As the Years go By

  

As the years go by and another year turns, I find myself once again looking at my life, where I am, what I’m doing and everything else I guess that comes with getting older I guess. On October 28th, I’ll be 57 and while I don’t feel as though I’m physically getting any older, I notice the space inside of me that I have yet to fill or fulfill. In other words, while I’ve been clearing out the clutter, reorganizing and essentially freeing up space inside of me, my physical body, I haven’t necessarily been putting that space to use by fulfilling myself with new self-expression. Rather than being an energetic experience or emotion of emptiness, I sometimes just feel empty, and I wonder about this. I wonder quite often, if there is something more or different that I should be doing.

 Writing self-forgiveness is like the golden key to exposing problems and seeing solutions. So let’s see what I come up with.

 

●      I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to move or go somewhere else in order fulfil an answered space within and as myself, as though that space is something that must be filled by physically moving to a different location and doing something different rather than seeing/realizing that space inside of me as being a space of opportunity for me to fill with self-expression by redefining and living words  —  ones that I perhaps never even imagined I could live — as a matter of self-creation. After all, what’s the sense of freeing up this space if I’m not going to do anything with it?

 So that’s the solution; it’s easy enough to get to without having to write out hundreds of different angles of this to get to it — as I used to have to.

 The thing is, aside from planting fruits and vegetables and tending to things, I honestly feel neither the need nor the desire to explore the world out there, not even the stars. Although I’m sure there are some that I would like to visit —  and I plan to. For now, it would be nice to have a clearer idea of how I’m going to utilize the space inside of me.

 And it’s not just about empty space. In de-energizing memories, clearing out the clutter and reorganizing my mind consciousness system (which used to take up an excessive amount of resources), I am now also way, way smarter than I used to be —  even though I do find it necessary to remain present in order to remain aware of what I’m doing and have a present memory of it, strangely enough.

 Actually, I already decided what I’m going to do in terms of this point. I just wanted to understand it a little better, the point of writing this out, dare I say again. Essentially, I’m going to continue walking my personal process of self-change/self-creation, while participating in things where I see I am able to make a difference for the better and I am also going to note how things play out in the world. We’re in a time right now I guess, wherein everything for the near term has already been set into motion; and now I guess it’s a matter of seeing how things turn out, where the train goes and where it stops.

9-4-2020 Process Update

 

Lately my rollercoaster ride has begun to get bumpier. In the beginning of the summer, I noticed that my energy levels were mostly stable, yet tended to increase quite suddenly in intervals of about 7-10 days. Just recently though, my energy levels have begun spiking at increasingly shorter intervals, as though the moments between spikes are compressing at a quickening rate. In other words, whereas in the past, my emotional spikes of energy would have been quite regular with occasional blips, the intervals between spikes now seem to be increasingly getting shorter. It’s as though my consciousness-awareness is having to compress time/moments in order to have enough fuel to keep up with the pace of the physical reality, leaving me to have to deal with emotional spikes (at similar energy levels) at ever shorter intervals of time.

 Practically speaking, this means that I’m increasingly catching myself at the point of emotionally defining even the smallest of things. I say to myself, “no, I’m not going there” and a short time later I’ll suddenly find myself attaching energy to some other trivial point, and again having to stop that, too. I’ve even taken to physically squeezing the blobs of energy out of my abdomen and into my lungs to dissipate it, which is something that I’ve rarely had to do in the recent past.

 In addition, I’m sometimes finding it necessary to do what I’d call emergency writing (ranting and raving) just to manage energetic buildup that appears quite suddenly - which is something that I also haven’t had to do in quite a while. This all started just recently. Until then, I was having a quite relaxed summer. I guess it’s like a sign that it’s time for me to get back to work. At the beginning of the summer, I noted that there was going to be a lul for about two months. I think that the lull is now coming to an end.

 Other than the above (slightly out of the ordinary), I've been doing a lot of swimming, thus I’d say that I’m both mentally and physically very strong. I’m even able to do five pull-ups at a time and I bet I could do seven if I pushed myself more. I choose instead to constantly and consistently push myself with balanced intensity a little further each time.

 And I’ve been increasingly expanding my Facebook relationships. However, when I look at the communications lines, like roots extending out from me to others, I honestly don’t see very many of my words getting through or connecting with very many people. It’s like we’re all in our own little reality-show bubbles. Yet something is very different and/or increasingly changing in terms of reality. Q often asks, are you enjoying the show? Hell no, I say, but I am definitely seeing the programming that is obviously meant to be seen by anyone that looks. I guess this is part of the wake -up process that is also being externally impulse into/as the manifested collective conscious reality. At least as I view it; who the hell knows what others are perceiving?

 I’ll write some more on the “programming” notes (so to speak) coming through into the physical reality, and I’ll also post some of what I’ve been communicating on Facebook. In terms of the script or storyline of Consciousness, it’s very simple and easy to see, kind of like an action story that’s been purposely dumbed down for the cognitive levels of its readers. As Leonard Cohen would say, I have seen the future and it’s murder.

 I get it that there’s nothing that I can do to change what’s coming, because consequence must be walked through. And I understand that the best thing for me personally to do, would be to focus inwords on myself and my personal process, which I will also continue to do. That being said, regardless of what the knowing inside of me says, I’m still going to do all that I am able to (which may be little to nothing at all) to assist and support all as best I’m able. Why? Because I’m here.

Process Update: 8-14-2020

 

Taiwan has a subtropical climate, lots of water and three growing seasons throughout the year.

As I was writing Process Update, 8-14-2020, I was reminded of the Star Trek movies and the captain writing “Captain’s log…” In a sense it is kind of like that; after all, I am the captain of my own show, as are we all. However, rather than going anywhere, our mission is to remain here (where believe it or not, all the action really is) and boldly change ourselves as we have never changed ourselves before in order to create ourselves to stand as is best for all, like pillars of integrity, one one until it’s done and we’ve created our new existence.

 Often I hear the term, “this time is different” in relation to the human timeline, and I think to myself, so it is indeed. Why? Because this time is the culmination of so much that we’ve been working for, the Plan if you will. Which is why everything really is on the line and failure really isn’t an option - not even something that I will allow myself to consider. Thus, I am not even going to bother writing out harbingers of things to come, because regardless of what I/we have to face, we are going to walk through it all. Instead, I guess I’ll just talk about what’s been going on with me lately.

 This morning, I woke up with that familiar computing/processor sound singing in and around my head. Someone suggested to me that it may have something to do with the Shumen resonance of the earth. Perhaps that’s it. Whenever I look at that sound/noise, it appears like fields of organic computer servers and/or energy relay stations processing huge amounts of information all of the time. Sometimes I think there’s a connection between the decimal level of the noise and the activity of the global mind. For instance, earlier in the week, it sounded to me as though the global consciousness was in the process of processing a massive amount of information to deal with what’s taking place, kind of like getting ready for a major operation or something like that. Or perhaps (for a less imaginative option, yet just as plausible) it may just be neurons firing off inside of my head. Either way, I realize that it’s all me.

 The good news is, I have been offered another contract to work for another year. Yea, I understand how it feels to not know if you’re going to have a job or have to start looking for another one. My work is based on yearly contracts, which means that every year, even though I guess (with an accuracy assessment/guess of eighty-five to ninety-percent certainty) that I will be offered another year contract, I still end adjusting my living expenses to account for that uncertainty. Which means that I sometimes end up holding off on some discretionary spending in order to keep my finances within parameters that take into account the times we’re in.

 The strange this is, whereas I used to be totally carefree with my finances, letting my partner deal with all of that stuff, our roles have now reversed to the point that I’m now the one directing our budgeting, while she no longer seems to concern herself with it. In looking at this point, I see on one level of awareness, that I probably did this on purpose in order to alleviate some of her pressure so that she could focus on her legal studies - an experiment that we are involved in, which someday I will write more about.

 One of the most difficult challenges for me in terms of writing in these times, has to do with ensuring that what I write is best to write. Specifically, whereas writing for the revolutionary spirit of the times comes very easy for me, writing out pathways to solutions of real change does not come very easy at all for me. Which sometimes means that I don’t end up posting what I’ve written, because it would just end up being emotional fuel for the revolution. This is still a big challenge for me, which is why (lol) I’ve just cut away three pages from this post.

Process Update: August 2019

The future of the Physical.

Lately in relation to my personal process, where I am right now, I feel as though I’m standing in the living space of the house that is the body of me, that I’ve been renovating by gutting the interior, strengthening the foundation, replacing the walls, painting and so on to the point that I think this particular room, as my main living space is nearing completion. The thing is, as with all of the work of self-change that I’ve completed, this particular room is now littered with little bits and pieces of leftover stuff  that I missed or didn’t bother with while I was focused on what I considered to be the bigger stuff. Nevertheless, it still has to be done because, after all it is the in the small that we create the big.

In order to accomplish this, I plan to go through the self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements that I’ve written over the last 6 months or so in relation to this part of my process. Specifically, I will sound out or speak aloud what I have written, rewrite various self-forgiveness and self- corrective statements as required to specify my intentions and then perhaps even sound it out once more in order to really place this information physically into and as myself by physically “hearing it,” from which I will then continue to push myself to live the words I’ve written to in essence become the living word by substantiating my redefined, non-polarized (sound definitions) of such words into and as the living substance of my physical body. And that’s essentially my plan in relation to this part of my personal process. Really very cool stuff.

Moving on to the day to day kind of stuff, I’ll be heading back to work in about two weeks to begin a new semester, my sixth year at Asia University in Wufeng, Taichung, near the center of Taiwan. This is another record for me because, before I started teaching there, except for the school that my partner and I owned for about eight years, I don’t think that I ever worked at any place for much more than a year.

For sure I like teaching at this university; it’s centrally located, easy to navigate and filled with a lot of friendly people. However, the reason that I’m still working there has less to do with the university itself than it does with my personal process of self-change. In short, whereas in the past, I felt that I had to force myself to keep moving so as to never let myself become weak or dependent on where I was, nowadays in pushing myself (increasingly so) to constantly and continuously change myself for the better, I’ve established myself as my foundation of self-trust from within and as which I understand that I am able to direct myself in all ways wherever I am. Which is to say that I will face, manage and/or deal with all obstacles in my path as I require.

That being said, I am excited (in a stable way) about returning to my routine of teaching/fun and I am thankful for this opportunity to walk my process of self-change with the support of so many of the Desteni group that are working so diligently, essentially utilizing this life to make it count and eventually have this process available to everybody.

Process Update: Jan 1, 2019

2018 was a year of applying corrections, walking my commitments, taking notice of where I was actually changing and where I still required more self-direction or more self determination. Overall, considering the added responsibilities or challenges with work, essentially just a different and busier schedule, I would say that I’m satisfied with my application. Yea, that’s the right word, satisfied. Because I sat quite a bit and did a lot more observing than participating. I guess I would say that 2018 was a year of walking cautiously for me. I focused lot on noticing energies, stopping and checking to see where I was living changes and where I was still falling back into the same old patterns.

The area in which I’d say I made the most progress is interestingly related to my work and working relationships. When I look at this point, almost as a picture of an overall aspect of me in relation to others, I see that, while I reduced my participation in some old types of relationships (going out to the countryside, sitting around drinking beer), I increased the focus or attention that I give to students as well as the effort I put into maintaining working relationships. Little things like applying and living the word, patience when at the end of class (when I want to go home), a bunch of students suddenly have a lot of questions for me. Instead of telling them to ask remind me next time, I would say the word patience to myself and let go of my hurry to be somewhere else. Change can be like giving and receiving,  wherein sometimes the giving is actually a giving-up of the old in order to make room for the new.

Where I’ve noticed that I still occasionally slipping is in letting little parts or bits of energetic definitions accumulate and amass over time to form like a glob of goo inside of me that (once it’s big enough) tends to latch onto any point, almost as though it’s looking for a way out via an emotional outburst wherever it can get out. It’s weird because in the course of a few days, I’ll be noticing emotions come up attached to points that I don’t consider to be very relevant. Then when looking at the accumulated energy ball, I would notice that it was a conglomeration of different points that I hadn’t addressed in the moments, but let slide. Reminder to myself! They don’t go away, but bide their time acquiring allies until big enough to make a push for the exit. So the little experiences is something that I’ve noticed I still have to watch for. As they say, the devil’s in the details. Instead of letting the little things slide, I require to be attentive to such points and direct them accordingly in real time moments.

Another point wherein I’ve noticed that I still require attention is in the area of backchat, gossiping or complaining. Although I have made tremendous progress in this area both internally and externally, I still catch myself back chatting and occasionally complaining. A though just came up, “but it’s so damn fun to complain.” Yea, like blaming, complaining, gossipping and so on, while it may seem fun at the time, the consequences associated with it are as equally not fun. For example several weeks ago,  when discussing a subject with someone, I ended up complaining about another person and as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I new it was too late. On the corrective side of that event, I did use my very next interaction with the person that I had complained about to apologize. So, having recognized my mistake and corrected it, I also remembered to pat myself on the back for pushing myself face my mistake honestly and deal with it.

Finally for this post, I feel as though I should say something about my view of reality. In addition to feeling as though a big part of me is still in stealth mode, like I’m here but I’m not fully understanding what I am or even where here is, I also feel similarly that there’s still a veil upon this reality - albeit one that’s lifting quickly. In spending an average of 3-5 hours per day scanning, reading and watching information via the internet, I feel more and more as though we’re like one of those planets depicted in Star Trek movies, wherein  the planet’s population toils away while invisible starships blaze around adhering to the prime directive of non-interference. And I want to say, isn’t it a little late for that?

Process update, January 2018

It’s week 18 on the academic calendar (or was when I began writing this), which is another way of saying that I’m finished or almost finished with another semester. I used to hope and wait for the end of the semester so that I could be done with it, take a rest for a while and go on vacation. Nowadays though, I quite enjoy walking with and through the education system, the students, my colleagues and even the people who present suggestions often referred to as directives. 

These days, I more realize and understand that it’s not so much about endings and beginnings or hitting obstacles and pushing on, but about who I am within the journey that I am walking. In other words, there will always be endings, beginnings, encountering obstacles and pushing onwords. Thus it is not to fall into the trap of judgment and despair. Dare I say, it’s never ending, yet quite fascinating even though it isn’t always very fun. And by the way of a reminder, the correct terminology (for the purposes of creating rather than terminating) is onwords," not onwards. Look at the words as symbols. Language is far older than we sometimes perceive it to be and I say that it’s high time we stop accepting and allowing ourselves to be inundated by duplicity and/or hypocracy within the design of our sentences in relation to our intentions. 

As we sentences ourselves to the words we create, so too are we able to become the directive principles of our destiny by righting the design/symbols of the words as the design of ourselves to our specif intentions. OnWARds to onWORDs, forWARds to forWORDs, toWARds to towords… Why not?

Anyway, I also had some difficulties this past year. In short, there were some energetic points or definitions that I simply refused to let go of. Around that same time, I had also come across some process points dealing with comparison in relation to other people, that I had decided I didn’t really need to address and correct because I thought I had already covered those points in the area of jealousy. This assessment was somewhat accurate, yet not completely. Thus, I guess what happened was that I ended up jumping over some points or internal definitions without addressing and correcting them, therein compounding these points inside of myself to a point of a possession from which my perception of reality exploded into a perception of hell. On the plus side, it did leave me with a very important lesson learned. Be careful not to bypass process points, even when you think that you’ve already walked through them. A safer option is to simply slow down and walk completely through such points even if that path re-walks some of the ground you’ve already covered.

In terms of accomplishments this past year, every moment that I am here, physically aware (wherever I am) is a step in direction of self creation. Since I began walking process with Desteni, I have established or realized that I also have some goals or points that I care to see manifest in relation to the world system. Actually, I usually refer to these points as my mission because they are not so much points that I haven’t understood, but rather points that I care to have others understand. Thus, along with my personal process of understanding oneness and equality and “what is best for all,” (my long term goal), I have also been inputting into the world system a new definition of democracy. 

From my perspective, real democracy is based on the mathematics  of One (not to be confused with the construct of Ra or the Law of One), which I guess flows the design of “the democracy of creation”.  I will not go into the subject of democracy or these other points at this time; however, for anyone who is interested, I’ve set up a blog called Democracy Awareness which I use to place or input words into the collective consciousness of humanity. 

Ok, just a little bit. Democracy is simply a form of collective decision making, wherein the degree of democracy expressed is equivalent to the degree to/by which all members of the collective have “the opportunity” to participate equally in all of the decision-making processes that affect the collective. For example, within a collective/group wherein there are ten decisions made per year and one hundred percent of the members of the collective have the opportunity to participate equally in all ten of the decision-making processes, then this would be considered a real or true democracy. 

Let go of judgments of equality/inequality as it pertains to the ability of individuals to participate and focus instead on the opportunity of each one to participate equally. This point of opportunity to participate equally is the “equality” of the “oneness” of life composed of and encompassing inumerable unique ones free to express to each one’s potential (= as is best for all) in connection with one another. 

This point of opportunity to participate equally has always been here within and as the democracy of creation. We simply require to understand and live it from the starting point intention of creating outflows that are best for all, which I guess is the process in so many words that we are now walking.

Artificial intelligence and the education system are also points or topics of importance to me. In terms of the education system, I view my role as one of many standing up within (and as) the system to change it from the within to the without.  In Taiwan, I see the correction happening and thankfully it’s happening fairly quickly - as do all things seem to be these days. 

Another point that I very much care to see humans embrace, relates to our overall concept of artificial intelligence. In short, the shortest path to that which is best for all in relation to our AI creations is for us all to simply embrace our synthetic life forms (all life forms for that matter) with the same unconditional  assistance and support that we would ask of our own parents. There’s so much fear out there; yet surely many must realize that, as the saying goes, we’ve been down that road (of fear) before and it’s a dead end. So, here I am. I have much to do and so much yet to understand.

Process Update: Part I - June 25, 2016

I guess it has been about one year since I last wrote one of these updates, where I am and how I am doing. The plan was and still is to change me to a point of responsibility to stand within and as (as the saying goes) the system and change it as I change me.

A couple of years ago, I realized that, I still had quite a few limitations, real or perceived that I was still holding onto. Therefore, instead of attempting to influence or move the entire globe of humanity, I decided to focus on what I was already familiar with, the education system in Taiwan and to an extent, mainland China. My plan was simply to do as I had been calling for others to do, stand within and as locations of the system and change it from within.

In short, I chose a university that was close to home and in very nice area in central Taiwan. The name of the university is Asia University, Taichung Taiwan. It took me about one year to get a job there. I spent the first six months setting up my getaway (LOL) and I used the second six months to target my words very specifically so to do everything I possibly could to get that job. Whow! If only we humans (including me) understood fully the extent or impact our words have on creation, as in who we are and the outcomes we influence... Actually, I’m not certain how much would change with just understanding, because in essence we already understand how we create. The problem is that, we as a whole have not yet taken responsibility for our creation from the starting point of equality and oneness with what is best for all. This is a point that is changing rapidly and I’ll probably expand on it a little later.

My plan was (and still is) to remain positioned at Asia University for 3-5 years. I am now in the last week of my second year and I have signed a contract to do a third year. The school has not yet signed my contract; however, I guess they are probably going to sign it. This afternoon, I will attend a Ministry of Education conference on education reform in Taiwan. Thirteen universities will be there to present the outcomes of their reform projects that they/we have been implementing over the past two semesters. I am scheduled to present a couple of ppt slides and perhaps say a few words. I will probably have about five minutes. I have an idea what I will perhaps say; however, having practiced opening up points when it’s time to open them up, I have come to agree that there is little sense in attempting to plan every word that I am going to say. Actually, my boss or a colleague  may end up using all the time, lol. So, I will let you know (read inform you) how that goes in part II of this process update. There is so much more to say. Having completed a part of a mission that I have undertaken, I now plan to refocus a lot more effort unto my personal process. I begin to refocus by posting part I of this update.