Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Mind Reboots

I have been noticing some changes in my mind consciousness system that I guess I should record - for the record. About 3-4 weeks ago, I began noticing some strange occurrences or perspectives. The first one has to do with time. It seemed to slow down to a crawl and for a while I kept thinking different days were days ahead of where they actually were. I’m not sure what brought on this memory lapse or forgetfulness. Perhaps it had a lot to do with the stress that I was going through at the time. Either way, as I was walking through those points, I also became aware of a large  buildup of energy throughout my body. I seemed as though the energy was filling up my body to my forehead where I experienced a lot of pressure and heat. While all this was going on, I also noticed that I was becoming very irritable and sometimes argumentative. As I became more aware of these strange happenings in my mind/body relationship, I also stepped up my guard on my thoughts and my interactions with others so not to fall into (another) energetic possession.

As the days went by, I was in deed able to restore a degree of self-directedness. However, I also realized that something had changed in me. As I was speaking with my partner and others, I listened to my voice tonality and I observed how I was experiencing myself. Whereas over the past couple of years, I had been making progress in determining the tonality of my words, how I express and/or experience myself in relation to others, I suddenly noticed that my sound/physical interaction with others was stale - for lack of a better word. It is as though all of the changes (especially in terms of caring) that I have been directing and pushing myself to be and become had suddenly reverted back to square one, as though my mind had erased all of the new lines that I had written and rebooted to where I had been before I started this process - from consciousness to awareness.

Thankfully, even though the changes that I had been inputting into my mind consciousness system and  walking physically to change my nature appear to have been deleted (for lack of a better word), I still retain the knowledge of the tools of self-change and the determination to continue changing myself. Additionally and perhaps most importantly, I remember how through changing the tonality of my words, how much more I had enjoyed myself in relation to others. In short, there is no way I’m going back to that staleness.

Listening to the staleness, disconnected, distant and uncaring sound in which I had begun to speak and relate to others for a very short time during these recent times disgusted me - to put it simply. Herein I realize that, even if my mind reboots a thousand times and even if I get caught up and possessed by it, I am always able to stand back up and continue walking to change myself as I care to be and become - and this is what I am doing, step by step.

In looking at this point, I am not one hundred percent sure what has been going on with me. My guess is that my mind just rebooted. For more on this topic, I’m going re listen to this Eqafe interview: Introducing Energy Keeping Systems & Your Awareness - Quantum Mind Self Awareness.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

As Summer Comes to a Close

The Battle line of the Within and the Without
Recently, I had a dream that I noted.
In the first part of the dream, I was lucid, like aware that I was in a place where I could fly and that I had been there before, yet lacked the memory. I flew high over the lands until I came to the place where I could fly no further. There was a village and many children greeted me with unconditional hugs and embraces just the way my best dog-friend used to do. One of them told me some important news, something to do with having completed something but still having much to do. I left that aspect of the dream and suddenly I was facing someone much bigger than me, whom I had defined as my enemy, but was just my ego. He started pushing me around and I ended up putting him on the ground very hard. I did that on purpose because, even though I did not want to harm him, I did what to take the fight out of him. For a moment, I feared that I had harmed him. Suddenly, he opened his eyes and his mouth became an angry grimace. At that point, I knew he wasn’t going to stay down and that’s when I awoke. Inside of me, while I see I am still divided, I am also still committed to walking my process from consciousness to awareness. That being said, I am also so confused.

As summer comes to a close, as my so-called summer vacation enters the final ten day stretch, I wonder why I even call it a vacation. To be honest, I don’t have vacations, at least not in terms of vacating one place for a more accommodating place. The idea is that, as work is sometimes stressful, not having to go to work ought to be relaxing. Doesn’t work that way for me. My vacation to my home in the northern city has been a stressful experience for me. However, this is not to say that I consider it to be a bad or regretful thing. Actually it has been a wonderful (but not fun) opportunity for me to see and face points of myself that I have yet to completely deal with. In other words, I am still working on them, myself. The points I’m speaking of have to do with authority, defiance, victimization and perhaps even jealousy. There are probably more; like I said, these are confusing times for me.

In writing out my perspective of my war and my confusing times, I noticed that I was projecting onto and blaming the other sides instead of taking complete responsibility for all sides "of my perspective". Thus, I rewrote things out to take complete responsibility. However, in doing that, I noticed that the pendulum had swung back to the point wherein I was now judging and blaming myself. Finally, In looking for the middle ground or a line that I could draw, I begin to realize that it is not about which path one takes to get where he or she is going, but about who one is in relation to self and others while walking that path.  Whether one stays and fights or walks away, self-change occurs not in the outcomes of such decisions, but from within and as the determination to decide who one is while walking such decisions. Specifically, in this reality, there is no right or wrong path and there is no winning or losing, only the decision to continue walking, facing one's self and changing.  Thus, it is for me and each of us to choose our paths and determine for ourselves who each  is and will be. Words of wisdom?  Not quite yet, I still have to test them out and live them into real change.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

The Flaw of Logic

There is so much that I don’t understand as in an awareness of the consequences I cause unto myself and everything else through all of existence because of what I do or do not do. Whether I speak of the big or I speak of the small, it doesn’t matter because they are one in and of the same. That being said, today I am looking at the word, logic, today and already there is a pain in my stomach as if to say, don’t go there.

I guess this is because of a realization or perhaps a new consideration in relation to what I refer as “logic.” This morning, while listening to an interview or podcast by a being from the Atlantean race, on the subject of the cross-manifestations that began appearing in the design of structure of beings’ molecules, it occurred to me that, logic is but an judgment of how information should flow from the past to the present and into the future.

Whereas, I used to wonder why so many people couldn’t comprehend my simple logic, I now begin to see that even the simplest of logic is flawed due to one’s  biases or culture of what is considered to be right and wrong. Yea, culture is just another form of logic based the perception of what was considered right and wrong in the past should still be considered that way in the present. This is I guess one of the ways we have pinned ourselves to our crosses of righteousness. In carrying with me my past definitions of right and wrong and attempting to pin my logic onto others in the present in the hopes that things will flow “my way” into the future, I have miss assessed and over complicated so many situations.

The bottom line is that, I really must let go of the idea of right and wrong as a means of deciding what to do. Better to replace such a consideration with, what is best for all. And if that gets too complicated, perhaps it’s best to simply ask, what would I have everyone else do if they were standing in my shoes and I in theirs?

Sunday, August 20, 2017

From "My Way or the Highway" to Humbleness and Understanding

In my previous post, Opportunity in Consequence, I touched on a realization I’m beginning to open up and understand in relation to my idea of standing up for my rights and my right to live my way according to such  rights. In short, this was as it has been with me, a my way or the highway self-definition, wherein I justified my way because as I viewed it, it was the best and therefore the right way for all involved. However, what I did not realize was that, if the best way for all is not an option for all, then it is not actually the best way for all. Thus,  when searching for the best solution, I now see, realize and understand that, that which is best for all, will also account for the perspective-awareness of all involved, so to be applicable or applied by all involved. This is a major realization for me and in looking at how simple this point seems, I am tempted to wonder why I didn’t see it sooner. Thankfully, I have also begun letting go of the search for “why,” so to focus on actually changing myself. Thus, while I have much self-forgiveness to write out and sound, I am also going to choose some words to redefine on the path to better living.
Self forgiveness
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to create within and as me a point of defiance in reaction to my feeling of helplessness or inability to live according to my rights as I defined them.
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being feckless in relation to stopping preventing from feeling humiliated, instead of directing myself to see/realize and understand that, as the humiliation I have experienced originated from within/as myself, all I have to do is to change/shift myself from the definition of being humiliated to that of honoring myself by utilizing my opportunities to see and face such points my process of changing myself for the better, the way I care to have all others stand in relation to me.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my experience of myself, based on the actions of others, therein limiting my experiences to my definitions of their actions instead of taking completed responsibility for who I am by choosing which words to live, redefining them to my specifications as the best I am able to live and then living such words in any given moment.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my way was right and therefore best for all, instead of  utilizing my ability to look into people to see and consider their points of view so to compromise for the betterment of all, which is not really a compromise, but a practical consideration for the structure of the environment that the problem resides. Herein, I now see, realize and understand that, the best solution, that which is best for all will account for the perspective-awareness of all involved so to be applicable and willingly applied to all involved.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be vindicated by the system, thereby tying who I am to the outcomes of system instead of determining how I will stand within/as this and all matters by choosing a word for the occasion/moment, redefining it and living it. Herein, in relation to any dispute, I commit to embody and live my definition of the phrase, humbleness and understanding.
Self Commitments:
  • When and as I find myself entering into or facing a point of humiliation, I commit to sound the word “humbleness” so to shift myself into and as a sound/physical presence, neither proud nor arrogant, yet self-honestly aware of the best that I am able to be in relation to my environment and determined to move that way = my new way.
  • When and as I find myself considering and/or physically facing people with different perspectives, I commit to sound the phrase, “humbleness within and as understanding,” where, in addition to embodying and living the word humbleness, I utilize my ability to consider and understand other people’s perspectives, who and why they are; herein, seeing them as one with me while also standing as an example of how, in working together to mend our relations, we also change ourselves for the better, together.
  • When and as I find myself facing a point in the physical reality relating a disagreement, I commit to sound the words humbleness and understanding, embody the definition within and as me and live it in relation all aspects and people involved. Herein, I now determine who I will be and how I will stand in relation to all things.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Opportunity in Facing Consequence

I had defined myself as being oppressed, tormented and ostracized for standing my ground, not bowing down to what was wrong and never ever letting myself be pushed around. I viewed the masses as following the bullies who would direct the masses in what I considered to be the wrong directions. I didn’t appreciate the directions that the masses chose to go in and I didn’t respect them for following the self-interested few. However, as long as they they left me alone and didn’t push me to fall in line and join their wrong direction, I would leave them alone.  Keep moving was my motto because I feared that once I settled down, my right to be different would  surely be challenged. This is a shortened description of how I’ve been relating to my external reality for a long time. Although, I often wondered what was going on inside of me, for the most part, I kept myself unaware. I am still not sure why.

I perceived that the world was against me, at least most of humanity and surely the system it seemed. It always seemed to me that people would insist that I do as the others did and I viewed this as a form of oppression. The more I resisted against my experience of being inferiorized, the more I would feel as though I were being tormented. Thus, in reaction to my experience of inferiority, I became defiant which I defined as superiority. Thus, instead of letting myself be pushed around, I would push back. Instead of having to obey, I would wherever I could, take command. And if they still refused to leave me alone, I would make them pay. This was my secret way, and strangely enough, I had even kept this secret from myself.

Thus, I embodied in so many ways, the nature of that which I believed I was fighting against my whole life, that of the evil few. Interestingly, I could never hide from myself the nature of me. I viewed it as an evil lurking within me, I just didn’t understand why. I still do not understand why and maybe I never will. At the very least, however, I am beginning to see the pattern and from this glimpse, I am able to change myself to how I would prefer to be.

I see now that the construct of defiance has dominated me for most of my life. In fear of being dominated and forced to obey, I sought to dominate in so many ways - via manipulation, intelligence, perseverance, etc., and lastly by force. It’s strange that, even when this pattern was presented for me to hear and see, I didn’t or I wouldn’t.

Now I see that, sometimes when we’ve built up and reinforced patterns within and as us to such an extent, it really is necessary to walk through some consequence to bring about that sunken feeling wherein one surrenders and lets down his or her wall of protection to (for a moment of opportunity) see the pattern and take responsibility for it.

Thus, while walking through the consequences such as negative energy experiences while surrendering and letting down one’s defenses, it is important to also be looking for the patterns with the intention of changing self to no longer embody that pattern. Otherwise, the pattern will simply re establish itself as one attempts to regain the positive experience. Thus, my commitment to myself: When and as I find myself facing a point of consequence, I commit embrace the energetic experience, look into it as me to see the pattern that played out in arriving at the consequence. In seeing the pattern, I commit to forgive myself and change the definitions to non-polarized words for me to live.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Ego's Revenge

I had a dream last night. A man about three feet taller than me was was holding my partner and I hostage in our home. He was attempting to put chains on us when I finally stated, enough is enough and I took the chains and threw them out the window. The big guy started pushing me around and asked me what the hell I was doing, what was happening to me and why I was being such a wimp and wimping out. I said to him, I’m done with this, I’m not playing this game any more. In the dream, the man who was a meter taller and much stronger than I, has been with me for a long time. Unfortunately, it is I as ego. For more on the Revenge of the Ego, click here.

I now see that, that I’ve been viewing my whole life through the eyes of ego, inferiorized into a constant state of fight which I defined as my one strength which could never be taken away from me. Nevertheless, in fighting for my right to be right and go the right way, my way, I was wrong. For, once the group (as small as a few or as large as all of humanity) decide to go down a path, even if it’s less than the best and they are being led by crooked ones, my responsibility to all is to go along so as not to make things even worse. I see this now due to recent developments in my community.

By fighting for my right not to obey and follow the interests of the few, I was as them, fighting for my self-interests, which even if my solution was the better one, it was still the wrong of me to refuse to go along with them down that path. Why? Because in fighting for my right to take my own path and not go along with the group, even though I considered their path to be deceptive and wrong, I ended up causing their path as well as mine to be even worse than it would have been if I had just gone along and this is the lesson I’ve learned.

Herein, when and as the group make a choice, whether it be for better or worse, I commit to go along with that choice, down that path with them so perhaps to make the path better for us all as we move along and at the very least, not make it any worse.

Monday, August 14, 2017

The Nail that Sticks Out

I have often used the statement, “the nail that stands up gets hammered down” in an effort to justify never  backing down unless it was a strategic stand down. My rationale stems from my fear of being hammered down, again and again. Who would I be if I bowed down and obeyed the rules of the few that I consider to be abusive? Who would I be if I ignored that which I consider to be abusive? What if I turned around, picked up my belongings and walked away, would that solve the problem that I experience within and as myself? Nooooo...

I have often felt as though my only opportunity to live is right now and if I let someone take even the least of my rights away, I would be responsible for denying myself such rights. From there, I thought it would just be a matter of before I joined the crowd of hammered down nails ignoring their own rights and the rights of others. Sooner or later I would find myself jealous and angry towards those who weren't willing to accept and the rule of the few as the status quo. Would I then join the mobs for the burnings and the lynchings?

Or maybe I’ve got it all wrong; maybe the so-called rights that I’m holding onto are in reality just worthless baggage. My rights, his rights, her rights, what does it all amount to if I never get to live the life that I’m fighting for. Or is it that, for me the fight is how I’ve chosen to be because it’s what I prefer to do rather than  face myself  as the cause and the consequence?

I’ve learned some things along the way. The first and most important one is that I have to change myself in order to change how I view my reality. I’ve been doing this and now I’m beginning to realize seriously that that the reality as I thought I knew is will disappear. Perhaps that’s how it must be in order to create something new - out with the old, in with the new…

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Freedom within Structure

In the past, I used to believe that freedom meant the opportunity to do as we pleased as long as no one harmed anyone else. It was an easy, child like way of thinking for me because deep down inside I knew that I was not out to harm anyone. Lots of laughs, albeit somewhat sad and ironic. For within my past definition of “Freedom,” I had, also “enslaved” myself by and to my own design of the dome within and as my very own mind. Specifically, in defining “freedom” as my right to do as I pleased as long as I did not hurt anyone, I had imprisoned myself in myself to an ongoing fight for my right to have and achieve the impossible. I only wanted to explore what was here and have some fun. Unfortunately, whereas this was easy enough to conceive in my mind, it’s not that simple, not even possible in the current physical reality. Thus, I’ve begun to redefine freedom to include a consideration of the structure of my body and the environment I happen to be in.

As everything is connected from the within to the without and vise versa, every movement within the structure of our reality affect the design/structure of everything as a whole. Thus it is that, within and as the freedom of our reality there is also a design of the  the structure and foundation upon which our so-called free dome is based. Thus, the reality of our freedom, be it mental or be in physical is always going to be limited to an extent based on the design of reality. This means that there is no such opportunity to just do as I please without hurting anyone unless that which I please is in all ways what is best for all.  

Freedom within the structure of reality
  • Freedom: free to do and create as one will within the dom (dome) of reality based on the design of the current reality.
  • Structure: the design parameters, strengths and weaknesses of my reality “under the dome.” Whether it be called freedom, kingdom, boredom, stardom, fiefdom, etc., I require to consider that in order to function optimally in relation to one another within the dome.
Understanding that, freedom to live within the structure or design of this physical existence  comes with the responsibility to consider the parameters or limitations of the structural design of for example my physical body and the physical environment  is perhaps a key to enjoying life within within this physical existence.

Herein, I begin to see that nothing is actually free, everything comes with responsibility.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Seeing Where I Am by Assisting and Supporting Another

Last weekend, I went to visit a friend that I had not seen in almost three years. In him or through him, in terms of my memory of how I was in relation to him in the past, I considered (through a form of practical comparison) how I am now, i.e., if and how I’ve changed in relation to him. What I noticed most was how much I listened, really listened without judgments and so on which I would have used in the past to rebuke what he had said. Instead, I considered how I could assist him to move past the same points it seems he’s been dealing with for a long time, ever since I’ve known him.

I was not aware of very much to say that would have outweighed the support of simply listening to what he had to say. I see that he and so many others are caught in the same current. So close to the assistance and support of a shore. Yet in not seeing or even imagining how differently their lives could be, they seem torn between looking for a solution out there, while refusing to see or acknowledge that it’s right here - the question and the answer within and as themselves.

The potential is there. Where, I wonder is the will to shift the eyes from searching out there to looking within? I was able to see this point in him perhaps because it’s a point that has been very relevant for me, the point of pushing myself to bring everything back to me even though it is often the exact opposite of what I feel like doing. I could see in my friend the potential or ability to change himself and his life for the better; yet I did not see the will, meaning that, it was his decision to be in that location and on some level he was aware of this.

As with “all” points these days, the sooner I bring them back to me, the sooner I will myself to resolve them. Thus, in terms of the first point of noticing how much I listened and considered how to assist, I note that I have in thought, word and in deed changed myself to better care for others, which shows me that I am also better caring for myself. Cool.

The second point, not completely seeing what to say to him or show him is of the realization of the reality of proces. In other words, in suggesting to him that he get a desk and begin writing, I was sharing with him the best tool that I’ve found for changing myself through writing out as patterns of acceptances and allowances to physically see the entanglements to write them right like a map to guide one’s self to change one’s living. Sometimes we change slowly and sometimes we change quickly. The key as I see it is to keep writing right the map of the plan of one’s life, so to at least have a plan. No one can do the writing for another; we are only able to do it for ourselves and this is cool because it's how we are able to see and be certain of the point of self creation.

The third point and this is an important one, has to do with not seeing his will to push through and face the realization that each one of us, ultimately is responsible for how we’ve been and who we are. As this point of pushing through various points, I’ve noticed that I’ve sometimes carried self-judgments into my writings of the map of how I thought I should be. This resulted me having to loop back to the point to have to face it again and again until I forgave and let go of the self-judgments so to see clearly where I was and wasn't aligned to my plan. For example, in recent confrontations or disputes that I’ve been involved in, I had judged myself as being manipulating for seeing or guessing the play outs and not coming up with and implementing a solution that would immediately end the disputes. However, what I didn’t immediately see was that, walking points within the system to create solutions based on the system that is here, requires practice or practical knowledge. In the bigger picture, this means that sometimes it’s necessary to walk these disputes through in the system while taking advantage of the opportunities to change one’s self in the process. In other words, sometimes the problem is part of the process and the most convenient route is not necessarily the best solution. I will write more on this in the future.

Finally, for this post, I would like to say that I really appreciate the assistance support that I’ve been receiving from Desteni, especially from the latest interviews on Eqafe.

Monday, July 24, 2017

The Simplicity of Redefining & Living Words

On the subject of redefining words, I had had some difficulties because I attempted to make it too complex. In other words, I thought that I had to have a special/unique word for every moment of my day to precisely determine and define how I cared to express myself constantly and continuously.

Then, a few nights ago while walking in the park with my partner, I noticed that I was becoming irritated. At first, in beginning of that moment (of realization) I had already started to project or blame my irritation onto my partner for speaking. However, in that same moment, before the projection even reached her, I stopped it and brought it back to myself. It only took an instant for me to look into me (at the energetic point that I had defined as irritation) to see that the point  was actually of fatigue - having driven 7 hours that day - that had triggered the definition of irritation within and as me. Thus, all still in the same moment, it occurred to me to simply choose a different word, one that I would prefer to embody and live.

Whereas in the past, I might have spent time searching the perfect word and ended up missing the opportunity to actually change myself in that same moment; this time, I simply chose the the first correction that came up and it wasn’t just a word, it was a sentence, “walking in the park and conversing.” Still in that same moment, having simply said the words “walking in the park and conversing” and seen the sentence in my mind, I decided and committed myself to live those words and I did just that.  

From an experience of irritation wherein I as my mind had been looking to project blame onto my partner,  I instead made the decision, who I would be in that moment, by choosing and stating the word (or words) to become and live. The key point that I realized in all of this (which I had been missing) was the simplicity of redefining and living words. In other words, I now see that it’s not necessary to complicate things with fancy words. Walking in the park and conversing is just that, walking in the park and conversing. Lol, I used to think that, in redefining words, I had to choose words such as joyful or jolly expression even though it was just a judgment of how I believed I should be and not necessarily how I really cared to be or even how I self-honestly saw myself as being.

In short, by determining or choosing the words that I cared to live, stating them and trusting myself to stand as and live wholly the words that I stated, I also released myself of the energetic definition of irritation. How? Because in wholly committing to embrace and live the words, “walking in the part and conversing,” I also wholly redefined who I was and how I would be in that moment, therein leaving no room of for the energetic definition/experience of irritation. In this simplest of moments, I realized that I am in thought, in word and in deed able to change who I am in a moment.

Although these days I sometimes take for granted being able to see my thoughts as they move, almost like me as the being, stopping time inside of me to look into me and see how things are moving in the mind consciousness system of my physical body, I am also quite aware of the process that I have been walking with Desteni.  For more on simply redefining words, have a look at the Facebook pages, Self and Living or School of Ultimate Living.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Manipulation and Frustration as my War Continues

In relation to my war with some members of the community and the community in general, there are a few more points that I was able to see, yet refused to admit. From the beginning, in looking at, calculating  or imagining the playout of events, I saw fairly accurately to where we are now in terms of the legal battles. Furthermore, I envisioned the legal experience my partner would be receiving and I weighed this against possible financial costs to us. However, what I did not anticipate was the emotion that I would sometimes have to deal with when facing an adversary that seems to be as good as or better manipulator than me. These are the secrets that I’ve been withholding in regards to this matter.

In the beginning of these battles, all I wanted to do was exercise my right not to be pushed around or forced into replacing what I considered (and still do) to be a perfectly good roof. Short of emergency funds, I didn’t want to waste the money and I certainly was not going to  attack a building company owner whom I considered (and still do) to be one of the best around. However, I soon realized (as we were the only holdouts who refused to sue the building company and refused to replace our room) that my partner and I were becoming the target of a concerted attack from a fairly organized group, the gang of 5 as I so un-affectionately called them. I realized that they were using PR and sometimes bullying tactics to get the backing of the community and turn many within the community against us. I suggested to my partner that we also needed to employ such PR tactics to let the others hear our side of the story.

To recap: our side of the story was and still is that, as only the 90 degree roofs had problems and the building company had offered to fix them and reinforce all of the roofs free of charge, why not just let the building company handle it?   Well, apparently the gang had other ideas of charging the building company some extra on the side. Initially, having everyone except for us to sign on to the suit against the building company, they demanded a much higher sum than it would have actually cost to replace all of the roofs. Additionally, the gang (who wouldn’t allow anyone but themselves talk to the company that they had chosen to replace the roofs) sent out estimates to the community members, that were way too high. My partner, a professional accountant realized this and called them out on it. “If” they had been planning to use the additional money to have their own roofs done for free, this would have been a rough blow to them.

The first suit against the building company took more than a year, and during that time the gang exerted pressure on us. Different people would come knocking at out door saying, “we want to compromise, come to a meeting with us, let’s talk about it, let’s compromise,” However, with every meeting, their argument never changed, they just continued to insist that we follow the group. The problem as I saw it was that it wasn’t the group/community that was walking together, but a gang of 5 that was that was manipulating and corrupting the established democratic processes within the community. We eventually got so tired of fighting that we finally agreed to replace our perfectly good roof “as long as we could use high quality black tiles and not the cheap silver ones” that they had already begun using to replace their own roofs. I still do not understand: why on such beautifully designed, expensive buildings would they insist on using lower quality tiles than the ones we had in the first place.  They would not compromise on even one-single point.

By the end of the second or third year, all of the roofs except for ours had been replaced and the community members that had sued the building company had lost both cases, one in the low court and one in the high court. At that point, my partner could perhaps have let things be and I guess they may have finally left us alone. However, whereas the gang of 5 had violated established community procedures  or Housing law, verbally insulted us and attempted to bully us by placing barriers in front of our home, we on the other hand had decided to abide by the laws of the system and respond via a legal path. This meant that, whereas whatever they threw at us would usually hit us almost immediately, our legal response would be delayed.

Last night while walking back to the community, my partner heard a man say something like, when dog bite dog, all they end up with is hair in their mouths. I won’t argue with that: this is like a dog fight; Mr X puts plastic cone barriers in front of my home/pathway and I remove them. Mr Y sees my partner and proceeds to hurl insults at her which are likely to be recorded by us. As it stands now, during the year and a half that my partner has been studying law, she has filed at least 5 court cases, argued one in the lower court and is currently arguing one in the higher court. She is getting an incredible legal education.

In conclusion - for now

I’ve recently been experiencing an increase of emotion in relation to having cones placed in front of my home. I see the man who does it and I’ve asked him to stop blocking the pathway, but he just ignores me and walks away. I feel frustrated that I should have to endure this abuse. Whereas he gets his immediate permission from the community committee to do as he pleases, even though it’s illegal, I have to wait for the legal process to take its course. I am able to wait; however, I also realize that I must address and take responsibility for the points of emotion that I have been acutely aware of building up within me. Thus, I will write extensive self-forgiveness and self-commitment/correction statements on this subject in an attempt to understand and eliminate the undercurrent designs within me. BTW, the reason his manipulation skills piss me off is because, the manipulator I see in him is me.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Secrecy and Self Responsibility

The Moment of Change (Part 1) - Back to Basics
Some time ago I wrote about our lack of information integrity/accountability wherein I stated, “Information Unaccountability is a weapon of mass destruction that will continue to spread destruction, disease and death until “We the People” stand up and become accountable sources of all our information within and as the Public Domain.” By weapon of mass destruction destruction, I was referring to the compounding relationship-points of consequence within the world system that, because of the lack of accountability, facilitating a lack of integrity in the political system and secret societies of the elite, the human race continues to be in disorganization and disharmony, a human race at war with itself and everything else.

That was a few years back and although I stand by everything I said, I now see that the way I said it could have been less intellectually focused on the world “out there” and more focused self-honestly on addressing and correcting my role in the creation of what’s “out there” by changing myself right here. For example, last night while I was watching one of the Transformer movies, I judged once again that the elite behind these movies and many like them have been secretly exposing information that has been kept hidden (often in plain view) from humanity for some time. In this instance, one of the main characters says, “they all belong to secret societies all united in one cause, to protect the secret history of transformers.”  Now if we just take out one word, “transformers” and replace it with, for example, humanity, ancient technology, extraterrestrials, giants, moon bases, etc., we hear that the “stated” purpose of secret societies is to protect their secrets their secrets from humanity. I wondered, are these secret societies getting ready to divulge their secrets to humanity, their very reason for being? No, I doubt it because if they honestly were, they certainly wouldn’t be using science fiction movies. .

But, is their continued purpose for keeping secrets (especially in the time of technology based revelations), really to keep the secret or is it that they too are just too damn frightened to let go of how they’ve been? I this the reason for choosing to release bits of info here and there, hiding them in plane sight in the lines of stories instead of just unveiling their secrets all at once? Why don’t they just come out of their hiding places, stop wasting resources attempting to control the flow of information and just open the gates to a world of complete honesty and accountability in order to facilitate integrity within humanity? Why? Why? Why?

Alas, eventually I must bring back to myself all of the questions that I have projected onto others. Thus, I bring these questions (in relation to unveiling the secrets while still attempting to veil them in plain sight) back to me to consider where I am still withholding information. Well… I’ve written about my secret relation to alcohol, my fear of just being myself around people, my battles a few of the neighbours and so on, but there’s still more. However, before I continue I would like to reiterate something very important in relation to dealing with points of secrecy.

Specifically, it’s not the information contained within the secrets themselves, that causes the fear associated with having the secrets unveiled. Instead, it is the energy that we’ve attached to the secrets themselves that keeps us tied to them in fear of letting them go. Therefore, once we put out the information, the energy “of fear” is also released because it no longer has anything to attach itself to.  This is where the internet comes in handy as a tool to release information, like burning the ships so there’s absolutely no chance of turning back. However, don’t forget to consider the systems by which we sustain ourselves. In other words, don’t get fired from your day job just for the sake of being absolutely honest. Self honesty does not require that the world see all of one’s secrets, but that we face them so to no longer define ourselves by the energy attached to them,

Now, back to the point of where I am still not being completely self-honest. There are still many points wherein I have, let’s call them ideas pertaining to reality that I do not share for the most part for fear of being judged as being presumptuous. Yet, how can I honestly request that the elite let go of their secrets while I hold onto mine with justifications such as, in time they will eventually see; or I don’t need to say anything now because they’ll figure it out themselves? From this writing, I now begin to see that the justifications by which I have been holding onto my ideas is perhaps no different than the justifications used by the elite to release information bit by bit instead of all at once. In short, I see that we humans throughout all of the levels of hierarchy are basically the same. Herein, whatever I would like to see of someone else out there, I must first create within myself right here.

Friday, July 14, 2017

How I've Been is Not how I Have to Remain

Consciousness of the Spider Monkey - Part 1
If you asked me who I am and what I have been, even at a young age in terms of the undercurrent designs that I had embodied, I would have said that I am a soldier fighting for my rights to live free and do as I please. It’s not that I wanted to trample over the rights of others, but that I just wanted to be left alone to do as I please. I wouldn't intentionally harm anyone, I may even have helped some ones, I just wanted to be left alone. But "they" wouldn't leave me alone, they wouldn't let me be free. Therefore, I used to think, I would just keep on fighting again and again, I would fight to the end.

Not a pretty picture, not even for me, but this is how I have I have defined myself in so many ways - a soldier fighting for my rights and sometimes the rights of others to be left alone to do as we please as long as we harmed no one.

Then in 2008 or 2009 when Desteni arrived on the scene, I began to consider the  principle of oneness and equality and the point of self responsibility as in (the extent of) my ability to respond to any and all inequalities affecting humanity - equally as one affecting me even if am often not consciously aware of the effect. Why? Because, as one of the sum of all the parts (amounting to the whole), any inequalities affecting another or others are also affect me, regardless of whether or not I am aware of it.

I sometimes wonder how the simplicity of this mathematical certainty had been missed for so long; it is of the alpha and omega of math, the mathematics of One as I call it. For example, think of humanity in terms of a biological or computer system. When even a very small part of that system, such as the little toe is overtaxed, overburdened and becomes disabled, the entire system will slow down and deteriorate to an extent and this is what's happening currently to humanity, the world system, nature and the animal kingdom on a global scale. Now that I/we I comprehend this, our responsibility to ourselves, each as one with whole is to (as best we are able) correct the situation.

As I see it, in order to correct what ails humanity, we require to expand our awarenesses to see, realize and understand our oneness and equality, i.e., what affects one affects the whole, which in turn affects equally affects each one of us. The quickest way to expand our awareness of equality and oneness I guess, is to equalize the good/bad experience throughout all of humanity to the point wherein no one can deny that the suffering of one is the suffering of all, and this is how I view the current realignments taking place in the world system of humanity, e.g., the disappearing middle class and the mass migration/integration, etc. It's kind of like an existential equalizing to nudge or jolt human beings to embrace the reality of oneness and equality - what affects one, does in fact affect all. Eventually, I’m guessing that, as more and more begin experience the misery equally as one, more and more will begin to realize that the best alternative is to embrace the principle of oneness and equality with what is best for all.

By understanding who I am, how I've been, so to so to change myself as a point of integrity = a fully transparent, functioning component of humanity standing equally as one awareness of everything that is here, in support of everything that is here. I realize it's a lot; nevertheless, we've gotta start somewhere and the best place to start is always with the next step, which brings me back to my personal process of taking self-responsibility by investigating to see, realize and understand who/how I've been as one of humanity at war with myself. Yea, I do see now that, my war comes mostly, if not entirely from within.

Therefore, I am now investigating an undercurrent design/definition of myself  leading to the self-definition of “I am at war."  As I said, it’s not pretty, but this is how I’ve defined myself for almost as long as I am able to recall. Life, as I viewed it was but a battle field and I was at war. On this, I will continue in upcoming post as I come to better understand the undercurrent designs and how I came to decide to embody such a design.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

The Tree That I Wished For

The home that I live in with my partner during summer vacation, winter vacation and sometimes on weekends was once the home/house that I dreamed of and wished for. To the east, there is a view of the main gate, a large community area and a park of green grass, trees and stone laden pathways. In the back, facing west there is a farm of rice paddies and buildings of the city beyond that. All of this is in the middle of Taiwan’s third most populated city.

When we first moved in, it was just me and my golden retriever puppy named Happy. Soon the city began planting trees in the park and I used to imagine what they would look like ten years from then. I was very satisfied at the time with my house and the front view. However, I couldn’t seem to stop wishing there were more greenery in the back facing west. Apparently the farmer had decided to let all that land sit idle for few years and I guess he started that just about when we move in.

As having no greenery back there just wasn’t part of my dream, I decided to plant my own tree. So I went an bought a pine tree, carried it back there and I planted it so that it would grow in front of my window, provide shade in the summer time and greenery for my view. Soon thereafter the farmer contacted me and said that I couldn’t just go planting trees on his land. Not having much of an argument to stand on, I agreed and sadly I unplanted my tree and replanted in the park. A couple of years later some city workers dug that tree up and replaced it with another kind of tree. I guess it just wasn’t part of their plan.

Nevertheless, I continued to imagine and wish for trees back there. Then one day, I saw that a tree had begun to grow right behind my house. I guessed it was the farmer who planted it, but I don’t know for sure. Soon after that, another tree, kind of like one of those fast growing vine trees began to grow very close to the concrete wall of our house and I guess the foundation of our building. As it grew, I became somewhat concerned that it’s roots might grow under the foundation of our building and perhaps do some damage. I also wondered if, during a typhoon, the overhanging roof on the first floor. Sometimes, I have considered the prospect of trimming the tree or even cutting it down. However, as I have no evidence no evidence that it will cause damage, so why should I cut it down. After all, it is kind of what I asked for.

So I’ve been talking to the tree, like at talk to many things, explaining how important it is not to damage the house with its branches or the foundation with its roots. And no, they don’t talk back to me. Or maybe they do and theirs is a language of expression rather than words. Sometimes a big spider that wonders around our house does occasionally hang out on the wall and seem to stare at me, especially when there’s tension in the air. Anyway, getting back to the tree, in looking at this subject the other day, I recalled the image of how I had so often imagined the greenery growing back there. You know what’s funny? The physical picture that I view now is very, very similar to what I had quite often wished for and imagined going back about forteen years. Actually, it’s more than I had hoped for. Thus, I am reminded of the saying, be careful what you wish for, because once the seed is planted, it may grow beyond what you wished for.