Monday, July 24, 2017

The Simplicity of Redefining & Living Words

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On the subject of redefining words, I had had some difficulties because I attempted to make it too complex. In other words, I thought that I had to have a special/unique word for every moment of my day to precisely determine and define how I cared to express myself constantly and continuously.

Then, a few nights ago while walking in the park with my partner, I noticed that I was becoming irritated. At first, in beginning of that moment (of realization) I had already started to project or blame my irritation onto my partner for speaking. However, in that same moment, before the projection even reached her, I stopped it and brought it back to myself. It only took an instant for me to look into me (at the energetic point that I had defined as irritation) to see that the point  was actually of fatigue - having driven 7 hours that day - that had triggered the definition of irritation within and as me. Thus, all still in the same moment, it occurred to me to simply choose a different word, one that I would prefer to embody and live.

Whereas in the past, I might have spent time searching the perfect word and ended up missing the opportunity to actually change myself in that same moment; this time, I simply chose the the first correction that came up and it wasn’t just a word, it was a sentence, “walking in the park and conversing.” Still in that same moment, having simply said the words “walking in the park and conversing” and seen the sentence in my mind, I decided and committed myself to live those words and I did just that.  

From an experience of irritation wherein I as my mind had been looking to project blame onto my partner,  I instead made the decision, who I would be in that moment, by choosing and stating the word (or words) to become and live. The key point that I realized in all of this (which I had been missing) was the simplicity of redefining and living words. In other words, I now see that it’s not necessary to complicate things with fancy words. Walking in the park and conversing is just that, walking in the park and conversing. Lol, I used to think that, in redefining words, I had to choose words such as joyful or jolly expression even though it was just a judgment of how I believed I should be and not necessarily how I really cared to be or even how I self-honestly saw myself as being.

In short, by determining or choosing the words that I cared to live, stating them and trusting myself to stand as and live wholly the words that I stated, I also released myself of the energetic definition of irritation. How? Because in wholly committing to embrace and live the words, “walking in the part and conversing,” I also wholly redefined who I was and how I would be in that moment, therein leaving no room of for the energetic definition/experience of irritation. In this simplest of moments, I realized that I am in thought, in word and in deed able to change who I am in a moment.

Although these days I sometimes take for granted being able to see my thoughts as they move, almost like me as the being, stopping time inside of me to look into me and see how things are moving in the mind consciousness system of my physical body, I am also quite aware of the process that I have been walking with Desteni.  For more on simply redefining words, have a look at the Facebook pages, Self and Living or School of Ultimate Living.


Saturday, July 22, 2017

Manipulation and Frustration as my War Continues

In relation to my war with some members of the community and the community in general, there are a few more points that I was able to see, yet refused to admit. From the beginning, in looking at, calculating  or imagining the playout of events, I saw fairly accurately to where we are now in terms of the legal battles. Furthermore, I envisioned the legal experience my partner would be receiving and I weighed this against possible financial costs to us. However, what I did not anticipate was the emotion that I would sometimes have to deal with when facing an adversary that seems to be as good as or better manipulator than me. These are the secrets that I’ve been withholding in regards to this matter.


In the beginning of these battles, all I wanted to do was exercise my right not to be pushed around or forced into replacing what I considered (and still do) to be a perfectly good roof. Short of emergency funds, I didn’t want to waste the money and I certainly was not going to  attack a building company owner whom I considered (and still do) to be one of the best around. However, I soon realized (as we were the only holdouts who refused to sue the building company and refused to replace our room) that my partner and I were becoming the target of a concerted attack from a fairly organized group, the gang of 5 as I so un-affectionately called them. I realized that they were using PR and sometimes bullying tactics to get the backing of the community and turn many within the community against us. I suggested to my partner that we also needed to employ such PR tactics to let the others hear our side of the story.


To recap: our side of the story was and still is that, as only the 90 degree roofs had problems and the building company had offered to fix them and reinforce all of the roofs free of charge, why not just let the building company handle it?   Well, apparently the gang had other ideas of charging the building company some extra on the side. Initially, having everyone except for us to sign on to the suit against the building company, they demanded a much higher sum than it would have actually cost to replace all of the roofs. Additionally, the gang (who wouldn’t allow anyone but themselves talk to the company that they had chosen to replace the roofs) sent out estimates to the community members, that were way too high. My partner, a professional accountant realized this and called them out on it. “If” they had been planning to use the additional money to have their own roofs done for free, this would have been a rough blow to them.


The first suit against the building company took more than a year, and during that time the gang exerted pressure on us. Different people would come knocking at out door saying, “we want to compromise, come to a meeting with us, let’s talk about it, let’s compromise,” However, with every meeting, their argument never changed, they just continued to insist that we follow the group. The problem as I saw it was that it wasn’t the group/community that was walking together, but a gang of 5 that was that was manipulating and corrupting the established democratic processes within the community. We eventually got so tired of fighting that we finally agreed to replace our perfectly good roof “as long as we could use high quality black tiles and not the cheap silver ones” that they had already begun using to replace their own roofs. I still do not understand: why on such beautifully designed, expensive buildings would they insist on using lower quality tiles than the ones we had in the first place.  They would not compromise on even one-single point.


By the end of the second or third year, all of the roofs except for ours had been replaced and the community members that had sued the building company had lost both cases, one in the low court and one in the high court. At that point, my partner could perhaps have let things be and I guess they may have finally left us alone. However, whereas the gang of 5 had violated established community procedures  or Housing law, verbally insulted us and attempted to bully us by placing barriers in front of our home, we on the other hand had decided to abide by the laws of the system and respond via a legal path. This meant that, whereas whatever they threw at us would usually hit us almost immediately, our legal response would be delayed.


Last night while walking back to the community, my partner heard a man say something like, when dog bite dog, all they end up with is hair in their mouths. I won’t argue with that: this is like a dog fight; Mr X puts plastic cone barriers in front of my home/pathway and I remove them. Mr Y sees my partner and proceeds to hurl insults at her which are likely to be recorded by us. As it stands now, during the year and a half that my partner has been studying law, she has filed at least 5 court cases, argued one in the lower court and is currently arguing one in the higher court. She is getting an incredible legal education.


In conclusion - for now

I’ve recently been experiencing an increase of emotion in relation to having cones placed in front of my home. I see the man who does it and I’ve asked him to stop blocking the pathway, but he just ignores me and walks away. I feel frustrated that I should have to endure this abuse. Whereas he gets his immediate permission from the community committee to do as he pleases, even though it’s illegal, I have to wait for the legal process to take its course. I am able to wait; however, I also realize that I must address and take responsibility for the points of emotion that I have been acutely aware of building up within me. Thus, I will write extensive self-forgiveness and self-commitment/correction statements on this subject in an attempt to understand and eliminate the undercurrent designs within me. BTW, the reason his manipulation skills piss me off is because, the manipulator I see in him is me.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Secrecy and Self Responsibility

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The Moment of Change (Part 1) - Back to Basics
Some time ago I wrote about our lack of information integrity/accountability wherein I stated, “Information Unaccountability is a weapon of mass destruction that will continue to spread destruction, disease and death until “We the People” stand up and become accountable sources of all our information within and as the Public Domain.” By weapon of mass destruction destruction, I was referring to the compounding relationship-points of consequence within the world system that, because of the lack of accountability, facilitating a lack of integrity in the political system and secret societies of the elite, the human race continues to be in disorganization and disharmony, a human race at war with itself and everything else.


That was a few years back and although I stand by everything I said, I now see that the way I said it could have been less intellectually focused on the world “out there” and more focused self-honestly on addressing and correcting my role in the creation of what’s “out there” by changing myself right here. For example, last night while I was watching one of the Transformer movies, I judged once again that the elite behind these movies and many like them have been secretly exposing information that has been kept hidden (often in plain view) from humanity for some time. In this instance, one of the main characters says, “they all belong to secret societies all united in one cause, to protect the secret history of transformers.”  Now if we just take out one word, “transformers” and replace it with, for example, humanity, ancient technology, extraterrestrials, giants, moon bases, etc., we hear that the “stated” purpose of secret societies is to protect their secrets their secrets from humanity. I wondered, are these secret societies getting ready to divulge their secrets to humanity, their very reason for being? No, I doubt it because if they honestly were, they certainly wouldn’t be using science fiction movies. .


But, is their continued purpose for keeping secrets (especially in the time of technology based revelations), really to keep the secret or is it that they too are just too damn frightened to let go of how they’ve been? I this the reason for choosing to release bits of info here and there, hiding them in plane sight in the lines of stories instead of just unveiling their secrets all at once? Why don’t they just come out of their hiding places, stop wasting resources attempting to control the flow of information and just open the gates to a world of complete honesty and accountability in order to facilitate integrity within humanity? Why? Why? Why?


Alas, eventually I must bring back to myself all of the questions that I have projected onto others. Thus, I bring these questions (in relation to unveiling the secrets while still attempting to veil them in plain sight) back to me to consider where I am still withholding information. Well… I’ve written about my secret relation to alcohol, my fear of just being myself around people, my battles a few of the neighbours and so on, but there’s still more. However, before I continue I would like to reiterate something very important in relation to dealing with points of secrecy.


Specifically, it’s not the information contained within the secrets themselves, that causes the fear associated with having the secrets unveiled. Instead, it is the energy that we’ve attached to the secrets themselves that keeps us tied to them in fear of letting them go. Therefore, once we put out the information, the energy “of fear” is also released because it no longer has anything to attach itself to.  This is where the internet comes in handy as a tool to release information, like burning the ships so there’s absolutely no chance of turning back. However, don’t forget to consider the systems by which we sustain ourselves. In other words, don’t get fired from your day job just for the sake of being absolutely honest. Self honesty does not require that the world see all of one’s secrets, but that we face them so to no longer define ourselves by the energy attached to them,


Now, back to the point of where I am still not being completely self-honest. There are still many points wherein I have, let’s call them ideas pertaining to reality that I do not share for the most part for fear of being judged as being presumptuous. Yet, how can I honestly request that the elite let go of their secrets while I hold onto mine with justifications such as, in time they will eventually see; or I don’t need to say anything now because they’ll figure it out themselves? From this writing, I now begin to see that the justifications by which I have been holding onto my ideas is perhaps no different than the justifications used by the elite to release information bit by bit instead of all at once. In short, I see that we humans throughout all of the levels of hierarchy are basically the same. Herein, whatever I would like to see of someone else out there, I must first create within myself right here.

Friday, July 14, 2017

How I've Been is Not how I Have to Remain



Consciousness of the Spider Monkey - Part 1
If you asked me who I am and what I have been, even at a young age in terms of the undercurrent designs that I had embodied, I would have said that I am a soldier fighting for my rights to live free and do as I please. It’s not that I wanted to trample over the rights of others, but that I just wanted to be left alone to do as I please. I wouldn't intentionally harm anyone, I may even have helped some ones, I just wanted to be left alone. But "they" wouldn't leave me alone, they wouldn't let me be free. Therefore, I used to think, I would just keep on fighting again and again, I would fight to the end.

Not a pretty picture, not even for me, but this is how I have I have defined myself in so many ways - a soldier fighting for my rights and sometimes the rights of others to be left alone to do as we please as long as we harmed no one.


Then in 2008 or 2009 when Desteni arrived on the scene, I began to consider the  principle of oneness and equality and the point of self responsibility as in (the extent of) my ability to respond to any and all inequalities affecting humanity - equally as one affecting me even if am often not consciously aware of the effect. Why? Because, as one of the sum of all the parts (amounting to the whole), any inequalities affecting another or others are also affect me, regardless of whether or not I am aware of it.

I sometimes wonder how the simplicity of this mathematical certainty had been missed for so long; it is of the alpha and omega of math, the mathematics of One as I call it. For example, think of humanity in terms of a biological or computer system. When even a very small part of that system, such as the little toe is overtaxed, overburdened and becomes disabled, the entire system will slow down and deteriorate to an extent and this is what's happening currently to humanity, the world system, nature and the animal kingdom on a global scale. Now that I/we I comprehend this, our responsibility to ourselves, each as one with whole is to (as best we are able) correct the situation.


As I see it, in order to correct what ails humanity, we require to expand our awarenesses to see, realize and understand our oneness and equality, i.e., what affects one affects the whole, which in turn affects equally affects each one of us. The quickest way to expand our awareness of equality and oneness I guess, is to equalize the good/bad experience throughout all of humanity to the point wherein no one can deny that the suffering of one is the suffering of all, and this is how I view the current realignments taking place in the world system of humanity, e.g., the disappearing middle class and the mass migration/integration, etc. It's kind of like an existential equalizing to nudge or jolt human beings to embrace the reality of oneness and equality - what affects one, does in fact affect all. Eventually, I’m guessing that, as more and more begin experience the misery equally as one, more and more will begin to realize that the best alternative is to embrace the principle of oneness and equality with what is best for all.

By understanding who I am, how I've been, so to so to change myself as a point of integrity = a fully transparent, functioning component of humanity standing equally as one awareness of everything that is here, in support of everything that is here. I realize it's a lot; nevertheless, we've gotta start somewhere and the best place to start is always with the next step, which brings me back to my personal process of taking self-responsibility by investigating to see, realize and understand who/how I've been as one of humanity at war with myself. Yea, I do see now that, my war comes mostly, if not entirely from within.

Therefore, I am now investigating an undercurrent design/definition of myself  leading to the self-definition of “I am at war."  As I said, it’s not pretty, but this is how I’ve defined myself for almost as long as I am able to recall. Life, as I viewed it was but a battle field and I was at war. On this, I will continue in upcoming post as I come to better understand the undercurrent designs and how I came to decide to embody such a design.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

The Tree That I Wished For

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The home that I live in with my partner during summer vacation, winter vacation and sometimes on weekends was once the home/house that I dreamed of and wished for. To the east, there is a view of the main gate, a large community area and a park of green grass, trees and stone laden pathways. In the back, facing west there is a farm of rice paddies and buildings of the city beyond that. All of this is in the middle of Taiwan’s third most populated city.

When we first moved in, it was just me and my golden retriever puppy named Happy. Soon the city began planting trees in the park and I used to imagine what they would look like ten years from then. I was very satisfied at the time with my house and the front view. However, I couldn’t seem to stop wishing there were more greenery in the back facing west. Apparently the farmer had decided to let all that land sit idle for few years and I guess he started that just about when we move in.

As having no greenery back there just wasn’t part of my dream, I decided to plant my own tree. So I went an bought a pine tree, carried it back there and I planted it so that it would grow in front of my window, provide shade in the summer time and greenery for my view. Soon thereafter the farmer contacted me and said that I couldn’t just go planting trees on his land. Not having much of an argument to stand on, I agreed and sadly I unplanted my tree and replanted in the park. A couple of years later some city workers dug that tree up and replaced it with another kind of tree. I guess it just wasn’t part of their plan.

Nevertheless, I continued to imagine and wish for trees back there. Then one day, I saw that a tree had begun to grow right behind my house. I guessed it was the farmer who planted it, but I don’t know for sure. Soon after that, another tree, kind of like one of those fast growing vine trees began to grow very close to the concrete wall of our house and I guess the foundation of our building. As it grew, I became somewhat concerned that it’s roots might grow under the foundation of our building and perhaps do some damage. I also wondered if, during a typhoon, the overhanging roof on the first floor. Sometimes, I have considered the prospect of trimming the tree or even cutting it down. However, as I have no evidence no evidence that it will cause damage, so why should I cut it down. After all, it is kind of what I asked for.

So I’ve been talking to the tree, like at talk to many things, explaining how important it is not to damage the house with its branches or the foundation with its roots. And no, they don’t talk back to me. Or maybe they do and theirs is a language of expression rather than words. Sometimes a big spider that wonders around our house does occasionally hang out on the wall and seem to stare at me, especially when there’s tension in the air. Anyway, getting back to the tree, in looking at this subject the other day, I recalled the image of how I had so often imagined the greenery growing back there. You know what’s funny? The physical picture that I view now is very, very similar to what I had quite often wished for and imagined going back about forteen years. Actually, it’s more than I had hoped for. Thus, I am reminded of the saying, be careful what you wish for, because once the seed is planted, it may grow beyond what you wished for.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Home on Summer Vacation

  • Even though everything is actually going quite well or fine, my mind after a time always seems to kick into overdrive and make it appear as though things are falling apart. This is how I woke up this morning and let me just state, I’m not taking the bait. In other words, I’m not buying into my mind’s interpretation of reality. Instead, I’ve decided to do some writing to address some points.


I’ve been home on summer vacation for about 10 days now and I’ve been busy every day. I started swimming again and I was surprised that I am still able to swim a kilometer each time. Then I started cleaning the house, walking up and down many flights of stairs, which I really enjoy. I even enjoy getting down to the first floor, realizing that I’ve forgotten something on the sixth floor and having to walk all the way back up and then back down again. I was surprised and thankful that I was still able to do all this physical exercise, especially since I hadn’t done that much exercise throughout the school year. Then I noticed a tightening in my right knee. At first, I thought that it could be gout. Then I thought maybe it has to do with certain constructs I’ve been working on, system components disintegrating as I change how I am in relation to certain points. Now I’m thinking, maybe it’s just over exertion… Perhaps mixed in with some system disintegration, lol.

The battle on the homefront with a few of the neighbours continues as I knew it would. For more on this, please see “Horrible Neighbors or Horrible Me” parts one, two, three, four, five, six and seven. I actually wrote an update on this point and then I deleted it due to an excess of projections. Therefore, suffice to say we’re working within the rules of system to adjudicate differences of opinion and it’s not pleasant. Nevertheless, we are learning a lot and we’re standing our ground. Follow up note: as I was cleaning this morning I came across some writings that I had printed out and the first words that I read were, "When living and working within the system, it is necessary to work within the rules of the system." Continuing, "The people I'm going up against are high end legal experts and the wealthy majority shareholder of the company." Strange how things change, yet remain the same. 

Anyway, having just finished up my third year at my favorite university, I’m left feeling once again that I am able to do better. Honestly,  I guess I feel this way at the end of every year. Thus, I will once again revise each one of my syllabuses, all nine or ten of them. This time, in addition to reading, speaking and listening, I plan to double the amount of blog posts that my students write. As for classes such as Global Citizenship, I would like to find topics that students actually give a shit about. Democracy, human rights, wealth inequality… No one seems very interested and I guess I can’t really blame them. Afterall, as far as societies go, Taiwan is one of the freest places I’ve ever lived. That being said, I will nevertheless continue to push for a new understanding of Democracy and Human Rights, too.

On a more joyous note, I’ve been noticing that my relationship to money has changed and perhaps I’ll write about this in my next post.


Monday, June 26, 2017

From the Pain of Experience within to the Change of Self-Expression

The title is specific because, as I said the words aloud and wrote them out, I changed them each time until they looked and sounded of the outcome that I  most cared to create or recreate myself as - from pain of an experience to the change of self expression.

There is no common sense in casting or molding one’s self  as words or spells that are not designed to substantiate and support self in ways that are best for all, which is to say that it is only common sense to use or apply words that support what is best for all. When we speak and/or write, we cast or mold ourselves (as beings of sound minds and bodies) into and as the design of the sentences we think, speak and write, herein sentencing ourselves to the words by which we have cast out and molded ourselves to be and become. Be careful what you think, put a guard on your mind. Be careful what you speak, put a guard on your tongue. Most of all, though, be care what you write, put a guard on each one of the fingers to watch and check each letter as you type. Herein, I commit to write each word with care.

In human system of which I am one, there always seem to be a battle to fight and be fought. Although I sometimes project the cause of this battle as being located out there, I realize that I am not separate from the cause and certainly not the consequences of anything, anywhere. Essentially, this is to say that I am responsible for everything, everywhere in and of my reality and this is why I call it, mine. Is it possible that we are all in our own little bubble universes, perceiving the reality of one another in relation to ourselves, completely differently. I say not. Yet, each one’s perception of reality as a whole is certainly of a different perspective, i.e., different. The question is: how are we supposed to align ourselves with what’s best for all if each one of us is locked into and as his or her own little bubble reality. matrix?

It has been said, in reference to being attacked or spited, that we should turn the other cheek. I wonder how I should apply this to the ongoing dispute in our little community. Certainly, if and when I experience spite as though I’ve been spited, the fasted way for me to end this experience is to look into me, address the words as definitions creating my spiteful experience and then change how I am by redefining the experience to a new definition, a new living stance. I am able to redefine the experience by applying a word or words to express instead of experience; herein changing myself from an experience such as spitefulness to an self-expression of… It occurs to me that a part of me has been feeding off of such experiences and although I could say I hate the experience and long for its opposite, I realize that love and hate, as experiences are of the same seesaw or rollercoaster ride. Therefore, I will push through the opposition to change and commence with redefining who/how I care to be.


From the experience of being spited and intimidated, I choose to change myself to live an expression of integrity, consideration for and support for others. If I were to translate the little point inside of me that just peeped, it would say, are you fucking crazy, how and why the hell would you support the enemy? Lol, this is what I’m working on writing out. My answer comes of the realization that he, she and they as “we” are no more than the least of our parts, the sum total being “me.” There is a path to harmony and what is best for all; the key is to find it or create it and walk it, as is our self-responsibility. There will almost certainly be pitfalls that we will have to stand up from and walk on and on and on until there is only one, one path on which all are walking equally as one. I understand this process and I will proceed.


These are but some of the points still weighing on me. Out my window and in my front yard I see the same points on the world stage, disharmony, war and more war, each of us believing that if we can just win this war, there will be piece. There is some truth to this: for if everyone wins, all will be won, one in the same. I could say I don’t know how, but this would untrue. I do know how; however, I do not yet understand how to live that which I know, the knot of now  by which I’ve tied myself into and as a perplexity. I guess I must consider each moment a new one requiring different movements while using the same principles, oneness, equality and what is best for all, all expressed in and as living words in support these principles. This is my challenge and my journey - to understand oneness, equality and what is best for all.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

What am I Waiting for and Who am I - Part II

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What am I Waiting for and Who am I? Well, I’m not waiting anymore. As I stated in my last post, I’m letting go of my judgments of words for and as being defined by consciousness. Why? Because the human language as sound, energy, physical symbolism is of consciousness/ego of physical/man beings (or something like that), and as they say, you can’t change the playing field in the middle of the game. That being said, I am beginning to understand the benefits of redefining words to change how I live the words that I’m living, thus shifting myself (word by word) from a consciousness/system awareness based on polarized energetic experiences to a physical awareness based on physical expression.  Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I look back on my initial relation to redefining words and say, wow it’s so simple, why did it take me so long to figure that out? Perhaps, it is the simplicity of it that confuses me, lol.

So in letting go of the judgments of words so to get on with writing that I’ve been putting off due to the nature of the words (which I have been existing as), perhaps  I am now able to  begin actually changing the nature of the words I’ve been existing as, so to change how I’ve been existing =  change who I am. Btw, “who” and “how” are basically the same words as far as I’m concerned. In other words, who one is in relation to all is an outflow of how one relate to all. In other words, who I am (in totality) is essentially a measure of how I am in relation to all.

How do I measure or stand in relation to all, not as a judgment or comparison, but as a measure of my potential to stand as best I am able in relation to all? This is perhaps one of those questions that we might ask ourselves on regular basis, not as a judgment of the past, but as a question in the here and now of the present wherein the quest to live to our utmost potential is the answer that exist as opportunity in each moment to determine the next best step that one is able to make, and do so as a point of self creation. So I ask, how do I measure as a standing in relation to all at this moment, right now? Am I standing as best I am able right now in relation to all? Herein, the key is to realize that, we’re not going to realize our potential unless we push beyond what we thought we were capable of, beyond the bounds of our comfort zones, into the darkness and into the unknown. For me at this moment, this means letting go of the criticism and the judgments of my words as being less than perfectly correct, so to post them as another step in the direction of writing myself right to a standing of integrity in relation to all.
What am I Waiting for and Who am I? Well, I’m not waiting anymore. As I stated in my last post, I’m letting go of my judgments of words for and as being defined by consciousness. Why? Because the human language as sound, energy, physical symbolism is of consciousness/ego of physical/man beings (or something like that), and as they say, you can’t change the playing field in the middle of the game. That being said, I am beginning to understand the benefits of redefining words to change how I live the words that I’m living, thus shifting myself (word by word) from a consciousness/system awareness based on polarized energetic experiences to a physical awareness based on physical expression.  Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I look back on my initial relation to redefining words and say, wow it’s so simple, why did it take me so long to figure that out? Perhaps, it is the simplicity of it that confuses me, lol.

So in letting go of the judgments of words so to get on with writing that I’ve been putting off due to the nature of the words (which I have been existing as), perhaps  I am now able to  begin actually changing the nature of the words I’ve been existing as, so to change how I’ve been existing =  change who I am. Btw, “who” and “how” are basically the same words as far as I’m concerned. In other words, who one is in relation to all is an outflow of how one relate to all. In other words, who I am (in totality) is essentially a measure of how I am in relation to all.

How do I measure or stand in relation to all, not as a judgment or comparison, but as a measure of my potential to stand as best I am able in relation to all? This is perhaps one of those questions that we might ask ourselves on regular basis, not as a judgment of the past, but as a question in the here and now of the present wherein the quest to live to our utmost potential is the answer that exist as opportunity in each moment to determine the next best step that one is able to make, and do so as a point of self creation. So I ask, how do I measure as a standing in relation to all at this moment, right now? Am I standing as best I am able right now in relation to all? Herein, the key is to realize that, we’re not going to realize our potential unless we push beyond what we thought we were capable of, beyond the bounds of our comfort zones, into the darkness and into the unknown. For me at this moment, this means letting go of the criticism and the judgments of my words as being less than perfectly correct, so to post them as another step in the direction of writing myself right to a standing of integrity in relation to all.

Monday, June 19, 2017

What am I Waiting for and Who am I ?

What am I waiting for, who am I and why do I sit here ready to type, typing as though there is nothing to say? Well, for starters, I really don’t like to use the word, “well” and I don’t understand how and why other people don’t see it, see the words of consciousness in our faces, belittling us. “I know” is another phrase I abhore. See, it’s like I can’t write even two sentences without stating basically that I’m a robot, I’m a brainwashed robot. So I breathe. Lot’s of laughs, robot laughs. At least their not zombie laughs. And no, today I’ll not attempt to explain the meaning (and there’s another one of those words) of my sentences above. It’s a kind of a craziness, like a fine line between two points. By the way, “kind of” is a phrase that I now enjoy using, especially once I let go of the implied separation by which I had defined myself within and as the definition of being of this species of that… OK, perhaps, I’ll just let go of my assessments or of words for a while in order to get a handle on what it is I am waiting for, who am I and why do I sit here ready to type, typing as though I have nothing to say?

It’s like I’m waiting for a sign, something from the news or my view of the world system and/or humanity. I feel sometimes as though I’ve said all I care to say and that’s a problem I know. Why? Because I also realize that there’s so much more that we need to say and do. Yet, here I stand and sometimes crawl like I’m in waiting for a big earthquake to come or an EMP blast to shut down parts of the world system for a while. This isn’t what I want, but it is, along with other possibilities what it is perhaps that I’m waiting for. Perhaps a part of me still longs for chaos the unexamined or ununderstood order of it. It does feel good, like a relief to just let go of my judgments as assessments of the symbols and the sounds of words for a moment.

It’s week 18 for my favorite university here in Taiwan and this means I’ve almost achieved another record for this lifetime around. Three years, I’ve stayed at this job and overall, I still like it. In fact (not literally of course), I’m even planning on remaining here for at least another two years. That being said, I am flexible and quite capable of going anywhere and adapting to any situation. What am I waiting for? I’m still harboring a belief within and as me that my mission has to do with what’s out there. Yet, more and more, I begin to see that my mission really is me, and that, what I perceive to be “out there” is but a reflection of what’s in here as me.

It’s been raining for days and days, pouring down rain. I got into my old car the other day and the wells under the seats were filled with rainwater. In addition to that, a colony of ants had taken up residence in my sideview mirror during the weeks wherein my car had been sitting close to the jungle vegetation of the city that used to be a farming community before the university came in. I apologized to the ants before I disrupted their new habitat. It made me think or at least face the fact that even though I like to think of myself as being in touch and kind to nature, I can be just as destructive as the rest of humankind.

What am I waiting for? The truth as it applies to my thinking (like an oxymoron, huh?) is that I just don’t know what to do. Or perhaps I do know what to do, but I just don’t want to do it or am afraid to. I am certain that we are able to change the world by changing ourselves from the within to the without or the without to the within. However, I have reached a point I guess, wherein I’m not sure what to write or to be more precise, what is right. I guess it’s like new territory. I mean, in the past, I knew what I had to write about but was too frightened to let go of my secrets by putting them out. Then, slowly but surely as I let those secrets out I began to see that the problem wasn’t the information of the secrets themselves but the energy associated with the secrets within which I had helled myself.

Hells bells! I say to all of those suffering in our self-created hells of our secret holds, let go of the secrets. At least write them out so to release ourselves from our self-created secret hells. What am I waiting for? Hell, I may as well practice what I preach by letting go of another secret. Sometimes I feel like a zombie waiting instructions or a sign to tell me what to do, something like a program to get me back online. Alas, I know that the program is ended and it's not coming back, at least not if I have a say in it and I am certain I do.

The challenge for me now and perhaps for eternity is to challenge myself to lead myself into the darkness, not to find the light, but to create myself anew and better than I was before. Herein, my definition of perfection is not about not-making mistakes, but about recognizing the mistakes that I’ve made and taking responsibility for them by forgiving myself and righting my course to correct my mistakes by retaking the steps again and again until I've got it right.

I don’t get everything right the first time. I still haven’t changed or even determined who I am in relation to alcohol. I have however restructured myself somewhat more pragmatically. In other words, I generally won’t drink beer on certain days of the week, not yet a rule written in stone, yet I’ve become more aware of how much I drink, counting the beers as I drink them... Yea, I’m still a work in progress on this point.

I’ll finish this part, “what am I waiting for” with a challenge to myself. The reason I’m certain that this is a challenge is because I’ve been hesitant to write about it for fear of committing myself even though I am certain it’s the right thing for me to do, as in being the right step for me to take. The challenge I’ve been considering is to use some podcast or YouTube self-help videos and adapt them into university classroom lessons. Background info: Over the last 2-3 years, I’ve been focusing (in terms of writing academic lessons) on a course called Global Citizenship and Cultural Literacy. I view it as a success in that people do seem to grasp principles such as democracy, equality and human rights. They also seem to comprehend that humanity is lacking when it comes to living such principles.  However,  too many people seem not to care enough and/or do not currently the ability to do anything about it. In other words, whereas I am able to introduce and input the definitions of principles into the education system, I am not able to move others to live such principles. Thus, a challenge for me during summer vacation is investigate (as in a doing) adding English subtitles, discussion questions and so on to certain videos, such as those in Self & Living and/or SOUL to adapt them for use in academic situations. Actually, this challenge to input relevant learning into the education system is also part of my mission. Ok, so I’ll specify this challenge in my next post, What am I Waiting for and Who am I - Part II, wherein I will write on the point of Who am I.



Tuesday, May 30, 2017

From Spite to Recognition of Perspectives

An uncomfortable point of anger and spite that came up within me this weekend has to do with the ongoing saga, Horrible Neighbours or Horrible Me that my partner and I have been walking as part of our personal processes and investigation/participation in the local legal system. The point of spite that came up within me has to do specifically with the placing/movement of orange cones in front of our house. Actually, it’s not so much these cones being in front of our home that I’ve been reacting to, but them being in the forefront of my view whenever I looked out of the front windows of our home. Thus, what I’ve been doing whenever I return home for the weekends or holidays, has been simply to move the cones out of my view. The problem or or energetic reaction that I’m dealing with here has to do with somebody else moving them back into my view. The energy that been coming up for several years now (even though I’ve done self-forgiveness on this point) each time somebody moves these cones back into “my view” is or was one of anger and spite as though somebody was physically attacking me, in-spite of myself seeing/realizing that I was and am the only one in and of my physical body creating, accepting and allowing the consequences of my thoughts in relation to this point.

This time, after I had already moved the cones back “out of my view", as seen from the inside of my house, yet still slightly in front of my house, but not in front of my windows, I noticed one of the characters in this saga walking outside as though he were assessing or inspecting a move that the opposing side had just made. In looking at him as a reflection or question of myself, it occurred to me that I’m  not harboring spiteful thoughts towards him or any of the others involved in our dispute. Thus, I asked myself, then, what is it that I keep on reacting to as though I’m being personally attacked. The answer I realized was in the question itself, “as though I’m being personally attacked.” I had been defining myself as being attacked like someone putting his hand infront of my face and refusing to move it, instead of realizing that, just as I had my perspective or assumption of where things should and shouldn’t be in relation to the front of my house, so too, do others, but that doesn’t make it an attack of a magical hand that somehow can go into my stomach and churn me up into anger, aggravation and spite.


Therefore, after sounding self forgiveness in that moment to remove the energy that I had associated with that point, I also redefined the point of the cones being moved - from that of someone attacking me to that of someone acting from his or her personal perspective, just as I do when I move the cones out of my view.

In this redefinition of who I am in relation to this point, I realize that (in the physical reality), although each one of us moves from his or her perspective, no one is physically attacking anyone. Hence, when and as I find myself at a point of reacting in anger or spite in relation to someone having placed something in front of my house, I commit to breathe, stop the energy before it has time to expand, and remind myself that just as I feel that I have the right not to have those things in front of my house, so too perhaps do others feel that they have the right to place them there. Herein, I see that this is not a matter of being right, wrong or attack, but one of personal perspectives which are being addressed by my partner and I through the local legal system. Herein, I also commit to live the word, patience in consideration of different perspectives, while walking through the legal system, while also walking my personal process of self change. Furthermore, the next time I see that the cones have been moved in front of my house, I’m going follow up on this point by cross referencing my physical body to see for sure that I have (or have not) satisfactorily addressed and corrected this point within and as myself.



Sunday, May 28, 2017

A Dream of Being Lost - Part IV

Image result for competition or cooperation
I had another dream in relation to the point of alcohol. I was at a bar, inside the bar with a couple of people that I knew, but not enough to remember their names. I had been trying for some time to get a beer and was getting a little frustrated feeling more and more thirsty. Then I walked outside (I guess in search of a beer) and saw tables outside, open spaces with a  flowing river and I knew that, outside in the open air was where I wanted or needed to be. When I saw my friends again, I explained to them that, as they didn’t know me very well, as demonstrated by me not yet remembering their names, they of course wouldn’t know that I prefer to be outside. Thus, I suggested that we go outside in the open air instead of hanging around inside in a closed space. Then the bartender came back and I told her that I wanted a beer, a good beer one of those traditional ones. She ran off a list and then said, how about a Fighter, there are still a of them left. I’ll have a Fighter, I replied and then I awoke from my dream. I wonder if I’m even employing sarcasm in my dreams to avoid actually getting to the heart of the matter. I’ve noticed that this is another means of preoccupying or diverting myself away from the subject, talking or writing around the it rather than diving straight into it.

The addiction character, played by me is of course of and as me, at least a part of me, one that I have sometimes done battle with - perhaps symbolized sarcastically by the word “fighter” in the dream. In the past, I used to call myself a working or functional alcoholic because I would drink alcohol most nights of the week, never at work or during working hours - hence the term working alcoholic. Drinking was simply how I spent much of my time when I wasn’t cleaning the house, working or taking care of other business. Even my postgraduate and extracurricular studies,  thousands and thousands of hours of them were often done with beer, whisky or wine, sometimes all together and sometimes even with cigar. In looking back, although I was not always necessarily happy or unhappy during those times, I do not recall ever feeling fulfilled. In fact, there were several times in my life when I just dropped a good job or a successful business to search for something more. The problem was that I kept searching for more out there to fulfill me, rather than creating that fulfilment from within.  

Then about ten years ago, when I found Desteni and as I began investigate information about our existence and apply the tools of self-improvement or self creation, I began to realize that perhaps there is in deed more to life and living. It was The Design of Alcohol and Alcoholics that most caught my attention.   Actually, it did more than catch my attention. It presented to me the design of an obstacle, one that  I knew from that moment on would be perhaps the biggest obstacle of my process in this lifetime. Thus, over the years, I investigated, as per “the design’s” advice, pushing myself  to observe and experiment. The first real experiment I did consisted of focusing on the point of drinking and stopping it via mind over matter. Unfortunately, what I didn’t realize at the time was that, in focusing on not drinking (as the positive or opposite polarity in relation to drinking), I was also charging the point of drinking as the negative polarity. Accordingly, one day about 8 or 9 years ago while I was shopping for some food, out of the corner of my eye I saw some beer. I didn’t even attempt to try to stop myself from buying it, because at that point the energy of that polarity had built up to such an extent that I as that entity or personality was already completely consumed and possessed by it. It’s a sly, patient and devious mind of mine, which brings me to another point that I’ve been considering in relation to freedom within control or “structure” which I would also prefer to use instead of the word control.

In considering that the addiction character as a mind entity (like a parasite that is aware and living off the physical body) is within and as me, it is also important for me realize that this entity, perhaps like a personality of the mind, probably has full access to me as mind, perhaps even more that I am aware. As such, there’s no way I’m going to to go to battle (as I did before) with this point because it would be like starting a war within myself, one that no one would win. Why? Because no matter which strategy I employ, short of complete self-honesty, there’ll be a counter strategy to keep me cycling around and around. Thus, my plan is to work with the mind, being and body for the benefit of all of me.

It’s kind of like my approach to dealing with viruses. As viruses are part of what is here within and as, why should I be instructing my body to attack what is within and as me, while voicing words of oneness and equality? This is not to say that strong antibiotics are not sometimes essential to dealing with viruses and physical ailments, but that our sometimes bellicose or warlike approach to dealing with viruses, AI and other designs should perhaps be reconsidered.  In short, when dealing virused in the body (and this is another experiment that I’ve been working on), instead of imagining and/or sounding instructions for one’s immune system to attack the viruses,  perhaps a better approach to sound words or instructions of unity, embracing the viruses and all else within and as the body equally as one from the starting point of cooperating to coexist in a way or form that is best for all. Like so much of this existence, the viruses just want to survive. Herein, the choice is to continue competing, cycling through the stages of winning and losing or to change tactics, changing our starting point from one of opposition to one of cooperation.


As the addiction character within and as me is perhaps an entity, kind of like a virus, it is not to oppose it - as this will just energize it more. Instead it is to… This is my question or quest that I’ll continue investigating as I walk this path of letting go of the secrecy while expanding my self-honesty - which is also an investigation for me.