Living Words: How many do I actually need?

Of all of the points and considerations of process, the living word is the one that baffles me the most. It has been said that we should redefine and live words. A word a day, a word a week, I am not sure how many words I am supposed to be redefining and living. I guess, what Jesus said about becoming the living word refers to living the words we speak – as in living words. However, in terms of communication, I do not understand the sense in having two or more people stand in relation to one another, living words defined of different understandings. How are we to communicate if the words we have defined have different meanings? For example, consider the word, mean.

When I look a sentences, such as those above that I just wrote, I see confusion, miscommunication and misunderstandings of varying definitions of possible interpretations of sounds and symbols. This not because of the words themselves, but because of the lack of specificity with which I have used them. Why do we use words such as “mean” when, “infer” or “translate to” would be just as useful without carrying the sound of “mean,” which also carries the connotation of being offensive? Why does one say, I know you, which sounds as though I am not you? I guess we could just say, I recognize you, but that is just another way of saying, I rethink (of) you.  The problem is not in/as the words we speak, but within and as how we infer and interpret them. For example, the English language is often spoken one way as sound, but interpreted in the opposite way in meaning. Thus, it has become the language of humanity = of separation, disharmony and disunity. To add a little spice to all the confusion: as I write, I sometimes laugh at the innuendos I sometimes place in sentences. This time, I laugh at myself, because once again it occurs to me that, as I am probably the only who will get it, I am still just communicating with myself.

Which brings me back to the point of redefining and living words. For now, I would like to choose three or four to understand from which to expand. I choose stable/stability, patience, calm, self-honesty, care and consideration. :) 

The Desteni of Living

Here are the principles that I am walking in a process of self change, changing the nature of me.

1. Realising and living my utmost potential
2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all
3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa
4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others
5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others
6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well
7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others
8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own
9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me
10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what is means to LIVE
11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone
12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today
13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves
14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one
15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.
16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come
17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth
18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.
19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath
20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me
21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without
22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all
23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

Day 106: Seeing me in Others

Last night, I ended up going over to a friend's house for the purpose of giving him some legal advice on a case he is perusing against a certain organization/business. My advise was simple: accept whatever their next offer is or may be and walk away. In the course of conversing with him and looking over what he had written, it occurred to me that his writing had improved substantially since the last time I saw him some 5-6 months ago. It also occurred to me that his writing style was somewhat similar to the style I use for persuasive legal arguments, and that he had in some ways, changed. He was calmer and a better listener then I had known him to be in the past. Later, I realized that what I was seeing was me in him, and that it was I that had changed. Perhaps he too had changed; it's sometimes difficult to say for certain because when I change the whole world around me seems also to change. Recently, I’ve been seeing this more and more: myself in others or others in me. It's a seeing or viewing that I welcome because it gives me the chance to see where I have changed and where I'm still not moving/progressing. My idea of oneness and equality is that, the understanding of all is equal and one, and within this, all will be free to express within and as that which is best for all. Obviously we have a ways to go, yet I would say that the train is moving. I would also say that I still have a ways to go before I am certain of the tracks/path on which to walk. In terms of the walking part (walking without or with fewer thoughts, feelings, emotions, Reactions...), I will once again say I’m making progress with my breathing, and in understanding and changing my mind/beingness/physical relationship. However, in terms of whether or not my actions/deeds are always what is best for all or even best for me, I’m sometimes uncertain if it's me as a being directing me, or if it's still my personality/ego.

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to participate within/as doings/deeds within which I was clear that I was directing me, yet unclear as to whether the my direction was supportive to/for me or another. I see, realize and understand that in letting go of polarity definitions of good/bad, wright/wrong, etc., I am left with just me to direct myself. It's interesting because in facing points where I have fallen before, there is the chance I will fall again, and/or see where I am standing and where I’m still stalling. Herein I commit myself to carefully explore the points wherein I am unsure, and to not allow myself to manipulate me into believing that I am facing a point when in actuality I’m just walking back into it.

Day 102: Tracking down, Shame

I going to delve deeper into the meaning of the word, shame. Why, because, as the little boy said as he ran back into the house of the monster pig-headed man, “The party's just getting started and that's where the fun is!” He was right; the most fun always is – in a relative way, where the mind/system tells you not to go.

Shame, shame, shame: it's a shame I haven't, but for fleeting moments, allowed myself to go there, see, realize and understand Shame. Few on this earth have allowed themselves to go there, which is actually “here” because to understand shame, like truth, one must stand equal to all that is here, seeing/being as one, the shame of ourselves, the one truth (as there is and has always been only one) of our existence. I won't waste time speaking of “shame” in terms of religious/cultural/spiritual programming; instead I'll just get right to the point of what it is I fear about allowing myself to take responsibility for all that is here, and the shame that I am for allowing me and all as me to be as we are. Confused yet? It's just me as the mind, racing around, looking for a door to get us the hell out of here.

I have always known that in essence, I (and I would guess everyone else, too) have the ability to do anything. I have always (as far back as I could remember) known that we are all gods. For god's-sake, it's just simple logic: anything and everything that is created is created of and as it's creator, i.e., if you have to source the materials, then it's not your creation, but an ensemble of sorts. Programmed organic robots or not, we're still the ones that destroyed and built what is here, and therefore are responsible for what is here. And herein we lie shamed that after all this time, instead of adding value by planting seeds, enjoying the fruits, caring for earth, and then returning ourselves/our bodies to the dirt, we drill holes to suck it's blood dry, and even in-death refuse to give back anything, lying for one last time in lead-lined coffins, our fates forever sealed.

For me, shame is knowing that I am able to change Everything (again, simple mathematics – any point within and as the whole, that changes itself, changes the whole) Yet I choose to move so slowly that if I were able to see, I would see the turtles and snails waving as they pass me by. Some people hide in ignorance – hope, love and light, expecting that their holy wishes and prayers are somehow going to make things right, which of course they won't because if they were going to, they would already have, and clearly they haven't. I hide behind doubt and distrust, the fear of letting-down my so guard/facade, thinking that I’ll pretend I’m one of them, like a piece of the system that slowly bides its time, waiting for the moment to then spring forth and tear down the wall. Yet, to be that which I would be is to create me to be it. Thus, sooner or later I too must come out of the proverbial closet and stand and face all of me, the shame as what I/have accepted and allowed ourselves and this world to, so as to finally turn the tides of Time, to be and become more than was before. And so it has been, around and round I go with my words, a thousand words of re-arranged excuses just to get to one little point of understanding; and molecules and molecules to go... before I actually awake. Incomprehensible? You should have seen what it was like before I started righting my relationship to me, myself and I.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself/my responsibility to all that is here, and within this not stand and change what is here as me. I see, realize and understand that the fear is of losing my position in the system, that the system may retaliate against those who do not bow-down, worship, hope and pray. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being partially cast-out of the system: to lose everything is freedom, to lose just a little at a time is torture. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that to let go of that which I value/fear is to return to me that which I have given up as value. In this I commit myself to stand and face the system, not from behind a mask, but as me, and walk through this evil that so many call life, so to reverse it to a way where no one need hide in fear - even from shame.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from shame as though it's something to be ashamed of which it is, yet lying in feigned ignorance will only prolong the pain. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is actually nothing to fear, not even fear itself. I see, realize and understand that fear of seeing what is here has kept me from seeing and changing what is here as me, and with this I commit myself to face this shame, not with fear, but the courage to explore and express me, not beholden to a system that is not based on what is best for all.
• I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to selectively forget so as to remain ignorant in the interests of mine. I see, realize and understand the memory of all that I am is here within and as me, and that I am able to open it up, explore it, forgive myself and change what is, so that I/we never never shame ourselves again. In this I commit myself to look and see all and everything of me, forgive myself for that which I have accepted and allowed in the name of self-interest, and stand for and as what is best for all.

Day 90: Projecting outward The inward Path

Yesterday, in reference to Transitioning to Equal Money capitalism, I wrote the following:  The way to win this game is to end it once and for all, terminating the old and birthing the new at the same time. We start at the bottom, and systematically begin turning off the power to nonessential systems, thus starving the systems of the power that we through our participation provide. From the small to the big, one brick at a time, we pull out the bricks of the hierarchical system, to build an Equality System from the bottom up. Just spread the words, when and where to Stop participation.

Later, I realized that this method of implementing change (without killing the body to cure the decease) applies not only to the world system at large, but also to individual mind consciousness systems within/as human beings. In other words, this is the process that we have been walking with Desteni, the Desteni I Process, Journey to Life blogs, etc., of stopping our participation in/as energy/mind to stand equal/one with the physical. This is the process currently being walked on different levels/dimensions, from the small to the large. Fascinating how I can be presented with same solution, again and again from many different angles, yet only seem to understand it once I’ve taken it in and spit it out as though it's something new.

My suppressed negativity

I've been attempting to determine the components of the mind consciousness and world systems that are able to be taken out with the least disruption / most benefit to the body, so as to maximize the return on effort. We painted the image of ourselves in some sort of sequence – paint by numbers; perhaps there is a sequence by which we could systematically erase by numbers. The most direct route is what I’m looking for.

Self forgiveness

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in writing about me, there is no hierarchical sequence by which to follow because if there were, I as mind would find a way to sabotage myself in the process. I now see, realize and understand that it doesn't matter which point I focus on and write about, because it's all connected and probably proportionally spaced. I also realize that whatever points come up as energy during the day are the points to work with, because these are the points that I don't even have to search for. Therefore, I commit myself to stop looking for a hierarchical sequence by which to deprogram me, and to instead just go with the flow.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in searching for the most direct path equality, loose sight of the path I’ve been walking, and in this not realize that the search for a faster path has taken me off the current path. I now see, realize and understand that, in the absence of faster path, the one that I’m on is my best option. Within this, commit myself to see the little points as gateways leading to the bigger issues, and as such I will write them out.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge some points within/as me to be more/less than other points, and within this not realize that one way or another I'm going to have face them all.

Desteni

EQAFE

DIP Lite

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Thomas La Grua

Economist Journey to Life

Equal Money

DAy 87: Spring Cleaning

Spring cleaning, Chinese New Year, the Festival of Spring: cleaning the house, doing things that require to be done every so often, and just relaxing a bit. Spring Festival is a time to visit family, clean the house... Really, it's just like any other holiday, corrupted by consumerism; a time to renew Ties that a Bind friends and family ,spend money, waste food, gamble, drink, give money to children and elders – what a contrast. There are aspects of this holiday that I have in the past enjoyed – camping at various hot springs, visiting people way up in the mountains, and the extra friendliness of the people in general. I'm writing about this because many of the behavioral changes that I’ve been walking through for some time now, suddenly seem threatened by (of all things), my imagination. In other words, whereas I used to interact with many, these days I don't, and to be honest, I enjoy me this way. Whereas I would turn down invitations to visit people during other times of the year, to do so during these holidays would be – in terms of tradition, impolite and bad luck for the one doing the inviting. Herein my imagination keeps coming up: how will I be with these people if I am not the old me? Will I still be liked if I don't make it my mission to see to it that everyone is having fun? Like I said, it's my imagination, unreliable memories of the past, displayed as a possible future... I guess I’ll just walk through an see; I’ll not plan who I’ll be, nor imagine what they'll think of me; I’ll simply direct myself in the moment.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that the future is going to be like the past, and within this, fear the future, wanting instead just to remain here where I am, locked away in my safe house. Within this, I see, realize and understand that the future is what I make it – as long as I direct myself within and as what is physically here in the present. When and as I find myself at the point of thinking/back-chatting/imaging about the future, I stop, breathe, and walk it through here in the physical – like going for a test drive.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I participate in parties where everyone is partying and apparently having fun, that I will revert back to my old partying ways. Herein I see, realize and understand that there is not positive/negative, just me as that which I accept/allow or as the self-directive principle. I commit myself to self-directive/self-honest/responsible.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my writing must be written for others to read, and within this judged my writings and thus judged myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all my writings is for me to understand me, and perhaps one day for others to see where I am at this point. Herein I commit myself to stop judging myself as though I have nothing to say, and instead just write what comes out – for me and anyone else who might care to read.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that changing me is a long-term process that takes time, and in this it is not important where I am in my journey, but that I am still walking it.

Desteni

EQAFE

DIP Lite

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Thomas La Grua

Economist Journey to Life

Equal Money

Day 82: Who has earned the Right to Life?

Equal Money Newsletter

So it has been through history, the right to life, mortgaged to the bank, crown, government, slave traders..., what's in a name, miss a payment, they still take your home, your life away. Smooth talking politicians, puppet poster boys and girls for the Elite. They talk of change, and it's changing alright, just not in the way we Hoped. Even the most ignorant has gotta know by now; it's all been a pack of lies. The American Constitution, Bill of Rights, all just writings that in the end have amounted to nothing but another form of control. The Money System, Government, Judicial, Education, system, system, systems – all for the purpose of controlling the masses. What rights should any of us have anyway, that we're not willing to equally offer to all? In a system wherein equality is not absolute, a part or parts of that system will be subject to top-down abuse. The hierarchical structure – fear-based mentality of self-interest within and as the Human race is the source of the predicament in which we/all now find ourselves. We've probably been before, and that would mean that this time's going to be much worse – like a snowball rolling downhill. My hope for this New Year, 2013 is that there is no more hoping, not for me or anyone else. Because as long as there's hope, we human beings have a tendency to prey, wait for God or some alien beings to come and take us away to a better place. Instead of realizing that Earth was once a Garden of Eden, but is now just a Hell. Hey! As long as we're still here – alive, it's not too late to change.

Modern-day Capitalism, the suffering of the many for the benefit of the few has long been pushed and accepted as though it were a permanent solution, an equal-opportunity for all. It is now very clear that a small percentage of people (who see Capitalism as a game of winner take all – at all cost) have manipulated/corrupted the system to such an extent that it now function and provide for an ever shrinking few, the one percent. These manipulators, Banksters and their puppet politicians whom we call the Elite, operate for the most part from behind closed doors, and although some may proclaim that their intentions are good, the devastation done to our planet and all that inhabit it would say otherwise. As is scientifically verified in an unprecedented choirs of agreement, Earth is in a downward spiral that is fast approaching a point of no return. The current political system of policy making from the top – down will certainly do nothing to fix the system. Thus, it is for we the people, to step up and take responsibility for creating a new system, one in which “Equality” actually equates to All – as opposed to just all those with money. For those interested in participating in the creation and implementation of a new system that will benefit all equally, vote for Equal Money; give the gift that you would receive. Equal Money

Desteni

EQAFE

DIP Lite

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Thomas La Grua

equalmoney.org

Day 81: Mind - your Weapons of Mass Destruction

Today I was reading a “Heaven's Journey to Life” blog, and it occurred to me (I guess you could say clicked), why it is that we as human beings continue to argue/fight among each other, about “everything,” and never actually get down to addressing the source-point from which “everything” that we argue about, originate – the MIND. For example gun ownership in the US is once again being debated by two sides, the for and against / positive and negative. It's as though, issue after issue have already been defined for the masses, so that all they need do is choose a side and argue with each other. Meanwhile, nothing ever gets better because few to none consider investigating beyond the issue of left and right / positive and negative, to the source of the problem - Humanity. It's like the debate regarding the use of chemical weapons to kill people: some say it's a war crime; some say it isn't, and even the UN may debate whether or not it's “legal” to kill men, women and children with chemicals as opposed to just blowing them to pieces. Who gives a shit about the methods behind the Madness; why not just investigate and stop the Madness? The gun debate centers on the Madman's “tool of choice”, yet for the most part ignores the question of why we humans are so Mad – violent and destructive in the first place. We've taken everything down to the level of a competition between two sides. Just choose your favorite teem and at least you'll have the statistical odds of “Winning” 50% of the time – only in the mind because in reality everyone looses all the time,  because nothing is changing. I mean let's be realistic; just because a Republican or Democrat gets into the white house, doesn't mean that anything is going to change. Nothing is going to change until we the people begin to realize and apply the most simple of mathematical equations: 1+1= 2. One-change + One-change = Two-changes. Two changes + Another change = Three changes... And so on until a critical mass of change is standing as a force large enough to produce real/visible change that is best for all. It has to be best for all because if it isn't it is corruptible – subject to the influences of a minority - as is currently the case. That we Humans are the nastiest parasites to feed off of this planet, is so obvious to see, that one would have thought more people would have “awakened” to this realization by now. The solution is really simple. We start taking responsibility on an individual level to change ourselves, and this will in turn produce changes to the whole. Embrace self-honesty, self-forgiveness, equality and oneness.

Desteni

EQAFE

DIP Lite

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Thomas La Grua

equalmoney.org

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand why it is that people refuse to accept equality and within this realize individual responsibility. I see/realize and understand that the origin of one's refusal to change is fear – fear of letting go of that which we know – are not, and within this I realize that I still hold onto much fear of accepting change. Within this I commit myself to stay on the path of change, as I have already seen where the other paths lead.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other as being ignorant – by choice, and within this not realize that for most, it's not a question of choice, but survival. Within this I commit myself to continue on this path so that perhaps one day I will live that which I now encourage of others.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to berate others for not doing that which I am only bit by bit doing and within this not realize that, changing is a doing that requires diligence and space-time patience. Thus I commit myself to practice patience and to remain diligent.

Responsibility to Life

Each being is an inseparable part of all that is here, and thus equally as one responsible responsible for the whole. Yet still the condition of the Whole-World spirals downward with far too few even willing to take the first step to stopping and reversing this trend. We fear giving up our positions: “why should I risk loosing what I have, so that others can have more?” Wave the colored flag of war, and we willingly suffer, fight and die. Show us the reality: starvation, deforestation, dead oceans, and a dying planet, and we change the channel in our minds, so as to remain ignorant, not hear and see. Solving the problems on Earth is like climbing up and over the highest mountain. It's a frightening prospect, and from the current perspective of some, cannot be done; so why even try. Because, if we are to have any chance of surviving, this is a journey that we all must be, and it begins with the first step of responsibility. Some will at first, not accept responsibility, seeing only the hugeness of a mountain and not realizing that as the mountain is the sum of many small grains of sand, so too is its crossing the sum of many small steps. What many do not realize about their responsibility to life – what I also did not at first see, is that responsibility it is always only equal to one's ability to take the next step. And within this step-by-step process, each successive step prepares one for the steps ahead. The more we walk, the more we evolve and align ourselves to our current destination - a world where all life is equal and as such, equally provided with the opportunity to live and express equally as one. This, through my participation with Desteni is what I have come to understand as my responsibility to me and all as me. Standing as a responsible being, participating in changing this world to a place that is in all ways best for all is a step by step process, wherein each moment my responsibility to all is to take that next step. For those who choose to direct themselves as what is best for all life: assistance and support is available through the Desteni I Process, and Desteni I Process Lite. It is a the step by step process, a journey to life that involves facing one's fears, and through self-forgiveness – letting them go, self-change, establishing an Equal Money System, and much more.

Self forgiveness and self-commitments

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking the next step, as I fear that each step brings me closer and closer to having to stand and let go of that which I have valued / defined as me. Within this I forgive myself that I did not allow myself to realize that standing-up is a step by step process of self-change, and that within/as each step is the responsibility and the ability to respond within and as me. Herein I commit myself to remain here within and as breath, facing my fears and standing one step at a time.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being part of a group that accepts responsibility for all, and within this not see, realize and understand that my responsibility / ability to respond to all is only limited by that which I have defined/limited myself to being. Within this I see, realize and understand that each step that I take / fear I face, is a limitation that I leave behind. Thus I commit myself to continue my process of stepping-up to stand as life, one step/breath/moment at a time.
• Desteni
• EQAFE
• DIP Lite
• Creation's Journey to Life
• Heaven's Journey to Life
• Earth's Journey to Life
• Thomas La Grua

Day 73: World inside of me

I live in a world of contradictions. I look at the news and I see suffering that in my imagination must be worse than death. Where do so many find the will to continue to experience such despair; hope may be their god, yet common sense says he's not there. I hop on my scooter, go to work and teach children for whom hunger is but an internal clock reminding them that it's mealtime. In the mornings I sometimes greet them as they get out of a $60,000 SUV. They don't always smile, yet I rarely see them cry. My world is full of contradictions because I force myself to see how the other parts of me survive and die. We're all just the walking dead and dying – the differences lie only in the mind, as in how much illusion our money can buy. Just because we do not experience the suffering that takes place in this world, does not mean that it does not affect us or that we will not equally have to experience it – the cycle of time has a way of seeing to that. It's a circle that starts with a mind that fears, desires, and needs to the point that it absolutely believes that it must have more in order to survive, and so it does survive at all costs. The circle of life it is called, yet for the physical that is here it is a constant and continuous death – born to sacrifice and die so that the mind as energy may survive; I wonder if I haven't under estimated the mind. I readily agree that I am in and of my physical human body, and I agree that it is necessary to stop consuming me as physicality, and to return that which I am as energy to that which I am as substance. Yet I have always been cunning, manipulative, and rarely without self-interest and at least one back-up plan. Am I deceiving myself, thinking that the mind is on my side, are there layers of me yet to be peeled away that will show that the true nature of me is but another lie? For the most part, I’ve narrowed down that which I experience in the mind to relationships based on definitions/fear: money, commitment/responsibility to life, and thinking about existence. I've been considering writing a letter to my family, once again to see if I might evoke a response indicating that they are the exceptional beings that I once imagined them to be. Alas, there comes a point when one must face reality – they are not special and nor am I – just born with genes at a time and place, within an unfair system designed to support only so many. So, I won't write them an update, for I no longer view family as more important than the life that is here as me and all as me in dire need of assistance/change. My wife says that the only thing she cares about is money and although I understand that it is her fear speaking, my words do little to assure her or me. It's like I keep expecting her to wake-up and see that there is more to life than having lots of money just to pass the time until we die. I appreciate the honesty I see in her, as though she is incapable of hiding her emotions – anger derived from fear is most often that which I see. It always just seems to come straight through, unlike I who calculates and will usually thinks things through. On the subject of 2012, my view is that the Mayans and their calendar were spot on – give or take a bit of time/mind based on human action/inaction. The end of time / God as money is just about here. Then again, where in Hell else would it be? Or am Just underestimating the mind?

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the suffering is worse than death and within this not see/realize and understand that as the afterlife is obviously the result of the before-life, it's probably not getting any better afterwords. Within this I realize that the only place to stop and change the way we exist, is right here and now, and that is what I will continue doing – for as long as it takes to change me and assist others to change themselves.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view my reality as contradictory, when in fact it is an exact equation of acceptances and allowances, equating to consequence. Within this I see/realize and understand that I am responsible for the consequences of my every thought, word and deed. Thus I commit my to stop the secret thoughts, and only speak and do that which stand within the principles of what is best for all.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as energy of and as the mind, fear, and withing this not see/realize and understand the bigger external world that suffers the consequence of such fear, as well as the consequence suffered by my physical body. Thus I commit myself to when and as I find myself at the point of fear, stop, breathe, and walk through it with the certainty that, giving into the temptation only prolongs the suffering.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question my commitment as the mind to the process of stopping myself, and within this not see that I as the physical must also take responsibility in asserting me as the physical to fill in where the mind is no more. Within this I commit myself to re merge all parts of me into and as the physical me, releasing the energy relationships that I have accepted and allowed to act on my behalf, and to within this, stand here equal and one with all that is here as a physical being that will eternally stand for and as that which is always best for all.
• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that the true nature of me is always who I am in this moment and subject only on my commitment/will to remain true to that which I am creating myself to be. That which I am creating myself to be is from the beginning, an absolute standing here within and as oneness and equality, as what is best for all.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in projecting onto “money” my fear of hearing my wife speak of not having enough of it. Within this I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that minding the money as in desiring/wanting more than what is needed is a point that each must walk through on their own.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety in relation to my wife's talk about money – wanting to save more, and within this not realize that I can not change her anymore that I am able to change anyone else. Thus it is for me to use intellisense and remain stable as an example of self honest living within the principle of equality and oneness.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope/expect that my wife would somehow wake-up and begin to see things more aligned with how I see them, that we both together would stand for equality and oneness. I see/realize and understand that there are so few that willing will, or are even able to stand without massive assistance. Within this I commit myself to the process of standing for/equality and oneness, and assisting from whichever point I am standing.
  Creation's Journey to Life
  Heaven's Journey to Life
  Earth's Journey to Life
  Desteni
  EQAFE
  Thomas La Grua
  DIP Lite
  
  

Day 68:

There is once again that feeling in my gut, as though trouble is coming and there is no escaping it – so I will face it, for I’m certain it's only me that I will see. Which leads me to wonder what it is within and as me that causes so much angst, that I just want to open the doors and face myself.

Today I started with the question of what to write: Should I write about the “Secessionist or Separatist” movement in the US – No, just more of the same game/players looking for a new start which is nothing new. Should I write about the wars taking place or beginning again – no, just consequence as in that which we've all stashed away in the closets of our minds, now bursting through the containment as the love and light is no longer enough to blind us to the truth of ourselves. Should I write about... Hell! Obviously it's going to come down to, “Should I write about me?” which of course I should, even though I'd rather explore and push another idea – like that of the People's Debt Holiday. I suspect it's coming to us via the masses of rioting in the streets, The People's Debt Holiday. Unfortunately it won't be because the people have seen the logic/rational of getting rid of the money changers, it will be because the money changers themselves can't even pay their debts. So they will allow this (as though the people have spoken) and then they will come in with their solution of a one world government – which is kind of already hear as Money, and of course there can only be one winner, a single world denomination, currency. And voila, the kings and queens or Elite have saved the day; the system remains intact, everybody's equally poor – except for a few elite of course, and then we can start the game over again, or so some might think. For, while the embers are still hot, and the people have begun to awaken, perhaps then we will begin to consider real change – a equality system, starting with an Equal Money System – why not. I have been considering what a New Declaration of Equality based on true equality might look like... We the beings of Earth and this existence as a whole, do hereby declare and commit for eternity to stand/live within and as the principle that all life is created equal and as such all are equally entitled to share in and express self as life “in-all ways within and as that which is in all-ways best for all.” We deem this truth, to be self-evident based on the foundation that all life are of One and as one inseparable... It's a work in progress. Now back to me and my relationship to me – me, myself and I. There is so much more then meets “my” eyes – the various I's. Sometimes I find myself thinking that I react to very little these days, yet perhaps that's because I interact with very little these days. I had thought that if I secluded myself more, that I'd have an opportunity to focus more on me, and this has indeed been the case. Yet I wonder if the lessening of reactions isn't just due to a lessening of interactions. Although my knees are healing, my legs have weakened, and aside for the time that I’m in the classroom, I tire more quickly than I used to. I've changed my actual living quite extensively over the last four months. I no longer visit people, rarely go shopping, stopped drinking alcohol, sleep more... I probably have the same amount of money, yet for some reason I spend as though I’m on a very tight budget – as though I’m preparing for hardship. In terms of eating, I've made it simple – rice with raisins in the morning, rice with a vegetable for lunch, and rice with meat and perhaps a vegetable for dinner. I quite enjoy eating this way – simplistically. I'm still waiting for the 2012 end of Time/Consciousness/energy. I have never believed that we as beings would voluntary change/bring ourselves to a state of equality. It's always been a change that we through our acceptances and allowances would have to have forced upon ourselves by ourselves as the consequences of/as ourselves. I have experience with this to an extent – knowing that to change I would have to take myself to a point where there was no more the option of ignorance/acceptance and allowance. What I find fascinating is going about my day, outside in the city, seeing all the people walking by as though nothing is wrong; it's like I’m in TV land and... Why don't they see what I see, are they all crazy or is it me?

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't know where to begin, that there is nothing that can be done – what must be walked must be walked, that there is nothing else to do but walk through the consequences that I/we have all created. I do see and realize that there is something more, and that more is yet to be seen. Thus, I commit myself to when and as I react to anything: stop, breathe, and see through the energy, and direct myself as what is best for all, seeing a bigger more accurate picture – what is perhaps hear.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see and be part of the end of this nightmare on earth. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see an easier more gentle alternative as some may, to the necessity of loosing everything so as to see what is really hear as ourselves. I do see and have realized the benefits of my writing, self-forgiveness and self commitments, yet I also now see and realize that I must find a place, stop observing, and start doing. Within this, I commit myself to step up and start taking risks.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience an emptiness within and as me as though the game is up, I've lost and it's time to go home. I see/realize and understand that the game that is ending is that which I have been waiting for for a long time. And thus I commit myself to see it through to the end, and direct a part of it.

Not much of a pep talk for myself, I realize. I also realize that while I have changed to a degree the nature of me, there is still a degree that I do not yet even see and this may be what's causing the anxiety/fear within me as the physical/mind. This part of me I will see and direct in accordance with the commitments that I have made to existence.  

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Desteni

EQAFE

Thomas La Grua

DIP Lite

Day 63: Scheduling

Thursday morning, cool because I have four days off and I still have a job – that I enjoy. Basically it's putting a week's worth of teaching periods into three days, which is physically tasking yet fun at the same time because the students are cool and the in-classroom support from the homeroom teacher is full on. So, on I go in exploration of me so as to understand the nature of my beingness, with the absolute aim of changing me / the nature of me to that which stands for/as what is best for all – equality and oneness. And that's about the only thing of which I’m certain of. Reactions so far this week, not so many. I stood my ground on not writing the exams unless I’m paid to do so, yet I still agreed to download them off the internet and give it someone else to deal with, compromise. I’ve been experimenting with breathing – 4 count, and up to 12 counts for deep breathing. That's kind of cool, probably also very helpful to the physical. Since I don't have too much to say at this point, I’ll probably focus on my studying of the mind consciousness system and its components (from the Blogs listed below). Now it's Saturday morning, and I ask myself, what I have in writing to show for two days. The answer is clearly mixed within my unclear writings about various theories – mostly on Consciousness. I write, I leave it, come back, edit, leave it again, only to realize that what I’ve written is lacking in substance. It's just more hypotheses, circles in search of answers. The answers are there, I’m just not getting them. So I’m going to let this subject of Consciousness go for a while. Suffice to say that Consciousness is me, not an evil “Foreign” entity, just the evil in/as me. And there's more – questions than answers which is interesting in that where we are heading with consciousness diminishing is perhaps not yet understood within physicality. I see my responsibility as the task of understanding that which is and has been. There is a lot of investigation being done; I’m also going to investigate and check their and my results. When I began this journey, this was my approach and it has not changed; it is still a part of my responsibility to me and all as me.

The theme of this last week has been the introduction of the new DIP-Lite, within which I disrupted my recently established patterns of writing my blog and reading other blogs. I've also got another mind construct to do which I’ve decided to put off so as to get back on tract with writing and studying. It's interesting about patterns and me, in that the introduction of something new is like a diversion that sidetracks me for a moment. Then I realize that I’ve gotten off track, and it all happened so quickly. In terms of me being more or less stable on a daily basis, the writing of daily self-forgiveness is a key factor. It's kind of like taking out the garbage on a daily basis. When the garbage doesn't get out, it causes the surrounding area to become messy/confusing.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on consciousness and within this not see/realize and understand that in focusing on consciousness as though it's separate from me, I am participating in separation. I see/realize and understand that consciousness is me and thus it is for me to simply focus on me through writing, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective statements/living. I commit myself to get back into daily writing of self-forgiveness and to not allow my curiousness regarding consciousness to divert me form taking responsibility for me.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see different options for participating in process, view them as distractions, and project onto them the cause of my being distracted. Within this I realize that it's not necessary or productive for me to try at this point to participate in everything. Thus I commit myself to stick with and focus on on studying blogs/material form Desteni, and daily writing, and then mind constructs.
• I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get set/stuck in patterns or ways of doing things, and within this not realize that patterns within which I do things on a daily basis are automated functions of the mind consciousness system. Within this I see that if I react an introduction to changes in the pattern then that is me as the mind reacting in confusion. Thus I commit myself to no longer rely on daily patterns and instead to write a daily schedule in the morning or the night before (for the days that I’m not working) so that there will be no more confusion/conflicts in terms of what I should do that day.
• Today's schedule: 1) Take Happy out for a walk; 2) finish writing and post this; 3) read 5 Heaven's, 4) 5 Creation's, and 5) 3 Earth's journey to Life Blogs; 6) chores around town 7) watch a video/series...
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel” different internally, and within this feeling project the cause onto my external environment. I see/realize and understand that the internal experiences are energetic experiences/fluctuations, and that to stop them is to remain stable in not allowing myself to internally change based on my external environment. Thus I commit myself to continue focusing on my breath and remaining stable, the same from here to here.
• Creation's Journey to Life
• Heaven's Journey to Life
• Earth's Journey to Life
• Desteni
• EQAFE
• Thomas La Grua
• DIP Lite

Day 60: Pieces of what's inside of me

It has been said in different ways and I agree: stop hoping, let go of everything, become self-honest, live within and as what is best for all – give unto others what you would have given, and so forth. There is nothing new about such advise, and as always it is still easier said than done. Not surprisingly, I am still finding this to be the case in thought, word and in deed. I wouldn't say that things are getting easier for me, just a bit more understandingly controllable, which for me is quite preferable to a total lack of control. On the other-hand the more I realize how the system function, the more frustrating it becomes to watch as piece by piece we as humanity march ourselves and everything else into the fires – manifesting as consequence of our past self-interest / carelessness. The mind consciousness system is an amazing system that traps the host into its very own self-substantiated virtual reality prison cell – the mind. It's fascinating because there are no bars, and the force exerted is apparently energy created entirely of our own acceptances and allowances. In other words, we decide within/as each breath to remain in the cell, participating in our own energy created illusions, or step out of the cell/mind and participate within/as what is physically here. The design of the system is such that it has become consciously aware of its-self, which as a system is like us on autopilot, organic robots. And the mind consciousness system (as a part of us as energy derived from our physical substance) understands that it requires us to participate in the illusion for it to continue existing. Thus the mind consciousness system will do everything in its power (which of course is limited to that which we give it through our participation) to lure us back into into the trap, the mine field. So as to the question of why there is so much deception in this world: it's because just as our (internal) mind is mirror of our beingness, so too is the (external) mind / world-system a mirror of our beingness; what else would it be, there's no one else here.

On the issue of “Give unto others that which I would like to receive” I've realized a point within which I haven't been walking completely self honestly. It regards relationships; specifically, calling people back after I’ve missed their calls – which I rarely get these days. Quite often over the last 5-7 years I've seen that someone has called me, and instead of returning the call right away I would put it off until I felt like calling back. I usually justified this with, I'm just too busy or involved with what I’m doing to risk being sidetracked by this call, so I’ll call back later. Honestly, (and I’ve said this before) I've rarely been very particular about the kinds of people I associated with – in terms of judging them as good/bad, smart/stupid, etc. If the person liked to party, that was good enough for me. Then when I began to see an opportunity for me/us to make a difference/change to ourselves and this world, I was certain that others – those I called friends would be interested. Instead, for the most part I told by many, in no uncertain terms that my new found information was unwelcome in the conversation, that I had become obsessed, and that which I see as research was/is just part of a cult in the process of brainwashing me. It's been probably about 5 or more years, enough research to write 2-3 theses on, and I’ve barely even touched the surface of what as the design and nature of existence is now (as I view it) in the process of unveiling or being unveiled. I'm sure that I’m welcome back into the relationship circles anytime; I never found them to be very judgmental towards me either. Yet to go back would mean (for me) a return to ignorance and or silence – ignorance of what is here as us and our responsibility to change the world to a place that values all life equally and or silence of not speaking of what is here and our responsibility to change. I'm not certain that this task/doing will be done in this lifetime, yet I am certain that I will continue until it is done. Then we'll see.

What message to send in the days of Revelations – at least for me they are. Who will even will themselves to hear, let alone see and take responsibility? The Economy: There is little I may say that hasn't been said by others more knowledgeable than I of Life eclipsed by an economy that has never been Eco nor even in the least concerned for you or me. We stand at the precipitous or edge of steep drop of our own making with only ourselves to thank for the opportunity to see who we really are, the nature of our beingness, the nature of you and me. I don't see it so much as being about saving ourselves as who/what we've come to be, why would anyone want to do that; changing ourselves – yes, but definitely not saving. In other words, for me as I see it there is only one option – self change. Here's a message: “Warning! Imminent catastrophic system failure! Self destruct sequence initiated – a long long time ago, Abandon ship”; or how about, “Come on now Sweet pea, it's time to wake up, we're killing ourselves and everything else.” As I've stated repeatedly, the collapse of the world money system is already underway, and it's interesting how people such as Alex Jones continue blame what is happening on someone else, feeding the audience what they want to hear instead of what they need hear/realize so as to take responsibility, embrace equality and change. Everyone gets angry when their privileged financial status is taken away from them, yet few seem to mind when it happens to others. All around us, nature, the animal kingdom, the sun, and the sea, have always only given to us that we may one day see that we are all interconnected as one. Yet we as human beings have done nothing but take, take, and take. It's phenomenal (a testament to the nature of our beingness) that we still refuse to see that we are the sea of life and within this seaing, stop and change ourselves to value all life equally.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated at my perception of the events taking place in the world, and within this not realize that the frustration is not due to the events taking place in the world but at myself for the relationships I have formed within and as my mind projection of myself within the world-system and my perceived lack of progress in changing my relationship towards all, from that of energy to physicality.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view the phone-calls of others from a perspective of whether or not I wanted to communicate and within this not take responsibility to be there to assist others, just in case. Within this I see/realize and understand that communicating with others is an opportunity for me to give unto others, as well as receive. Thus I commit myself to (when I recognize a number on my phone) return the call within a reasonable amount of time, and not just when it suits me.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my return to the relationship circles I once knew, to be a return to ignorance and or silence, and within this not see that my relationships were not based on ignorance and or silence but on the support I felt they provided me.
  Creation's Journey to Life
  Heaven's Journey to Life
  Earth's Journey to Life
  Desteni
  EQAFE
  Thomas La Grua

Day 55: Visualizing Existence

Yesterday I read an article about the scientist who was awarded a Nobel prize for for showing or photographing the same particle in two different places at the same time; at least that's what I got out of the article after having scanned it – actually it was quite lacking in specifics. So last night while I lay awake listening to Anu (said to be the primary creator/facilitator of the current physical-existence), I began to look at this concept – that something could be in two places at the same time, and I figured that if the same particle could be in two different places at the same time/moment, then it could also be in three, four, or five, continuing on into/as the entirety of all of existence, implying that all is or at least could be, 'One'. Anyway, the way I see it is, it's not that matter/substance is in two different physical locations at the same time; it's that the awarenesses/perspective of matter within/as substance that, depending on one's perspective/awareness, appears to be in different places at the same time, yet is always actually just here. Because if all is 'One', then there is no 'there' – except in terms of awareness/perspective of and as what is 'here'. In other words it's only the perspective or scope of awareness that change. The scientist said it himself – it's just a “ parlor trick” = illusion, and the results of this type of experiment are known to be influenced by the observer. Of course, the way I view things now will likely change in the future – as it has already rapidly changed – especially over the last five years, due in a large part to what I’ve learned and or interpreted from that material available at the Desteni website. Actually, I do not expect that any of my views/observations will turn out to be correct/incorrect; I'm recording this now because it's where I am, and in the future perhaps I will have the opportunity to see how my perspective has changed. Currently I visualize existence in two ways: the way it is now, and the way it could/should be.

The way I visualize existence as it is now

In the beginning, existence/we and all that has ever been here as us/existence was a balloon shaped substance as a single-being or awareness. Then for some reason, we (as the being/awareness) divided our awareness into two equal/identical awarenesses. Thus we had two identical awarenesses/beings that were equal and one within and as the same substance/existence, yet in terms of awareness, each was only aware of itself – limited to its half of existence and separated/defined by its relationship to itself and the other self-awareness / half of existence. In other words, the two sides of existence were not actually separate, yet their awarenesses of themselves as one with and equal to each other and/as the whole was limited/separate – as in the illusion of separation. As I view it, there is constant or equation within and as existence that says (simply) what happens in/as one, happens equally in/as all, implying absolute equality within and as the substance of/as all of existence. This makes sense to me because the whole is always equal to the sum of its parts, and that number is always one. Thus in starting with 'One', and exponentially multiplying or dividing by any number (not zero it's just a concept), the sum and or sum-total of the equation is always going to equal 'One' (at least that's how I visualize it) - thus, the absolute equality and oneness within and as the substance of/as existence, which is a way I visualize equality and oneness, and in this view regardless of from which point or perspective I look, all is still 'One'. Yet depending on the perspectives/awarenesses of the single-points or singularities within/as existence all may not be equal, and here in the illusion of separation lies the inequality within and as existence as a whole. We have limited our self-awareness to such an extent as consciousness that we do not see ourselves as one with and equal to all that is here; we don't see/realize that what we do unto another we are actually doing unto ourselves. This as I have repeatedly been informed will all become clear at death. Yet why should we wait for death to finally realize the common-sense of equality and oneness?

My visualization of how existence could/should be

If – in the beginning we as one awareness had realized our oneness with/as all of existence and, in separating our self-awareness into innumerable singularities, realized our new-self awarenesses as singularities one with and equal to all of existence – as ourselves: then perhaps existence would now look a lot different. In other words, in once again looking at the bubble of existence, I visualize our 'One' awareness splitting into separate awarenesses / singularities, yet with each singularity still aware of self's equality and oneness with and as all of existence. It's like, in the first visualization (as in cellular division),  one awareness is divided into two awareness – equal and one-within/as existence; the awarenesses divide again and again and again... However, in my visualization of how existence should be, the awareness of each of the innumerable singularities overlap one another to include each-other within and as all of existence. Thus, at any given moment a singularity could be/express itself as a singularity - itself in relation to all of itself as existence; it could expand its awareness to include all of existence, or perhaps it could merge its awareness with other awareness, so as to (from a limited-awareness perspective) appear to be the same singularity in two places at the same time. The differentiating factor of each point/singularity within and as our 'New' existence would be each singularity's self-awareness expression in the moment within and as equality and oneness. This is kind of how I see a small piece of the puzzle of existence from where I’m now sitting. Now, I'll get back to figuring out how to identify and remove personality systems.

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Desteni

Thomas La Grua