Investigating Undercurrents and Imprints

Earlier this week while driving back from Costco, I wanted to make a left turn into a store, but as traffic going the other way was backed up at the red light behind me, there wasn’t enough space for me to go through. In looking at my thoughts in relation the blue truck to my left and slightly behind me blocking my left turn, I thought to myself, “all he has to do is simply move a little bit forward, but he doesn’t even notice me because he’s only focused on what’s in front of him - a common trait as a result of the limited awareness of so many drivers these days.

Sometimes  while I’m moving myself through this reality, noting and attempting to include in my considerations of what’s all around me, everywhere, it seems to me that so many are simply unaware or less aware of their surroundings than they ought to be. I realize that this is a judgment, because in reality I only see from my perspective and not theirs. Thus, as part of my personal process I’ve been letting go of the energies associated with such definitions, yet the definitions as judgments are still there - why? Perhaps it’s because a part of me still seeks to understand or at least categorize the reasoning behind the movements of others. But how could I possibly understand their movements without first understanding mine? Which brings me to the next part of my story.

As soon as the traffic light behind me turned green and the truck began moving a little forward, I began turning left into the space between the truck and a car that had also been partially blocking my way. But there still wasn’t enough space to turn, so there I sat for another couple of seconds. Then, as soon as the truck behind me started moving forward, instead of letting me pass through the lane, the driver in the car in front of and to the left of me fast forwarded as though he hadn’t even seen me in front of him already blocking his way while attempting to turn left. Thankfully, just before hitting me he stopped, but once again my way was blocked. Remaining stable (or so I thought), I motioned to him to move back just a little, but he just sat there and stared as though he hadn’t a clue what was going on or what to do. Thinking to myself the equivalent of “two can play this game”, I sat there for a few moments, too. Then as I again motioned for him to move back so that I could get through, a part of me noticed a movement in him which I defined somewhere deep within me as antagonizing or threatening. And just like that, my physical body suddenly switched into another mode (of a word that choose not to post) and…

It’s a strange trait that I seem to have come equipped with. When in danger, perceived and/or defined as threatening or something like that, I’ve noticed that time seems to slow down and a part of me, perhaps my beingness seems to move higher up in my body and slightly back, giving me more of a bird’s eye view of the situation while another part of me, perhaps my physical body seems to tap into resources and/or skills that I don’t seem to be consciously aware of. In such moments, usually seconds or less, I would see myself deciding upon my course of action, usually designed to minimize or eliminate the threat (while at the same time carrying out that course of action). And the only thing that would be crystal clear in such moments was how I was going to successfully deal with the threat.

So in getting back to my story: in that moment, in a fraction of a second, as soon as a part of me had  picked up on something that I had defined somewhere within me as aggressive or threatening, my physical body began shifting into that mode, undoing my seatbelt and moving to get out of the car to… At which point (all within one or two seconds), I stopped, stepped back in as the director or directive principle and breathed - as per my written commitments that I’ve also been physically practicing for quite some time.  As an analogy or metaphor in relation to what my physical body seems to do, it would be like having my trusted horse as my companion and best friend suddenly decide that it was time to  charge unconditionally forward into battle, and me having to pull back on the reigns and reassure it that everything was OK, not battle time. 

Eventually I did make my turn and all was well except for the lingering question within me as to why my physical body was still sometimes moving according to old patterns, programs or definitions that I’ve dealt with consciously to a large extent at various levels. I think it has to do with undercurrents and physical programming in relation to situations and/or my situational awareness. For example, in this latest case, even though I wasn’t consciously thinking “threat or confrontation”, my physical memories of past situations were still to an extent defining my physical movements as reactions or responses. Therefore, I am now in the process of focusing on and identifying those tiny little points that I often physically notice, but still don’t seem to be very consciously aware - as the directive principle.

And what’s funny here but not surprising in the least is that this point of being unaware (that I was projecting onto others in the beginning of this post, which is why I begrudgingly actually wrote it out) has now come right back to its creator,  which is of course the only place or starting-point from which I am able to respond to, address and correct these problematic patterns or programs at hand. In short, this is why I required writing out this point. Maybe this also has to do with the imprints and resonant mind.

Undercurrents

 

This morning I am pushing myself to write about undercurrents of polarized self-definitions, because this is what I’m currently working on as part of my personal process within the Desteni I Process. So far, what I gather in relation to these undercurrents is that they are like preprogrammed, underlying ‘I am’ designs or self-definitions that activate (according to one’s interpretation of an environment) to create a conscious experience in relation to that environment, sometimes even leaving one to wonder, where the hell did that come from?

For example, I’m sure most people can relate to moments when someone looked at them in a certain way or said something whereby they suddenly they found themselves reacting (to that person or the word that was spoken) in a piercing tonality of irritation or anger. Although we often shrug such reactions off as somewhat regrettable, usually unpreventable and for the most part harmless, the reality is that they are preventable and they can be quite hurtful. In fact, piercing tones of frequencies interlaced into and as words can be very painful to both the transmitter and the receiver. That is why the word, ‘piercing’ is associated with words that hurt. Remember that just as the letters of ‘live’, can also symbolize ‘evil’, so too can ‘words’, be placed in such as way as to symbolize the ‘sword’ (that pierces), hence the term ‘piercing words.

They’re called undercurrents because they move under the surface of our personas. However, just as the undercurrents of the ocean can sweep unsuspecting bathers off their feet and drag them down to the lows, so too are these undercurrents (as part of the design of ourselves) able to drag the unsuspecting or unaware down, down, down. 

Thus it is for man to know thyself or more specifically, the design of thyself. Because, once we begin to see the design of ourselves, we also begin to realize how to change ourselves for the better. For me, it is a matter of self-trust. As long as there are undercurrents swirling around under the surface of my conscious awareness, for which I am not the directive principle, then I will be left with a fear of what’s below, from which uncertainty will flow, which will lead to me embodying a less than optimal stand - one that lacks a certain amount of self-trust.

In looking back at various instances wherein undercurrents activated ‘I am self-definitions’, I see how I had reacted on occasions only to wonder afterwards, how and why had I reacted so intensely. The reason I now realize was because of the way I had unknowingly preprogrammed myself to react in such instances. For example, not too long ago I abused the words I spoke as well as the person to whom I spoke them. In looking back, I realize that, while I was speaking, I was not even aware of what I was doing until I noticed that person experiencing some distress. Immediately, I changed my mannerism to be more amicable. Yet I was still left wondering: why had I done that, how could I have prevented it and how could I have bettered handled the situation?

In tracing my steps back, I see that I had polarized a definition of myself in relation to that person and certain words, in this case a string of words that were spoken. In other words, instead of standing as the directive principle, trusting myself to determine who I am in and as each ‘new’ moment, I had programmed myself with undercurrents based on polarized definitions of good and bad ‘if this then that’ reaction patterns. Why is this a self-defeating state to be in? Because, it leaves one reacting to new moments rather than responding as the directive principle within and as the understanding that, as each new moment is a new moment, the best way to relate and walk into all circumstances is to to do so with a clean slate so as to determine or calculate each move based on the new of what is here right now rather than the old that no longer exists or applies. 

For more on this (and there is so much more), I suggest checking out Desteni and/or the Desteni I Process Lite, a free online course. By investigating ourselves, i.e., seeing, realizing and understanding the design of what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to embody, we are then able to change or redesign ourselves as a matter of self-creation.

How I've Been is Not how I Have to Remain

Consciousness of the Spider Monkey - Part 1

If you asked me who I am and what I have been, even at a young age in terms of the undercurrent designs that I had embodied, I would have said that I am a soldier fighting for my rights to live free and do as I please. It’s not that I wanted to trample over the rights of others, but that I just wanted to be left alone to do as I please. I wouldn't intentionally harm anyone, I may even have helped some ones, I just wanted to be left alone. But "they" wouldn't leave me alone, they wouldn't let me be free. Therefore, I used to think, I would just keep on fighting again and again, I would fight to the end.

Not a pretty picture, not even for me, but this is how I have I have defined myself in so many ways - a soldier fighting for my rights and sometimes the rights of others to be left alone to do as we please as long as we harmed no one.

Then in 2008 or 2009 when Desteni arrived on the scene, I began to consider the  principle of oneness and equality and the point of self responsibility as in (the extent of) my ability to respond to any and all inequalities affecting humanity - equally as one affecting me even if am often not consciously aware of the effect. Why? Because, as one of the sum of all the parts (amounting to the whole), any inequalities affecting another or others are also affect me, regardless of whether or not I am aware of it.

I sometimes wonder how the simplicity of this mathematical certainty had been missed for so long; it is of the alpha and omega of math, the mathematics of One as I call it. For example, think of humanity in terms of a biological or computer system. When even a very small part of that system, such as the little toe is overtaxed, overburdened and becomes disabled, the entire system will slow down and deteriorate to an extent and this is what's happening currently to humanity, the world system, nature and the animal kingdom on a global scale. Now that I/we I comprehend this, our responsibility to ourselves, each as one with whole is to (as best we are able) correct the situation.

As I see it, in order to correct what ails humanity, we require to expand our awarenesses to see, realize and understand our oneness and equality, i.e., what affects one affects the whole, which in turn affects equally affects each one of us. The quickest way to expand our awareness of equality and oneness I guess, is to equalize the good/bad experience throughout all of humanity to the point wherein no one can deny that the suffering of one is the suffering of all, and this is how I view the current realignments taking place in the world system of humanity, e.g., the disappearing middle class and the mass migration/integration, etc. It's kind of like an existential equalizing to nudge or jolt human beings to embrace the reality of oneness and equality - what affects one, does in fact affect all. Eventually, I’m guessing that, as more and more begin experience the misery equally as one, more and more will begin to realize that the best alternative is to embrace the principle of oneness and equality with what is best for all.

By understanding who I am, how I've been, so to so to change myself as a point of integrity = a fully transparent, functioning component of humanity standing equally as one awareness of everything that is here, in support of everything that is here. I realize it's a lot; nevertheless, we've gotta start somewhere and the best place to start is always with the next step, which brings me back to my personal process of taking self-responsibility by investigating to see, realize and understand who/how I've been as one of humanity at war with myself. Yea, I do see now that, my war comes mostly, if not entirely from within.

Therefore, I am now investigating an undercurrent design/definition of myself  leading to the self-definition of “I am at war."  As I said, it’s not pretty, but this is how I’ve defined myself for almost as long as I am able to recall. Life, as I viewed it was but a battle field and I was at war. On this, I will continue in upcoming post as I come to better understand the undercurrent designs and how I came to decide to embody such a design.