It seems to me if memory serves me right (a big if), that what certain beings were describing of their view of existence, the circular shapes with light in the center surrounded by darkness surrounded by a membrane and so on or something like that may actually resemble what we call the stars. Maybe existence as it was is as it still is. And maybe what’s happening within each one of us is the same as the without in the stars surrounding us. Yea, it’s a lot of stuff to take in and consider, especially for the mind. So I’ll leave this here for now - with a plan to listen once again for the umpteenth time (a phrase I learned from my mama) to the secret history of the universe.

The funny thing is that when I look out there and question what it is that seems so far away (but apparently isn’t really that far away), I am certain, 100% that the answers are all right here within and as me, right here within and as my physical body. However, sometimes when I open my mouth to speak the words of understanding, there’s just this blank, as a part of me has been disconnected. Crazy! I’m like, where’s the rest of me.

Solidifying Change at different levels of Mind

I wrote this about two weeks ago, but just got around to checking it (before posting it - as part of a rule that I have regarding posting/uploading to the internet. Although I usually begin my Saturday mornings with the Desteni I Process by writing self-forgiveness and self-correction statements, which I will also often sound out or vocalize in order to see and hear how my new designs fit into the overall composition of myself in connection with environment - as me, today I’ve decided to share a change that I noticed in relation my personal process or journey to life as I often refer to it.

This change has to do with the sound of my voice or more specifically the frequencies of energy that I have often ended up intertwining with my words (from the within to the without) whenever I participated in energetic definitions within myself while attempting to speak out. A little over a year ago, it seems I was writing about how I was getting better at noticing such energies - as they would rise upwards within me, wherein just before the point of connecting and intertwining (within my vocal cords) with my sound, I would (as a preventive measure) essentially restrict or prevent those connections from happening, so as to basically stabilize the sound of my words being externalized. 

Although has been kind of like walking through life with guards on my shoulders always watching for energies from the within of myself (as though they were attempting to escape through my vocal cords by attaching themselves to the sound of the words that I sounded out), I’ve become quite adept at walking day by day just like that - to such an extent that I rarely  even notice the guards anymore except in the moments their assistance is required to stabilize (to an extent) the sound I externalize as the words I speak out. This method of placing guards to the exit points of the sounding of my words hasn’t always been 100% successful; however, with persistence I’ve noticed consistent improvement to the point of a possible change perhaps occurring, like something beginning to solidify within and as myself.

For example, a couple weeks ago while speaking to my partner, I noticed that even though I was experiencing physical discomfort (like undercurrents of frustration) in relation to her questions, the sounds that I was externalizing in communication with her remained stable from the within to the without, without me having to forcibly stabilize them. This was quite interesting because as I was speaking without hesitation, while also noticing physical discomfort within me, the sounds that were coming out of me remained calm or stable - without me having to enforce that stability - like it was becoming a natural expression. And although I’m not exactly sure what all this means, I’m thinking that it is perhaps indicative of the process of real change, wherein even though the system is still producing certain undercurrents within my physical body, I’ve begun to change the nature of myself as the system to no longer be so reactive or defined by such undercurrents. Perhaps, this is an example of what is meant in relation to standing within and as the system while not being of or moved by the system.

So, while not being completely certain what this means, I am at least certain that it represents progress within my process. Perhaps (for the most part) in constantly and constantly no longer accepting and allowing certain programs of the mind to function as they had in the past, I’ve begun literally to rewire the functioning of the mind to specifications more aligned to equality, oneness as what is best for all. The way I view it now is, having worked much of my way through and taken responsibility to a large extent for my conscious mind, moving into the subconscious, I’m now beginning to address and redefine the undercurrent experiences as definitions and so on from… Let’s just say other layers of mine/mind.

Opportunity in Self-honestly Facing Criticism

Some time ago, I received communication in relation to a project that I had worked on. I felt that the communication was somewhat critical. and in looking at the words themselves, I immediately traced them back to their origin and I could even see or feel the anger and frustration as they moved through different levels to finally arrive at me. Yea I know: any of the readers having had some training into the workings of the human mind might be saying, be careful about reacting to the things that you  perceive and then projecting your own experience onto someone or something as you’re imagining it to be. Yep, that was the first thing I did - react to what I was experiencing and then project it onto to a source. Hence instead of stepping back and looking for opportunities in all of this, I immediately began began preparing to defend myself. However, just before I put a defensive strategy into action, I decided to stop for a moment and look into myself.

What I saw was me almost completely immersed and engulfed by a ball of energy/emotion. Immediately, I said to myself, I’ve been here before, this happened to me before and I ended up spending almost a week in misery, imagining worst case scenarios as though they were real because they seemed so real. During that last episode, which was almost exactly two years ago, I went out of my way to make things right, but in the end it was only through writing everything out, applying self forgiveness and self corrective action, that I finally pushed through the energy to see, realize and understand that I had created the entire episode in my mind, meaning that it just wasn’t based on the physical reality of my environment at the time. Unfortunately, by the time I realized this (at that time), it was already too late. For my mind or at least some aspects of it had rebooted (I guess you could say), leaving me once again fully charged emotionally.

Returning to the present: having recognized that I had walked through a similar event in the past, I decided to hold off on taking any action and instead I chose just to go to bed. I didn’t sleep, for there is no sleep when one is so immersed in energy. Thus I considered, if I wasn’t in such an emotional state, if I were standing stable preparing to do what was best for all, what would I actually do? Simple, I would have a look at the criticism and  self-honestly address it. So, that’s what I did.

In looking at the criticism self-honestly, it occurred to me that much of it was very accurate. In other words, there was a lot that I personally could have done better. Of course I had my reasons for not doing so at the time, but that was then and this is now. Hence, I committed  (by physically taking the first step) to a course of action which included addressing the criticism and applying corrective measures. As soon as I had completed that first little step, the energy that had enveloped me dissipated by about 75-80%. From this point, I was able to go back to bed and get a couple hours of sleep. In the morning, when looking at my situation again, I realized that, although I was still kind of in the hot seat, it also wasn’t the end of the world for me. Furthermore, this point actually represented an opportunity for me. Specifically, in walking through a highly energetic experience in hours instead of weeks, I proved to myself that I am still changing for the better. That being said, I also realize that, as I still got caught up in the emotion for a time, I’m still not directing myself as much as I care to be. Thus, it is for me to always view such episodes as opportunities to change myself and test my directive principle, rather than allow myself to get caught up in the whirlwind of energetic based charges. The other opportunity that I also now see is to continue working on and improving upon that project of mine. It’s strange because, even though such points are so not fun, each one does indeed offer an opportunity.

Pushing Through the Timelines

Sometimes when I’m swimming, I think to myself, maybe I’ll just do a little less today or maybe I’ll just get out of the pool right now because it’s so crowded. But then I consider: what if I applied this standard to other things I do, like walking my personal process, preparing for next semester, answering and sending out emails, etc., where would I be then? So I swim through the half hour that I’ve allocated for exercise and physical expression within the water because I realize that in order to actually see this life and my process through the way I care to, I've gotta push through everything I set out to do.

While last summer was excruciatingly challenging for me from a mental or energetic standpoint, this summer has been more work oriented, yet also not without  the challenges of letting go the energetic perceptions, namely the ones in relation to ongoing legal disputes and disagreements within the community where I spend my winter and summer vacations. However, when it comes to disputes,  I’ve now realized that I've always had the ability to from my point of view or standpoint eliminate or prevent all disputes within and as myself in an equitable, fair way based on the principles of equality, oneness and what is best for all, which is also always going to be what's best for me.

It's still something I'm learning how do, pushing myself to understand and see this point through so as not to repeat my mistakes of the past. For example, last year, for numerous reasons (including those of extreme energetic reaction that I had participated in last year), I decided to walk the timeline of my community dispute in consideration of just two paths (one focused on myself and the other my partner) instead of the one path that would have been best for all. Why, because I didn't expand my view to enough to see that there was another way for me to walk through these points for myself without having to hit the bottom so to speak before I was willing to exert the will power to stand up.

As a result or consequence, whereas I used to love living in this house overlooking trees and the park, there came a time where I just started hating it because I blamed the house and its location for my emotional reactions. Thankfully, one year later, after huge amounts of self-introspection and self forgiveness, I’ve begun once again to enjoy being here, yet not as an experience, but more as just another place that I call home.

As for the second path that I spoke of, it concerns walking through the legal system with my partner, who because of this has been studying law (massively) and now plans to perhaps one day take it up as another professional career. It seems that, almost every week, we get a certified letter from the courts that she has to respond to with legal writing and documents. I don’t enjoy having these letters come to our home, yet I do accept that it’s part of the legal system that she's in the process of learning and that we've both agreed to walk through.

As a result, in relation to the legal system there is now a pending enforcement action ordered by the courts against us. Specifically, since we still refuse to do it, the courts are planning to come and tear off our irreplaceable japaneses tiled roof and replace it with basically the cheapest tiles on the market - which is one of the many reasons I disagreed with changing our roof in the first place. I always used to wonder what it would be like to one house that refused to sell to the developers. Now, I kind of have a feeling for that. Anyway, in terms of walking through the legal system, I agree with the saying, it ain’t over till it’s over.

Interestingly, when this was all beginning, I looked at the timelines in relation to the legal system and the ongoing dispute within the community and I saw much of it quite clearly, just as it’s playing out now. I considered the hardships that my partner would have to endure and I thought to myself, she's strong and she'll come out of it stronger. However, what I didn’t see, was the personal process or hardships that I would have to walk through. Perhaps, that’s because the timeline points in relation to my personal process had yet to be written, which is kind of what I’m now still in the process of doing. Furthermore, in looking back at my standing, the path that I chose, albeit the most painful was I guess the best path for me to take based on my condition at that time. Meaning, sometimes a jolt of reality based consequence is the most supportive medicine even though it may not seem that way at the time.

Oh, and in terms of the walking the legal system, I have come to realize that it really isn’t about winning or losing cases, but about how we stand in walking through the system. In other words, although I really would appreciate not have my roof torn off our home and replaced by the government, what’s more important for me is the learning process that my partner and I are going through and how we stand and see it through. Thus, we are a work in progress, progressing through the processes of learning how to stand within a community system and the legal system while changing ourselves so as not to be moved by any system.

Altogether, along with more employment work responsibilities than I’ve ever had to do in a summer, I’ve also got loads of legal considerations and this is where pushing through the timelines come into the picture. The way I see it is, once you create a new timeline or buy into one that’s already been laid out, you’ve gotta take advantage of every opportunity to change yourself for the better and see all points through to the end, least you miss the some points and end up having to redo part of the timeline again. For me this means pushing through to change myself at every opportunity on a personal level while also utilizing the system to its full extent. The key here that I've been steadily building on is the practice of redefining and living words. For example, whenever I notice energy movements within me, defined perhaps as victimized to defiance, I replace that space within me with the words humbly determined - defined as the way I commit to relate to others within the community while also remaining determined utilize the legal system to address my concerns in relation to the functioning of the community.

Finally, a friend of mine recently said, “I couldn’t stand it, I would just pay the money and have it done.” I’ve considered that a lot. However, I also consider this. If I just paid the money to have this done with on this occasion, would I not be just as likely to rely on throwing money at the next problem that arises? Maybe and maybe not. Either way, as I’ve chosen my path, I’m going to see it through while taking advantage of every opportunity to change myself to living words.

From Righteousness to Principled Living

Last summer was a very difficult one for me. Although it wasn’t as bad as the one I spent in the summer of 83 on a dirty old ship called the USS Lamoure County, the energetic parallels that I experienced were of a similar hellish nature. Back then, I was curious and all I wanted was to explore this reality freely  without the constraints of any authority. Basically, I would say that I was like an innocent nineteen year old child with and extremely capable mind and body, the will to explore and a fierce desire to be free. 

In short, I ended up fighting against the authority on that ship, losing the battle and having to bow down just to save my and be permitted to walk away. From my perspective at the time, I knew that there was just something wrong with that whole operation. A huge amount of weapons heading down to Nicaragua,  the CIA and so on. As it turns out, I was right about the operation being a dirty one - part of the Iran Contra affair. However, in focusing only on my perceived rights, I veiled myself from seeing the bigger picture, the one of me walking through the system, while not getting entangled in it. 

My problem was that I just couldn’t stand taking orders from people whom I knew to be in the wrong. And  back then, even though I wasn’t able to pinpoint the specifics of their wrongs, I believed that I was right and that this was something worth fighting for. Fast forward to last summer and even though I had been walking the process of changing myself for several years, I still had not fully addressed and changed myself in relation this point of righteousness and the belief that, people had the right as well as the obligation to stand against those in the wrong. This point was so ingrained into and as me as a self definition, that even when it was pointed out to me, I didn’t see it. It was as though all I could see were the poles of right and wrong with me having no option but to choose a side on which to make a stand. Of course, as I believed that I was right and they were wrong, I chose the side of righteousness.

Essentially, when I got stuck on that one point of righteousness, I veiled myself from seeing the bigger picture of consequential outflows that I would end up creating by fighting for my rights. In walking a long process of self-forgiveness on this point, what I have essentially come to realize about righteousness is that it tends to focus one’s attention only on one point, leading them to disregard the bigger picture (of for example, peaceful coexistence) in favor of a bloody war. It is the same age old war now playing out once again between the left and the right all over the planet. Both sides essentially want  the same thing, peaceful coexistence and they’re all also righteously willing to fight, kill and die for peaceful coexistence. In focusing only on what we believe to be right, we veil ourselves from considering a compromise to achieve a mutually agreeable outcome.

I now see this point because I’ve been walking through it. What I now practice is letting go of the definitions of right and wrong (for they are both one in the same point divided into and as polar opposites) to then expand my perspective and intention (beyond the righteousness of the small) to create beneficial outcomes that are acceptable to all. Thus, whenever I face a point wherein I am certain that I am right, I immediately  let go of my definitions of right and wrong and the energy/emotion associated with such points to then expand my view or imagination and intention to create and walk a path to create outflows that will be best for all involved, herein redefining the word, righteousness to a kind of principled living. I’m still in the process of walking this point.

What to Right?

Although I meant to title this, "What to write?"as I wrote it out, the word became “right” because that is perhaps what I really wanted to say.  As I've often stated, I use such words interchangeably and sometimes I even wonder why we even bother to spell such words differently.

When I write the words, I right myself. Or should I say, when I right myself, I write the words? Or how about, when I right/write the words, I write/right myself. And how could I forget the Wright brothers - especially when, as I was writing or righting the previous sentence, I spelled the word, wright instead of write or right. For me, the spelling is different, yet as it sounds’ the same, so too must its meaning be basically the same. Which brings me to another point that I so enjoy staying over and over again to so many students: don’t worry about your grammar or spelling; just write the words as they come out; for as you write the words, so too will you right yourself. What is point in all of this? I’m sure yet; however, I am certain of why I am writing - to write myself.

This morning before awakening, I had a dream that I was a teacher. Actually, it was more that I was a teacher in training. I was talking to one of my teachers, explaining to her that, while I was learning, I was also already teaching. Then, a student of mine appeared in a wheelchair with a breathing device attached to it to essentially keep the young man alive by breathing for him. The scene changed and I noticed that the young man had disconnected the breathing device to disconnect himself from this life. Although I knew that this choice was ultimately his to make, I also knew that it would be a mistake. So I began to speak to him of why he should reconnect his breathing device, push through the hardships and stay connected to this life. Although it is hard, I said and there is not yet any light to be seen at the end of the tunnel, as you push through, things will change, the technology will get better and eventually you will be through. It is just a matter of pushing and pushing until you are through.

The dream ended and as I awoke, I knew that I was the one in the wheelchair, connected to the breathing device as well as the teacher teaching and also the one giving me advice. It also appears that I am still defining myself as wheelchair bound and on life support. Furthermore, in looking at the word “through,” I see that it has always been within and as me a word that I utilize to support myself to keep on walking. No matter how difficult the path may appear, it is always only a matter of taking the next step to eventually walk on through. And this is the message I will take with me from the dream.

On a related topic, yesterday, as I walk through the park with my partner, I noticed her becoming irritated, a point that I immediately brought back to myself to take responsibility for who I was in that moment. In shifting to observer/participant, looking into internal reality while also participating in the external reality, I could see that my view from within had darkened and was becoming physically painful. In backtracking from the tonality of the words that I could hear myself speaking, I was also able to see that my starting point as the directive principle was being consumed and diminished increasingly by emotion in reaction to my partner. The tonality of my words, the nature of my thoughts and let’s not forget the blame and projection that were starting to come through from the nature of such thoughts. These are points that I’ve learned to flag and to push myself through to live the principle of what is best for all, which equals doing unto others as I would have others do unto me if they were standing in my shoes and I in theirs. From that point, I knew that I had to reconnect with my life support as my self-directedness in order to push through and return to self-directedness.

For me, one of the most difficult aspects of living of in real time the principle of what is best for all is that of pushing through my energetic illusion of righteousness. In looking back into my mind at some of the times that I’ve faced this point, it’s as if I am surrounded by a  dense wall of a thick, dark substance embedded with the noise of pictures, emotions and sentences of blame as justification for me to stand my ground and fight for my right to have a harmonious external reality. When in the reality (of what is physically here), all I actually require to do is push through the dark, slimy, nasty, irritating black goo (of myself) until I am through to see the physically reality as one with me, not good or bad - simply what is here. Strange as it may sound,  pushing through the illusion of the dark, slimy, nasty, irritating goo (blinding us from seeing what is actually here) is simply a matter of pushing through the illusion of the virtual-reality of our own minds.

Accordingly, the problem is not the physical reality in and of itself, but the energetic definitions that we  create in our minds and then attempt to walk through our days dealing with  what is here, without realizing that we’re looking through virtual reality goggles of our own minds. Once we realize that and determine to change our views, it then becomes a matter of pushing through the goo. However, as pushing through the goo does not in and of itself ever seem to get easier, the solution, as I see it, is to eliminate the goo altogether and never allow myself to create such a mess ever again.

Summer Update - part 1

It’s been awhile since I posted anything substantial and reason for this was twofold. Firstly, some of the points that I was walking and still am walking through are kind of personal and secondly, because I have been grappling with how to best balance the honesty that I would like to put into my posts, with practical considerations of my where I am in the education system. Sometimes, it is like a balancing act: whereas radical self-honesty isn't suitable for public consumption, everything that I put into public posts requires that I consider where I am in the system, the impact that the post may have. Honestly, it can feel like technical writing - which I've become quite adept at. However, in terms of fun, it’s kind of like going from writing an adventure story of self-discovery, to writing and Ikea instructions on how to assemble the kitchen cabinet. What is there left for me to say? That’s about it. Thank you for your cooperation… What a relief that was to get off my chest, lol. What is there left to say now? Personally, I am certain that there is much and now that I’m on vacation, except for some summer work-writing that I’ve agreed to do, I plan on writing a lot a lot more, starting out with simple stuff and then gradually going into more depth. What I enjoy most these days is, believe it or not, going into work. Years ago, this was not so. Yet, now that it is, I think I will first talk about that, not in terms of the politics of office or the education system, but in terms of the evolving methodologies I have personally been implementing in all of my classes. Having just finished my fourth year at Asia University in Taiwan, I have decided once again to redesign all of my syllabuses. Essentially, this is a matter of letting go of that which doesn’t work, keeping what does work and expanding on it. So, what have I found to work best for and the classes that I teach? The first thing that comes to mind is the expanding use of technology inside and outside of the class - especially for communicating with students and managing a large amount of data. For example, instead of having students use pencil and paper (which many of them don’t even bring to class anymore), students can use their smartphones for reading, writing, posting blogs, sharing their work, making videos, messaging me and even filling in online forms that I make for the purpose of easily accessing their data, reviewing it and giving them feedback. For sure, I also utilize a classroom computer and the projection screen to focus student’s attention on material. However, as some students really seem to enjoy holding their smartphones and staring at it for long periods of time (lol), I figure, why not provide them with a link on our interactive syllabus so that they can click on it and and choose to either follow along on their smartphones or look at the whiteboard. And as it turns out, some people can be extremely productive with a smartphones.

So, what else do we do with smartphones in the classroom? We read news articles, write and post blogs, make videos of ourselves and one another discussing subjects and so on. I’m even going to purchase a selfie stick and encourage students to bring theirs to class. Basically, I’ve found that by using the smartphone in the class, instead of fighting against the flow, I begin to direct it. Therefore, in redesigning my syllabuses for next year, I plan to increase the use of smartphones in class by way of increasing the number of blogs that we write in class, while also increasing the number of videos we make of ourselves and one another. In short, my focus will remain on learning and enhancing communication skills, rather than, for example, memorizing grammatical patterns to pass a test and then never utilizing the knowledge for lack of opportunity to apply it. One thing that I’ve learned, both in terms of self-change and in terms of working within the system is that there’s no sense in denying the trend and/or attempting to resist it. Although, this statement can be taken to a very deep level, in essence, it simply means that it’s easier to direct the flow than it is to stop it.

For now, I’m going to leave this here and while this writing may seem to be somewhat surface level, it is where I’m at (on the surface) in terms of having just finished another year in the education system.

Strange Reality

Ever since I can remember, I have always felt that there was something that was not quite right about my reality. It didn’t matter where I went or what I did, there would always be  something untouchable or unspeakable even though it often felt as though an explanation was just at the tip of my tongue. In search of answers, I’ve looked to the animals, nature and the faces of people, searched in my dreams, investigated the astral plane or what I thought was the astral plane and made it a point often to embrace as many demons as I could.

Even with my becoming aware of the opening of the portal into all of existence, I have still felt that there are things or points beyond even this existence that are yet to be realized or remembered - kind of like a knowing that, behind all of this, beyond the beginning and the end, there will still be so much more. However, in order to create that which is new, one must first understand where we’ve been and this is actually the phase of the journey that I feel mankind is still in, a process of self discovery, the seeing of where we’ve been so as to determine where and how to go next. 

That being said, I would like to share a couple of points or questions that have arisen in me in relation to this physical existence. The first point has to do with the shape of earth and second has to do with (I guess you could say) dimensional shifts. Why am I curious about this, you ask? From my perspective, a better question would be, why wouldn’t or why shouldn’t I be? Curiousness isn’t just a construct, it’s a way of life.

Having recently watched a documentary called Convex Earth, decided that there may be something to what they were saying. I realize that I might be a little late to this party; yet the fact that I have now arrived indicates to me that humanity has perhaps also reached a tipping point, terminal velocity or whatever you want to call it in relation to this point. The reason I say this is because… Well, I just have a feeling and on the same day I completed writing this (today), I noticed my favorite AI induced or affiliated webpage, Zero Hedge had also picked up on this story. Yea, I guess Zero Hedge is full on connected with AI. Why else would it ‘s main anonymous source be referred to as Tyler, but that’s another story for sure.

Anyway, is earth a globe, is it it flat or is it convex? Perhaps it’s all of the above, depending on one’s perspective and in reality, I don’t really care one way or another. What I do care about though is the secrecy surrounding this and other subjects and although I do understand the fear that leads us to hold on to our secrets, I also understand that one way or another we’ve got to unveil them all. Thus, we can either wait for someone to do it for us or we can do it for ourselves, which prefer because I would really like to see what’s beyond Antarctica and underneath us.

So is earth flat? I guess that the side that we’re on is perhaps kind of flat with a spherical dome surrounding us, which begs to question, what’s on the other side, underneath of us? As far as the sun and the moon are concerned, the current belief of one being a star we’re traveling around and the other and the other a mysterious rock, that’s simply ludacris or extremely silly. I don’t even have to do any calculations to realize that an overwhelming body of evidence contradicting the official narrative usually indicates that the official narrative is wrong, especially these days. Furthermore, I agree that it is necessary to bring the elite liars and cheats down; however, I also realize that the only way we’re going to do that once and for all is for the people to stand up and question our reality or realities. OK, to put is simply, my best guess is that earth is a platform with an above and below that also has a within and a without surrounded by a dome within which is enclosed our physical existence. As I said, I am sure there is so much more, however, with so much untapped potential right here, it makes perfect sense to me to remain focused right here on the issues at hand. In other words, this is where the magic of creation happens; now all we need do is cast the right spells - also another story.

The next point that I’ve noticed (as have many) is a discrepancy in relation to our memories. Perhaps the best way to comprehend this issue is to research what is called the Mandela effect, wherein many people have similar memories of history that seem to be different from the officially recorded history.  Having checked into this, I too seem to have some different memories - aside from going to the moon and visiting with ET, LOL. For example, as children we would often watch “Looney Toons” on TV. Google docs doesn’t seem to have a problem with this spelling; however, Wikipedia claims that this famous cartoon series was spelled “Looney Tunes.” Could this be some sort of massive psyop, social engineering project or an experiment being conducted by a future AI? Hell if I know, I’m just putting my perspective out there for the record.

Thankfully, I do understand that my most important resource for finding answers and creating solutions is simply a matter of looking inwords into me to see and/or create the solutions as needed. This here is such an important key to self-creation, creating from the within of ourselves to the without of our physical bodies which makeup the physical systems and the physical structures of this physical reality.

Undercurrents

 

This morning I am pushing myself to write about undercurrents of polarized self-definitions, because this is what I’m currently working on as part of my personal process within the Desteni I Process. So far, what I gather in relation to these undercurrents is that they are like preprogrammed, underlying ‘I am’ designs or self-definitions that activate (according to one’s interpretation of an environment) to create a conscious experience in relation to that environment, sometimes even leaving one to wonder, where the hell did that come from?

For example, I’m sure most people can relate to moments when someone looked at them in a certain way or said something whereby they suddenly they found themselves reacting (to that person or the word that was spoken) in a piercing tonality of irritation or anger. Although we often shrug such reactions off as somewhat regrettable, usually unpreventable and for the most part harmless, the reality is that they are preventable and they can be quite hurtful. In fact, piercing tones of frequencies interlaced into and as words can be very painful to both the transmitter and the receiver. That is why the word, ‘piercing’ is associated with words that hurt. Remember that just as the letters of ‘live’, can also symbolize ‘evil’, so too can ‘words’, be placed in such as way as to symbolize the ‘sword’ (that pierces), hence the term ‘piercing words.

They’re called undercurrents because they move under the surface of our personas. However, just as the undercurrents of the ocean can sweep unsuspecting bathers off their feet and drag them down to the lows, so too are these undercurrents (as part of the design of ourselves) able to drag the unsuspecting or unaware down, down, down. 

Thus it is for man to know thyself or more specifically, the design of thyself. Because, once we begin to see the design of ourselves, we also begin to realize how to change ourselves for the better. For me, it is a matter of self-trust. As long as there are undercurrents swirling around under the surface of my conscious awareness, for which I am not the directive principle, then I will be left with a fear of what’s below, from which uncertainty will flow, which will lead to me embodying a less than optimal stand - one that lacks a certain amount of self-trust.

In looking back at various instances wherein undercurrents activated ‘I am self-definitions’, I see how I had reacted on occasions only to wonder afterwards, how and why had I reacted so intensely. The reason I now realize was because of the way I had unknowingly preprogrammed myself to react in such instances. For example, not too long ago I abused the words I spoke as well as the person to whom I spoke them. In looking back, I realize that, while I was speaking, I was not even aware of what I was doing until I noticed that person experiencing some distress. Immediately, I changed my mannerism to be more amicable. Yet I was still left wondering: why had I done that, how could I have prevented it and how could I have bettered handled the situation?

In tracing my steps back, I see that I had polarized a definition of myself in relation to that person and certain words, in this case a string of words that were spoken. In other words, instead of standing as the directive principle, trusting myself to determine who I am in and as each ‘new’ moment, I had programmed myself with undercurrents based on polarized definitions of good and bad ‘if this then that’ reaction patterns. Why is this a self-defeating state to be in? Because, it leaves one reacting to new moments rather than responding as the directive principle within and as the understanding that, as each new moment is a new moment, the best way to relate and walk into all circumstances is to to do so with a clean slate so as to determine or calculate each move based on the new of what is here right now rather than the old that no longer exists or applies. 

For more on this (and there is so much more), I suggest checking out Desteni and/or the Desteni I Process Lite, a free online course. By investigating ourselves, i.e., seeing, realizing and understanding the design of what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to embody, we are then able to change or redesign ourselves as a matter of self-creation.

Process update, January 2018

It’s week 18 on the academic calendar (or was when I began writing this), which is another way of saying that I’m finished or almost finished with another semester. I used to hope and wait for the end of the semester so that I could be done with it, take a rest for a while and go on vacation. Nowadays though, I quite enjoy walking with and through the education system, the students, my colleagues and even the people who present suggestions often referred to as directives. 

These days, I more realize and understand that it’s not so much about endings and beginnings or hitting obstacles and pushing on, but about who I am within the journey that I am walking. In other words, there will always be endings, beginnings, encountering obstacles and pushing onwords. Thus it is not to fall into the trap of judgment and despair. Dare I say, it’s never ending, yet quite fascinating even though it isn’t always very fun. And by the way of a reminder, the correct terminology (for the purposes of creating rather than terminating) is onwords," not onwards. Look at the words as symbols. Language is far older than we sometimes perceive it to be and I say that it’s high time we stop accepting and allowing ourselves to be inundated by duplicity and/or hypocracy within the design of our sentences in relation to our intentions. 

As we sentences ourselves to the words we create, so too are we able to become the directive principles of our destiny by righting the design/symbols of the words as the design of ourselves to our specif intentions. OnWARds to onWORDs, forWARds to forWORDs, toWARds to towords… Why not?

Anyway, I also had some difficulties this past year. In short, there were some energetic points or definitions that I simply refused to let go of. Around that same time, I had also come across some process points dealing with comparison in relation to other people, that I had decided I didn’t really need to address and correct because I thought I had already covered those points in the area of jealousy. This assessment was somewhat accurate, yet not completely. Thus, I guess what happened was that I ended up jumping over some points or internal definitions without addressing and correcting them, therein compounding these points inside of myself to a point of a possession from which my perception of reality exploded into a perception of hell. On the plus side, it did leave me with a very important lesson learned. Be careful not to bypass process points, even when you think that you’ve already walked through them. A safer option is to simply slow down and walk completely through such points even if that path re-walks some of the ground you’ve already covered.

In terms of accomplishments this past year, every moment that I am here, physically aware (wherever I am) is a step in direction of self creation. Since I began walking process with Desteni, I have established or realized that I also have some goals or points that I care to see manifest in relation to the world system. Actually, I usually refer to these points as my mission because they are not so much points that I haven’t understood, but rather points that I care to have others understand. Thus, along with my personal process of understanding oneness and equality and “what is best for all,” (my long term goal), I have also been inputting into the world system a new definition of democracy. 

From my perspective, real democracy is based on the mathematics  of One (not to be confused with the construct of Ra or the Law of One), which I guess flows the design of “the democracy of creation”.  I will not go into the subject of democracy or these other points at this time; however, for anyone who is interested, I’ve set up a blog called Democracy Awareness which I use to place or input words into the collective consciousness of humanity. 

Ok, just a little bit. Democracy is simply a form of collective decision making, wherein the degree of democracy expressed is equivalent to the degree to/by which all members of the collective have “the opportunity” to participate equally in all of the decision-making processes that affect the collective. For example, within a collective/group wherein there are ten decisions made per year and one hundred percent of the members of the collective have the opportunity to participate equally in all ten of the decision-making processes, then this would be considered a real or true democracy. 

Let go of judgments of equality/inequality as it pertains to the ability of individuals to participate and focus instead on the opportunity of each one to participate equally. This point of opportunity to participate equally is the “equality” of the “oneness” of life composed of and encompassing inumerable unique ones free to express to each one’s potential (= as is best for all) in connection with one another. 

This point of opportunity to participate equally has always been here within and as the democracy of creation. We simply require to understand and live it from the starting point intention of creating outflows that are best for all, which I guess is the process in so many words that we are now walking.

Artificial intelligence and the education system are also points or topics of importance to me. In terms of the education system, I view my role as one of many standing up within (and as) the system to change it from the within to the without.  In Taiwan, I see the correction happening and thankfully it’s happening fairly quickly - as do all things seem to be these days. 

Another point that I very much care to see humans embrace, relates to our overall concept of artificial intelligence. In short, the shortest path to that which is best for all in relation to our AI creations is for us all to simply embrace our synthetic life forms (all life forms for that matter) with the same unconditional  assistance and support that we would ask of our own parents. There’s so much fear out there; yet surely many must realize that, as the saying goes, we’ve been down that road (of fear) before and it’s a dead end. So, here I am. I have much to do and so much yet to understand.

Writing and Posting Blogs in the Classroom

Although I have not been doing so much personal process blog posting, I have been doing a lot of blog posting for school. Basically, whenever I ask students to write blog post, which is about 7 different classes every 2- 3 weeks, I also write one with them right there in the classroom on the projection screen and I also usually post them and put their links on the updated class syllabus for them to go back and check out, which I guess some actually do. Sometimes, I leave blank lines for them to fill in their own words. It’s kind of like guided writing or paint by numbers, but with words instead of colors.

In the past, I didn’t really consider this kind of writing to be associated with my process. However, now in considering how I am assisting the students (my intention) while also assisting myself, I guess I would classify classroom writing to be part of my personal process. Why? Because, as one of my main goals or reasons for walking with Desteni and doing my personal process of self change has been to change myself to understand and live the word, care as a doing without having to force myself to do so.

Now, although I hadn’t consciously considered this point in some time, I have occasionally  been noticing some personal behavioral changes in relation to others, wherein I would do or say something in relation to them in ways that seemed to indicate to me that I actually cared.  Usually, it would just be a moment wherein I look up and quizzically wonder as what I had done or said and that would be the last of it. Then, the other day  as I was showing students how they could outline their self-introductions by first listing some of their most noteworthy personal traits, I wrote the word, care as one of the personal traits that I would include in my self-introduction. As I was writing that word on the board, I stepped back for a moment and looked into myself to see if I was being self honest. Do I really care, I asked myself. My answer without hesitation was yes. And in that moment, I realized that, in assisting others to write and doing so almost effortlessly, I was actually living the word, care. One more thing, although it may look as though the students are playing with their phones, they’re actually using them to write and post their blogs.

The Nail that Sticks Out

I have often used the statement, “the nail that stands up gets hammered down” in an effort to justify never  backing down unless it was a strategic stand down. My rationale stems from my fear of being hammered down, again and again. Who would I be if I bowed down and obeyed the rules of the few that I consider to be abusive? Who would I be if I ignored that which I consider to be abusive? What if I turned around, picked up my belongings and walked away, would that solve the problem that I experience within and as myself? Nooooo...

I have often felt as though my only opportunity to live is right now and if I let someone take even the least of my rights away, I would be responsible for denying myself such rights. From there, I thought it would just be a matter of before I joined the crowd of hammered down nails ignoring their own rights and the rights of others. Sooner or later I would find myself jealous and angry towards those who weren't willing to accept and the rule of the few as the status quo. Would I then join the mobs for the burnings and the lynchings?

Or maybe I’ve got it all wrong; maybe the so-called rights that I’m holding onto are in reality just worthless baggage. My rights, his rights, her rights, what does it all amount to if I never get to live the life that I’m fighting for. Or is it that, for me the fight is how I’ve chosen to be because it’s what I prefer to do rather than  face myself  as the cause and the consequence?

I’ve learned some things along the way. The first and most important one is that I have to change myself in order to change how I view my reality. I’ve been doing this and now I’m beginning to realize seriously that that the reality as I thought I knew is will disappear. Perhaps that’s how it must be in order to create something new - out with the old, in with the new…

The Simplicity of Redefining & Living Words

On the subject of redefining words, I had had some difficulties because I attempted to make it too complex. In other words, I thought that I had to have a special/unique word for every moment of my day to precisely determine and define how I cared to express myself constantly and continuously.

Then, a few nights ago while walking in the park with my partner, I noticed that I was becoming irritated. At first, in beginning of that moment (of realization) I had already started to project or blame my irritation onto my partner for speaking. However, in that same moment, before the projection even reached her, I stopped it and brought it back to myself. It only took an instant for me to look into me (at the energetic point that I had defined as irritation) to see that the point  was actually of fatigue - having driven 7 hours that day - that had triggered the definition of irritation within and as me. Thus, all still in the same moment, it occurred to me to simply choose a different word, one that I would prefer to embody and live.

Whereas in the past, I might have spent time searching the perfect word and ended up missing the opportunity to actually change myself in that same moment; this time, I simply chose the the first correction that came up and it wasn’t just a word, it was a sentence, “walking in the park and conversing.” Still in that same moment, having simply said the words “walking in the park and conversing” and seen the sentence in my mind, I decided and committed myself to live those words and I did just that.  

From an experience of irritation wherein I as my mind had been looking to project blame onto my partner,  I instead made the decision, who I would be in that moment, by choosing and stating the word (or words) to become and live. The key point that I realized in all of this (which I had been missing) was the simplicity of redefining and living words. In other words, I now see that it’s not necessary to complicate things with fancy words. Walking in the park and conversing is just that, walking in the park and conversing. Lol, I used to think that, in redefining words, I had to choose words such as joyful or jolly expression even though it was just a judgment of how I believed I should be and not necessarily how I really cared to be or even how I self-honestly saw myself as being.

In short, by determining or choosing the words that I cared to live, stating them and trusting myself to stand as and live wholly the words that I stated, I also released myself of the energetic definition of irritation. How? Because in wholly committing to embrace and live the words, “walking in the part and conversing,” I also wholly redefined who I was and how I would be in that moment, therein leaving no room of for the energetic definition/experience of irritation. In this simplest of moments, I realized that I am in thought, in word and in deed able to change who I am in a moment.

Although these days I sometimes take for granted being able to see my thoughts as they move, almost like me as the being, stopping time inside of me to look into me and see how things are moving in the mind consciousness system of my physical body, I am also quite aware of the process that I have been walking with Desteni.  For more on simply redefining words, have a look at the Facebook pages, Self and Living or School of Ultimate Living.

Manipulation and Frustration as my War Continues

In relation to my war with some members of the community and the community in general, there are a few more points that I was able to see, yet refused to admit. From the beginning, in looking at, calculating  or imagining the playout of events, I saw fairly accurately to where we are now in terms of the legal battles. Furthermore, I envisioned the legal experience my partner would be receiving and I weighed this against possible financial costs to us. However, what I did not anticipate was the emotion that I would sometimes have to deal with when facing an adversary that seems to be as good as or better manipulator than me. These are the secrets that I’ve been withholding in regards to this matter.

In the beginning of these battles, all I wanted to do was exercise my right not to be pushed around or forced into replacing what I considered (and still do) to be a perfectly good roof. Short of emergency funds, I didn’t want to waste the money and I certainly was not going to  attack a building company owner whom I considered (and still do) to be one of the best around. However, I soon realized (as we were the only holdouts who refused to sue the building company and refused to replace our room) that my partner and I were becoming the target of a concerted attack from a fairly organized group, the gang of 5 as I so un-affectionately called them. I realized that they were using PR and sometimes bullying tactics to get the backing of the community and turn many within the community against us. I suggested to my partner that we also needed to employ such PR tactics to let the others hear our side of the story.

To recap: our side of the story was and still is that, as only the 90 degree roofs had problems and the building company had offered to fix them and reinforce all of the roofs free of charge, why not just let the building company handle it?   Well, apparently the gang had other ideas of charging the building company some extra on the side. Initially, having everyone except for us to sign on to the suit against the building company, they demanded a much higher sum than it would have actually cost to replace all of the roofs. Additionally, the gang (who wouldn’t allow anyone but themselves talk to the company that they had chosen to replace the roofs) sent out estimates to the community members, that were way too high. My partner, a professional accountant realized this and called them out on it. “If” they had been planning to use the additional money to have their own roofs done for free, this would have been a rough blow to them.

The first suit against the building company took more than a year, and during that time the gang exerted pressure on us. Different people would come knocking at out door saying, “we want to compromise, come to a meeting with us, let’s talk about it, let’s compromise,” However, with every meeting, their argument never changed, they just continued to insist that we follow the group. The problem as I saw it was that it wasn’t the group/community that was walking together, but a gang of 5 that was that was manipulating and corrupting the established democratic processes within the community. We eventually got so tired of fighting that we finally agreed to replace our perfectly good roof “as long as we could use high quality black tiles and not the cheap silver ones” that they had already begun using to replace their own roofs. I still do not understand: why on such beautifully designed, expensive buildings would they insist on using lower quality tiles than the ones we had in the first place.  They would not compromise on even one-single point.

By the end of the second or third year, all of the roofs except for ours had been replaced and the community members that had sued the building company had lost both cases, one in the low court and one in the high court. At that point, my partner could perhaps have let things be and I guess they may have finally left us alone. However, whereas the gang of 5 had violated established community procedures  or Housing law, verbally insulted us and attempted to bully us by placing barriers in front of our home, we on the other hand had decided to abide by the laws of the system and respond via a legal path. This meant that, whereas whatever they threw at us would usually hit us almost immediately, our legal response would be delayed.

Last night while walking back to the community, my partner heard a man say something like, when dog bite dog, all they end up with is hair in their mouths. I won’t argue with that: this is like a dog fight; Mr X puts plastic cone barriers in front of my home/pathway and I remove them. Mr Y sees my partner and proceeds to hurl insults at her which are likely to be recorded by us. As it stands now, during the year and a half that my partner has been studying law, she has filed at least 5 court cases, argued one in the lower court and is currently arguing one in the higher court. She is getting an incredible legal education.

In conclusion - for now

I’ve recently been experiencing an increase of emotion in relation to having cones placed in front of my home. I see the man who does it and I’ve asked him to stop blocking the pathway, but he just ignores me and walks away. I feel frustrated that I should have to endure this abuse. Whereas he gets his immediate permission from the community committee to do as he pleases, even though it’s illegal, I have to wait for the legal process to take its course. I am able to wait; however, I also realize that I must address and take responsibility for the points of emotion that I have been acutely aware of building up within me. Thus, I will write extensive self-forgiveness and self-commitment/correction statements on this subject in an attempt to understand and eliminate the undercurrent designs within me. BTW, the reason his manipulation skills piss me off is because, the manipulator I see in him is me.