Earlier this week while driving back from Costco, I wanted to make a left turn into a store, but as traffic going the other way was backed up at the red light behind me, there wasn’t enough space for me to go through. In looking at my thoughts in relation the blue truck to my left and slightly behind me blocking my left turn, I thought to myself, “all he has to do is simply move a little bit forward, but he doesn’t even notice me because he’s only focused on what’s in front of him - a common trait as a result of the limited awareness of so many drivers these days.
Sometimes while I’m moving myself through this reality, noting and attempting to include in my considerations of what’s all around me, everywhere, it seems to me that so many are simply unaware or less aware of their surroundings than they ought to be. I realize that this is a judgment, because in reality I only see from my perspective and not theirs. Thus, as part of my personal process I’ve been letting go of the energies associated with such definitions, yet the definitions as judgments are still there - why? Perhaps it’s because a part of me still seeks to understand or at least categorize the reasoning behind the movements of others. But how could I possibly understand their movements without first understanding mine? Which brings me to the next part of my story.
As soon as the traffic light behind me turned green and the truck began moving a little forward, I began turning left into the space between the truck and a car that had also been partially blocking my way. But there still wasn’t enough space to turn, so there I sat for another couple of seconds. Then, as soon as the truck behind me started moving forward, instead of letting me pass through the lane, the driver in the car in front of and to the left of me fast forwarded as though he hadn’t even seen me in front of him already blocking his way while attempting to turn left. Thankfully, just before hitting me he stopped, but once again my way was blocked. Remaining stable (or so I thought), I motioned to him to move back just a little, but he just sat there and stared as though he hadn’t a clue what was going on or what to do. Thinking to myself the equivalent of “two can play this game”, I sat there for a few moments, too. Then as I again motioned for him to move back so that I could get through, a part of me noticed a movement in him which I defined somewhere deep within me as antagonizing or threatening. And just like that, my physical body suddenly switched into another mode (of a word that choose not to post) and…
It’s a strange trait that I seem to have come equipped with. When in danger, perceived and/or defined as threatening or something like that, I’ve noticed that time seems to slow down and a part of me, perhaps my beingness seems to move higher up in my body and slightly back, giving me more of a bird’s eye view of the situation while another part of me, perhaps my physical body seems to tap into resources and/or skills that I don’t seem to be consciously aware of. In such moments, usually seconds or less, I would see myself deciding upon my course of action, usually designed to minimize or eliminate the threat (while at the same time carrying out that course of action). And the only thing that would be crystal clear in such moments was how I was going to successfully deal with the threat.
So in getting back to my story: in that moment, in a fraction of a second, as soon as a part of me had picked up on something that I had defined somewhere within me as aggressive or threatening, my physical body began shifting into that mode, undoing my seatbelt and moving to get out of the car to… At which point (all within one or two seconds), I stopped, stepped back in as the director or directive principle and breathed - as per my written commitments that I’ve also been physically practicing for quite some time. As an analogy or metaphor in relation to what my physical body seems to do, it would be like having my trusted horse as my companion and best friend suddenly decide that it was time to charge unconditionally forward into battle, and me having to pull back on the reigns and reassure it that everything was OK, not battle time.
Eventually I did make my turn and all was well except for the lingering question within me as to why my physical body was still sometimes moving according to old patterns, programs or definitions that I’ve dealt with consciously to a large extent at various levels. I think it has to do with undercurrents and physical programming in relation to situations and/or my situational awareness. For example, in this latest case, even though I wasn’t consciously thinking “threat or confrontation”, my physical memories of past situations were still to an extent defining my physical movements as reactions or responses. Therefore, I am now in the process of focusing on and identifying those tiny little points that I often physically notice, but still don’t seem to be very consciously aware - as the directive principle.
And what’s funny here but not surprising in the least is that this point of being unaware (that I was projecting onto others in the beginning of this post, which is why I begrudgingly actually wrote it out) has now come right back to its creator, which is of course the only place or starting-point from which I am able to respond to, address and correct these problematic patterns or programs at hand. In short, this is why I required writing out this point. Maybe this also has to do with the imprints and resonant mind.