Friday, December 2, 2016

A difficult experience for which I am Grateful

Image result for desteni, oneness and equality

I guess it is time a good time to finish writing about this subject. My mother died on October 25 in the USA. When I got the call, it was the 26th for me. I guess you are supposed to be sad when someone dies, but I do not seem to get that way, even though I considered my mom to be very awesome, a gift to me. I was glad that she had lived such a full life and had passed away on her terms, at home in her bed, rather than one of those care facilities.

Anyway, I stopped what I was doing and I prepared to fly to the US to be with family and friends. The next day, I got on an airplane and began the 30-hour journey across the globe. It was a horrible journey. I was stuck between two people most of the time. I wanted to stretch out and walk around, but everyone just seemed to sit there as though as though it were normal. I did get up and move around sometimes, but even in the aisles, it was so crowded.

When I arrived in Virginia, I felt okay, but I was not. Apparently, while in Georgia, crossing through customs, I had squatted down to tie my shoe and pulled a tendon connected to my knee. It took some time for me to feel the pain, but it came and I limped a lot. Then, on the second day in the US, I began to notice a pain in my stomach. I felt so tired and I thought it was just the time difference, but it was not. My sister Maureen recognized my symptoms immediately. She said I had diverticulitis, a stomach infection, and that I needed to take antibiotics right away. I do not like taking antibiotics, so I drank some vinegar instead.  Dan’s wife, Cathy, who is a nurse, took my temperature and told me something was definitely wrong. I called my brother Jim, the medical doctor in the family. He prescribed some very strong antibiotics for me and told me not to eat any meat or drink any alcohol. Thus began my push, as a point of certainty within me, to either change my lifestyle or die. I decided to remain here and in looking back on that experience, I am very thankful for it.

The points that I am working with right now consist of learning how to care for the body, mind and being, equally as one. In other words, it is not enough only to eat right, exercise and eliminate the alcohol from my diet. Actually, I am not exactly sure where the life path that I am walking to live, will bring me. However, I am sure that it requires I take more responsibility in relation to the care in which I relate to others and myself. I used to fear this point of responsibility for the uncertainty that I attached to the point and projected onto my external reality. However, do not fear this point anymore and I am sure this is the result of the process I have been walking, from consciousness to awareness, which is I am probably going to discuss a lot more in the future. For now, I will say that, I move to understand and live my potential. I realize that I have much more to write; however, for the most part, my process right now has to do more with physically righting myself on a day-to-day basis in each moment. 

Monday, October 3, 2016

Lowering my Defenses

Image result for desteni, fear
I tell you a secret that I am revealing about myself. I appear to have been existing in fear for as long as I can remember. Although, I guess there was a time when I experienced no fear, that time, the time of innocence is but a knowing for which I have no words or pictures. 

The reason I am beginning to realize this about myself now, is because I have been exploring personality points that I have been projecting as “fearlessness” onto my reality. Whereas, I began this part of my experiment by questioning how I have come to be so brave and courageous, always willing to stand alone, I have now begun to realize that, these definitions of myself were no more than projections of personality suits rooted within and as points of fear.

For example, I have always assumed that I preferred to be alone most of the time, because that is how I remember myself being almost all of the time it seems. Often, I would say to myself, that I enjoy my own company and it is safer this way. I would even have conversations, witty ones at that, with others inside of my head, each one questioning, quizzing and testing the main character I called myself. I enjoyed these times because I felt safer this way, entertained and secured in the bubble of my perceived, mental reality.

In my world, I was the undefeatable king of strategy, who could see through everyone else’s deception. I would look at how a person smiled, smirked or frowned and how each one spoke when they looked at me. Immediately, I would decide what sort of risk or opportunity each person represented to me and based upon that, I would decide the extent of my relations with him or her, i.e., which personality suits to wear. It's funny because, in one sense, I would still say that, a part of me has always been and still is courageous or fearless. Yet, with all of the disguises I have been putting on, it has been difficult to see what is real and/or who the real me really is, lol.  In terms of the personality suits I have been putting on and/or portraying to others, I guess, at a certain level, I have always known that these faces were not the real me. Nevertheless, I would still put them on as a protection mechanism each time I walked out of my home or safety zone to face the outside world. Certainly, I would have questioned, why I couldn't just be myself. I am sure I did, but I guess I was too frightened to let go of the fear to do anything about it.

Then, one day (as part of a process I have been walking), I began to wonder what it would be like to walk outside and interact without my personality masks. Slowly and cautiously, I have been experimenting, walking by people and even interacting with them more honestly, more closely aligned to what is really going on inside of me – at least the points of which I am aware. For example, yesterday, while at the grocery-store counter, paying for my stuff, I observed the face I was wearing and then my awareness of what was going on inside of me. The face I was projecting was of confidence and stability; however, on the inside, I was timid, shy and uncertain. Thus, as part of my experiment, I let go of the projection and allowed a more honest version of me to come through.

My lips dropped down, assuredness to a frown, almost like a state of sadness, and I noticed a slight twitching, like a nervousness shivering in parts of my body, mostly around the frown. I wondered what the woman behind the counter was thinking of me being like this. Strangely, I did not notice any visible changes in her in relation to me. Moreover, I experienced a sense of curious relief, if only for a moment, like an old soldier who had finally decided to put his weapons down.

Outside of the store, as I walked down the street, I continued my experiment of observing my internal reality come through into and as part of my physical reality.   Fear, fear, fear along with a point of overriding curiosity was my self-honesty of which I am aware. I guess this is a starting point from which to continue changing me to let go of fear. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Horrible Neighbors or Horrible Me – Part 6

If you have ever been sued, you will know what I mean when I say it is not fun.  Now the judge gets to decide how the laws apply. While sitting in the back of a courtroom, watching and listening to the battle of words, I noticed the power structure – the judge front and center up high and each of the warring parties facing each other in front of her on either side.  

When I looked at what I had defined as the aggressors, images quickly flashed by in my mind as though a menu of emotional steaks were being offered up as temptations for the taking. Thankfully, I am aware of the consequences of accepting such dishes and therefore declined by getting out of the mind and focusing on the physical reality of the courtroom drama. This is a continuation of my story, Horrible Neighbors or Horrible Me – see parts onetwothree and four and five, which I have written over the last three years.

The gang of five appears to have dwindled down to two, who are sitting across the aisle in the chairs behind me. As the proceedings are all in Chinese, I am only catching 30-40 percent. Therefore, I watch the facial expressions and listen to the tonality of the words. Behind me, I can hear one of the gang, giggling condescendingly as my partner interrupts the judge. Purposely, I turn to the right and look back at him. I do this not to intimidate him, but to be certain that I do not experience intimidation.

Raising her hand as if to say stop right there, my partner (A) points her finger at the two lawyers on the other side and loudly counters what they just stated. After a while, the judge interrupts her for a second time and finally A. stops but only for about thirty seconds before beginning again. LOL: I even felt a little sorry for our lawyer, a quiet man from a law firm in Taipei. Every time he attempted to speak, my partner would interrupt him, take over with a litany of legal discourse and counter-speak that I did not really understand.

At first, I was concerned that A was not adhering to a code of conduct I imagined one would adhere to in a courtroom. Nevertheless, the more she spoke, the more I realized that, not only did she understand what she was talking about, but that is was also her right to speak out. Although, the judge seemed content to define the narrative along the lines of accepting the necessity of paying money in return for maintaining the peace, my partner made it clear that there was much more to the story (see parts 1-7 for that). On the surface, the judge’s suggestion that we pay the money in order to maintain the peace may have sounded reasonable to some. However, from my perspective, it is the same line used by gangsters to justify extorting protection money from people. “A lot of bad things could happen, but as long as you pay protection, we’ll make sure nothing happens to you.”

 I guess that, what the gang of five did not realize in the beginning, about my partner and I, was the diligence with which we would express our determination to see this matter through to the end. Perhaps, at the community level, it was easy for them and their cohorts to disregard community bylaws and ignore government regulations, as they pressured homeowners to hand over thousands of dollars to them. Perhaps, they also failed to consider that, my partner, a professional accountant, would scrutinize the financial records to find the error of $1.4 million NT, about $40,000 dollars being over-charged to the community. I also wonder if they have realized yet, that, A. is just getting started.

From our first court appearance, it looks as though the judge wants to hear testimony from some witnesses and is likely to order the community to pay an architect to inspect our roof. This indicates that, the judge rejected, as insufficient, the evidence they presented against us in an attempt to convince the court that our roof is dangerous. Accordingly, the two men (what is left of the gang of five) who were in the courtroom yesterday will have to convince the community to vote on and allocate this money or they will have to pay it themselves in order for the suit to continue. Thus, in addition to the $200,000 NT ($6,000 dollars) that the community has already spent on suing us, $60.000 NT more will be required if the community chooses to continue the suit. The downside is: if the architect were to declare our roof to be dangerous and in need of replacing, we would then be ordered to replace the roof and pay the $60,000 NT plus $20,000 NT in court fees, totaling about $380,000 NT, which would be about $7,000 more than we would have had to pay if we had just obeyed the gang and gave them the money to replace our roof.  So far, no surprises.

To those who would ask, is it worth it, I would say this. So much of what I do every day in relation to my students is to remind them that, if they do not stand up and speak out, no one else will.  Every argument has at least two perspectives and, in reality, there is right or wrong. Every move I make is but a guess as to the best move I am able to make. I realize that I have made some mistakes. However, in relation to the stand my partner and I are making, it is the same stand that I would have had the rest of the community make.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Unconditional: What does it mean and how do I live it?

This point has once again reared its ugly head. Not the point of being unconditional; I don’t even know what that means. I am talking about the point of facing my points of conditionality, they are ugly - painful to look at and even more painful to walk through.

Here, I am talking about work related issues: what’s mine is mine; what’s yours is yours; nobody shares, why should I? As a point of logic or better yet, common sense, it is easy for me to explain why we all should share information and knowledge, open source. Yet, when it comes to actually doing it, all sorts of justifications, each as a conditionality come up within me, as to why I should not share. 

Nevertheless, I want us all to be unconditional in relation to one another. Therefore, I will face this point, again and again if necessary, until eventually, I stand unconditionally in relation to all. 

What comes first, everyone being unconditional in relation to me or me being unconditional in relation to everyone? I am not sure; however, I am certain that, as the directive principal of myself, I am responsible for my location within/as humanity. Therefore, all I require to do (before I am able to ask honestly, anyone else to stand unconditionally in relation to me) is to first stand unconditionally in relation to everyone else.

I see in the environment of capitalism, very little unconditional sharing because, capitalism is all about competition. This one of the problems that, we as humanity must overcome if we are to evolve. So, without going into lengthy discussions of the logic or mathematics of why it is best for each of us to stand unconditionally in relation to all, I will say simply that, I do not yet understand how to be unconditional. However, I am able to see how my movements would be if I were to stand unconditionally in relation to others. Therefore, I commit  to move myself as I see I would move if I were to do so unconditionally, even if it pains me to do so. 

I guess, the pain is just resistance and if I keep pushing through, as in doing how I see I am able to do unconditionally in relation to others, I figure the pain will eventually subside and the movements will become more natural on the path to changing the nature of me.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Living Words: How many do I actually need?

Of all of the points and considerations of process, the living word is the one that baffles me the most. It has been said that we should redefine and live words. A word a day, a word a week, I am not sure how many words I am supposed to be redefining and living. I guess, what Jesus said about becoming the living word refers to living the words we speak – as in living words. However, in terms of communication, I do not understand the sense in having two or more people stand in relation to one another, living words defined of different understandings. How are we to communicate if the words we have defined have different meanings? For example, consider the word, mean.

When I look a sentences, such as those above that I just wrote, I see confusion, miscommunication and misunderstandings of varying definitions of possible interpretations of sounds and symbols. This not because of the words themselves, but because of the lack of specificity with which I have used them. Why do we use words such as “mean” when, “infer” or “translate to” would be just as useful without carrying the sound of “mean,” which also carries the connotation of being offensive? Why does one say, I know you, which sounds as though I am not you? I guess we could just say, I recognize you, but that is just another way of saying, I rethink (of) you.  The problem is not in/as the words we speak, but within and as how we infer and interpret them. For example, the English language is often spoken one way as sound, but interpreted in the opposite way in meaning. Thus, it has become the language of humanity = of separation, disharmony and disunity. To add a little spice to all the confusion: as I write, I sometimes laugh at the innuendos I sometimes place in sentences. This time, I laugh at myself, because once again it occurs to me that, as I am probably the only who will get it, I am still just communicating with myself.

Which brings me back to the point of redefining and living words. For now, I would like to choose three or four to understand from which to expand. I choose stable/stability, patience, calm, self-honesty, care and consideration. :) 

Monday, August 15, 2016

Cause or Coincidence

The reason that I ask this question is because some occurrences, like hearing the words in my mind before some else speaks them, leave me with question marks as to the cause of the occurrence.

Many people are able to predict what is going to happen in movies and even speak the lines or finish the sentences before the actors speak them. I chalk this up to pattern recognition that usually happens on a subconscious level and I do not even consider it unique. For example, some months ago, a friend had just finished singing karaoke and then, just before he said the sentence, “just like old time rock and roll, I heard the words in my mind. At first, I thought, we must have some sort of mind link or mental connection between us. However, as I considered more about how our minds record everything, I realized that, with his portfolio stored in me, I could probably guess with a high degree of accuracy much of what he would say in certain situations.

The situation seems to be significant when looking at these kinds of instances. Today however, the instance did not involve the situation; so much as, it did the technology surrounding it. After having an afternoon nap, I came downstairs and happened to have a thought about visiting a friend in the center of Taiwan. I said to my partner, perhaps I will go down to Puli or even Kaohsiung in the south for a few days. About 10 seconds after that, I pushed the button on my phone and there was the Facebook app that I had not yet closed from an hour ago. As I looked at it, I saw that the app was asking me if I wanted to become friends with the name of someone, I had not seen or communicated with in a while. He is the only friend I have who lives in Kaohsiung.

Does it surprise or worry me that, Facebook is listening to my conversations even when I am not using my smartphone? Not at all: Google apparently does it, and in time, I guess that anyone who wants to, will be able pay Facebook or Google to hear what we say, see where we go and/or link advertisements to the information the apps pick up while spying on us – with our permission of course. To people who worry about this kind of invasion of privacy, I suggest you are fighting a losing battle. Secrets are, in my book, one of the most harmful constructs within and as humanity, and as I have said before, the sooner we eliminate people’s ability to veil the truth of ourselves, the sooner we will be able to establish a form of verifiable integrity within humanity.

Finally, there is one other type of coincidence to relate, for which I do not have a clear explanation. I had been home on summer vacation for about two weeks and had often considered visiting a local outdoor swimming pool. One day, I just decided to go for it and have a swim. When I returned home about forty minutes later and looked at my phone, I saw pictures of a friend’s apartment complex swimming pool along with a message asking me if I wanted to go for a swim. The message had been sent about forty minutes ago, just around the time I left to go swimming in a different pool. I had not spoken with my friend for about two weeks and certainly not about swimming. For lack of better explanation, I guess we are connected in ways that I do not yet understand.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Notes on Keshe Foundation Technology, November 2015

In alignment with my commitment to unveil the information within/as me, I post this (slightly edited) email that I wrote in November 2015.

I’m writing this post to communicate with all of you “my perspective” on Keshe technology. Although some may be viewing this simply as a possible free energy source, perhaps a point that will finally release humanity from the shackles of the energy industry, I suggest that there may be much more going on here and that we consider thoroughly investigating it for the purpose of optimizing our response to this opportunity or wave of consequential fate as the case may be. 

Having only invested about 25-30 hours watching Keshe’s recently recorded live-stream - KFSSI Blueprint Teaching HD #Sessions – on YouTube, I certainly do not yet consider myself to be that knowledgeable in relation to this technology. However, I have found it to be quite simple to comprehend, as though I’ve already been introduced to it. How could this possibly be? Simply because this ‘new’ technology that Keshe is developing and putting out to humanity for free is not new at all. Specifically, I am suggesting that, Magrav – magnetic, gravitational technology or science of plasma comes straight to us from the inter-dimensional beings of existence, inter-dimensional technology or technology of the past. 

Mehran Tavakoli Keshe has for quite some time already been releasing bits of this technology, but not until beginning around October 25th, 2015 did he begin releasing the complete blueprint, a work in progress for sure. The focal point has been the design of plasma energy generators which may forever alter the way we now use/misuse copper. 

Whereas we currently use copper to transmit electrical current via vibration, Magrav technology uses the plasma of the electron itself (instead of the vibration) and the plasma of the atom, atomic structure of copper to release energy and transfer energy - or something like that, lol. In other words, in nano coating the copper wire of its own material and then releasing the nano material as GANS or free energy plasma which is then captured by the super-conductive nano coating, we apparently end up with not quite free, but just about an unlimited source of for all practical purposes, free energy. And this, what I just described to the point where I am with this technology is its most basic application. As Keshe puts it, introducing Magrav as a plasma energy source to replace oil was just ‘the carrot’ to get people interested. I’d say it is super conductivity, the science of magnetics, gravity, programmed energy (not necessarily in that order) in its infancy now being introduced, dare I say, ‘once again’ to humanity.

For me in relation to what I have listened to via inter-dimensional beings, it’s as though the technology of the inter-dimensional existence, the science of creation is now being introduced and made available in this physical existence to all of humanity equally. Heaven on earth, the end of time, the last shall be first and so on seems connected to this technology. Or maybe it’s just my imagination; either way, I consider this to be super cool and extremely relevant. For with the introduction of this technology - if it be so - comes the confirmation of the exponential compounding of time, time that I’m guessing will soon come to an end.

Alright, I define time simply as an experience of the flow information relative to the one being informed. Therefore, as one experience information flowing more quickly, one also experience time as moving faster. Imagine lines of information flowing from one to another; how long it now takes to disseminate the same information to the awareness of all of humanity. When and if the information from one to all becomes instantaneous, time then comes to a stop, it ends and this is where I’m guessing we’re heading with the introduction of this technology. Why, because in theory, this is what this technology will accomplish and much more. 

One point that’s become very clear to me is that, all that’s happening here is by design, which is not to imply that we’re not designing it as we go, but rather, that which we design or at least certain points such as this one may require more focus so as not to miss what may be a huge opportunity, perhaps our best opportunity at the precipice of the end/beginning to input and solidify into/as humanity the principle of equality within what is best for all.

If Keshe is correct which I’m guessing he may be in relation to many points, this technology of new ancient-science will perhaps take off very quickly due to the compounding of time, the end of time, lol. Here’s something cool to consider: when you plug a Magravs power unit into the house, the nano coating superconductive condition of the wires in the unit will begin replicating itself throughout the wiring of the entire house, into computers and appliances and even outside of the house onto the power grid.  Yea, that’s a science fiction movie in itself and I haven’t even touched on the medical, environmental, space travel and so on applications of this technology, the simplest of which I’ll probably begin experimenting with here in my small apartment within the next few weeks.

According to my interpretation of Keshe’s explanations, everything in the universe is simply plasma in formations determined or defined by its environment based on magnetic attraction/repulsion or something like that. In changing the environment of the plasma, we are apparently able to change the state of the plasma to states such as water, gold, etc. For me, it’s as though what I’ve learned from the likes of Anu and Kryon speaking of inter-dimensional technology is now being presented (in its infancy) as physical technology.

Keshe speaks of this technology in relation to the emotion/soul/body. In addition to hearing him touch on how this technology will bring about an understanding of equality for all as part of all (oneness and equality I guess), I also interpret some of what he says to be references to the potential of bringing about world peace, not only by eliminating the fear of not surviving, but also through the change in the emotional state of humans that will – according to him – occur with the use of this technology. Medical uses, space travel, communications and so on, there is so much more to investigate.
What happens when and if in the span of a very short time, energy for all practice purposes is free, people no longer need to eat and so-called modern medicine becomes a thing of the past? If this technology comes into being, it looks to me as though humans with the coming of information equality, singularity or the end of time will be presented with a very cool opportunity to understand oneness and equality. However, what will still require to be understood to make this work, for us to really evolve is for all to really change our nature to understand/live (in addition to oneness and equality), the principle of what is best for all. 

Here, I’m not attempting to preach to the quire, but to direct our focus and consideration on what the unveiling of such technology may represent. From the AI that will arise to humanity’s new found freedom to instantly create whatever we desire, there will I guess also be consequences and/or downright mayhem. Or maybe not, that would be cool. Either way, other than the opening of an inter-dimensional portal flowing with information, I don't recall considering anything else to be nearly as interesting or relevant to consider such as technology coming from the dimensional existence into/as physicality, inter-dimensional technology.

Without writing a book on this, I’m guessing that if it does indeed come into being, it basically means that we’re near the end of the line, the precipice of the end/beginning, a point to take note of, for here that I have always considered the best point of opportunity to direct change. So once again, I suggest that we  investigate this new technology to check the design of what is unfolding so to be clear as to when and where input so to best direct the outflows.

The Triangle of Self-Manipulation

Recently I have been looking at points where I wonder who, what, where, why and/or how another or others view me and/or do something or do not do something in relation to me. This mental activity, when I imagine the origin and path of progress that the happenings take, is what I am calling my triangle of self-manipulation.

I realize that, it is manipulation and that; I am in the process of manipulating myself as soon as I imagine the relationship lines moving around “out there” and eventually heading for me. This has been one of the most difficult points for me to comprehend; that, nothing of what I perceive comes from “out there,” winding its way from this point to that until it arrives at me. Instead, everything that I imagine, perceive, consider, define, judge, believe, hope, feel, experience, dislike, like, desire, want, need, etc., all begin from within and as me.  This way of looking at everything and I mean everything is necessary for me in order avoid stepping on one of my own mind-traps and looking out there for answers to questions that begin within and as me. I realize that, this may seem someone harsh. However, when one is dealing with myself, face to face inside of me, a point of certainty is only possible at the point wherein I bring all points of possibility and/or probability back to me to take responsibility for everything I perceive.

Here is why it is so necessary for me to bring all points of everything back to me. For about eight years now, I have been working on stopping thoughts and stopping my participation in the mind. I have been successful (or at least, I thought I was successful) in some areas of slowing down and stopping some mental experiences. However, I have often wondered why I just did not seem to change within and as certain points. Then, I considered what some beings seemed to be communicating about how a person sometimes went into silent mode when they were attempting to assist him. Once again, I brought this point back to me to see if I could use it to assist myself. Sure enough, when I looked at what I often do in relation to looking into me, I suddenly realized that I often go quiet/blank.

Herein I asked how I am supposed to tell the difference between going silent/quiet as a physical movement of life, and going silent and quiet as a mine-trap of imagination. I was immediately able to answer this. Because, when I look at all the times (I have been deceiving myself and perhaps others), the first point I notice is the pressure at the top of my forehead as though something is being pushed down. That something that is being pushed down  within my physical body is, I guess the beingness of me being suppressed by myself, the mind of the physical body, hence the pressure of suppression.

It was also quite easy for me to look back to realize how I arrived at a state wherein I as being could so easily be suppressed by myself as mind. I all began in 2009 while I was practicing stopping myself as mind. It seemed almost an impossible task; however, I found that if I applied enough pressure, I could stop the thoughts swirling around and around inside of me. What I did not realize though, was that, I was teaching myself which was learning how to use manipulation against me so as to make it appear the mind had stopped, when in reality, all I had done was create an energetic space imagined as emptiness, while I as mind burrowed deeper into and as the physical body to continue functioning on depths of which I was unaware. This where I now am – just beginning to notice the constant pressure at the top of my forehead, pushing downwards in effort to suppress a part of me that is determined to surface. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Horrible Neighbors or Horrible Me – Part 5

What I once thought would be a simple matter of standing our ground, exercising our legal rights as homeowners, is now going into its 4th or 5th year. For additional context, please see parts onetwothree and four

The legal aspects of the case have not changed very much. The townhouses within each of the six building-units in our community are connected; however, each home individually owns their own roof. Some of the roofs in our community, namely a few that hang at 90 degrees (instead of 30 degrees as ours does) began to fall. Then, dome homeowners in the community began a campaign to sue the building company, demanding they replace all of the roofs, free of charge. In the meantime, this small group convinced or pressured most of the people in the community replace their roofs. My stance was as continues to be that, most of the roofs have or had no problem whatsoever; I liked my roof just the way it was and did not have money to waste on meritless projects. This small group also insisted that, only they were permitted to negotiate with the roofing company, and everyone else had to sign the contract without a fixed price even on it. This led me to consider that, perhaps there was some underhanded dealing taking place.

I attempted to speak at a community meeting, but was physically pushed aside; so I decided to let them do as they would, while my partner and I stood our ground. While I was away working in the center of Taiwan, my partner endured a tremendous amount of verbal bullying from the group of people I refer to as the gang of 4-5.  She experienced firsthand how cruel some people become when someone refuses to obey their commands. There were even times when she and I agreed that we would go ahead and change the roof, just to end the battle. However, by then, it was too late. Two people in the gang saw to it that, even if we agreed to change our roof with the rest of the community, we would still have to sign a blank check/contract and they would be the ones to decide how much it would have to pay. Either it was punishment for disobeying them or perhaps they just didn't want us to any say in the terms of work that would be done on our house. Either way, we once again decided to stand our ground.

In looking back at the situation, I see that, there were many times when I perhaps could have intervened and ended this argument by purposefully using my communication skills to communicate with people of the community. I figured that, the key to working with the community was to address them. However, my partner has always been steadfastly against me speaking directly to community members about this subject. She says that, my Chinese is not good enough and that, even though they would smile in front of you, they would stab you in the back, later. 

My partner has experienced a lot of that backstabbing by community members throughout this process and perhaps she is correct about my Chinese not being enough to communicate my views effectively. Furthermore, the community suit against the building company left the gang of four (now down to two) with little choice but to continue to insist that our roof is broken, dangerous and must be replaced. Because this is argument they used to sue the building company and convince others to replace their roofs. After thirteen years, thousands of earthquakes and dozens of typhoons, our roof is still fine; however, within months after replacing the rest of the community’s roofs, 4-5 of them had areas wherein the tile just seemed to explode. I am not certain why, but I guess it was due to them using cheap, inferior tiles (which I had also argued against) to replace the original, more expensive ones that came from Japan.

My partner is one of those law-abiding types and I guess she figured that our legal rights would be honored and protected by the law. The problem with this type of thinking is that, it does not account for the nature of the human and the reality of a legal system that is compromised by the capitalist system. The bottom line: human-law honor those who are willing and able to pay for such honors. We are able to pay and unfortunately, we really do not have much of a choice anymore.

Now, it is time for me to change the course of this story. In the past, I stood aside, let a small group of people dictate and pressure the community into suing an outstanding building company and changing 41 or 42 roofs when only a few required fixing. These 2 or three have been blocking our front entrance with orange cones and have managed to use community money to sue my partner in an attempt to force us to replace our roof and kick us out of our home.

They lost the first case against the building company. The court judgment stated basically, what I have been stating all along. The second case against the building company is in its final stage and judgement should be handed down soon. A few days ago, my partner and I paid a legal firm in Taipei to take over the defensive part of this case from my partner. She has worked extremely hard in an attempt to use the law to make things right, and I encouraged her because I thought it would be a good learning experience and keep her busy. I am probably correct on both accounts; after all, she has now begun to study law and may go so far as to get a license to practice it. Nevertheless, I am now stepping off the sidelines and moving into this playing field.

Herein, I find myself in somewhat of a slightly uncomfortable situation, which is the root of the reason that I write this. The constructs within me say that, the way to win is to attack, wear-down, divide and destroy your opponents. However, an emerging voice within and as me says that, this way of thinking is just what is destroying all of humanity. I used to smile and have friendly conversations with two of the main instigators of this situation. Now, these two are being sued by us and awaiting to find out if the prosecutor is going to press criminal charges. They publically (on tape) called my partner some very mean words and accused her of doing that which she had not. Actually, it even got a lot worse. Some people yelled and screamed at us, telling us that we were too poor to live in their community and stuff like that. I wanted nothing more than to sell this house a long time ago; take a profit on it and move to the countryside, but I guess I am not going to do that now, at least not yet.

Getting back to the reason for writing this out. Here is how I commit to precede in relation to the community and the two people that are left of the gang of 4-5. First, I am no longer going sit by and watch as anyone blocks my front entrance with orange cones. Even though, I am able to walk around them, they represent intimidation and a point of me standing on the sidelines. Yea, I remember the old saying, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. However, I am still going to remove these cones every time someone places them in front of my entrance. Why? Because they interrupt my view of the trees and park across the street and they serve as a warning sign, telling visitors not to go to our house.

Additionally, from now on, I commit to participate in every community meeting. A few may yell at me; tell me to shut up and sit down. However, I am not going to do that. I realize that, the betterment of human nature has to be cultivated and not forced upon people. Therefore, I will participate within the community, and I will tell them that, we are able to have a community democracy wherein all voices are heard and all are free to choose without having to give in to the pressure of a few. I may even look into some democracy software and see if enough people are willing to try it. Most importantly though, I will encourage my partner and I to walk a path of reconciliation. I once wrote in reference to the people and the government that, one side has to offer the other side an olive branch in order for the conflict to end. Thus, I commit to do this: not because it is what I feel like doing, but because I am certain it is what is best for all. I will inform you how this approach goes in another post.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Attraction Distraction

Last night, I met with a friend whom I had not seen for about one year. I enjoyed sitting outside of a Family Mart, a convenience store like a 7-11 in Taoyuan city, Taiwan. While we were speaking, another friend messaged me, saying she wanted to visit with her boyfriend. They came over and so did another longtime friend and I enjoyed sitting and conversing with them outside the Family Mart. Then, we decided to go to a local pizza place where you can drink beers and listen to live music. We walked about twenty minutes because there were no taxis in that area. When we walked into the place, I immediately noticed three women, one of whom I felt an attraction towards. I noticed the attraction and of course, I asked myself, why. The short answer is that, she was thin, had blond hair and blue eyes just like my mama, lol. The strange thing about attraction is that, it does not usually show up with a detailed explanation. Instead, it arises as a feeling of being compelled or pulled towards something. As a magnet pulls a piece of metal, that is just the way things are – or so we think and therefore believe, often without investigating.

Attraction, as I view it is caused by the interaction of the fields of energies that form the bodies or matter in formations of substance = information of life. Each point of substance of matter has a field-strength that, when interacting with other bodies, determines its position. From this, we get or experience magnetic attraction, which I guess can become a distraction without sufficient self-determination. I am sure there are other ways to define it and this is one of the reasons I am wirting this. It is not clearly defined and this is not Ok with me. I am (I guess) a body as a universe of bodies of the matter of substance formed by energy, in formations of symbols meandering within/as and through existence. Yet, instead of moving myself to explore, I almost constantly experience the influence of attraction as a distraction seemingly pulling me from the here of where I am to somewhere over there. Why?

The attraction I experienced is explained easily enough due to her outward appearance – blond hair and blue eyes, of the group of Irish decent or something like that, like my mother. However, when I look deeper into the point of attraction, I see that there is so much more to it. It is an experience of lacking from which, arises the experience of desire to fulfill the experience of lacking. Adding to this mix is of course, a fear of the object I desire. Why do we fear that which we desire? By investigating this on a personal level, I have come to realize that, the fear is of something having power or influence over me due to my desire for it.

I have been cleaning or straightening up what I call the mess of me as mind being within and as a body for at least six years now, and every time I get one part organized, another tangled mess just seems to pop up as part of the process.

 Attraction is not so difficult to comprehend; however, I am still not seeing the whole picture – the plasma fields of interaction defined as attraction. I care to see beyond the blond hair and blue eyes translated into an image for me by my mind. I would like to see each particle in relationship connection with one another to understand how I create the experience of attraction. Then, I would address each point of imbalance so to fulfil = balance me from within. That which we experience as lacking is just an experience based on self-definitions. Therefore, instead of attempting to fulfill an internal experience of lacking with an externalized perception of having, I will instead, let go of the self-definitions of lack so to understand fulfilment. 

Monday, July 18, 2016

Physically Responding instead of Energetically Reacting

Yesterday, I had an opportunity to test an application I have been working on. It consists of facing an energetic/emotional experience of another, aimed at me.  My goal is to remain physically stable so as not to react to the words and/or frequency of the words coming from the other person. In the case of yesterday, for the most part, I remained stable. In other words, I considered the words and tonality of the words I would use, and I responded with the intent of assisting the other person to stabilize, which is what happened after a while. However, I realized that even though I remained stable on the outside, the ball of energy stilled appeared inside of my stomach and it was painful. I did not react more than a tiny bit; yet there was still a big ball of energy sitting in my stomach.

In looking at this point, I see that I am beginning to determine in the moments, how I will be. The problem is that, a part or parts of me are still functioning in automatic mode. Yesterday, I physically moved me to respond as I determined to do. Yet, somewhere deep down inside, a part of me is still running on its own.  This part, I guess of the mind/body relationship, created the energy and released it into me. I stopped the energy in the stomach; I guess because I did not give it anywhere to go. This ball of energy, stuck in my stomach was painful, so I decided to take a walk. After a while, it dissipated on its own. Now as I write this, I realize there is another method I could have used to release that energy. I do it through breathing. During the in breath, I pull the energy up from the stomach, into the lungs and then I direct it out through the mouth and nose. The way I am able to tell it is working is when the inside of my nose begins to itch a lot, so much so that I sneeze 2-3 times; expelling the energy and then it is gone.

Here, once again I am looking at the question of how that ball of energy was created inside of me, even though I remained physically stable and was not aware of any reactions except for the energy. Perhaps, it was coming from my unconsciousness or perhaps it was coming from what is called the quantum physical – a term I still do not yet fully grasp. Either way, I am thankful for these opportunities to test my application of physically responding instead of energetically reacting. The key I see here is to remain aware of what is happening within and as the physical body.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Uncertainty in Wondering

I have since childhood wanted nothing more than the system to collapse as a means for ending/eliminating the world we live in. I believed I was a prisoner here against my will and that; the only way to escape was for the world to end. Even in the aftermath, as I remember of my dreams, I would awake to the hope that, one day the world would end and I would be free. Chaos of a world without rules and nothing to consider except my own survival was what I hoped for, secretly of course.

Then in 2008 or 2009, I began to push myself to move in a direction that I logically figure was a better path for me because, mathematically, I figured it was best for all. The path I am speaking of is one, of self-change in consideration of the principles of oneness and equality with what is best for all. It is not even “a figuring,” but a simple certainty that, if enough of us change ourselves to stand as what is best for all, in relation to one another,  we are going to begin changing the world in the direction of what is best for all. From this point, I realized that, there was no need for the world to be destroyed or for us to destroy it. All we, as humanity require to do is change ourselves to live in relation to one another, as we would have all live in relation to ourselves and this is my goal.

Sometimes I wonder and I think about things and that’s when things start to get a little confusing, lol. I think I see big changes for the better, happening in the world, but I am not certain of anything except the point of me sitting here and typing.

·         I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire that the world be transformed into a world of chaos; a place I believed that I would thrive.
·         I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as a state, wherein the only point to consider was how to survive.
·         I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself not to see, realize and understand that, as survival is basically the name of the game in and as the world today, adding the point of chaos within the considerations of how best to survive would not set anyone free.
·         I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to desire for the world system to collapse so that no one would have to be subject to it, and from this point not realize that, as long as I/we are part of reality, we are subject to the consequences of what we create. Herein, the best I am able to do is stand and respond, as best I am able, the point of self respons-ability.
·         I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the world system for my experience of being imprisoned by it and tired of attempting to change it, instead of realizing that I had imprisoned myself through my perceptions of limitation based on definitions that I have attached to myself in relation to the world system of humanity. Herein, I bring the point of responsibility back to myself, so to continue addressing and correcting me as best I am able.
·         I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to (even after I made commitments to participate in changing the world for the better) still harbor anger and resentment that I projected onto ideas, such as law, money, the police, the military, the education system, banks, corporations, government and so on that I believed had some control over me. I now see, realize and begin to understand that, the control I perceived to be held by others over me came as a consequences of attempting to separate myself as responsibility from what is here as me.

·         I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better parts of me are somehow separate from the bad of reality; therein, trapping myself in a prison of belief of my inability to change what is separate from me – when in reality, I am not separate from anything. 

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Taking Responsibility for the Blame I Projected

Last night in an act of blame, I pointed my finger at an old friend and the USA. In looking at this point of blame, I realize that, it has been creeping up within me, more and more as of late. Blaming  is a desperate act of frustration brought about by one’s belief in his or her inability to change that for which he or she is blaming another or others. In this case, my frustration had to do with what I have defined as the slow pace of change within/as humanity. Even though, I am able to see, realize and understand so much of the change that has happened and is happening before my very eyes in terms of people and the world as viewed in person and on my computer screen, I still feel as though I/we are moving too slowly. And this comes right from the turtle's mouth, lol.

I am on vacation now and it has only been just over a week. With no schedule to tell me what to do and have done and nothing to justify going out and having fun instead of writing things out and correcting me, I have created a point of frustration within me. It manifested as blame and now I have to deal with it as a point of me that requires correcting.  

In a recent Facebook post, I blamed the USA for being the land of the oppressor and the oppressed and told my old friend to stop trumpeting the bushtit (of Independence Day). What I did not say (in my frustrated state) was that, whatever the USA and/or other nations of humanity do and have done, I/we in this physical reality are each, equally as one responsible for everything that has and will be created. I call this point, the democracy of creation, which is also the equality of creation as in oneness and equality of life.

Within the design of the democracy of creation is the mathematical certainty that, the whole of creation (what is created) is the equivalent or aggregate sum-total of all points of creation created by the creators. This is what we are: creators creating the created, and this is why every single human being, as one human-creator creating the nature of humanity is equally as one (creator of humanity) responsible for the nature of humanity as a whole. We can take this equation and apply it to all of existence, or we can bring it back to ourselves within and as the universes of our physical bodies to see how each cell cooperates equally as one (responsible point of awareness) to stand as a point of unconditional support of the whole physical body.

I sometimes forget my point of responsibility as an equal and one creator of what we create as one race of humanity. Thankfully, many out there are kind enough to remind me. It is nice, too that others will forgive me; however, for to right my stance, I also require to forgive myself, write the corrections (change the programming code if you will) and then, physically live the corrections to really change the nature of me. 

Below, are my  self-forgiveness and self-commitments as part of my process to change me from one who blames to one who takes responsibility. Writing self-forgiveness and self-commitments functions to release the energy that I have attached to certain lines of mind-programming code. From this point, I am then able to replace those lines with the corrections or self-commitments as instructions that I will use as a guide to physical living to change me to that which I care to be and become.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in frustration defined as a world that is changing too slowly.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself blame people and ideas for my frustration instead immediately bringing the point back to me to address and correct the frustration at the point where it began, the point wherein I created it.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in imagination of scenarios of what is going on in the world and what is going to happen to this planet and humanity instead of realizing the opportunity that is here as me to live to my potential by changing and creating me to be and become as I care to have all stand in relation to me.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point my fingers in blame at people and ideas such as the Rothschild’s, the banking system, the US dollar and the USA for my/our situation of having to work to survive instead of living just for the fun of expressing.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame money and the money system for my experience of my definitions of the world instead of taking responsibility (for my experience) by depolarizing/de-energizing the definitions within and as myself in relation to humanity and the world.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder if it is too late to bother attempting to write right the changes within and as me. Herein, I see, realize and understand that, wherein I change myself for the better, each point within and as me that is better for all, I also change one point of humanity for the better – here in cooperating with others in words and deeds, we as a whole are able to change the nature of humanity for the better.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me as not being diligent enough, placing too much emphasis on balancing my time between work, process and play instead of realizing that, the good and bad of my ideas as my morality are but definitions through which I have attempted to make sense of reality as viewed on a computer screen instead of understanding that, living is a physical doing, not an imagination.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the world based on my perspective via the internet on a computer screen instead of letting go of my judgments so to take responsibility for what I am able to respond to, that which is here in the area in relation to me, which is my opportunity to expressly live.

  • When and as I find myself at a point of frustration defined as humanity changing too slowly, I commit to stop, breathe, release the energy of frustration and bring this point of blame back to myself to let go of the self-judgments that I have projected as blame onto humanity. From this point of self-responsibility, I commit to stand back up and continue my journey of writing right to change and live in relation to all as I would have all change and live in relation to me.
  • When and as I find myself at the point of imagining how the world will become, I commit to stop imagining that which I have little control over, and instead to focus on points here in front of me wherein I have the ability to respond to by inputting and creating change for the better.
  • When and as I find myself at a point of wanting to blame the politicians and the elite or my imagination of them for the state of humanity, I commit to bring my pointed fingers right back to me so to take responsibility for my opportunity to do something about it by physically moving me for the better, as I am able. This means using much of my vacation to better correct me and write changes (for the better) that I plan to continue inputting into the educations system.
  • When and as I find myself at a point of fearing or justifying that it is too late to change the future that I have imagined, I commit to stop fretting over how the future may or may not be, so to determine the future right here within and as the present. Nothing is over and done until it is done, and until then, I commit to continue walking my process and doing over as many times as I require.
  • When and as I find myself at a point of judging me as not being diligent enough in the process of changing me to change humanity, I commit to let go of the judgments so to focus on determining and walking my next step, even if it means re-correcting points that I thought I had already addressed and corrected.
I also want to thank Dave S. for responding to my frustration in a kind manner. I found to be very supportive. Thanks Dave

Friday, July 1, 2016

Process Update – Part II, july 1, 2016

As I was saying in my last post (here), my mission or intention was to somehow get into the education system at the university level in Taiwan and create change for the better from within. I did not really have a long term plan as to how I was going to do this; however, I did figure I would have a lot more autonomy at the university level than at other levels that I had been teaching. Of course, a big part of my decision also had to do with money, having a more stable salary and a feeling that it was time once again for me to get out of my comfort zone home.

In my first year at the university, I did a lot of teaching English and attempting to explain issues that, I later realized most students did not have a basis or reference to understand. Then, in the second half of that year, an opportunity came along to design a new course for the university, which we would use to compete with against other Taiwan universities for funding from the Ministry of Education. I took this opportunity very seriously, spending a lot of time researching and writing with the intent of inputting words into our proposal that were specifically targeted at winning the competition and getting funding so as to legitimize the topics that I cared to teach. I inputted a lot of broad international topics so that, once we won, I would have the freedom to choose which topics were most relevant. We ended up getting second place in Taiwan, which was cool because it indicated to me that people high up in the ministry of education were considering the necessity for a change in the focus of education. Luckily, the topics that we had inputted – the environment, war, terrorism, democracy, money, culture, etc., are broad enough to have given me as much leeway as I wanted to uncover and explore with all of my classes, consisting of almost four-hundred students, issues that I considered relevant, yet too often ignored.

Thus, beginning in my second year at AU, I readjusted my focus of “English” teaching and learning away from acquiring information and skills relevant to achieving better standardized test scores, to that of acquiring knowledge and information relevant to taking responsibility for humanity and our planet as a whole. The biggest challenge for me has been 1) to get students to care about what’s going on outside of their worlds and 2) to get them to realize that, through our words and deeds we have the opportunity and/or responsibility to create change for the better. I introduced issues such as democracy, inequality, money and false-flag terrorism and instructed students on how to use some of the technology to enable them to collaboratively assess issues, develop solutions and promote their solutions to the rest of humanity.

Towards the end of my second year, I had been wondering how much of a difference my input has had in our university and the educations system as a whole. As for Asia University, I could se, through other students’ presentations that, geopolitical topics were now starting to be addressed, not always the way I wanted them to be though, lol. Then just a few weeks ago, I was encouraged to join a group of teachers visiting one of Taiwan’s national universities to view their end of the year presentations. To my surprise, every one of the their topics was of the topics were of the topics that I had deliberately inserted/inputted into our original proposal for the Global Citizenship and Cultural Literacy course that we as a group had designed. I guess that, because we took second place in the contest, other universities (or at least this one) figured that this is the direction that the Ministry of Education wants to go. For me, this is an indication, as in feedback that, the effort I have been putting into changing the system from within has been having an effect, much more so than I had imagined.

Now, I am on vacation and intend to refocus my attention back onto me, my personal process. However, I am also formulating plans (such as democratic learning, letting students decide what to study) for next semester and I will probably get to this topic in the couple of months and included it in another post. Finally, I would like to say that, English teaching no longer has to be done with the focus only on learning to speak the language. We as instructors have the ability, a responsibility to expand the learning process to that of acquiring relevant information and knowledge so to best assist all of us to understand ourselves as the creators creating the created.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Process Update: Part I - June 25, 2016

I guess it has been about one year since I last wrote one of these updates, where I am and how I am doing. The plan was and still is to change me to a point of responsibility to stand within and as (as the saying goes) the system and change it as I change me.

A couple of years ago, I realized that, I still had quite a few limitations, real or perceived that I was still holding onto. Therefore, instead of attempting to influence or move the entire globe of humanity, I decided to focus on what I was already familiar with, the education system in Taiwan and to an extent, mainland China. My plan was simply to do as I had been calling for others to do, stand within and as locations of the system and change it from within.

In short, I chose a university that was close to home and in very nice area in central Taiwan. The name of the university is Asia University, Taichung Taiwan. It took me about one year to get a job there. I spent the first six months setting up my getaway (LOL) and I used the second six months to target my words very specifically so to do everything I possibly could to get that job. Whow! If only we humans (including me) understood fully the extent or impact our words have on creation, as in who we are and the outcomes we influence... Actually, I’m not certain how much would change with just understanding, because in essence we already understand how we create. The problem is that, we as a whole have not yet taken responsibility for our creation from the starting point of equality and oneness with what is best for all. This is a point that is changing rapidly and I’ll probably expand on it a little later.

My plan was (and still is) to remain positioned at Asia University for 3-5 years. I am now in the last week of my second year and I have signed a contract to do a third year. The school has not yet signed my contract; however, I guess they are probably going to sign it. This afternoon, I will attend a Ministry of Education conference on education reform in Taiwan. Thirteen universities will be there to present the outcomes of their reform projects that they/we have been implementing over the past two semesters. I am scheduled to present a couple of ppt slides and perhaps say a few words. I will probably have about five minutes. I have an idea what I will perhaps say; however, having practiced opening up points when it’s time to open them up, I have come to agree that there is little sense in attempting to plan every word that I am going to say. Actually, my boss or a colleague  may end up using all the time, lol. So, I will let you know (read inform you) how that goes in part II of this process update. There is so much more to say. Having completed a part of a mission that I have undertaken, I now plan to refocus a lot more effort unto my personal process. I begin to refocus by posting part I of this update.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Day to Day Difficulties

Point one
There are two points that have recently arisen to the point that I keep finding myself having to just stop the backchat, speak some self-forgiveness and remind myself that, this is not who I care to be. This method of stopping and moving, stopping and moving has been a temporary solution, enough to get me through the day, but this is also not how I care to walk through my days. Thus, instead of my usual Sunday morning focus on writing out mind constructs, today I will begin by telling a story, as usual, my side of a story.

In our office, there are about four areas or groups. I like these groups and I like to go into the office and sometimes sit in different chairs or move my chair around to chat with different people, listen to their perspectives and sometimes offer up mine. The first problem I encountered has been a recurring one for the last two years. The office has overhead air-conditioning vents with rotating ceiling fans. Often, when the air conditioning and the fan are going at the same time, I get cold air coming down on my bald head, which causes my body to cool to the point wherein, sometimes I even begin to shiver. Interestingly, the controls to the fan are right next to the desk of someone who often seems to feel as though it is too hot in the office. The problem as I see it is, while one person is perhaps too hot, the other (me) is too cold. I thought that, it was not fair for me to suffer because he wanted to be cooler, but I also realized that perhaps he suffers from it being too hot.

Over the days and weeks, while in the office at my desk, I would often wear a headscarf, even in the middle of summer. Sometimes, I would leave the office early, even though I wanted to stay longer. Has this been fair to me? Perhaps not, but this is only my perspective. In the past, I would have viewed this kind of situation as a personal attack on me. Then, from the point of believing that I was being attacked, I would have turned on a personality suit and devoted substantial mental resources to wage war in an office, lol.

Fortunately, I remembered my commitment to change me to live the word humble. Although, I am still am not certain what it means to live this word, I am certain of the commitments that I have made as part of my process of understanding and living this word, humble.

To sum up thousands of lines of mind-code that I have rewritten:
I commit myself to consider other people’s perspectives.
I commit myself to do and give unto them, as I would ask them to do and give unto me.
Wherein, I find myself in disagreement with another, I commit to compromise in consideration of the situation, so to find common ground upon which we are all able to stand.

For the most part, this meant wearing a headscarf in the office and often leaving early, even when I wanted to stay late. The experience of being in an office with cold air blowing on my head was not fun; however, it has been revealing. Whereas in the past, I focused on getting my way, I now have an idea of how it feels to be on the receiving end of unpleasantness. When I look back as how I used to be in relation to others, I see that I was not always so kind. In many ways, I used to bully people. My attitude was often that of, I am doing it my way and if you do not like it, tough shit. Nowadays, I understand that, when working in an environment with people, I am not always going to have thing my way. Compromise sometimes means giving in on one point to focus on another point. In this case, the other point is that of focusing on a mission that I have given to myself. That mission has been proceeding at a reasonable pace. Additionally, it now looks as though I will soon have an opportunity to move to another desk. Did I design and create a solution to the problem? Probably not; however, I did walk through it without creating additional problems. I will count this as progress.

Point two:
There is a man that I called, friend. However, over the past couple of months, I have notice him on several occasions become vocally belligerent towards me and I guess towards others. In the past, I used to enjoy listening to people exercise their “rights” to be verbally abusive towards others. I guess I appreciated seeing people treat others impolitely. I guess it was as though I was viewing and justifying a covert part of me externalized in someone else. I guess what attracted me to this kind of person, was that he or she externalized their evil, while I kept mine in secret. I guess I accepted and allowed verbal abuse from others because I did not really give a shit about them, because even back then, I realized to an extent that, their words only applied to them.

Nowadays however, after walking a process for several years, I do care about others. For this, I pat myself on the back because it has not been easy to change me to understand and live the word, care. In short, caring is about doing in relation to others, as I would have them do in relation to me. A point that I have realized about abusive people is that, they will often continuing abusing as long as others allow them to abuse. In other words, the responsibility for stopping the abuse in this world belongs equally to all of us.  Therefore, a couple of weeks ago, I stopped communicating with this person even though I see him every day. Additionally, I commit initiating communication with him again and explaining to him what I will not accept and allow in terms of our relationship. I also commit to assist him (as he is able to hear) by explaining to him my perspective of where he is heading and how he is able to change direction. As of today, about three weeks gone by, we have once again begun to communicate. When and if the occasion arises, I commit to communicate more with him from the point of assisting both of us to be better.