The Triangle of Self-Manipulation

Recently I have been looking at points where I wonder who, what, where, why and/or how another or others view me and/or do something or do not do something in relation to me. This mental activity, when I imagine the origin and path of progress that the happenings take, is what I am calling my triangle of self-manipulation.

I realize that, it is manipulation and that; I am in the process of manipulating myself as soon as I imagine the relationship lines moving around “out there” and eventually heading for me. This has been one of the most difficult points for me to comprehend; that, nothing of what I perceive comes from “out there,” winding its way from this point to that until it arrives at me. Instead, everything that I imagine, perceive, consider, define, judge, believe, hope, feel, experience, dislike, like, desire, want, need, etc., all begin from within and as me.  This way of looking at everything and I mean everything is necessary for me in order avoid stepping on one of my own mind-traps and looking out there for answers to questions that begin within and as me. I realize that, this may seem someone harsh. However, when one is dealing with myself, face to face inside of me, a point of certainty is only possible at the point wherein I bring all points of possibility and/or probability back to me to take responsibility for everything I perceive.

Here is why it is so necessary for me to bring all points of everything back to me. For about eight years now, I have been working on stopping thoughts and stopping my participation in the mind. I have been successful (or at least, I thought I was successful) in some areas of slowing down and stopping some mental experiences. However, I have often wondered why I just did not seem to change within and as certain points. Then, I considered what some beings seemed to be communicating about how a person sometimes went into silent mode when they were attempting to assist him. Once again, I brought this point back to me to see if I could use it to assist myself. Sure enough, when I looked at what I often do in relation to looking into me, I suddenly realized that I often go quiet/blank.

Herein I asked how I am supposed to tell the difference between going silent/quiet as a physical movement of life, and going silent and quiet as a mine-trap of imagination. I was immediately able to answer this. Because, when I look at all the times (I have been deceiving myself and perhaps others), the first point I notice is the pressure at the top of my forehead as though something is being pushed down. That something that is being pushed down  within my physical body is, I guess the beingness of me being suppressed by myself, the mind of the physical body, hence the pressure of suppression.

It was also quite easy for me to look back to realize how I arrived at a state wherein I as being could so easily be suppressed by myself as mind. I all began in 2009 while I was practicing stopping myself as mind. It seemed almost an impossible task; however, I found that if I applied enough pressure, I could stop the thoughts swirling around and around inside of me. What I did not realize though, was that, I was teaching myself which was learning how to use manipulation against me so as to make it appear the mind had stopped, when in reality, all I had done was create an energetic space imagined as emptiness, while I as mind burrowed deeper into and as the physical body to continue functioning on depths of which I was unaware. This where I now am – just beginning to notice the constant pressure at the top of my forehead, pushing downwards in effort to suppress a part of me that is determined to surface. 

Day 105: Anxiety, Anxiousness, Excitement...

As I’ve stated many times before, although it may appear in different shapes and sizes, it's always only just Fear. It comes, and even though I rarely give it more than a fraction of a second to check what it's pertaining to, it often still lingers. Using a technique I learned here, I get rid of it or absorb it back into me. Actually, I’m not really sure where it goes, but it does go..., and sometimes return. The key that I’ve begun realizing is that it (the energy) is not who I am; of this I am certain because I am able choose not to follow it. Thus, I don't follow it, and although my presence as energy is still often there instead of here in and as the physical, I am more and more rarely moved by it. In other words, I do what I do and am going to do, without allowing the mind energies to interfere.

What I find very interesting is that I see how this world changes, how we create from the small to the big. Yet, when I speak of it to others, there comes resistance to even the simplest of equations. It's like the concept, the whole being equal to the sum of its parts, only applies to a 360 degree circle on a piece of paper. Move it into and as the “whole” physical reality, and it suddenly becomes a religion or a conspiracy theory, as though it cannot be because it's gotta be far more complicated than all of us having to take individual responsibility for ourselves as points within and as the whole, and the whole as a point that we are all equally responsible for and able to change as we change ourselves. Thus as a whole, nothing gets better in this world because the mass of ignorance/abuse still far exceeds the mass of self-change that will benefit the whole. Still it's cool (for me) because although the changes that I face and push through are usually uncomfortable, I am certain they are beneficial both in the short and long term to me and all else.

In a world in reverse, words of common-sense (of physically applied simple-mathematics) are shunned in favor of the illusions of love and light, happiness, etc., which allow the user/abuser the freedom of choice to view in a mode that doesn't require responsibility or even physical reality, just a mind and an idea of what one cares and wants to see. I see the changes taking place in this world – for better or worse, most of it worse: the little things/consequences that so many have come to accept as norm, believing/hoping as in the past, that they will stay one step ahead of the game because they/we are somehow special. Good luck there! We then think/want to believe that there are those – at least a few, controlling what happens in this world, and so whatever happens will be theirs alone to atone. Shame that so many refuse to apply the simplest of mathematics: 1+1=2, meaning that each and every one of us are creating the outcome/sum of what is here. And even though many have sold their peace of the pie/the right to decide to another, in the end each of us is responsible for weapons as ourselves and we do decide what we accept and allow, buy and sell.

Sometimes when I am facing a point, sitting here in my house with enough food to feed ten of us, thinking that my life sometimes really sucks, the idea occurs to me that any time I could escape all of this by just embracing the ignorance – the light of the illusion. Then, in looking back at the reality of how I have been, I realize that I do not recall ever being better. So I continue, determined to see what's really in a lifetime.

Self forgiveness on participating in Polarities

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define as positive, knowing that my schedule is flexible in the near future, and within this not realize that I was also the negative experience directed at not having a flexible schedule.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define having a flexible schedule or not being obligated to do something as “positive/freedom”, and within this not see, realize and understand that when I defined freedom as a positive experience I was also committing myself to the negative experience – defined as not being free. I see, realize and understand that “freedom” is without polarity, and thus I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to define space-time activities within and as polarities, and instead walk without judgment/definitions so as to not subject myself to the positive/negative poles of experience.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define “having” to go to do something in the near future as negative, thus subjecting myself to the experience of anxiousness/anxiety. I now see, realize and understand that by defining my Time as positive/negative, I tie myself to time and thus abdicate my responsibility to direct myself in/as the present/moment. I also realize that to be responsible within and as self-directing me is to be simply be here without polarities – without charge. When and as I find myself defining time or anything else within and as a polarity, I stop, breathe, let go of the energies, and direct myself to accomplish what I’m doing, stable, without energy.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness in my solar-plexus area, and within this not see, realize and understand that I have the ability to stand equal to this energy, and direct it so that I am not moved by it. When and as I find myself at the point of feeling/experiencing energy accumulating within/as me, I take a couple of breaths, and direct this energy as me.

Day 103: Letting go of the "Idea" of Freedom

Recently I've been dreaming about Mexico. It's actually an encompassing experience/definition that I have of Central America, but mostly it pertains to Mexico, my experiences there of. The closest word that comes up is “freedom,” which is kind of silly because most of the time I just seemed to be on the move/run, plotting how to make money, have fun and get away before anyone caught on, before I wore-out my welcome. I was always convinced that the longer I stayed in one place, the more likely it was that someone would recognize the manipulation, reasoning or rezoning behind the facade innocence. Looking back, perhaps I was innocent, perhaps I just thought myself slick, and that I didn't really get over on that many at all. Perhaps the boarder patrol, army, Federales, etc., simply realized that my crimes weren't crimes at all, but standard procedure – getting by in an corrupt abusive system. It's interesting, even today to go to a third world country such as the Philippines, Mexico, India, and now the US – lol, and see how wealthy the upper class really is. As a foreigner and someone for whom role-playing and manipulation always come easy – as long as there was something in it for me, it was always really easy to get in and see how the upper percentage lived. Quite often, the next day I would find myself en el campo con los campesinos (peasoants). Without a doubt, I had always felt safer and had more fun on the ground with the poor than I ever did in the air with the rich. With people who have nothing extra to give, it's always clear where they stand by what they do give, and that's real giving. This dream or the likes of it that I occasionally have wherein I’m with my car, the open road, the fields and people I meet, the smell of adventure and the allure of freedom/escape; it's like my mind is trying to rationalize why I would care to give up that kind of trip for this, a journey of words. It's not that my experience on earth has become better or worse, it's simply that I’ve begun to see and hear without the interpreter. I watch how dogs and other animals communicate; no words are spoken, yet the say themselves. Imagine how live would be if we simply turned our the words, perhaps then we'd see.

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to project onto Mexico and Central America an idea of freedom, and within this not see, realize and understand that the idea of freedom I created in my mind was just that, an idea as in a polarity of confinement/work/commitment. Within this I now realize that, as I had judged times/experiences such as working, going to school, etc., as negative, so too would I end up having a definition as positive/freedom. In this I commit myself to no longer allow myself to define myself as an experience or anything else.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the key to living is in/as the words themselves: live what you speak, and speak what you live. Within this, I realize that thoughts that are not immediately spoken/lived are a waste of life.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the key to being is not in/as seeing, but in/as being one with all that is here, and to be one with all that is here is to simply stop participating within and as that which is not here – mind/energy.

Day 103: Polarities, Freedom vs. Survival

I've written about shame, the place within/as me, us all that we dare not go, because to do so would mean giving up the illusion, having to face ourselves, and take responsibility with no strings attached. I realize that much of what I speak/write is still but ideas based in the illusion/mind/energy; this is my quest/journey to the truth of me. I know where my shame lies, and this is where I’m heading, layer by layer.

Currently, I’m focused on the polarity-layer I've defined as Survival vs. Freedom. The battle between these two concepts (survival having a negative charge, and freedom having a positive charge) has defined my entire life from the age of about 7. Survival of course means having money, which requires that I at times give-up that which I have defined as freedom, and enter into the system to work or play the money game. Why am I not free in the process of acquiring money? Because I’ve given positive definitions/energetic charges to my idea of freedom. Unfortunately, according to the law of polarity or balance, the experience of the positive (even in the illusion of/as mind) is defined by its polar opposite. In other words, that I’ve defined and participated within and as the experience of Freedom as a positive energy, requires that I also experience its equal opposite or negative energy. Thus, I’m left to also endure the negative – restriction/control/limitation. In short (as much as I have enjoyed teaching), because I had defined “not working” as a positive experience/freedom, I had tied myself to also experiencing the negative. If only I had known; if only I had understood. Yet, as I’ve always said, it's never too late to change.

I've written a basic mind construct on this topic and applied self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to the point that, I've stopped participating in most of the energies associated with finding work and working, and I've stopped compromising myself, i.e., agreeing to do stuff for the sake of having a job and or avoiding conflict. Now, I'm going to write self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements directed at the polarities within and as which I’ve defined my space-time, so as to release the charges/definitions I’ve given to these two states of mind, so as to no longer participate in the roller-coaster ride of the world system/mind.

Self forgiveness based on Polarities

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as positive, knowing that my schedule is flexible in the near future.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define having a flexible schedule or not being obligated to do something as “positive/freedom”, and within this not see, realize and understand that when I allowed the positive experience I was also committing myself to experience the negative as in – not being free/being obligated/having to go to work. Within this I see, realize and understand that true freedom is without polarity, not defined. I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to define myself, my space-time activities within and as polarities, and instead to walk/accomplish what I.m involved in, without judgment/definitions, so as to stop the roller-coaster ride.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define “having to go to work in the near future” as negative, thus subjecting myself to the experience of anxiousness/anxiety. I now see, realize and understand that by defining my Time as positive/negative, I tie myself to time and thus abdicate my responsibility to direct myself in/as the present/moment. Within this, I now see, realize and understand that to be responsible – self-directing me, is to be without polarities. When and as I find myself defining time or anything else within and as a polarity, I stop, breathe, let go of the energies, and direct myself to accomplish what I’m doing, stable, without energy.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define my experience on the morning of going to work, as a positive because there is no uncertainty/waiting/expecting a time to end/begin.

Day 101: Shame Rant

Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame on You! What you gonna do when they come for you? What you gonna do when you stand in front of that mirror, ask yourself why you didn't stand up for your brothers and sisters – the blood of you? Where were you when the hungry cried? Where where you when the oceans died, the last tree fell, and babies cried? Where were you when the bombs subsided; what side of the two-headed coin did you choose? Hollywood, sell some cheap glue to the ghetto boys and sing the blues. Where was I and where were you; shame we didn't arrive in time.

Inside the mind of a man who has not found his shame. It's there, I can feel it and see it, but it's too dangerous bring it up. The system sees shame, as with honesty, as a weakness to be trounced upon, outcast/cutoff from the spoils, nothing more for the conscientious traitors. “Go die with the ones that care enough to be what is right and good.”

• The Black hole, everyone must have one, that place we dare not go because, because, because; why?

• Why not explore the deepest of dark holes? Because of course, you might fall in, get lost and never return.

• How could I possible loose myself, unless myself is not really me, but a program designed to get me to believe it is me?

• It's you alright, and you go down that rabbit hole, you ain't never coming back.

• What is Shame, real shame, and why haven't I found mine?

• Shame in the system is like having no money, or talking to people who aren't there (unless of-course you make a cartoon out of it – in which case they reward you with money), it's not politically correct, and you might get put away; you'll  definitely lose ALL your MONEY! They – the system, just take it away, and your friends will refuse to even ReCogNize you.

• Shame is a lonely road where only the bold may go, and once you go, you never come back.

Day 101:

Interestingly, when I scan back through much of my life, and recall the points of wanting/needing something, striving for it and getting it, I realize that those points were all of the starting point of mind/energy/fear, projected onto a goal, leading me to physically move myself to achieve that goal. And then after a fleeting moment of relief/accomplishment/security projected onto a point of having achieved something, the next challenge/want/need/desire would come along. And so it has been: me chasing an idea/image of me that I had created in my mind, believing/hoping that obtaining these goals would lead to some form of real satisfaction/contentment/happiness that remained forever as who I am. But it never stayed because it was never me, just experiences, mined/energy defined, accepted and allowed by me because I believed it to be real. It's a vicious cycle, believing that we are all entitled to more and more and more.

So much waste; why don't we human beings simply open our eyes and deal with the reality that is here, instead of chasing our wants/needs/desires – fear based illusions, of the mind? Why is it that so few of us seem to realize or care that, within a closed system with limited resources, the “more” we get and have, the less there is for the rest? The statistics are easy to easy enough to read: 22,000 children dying needlessly each day due to poverty; three-billion living on less than $2.50 a day, dead zones in the ocean..., and the list goes on. In case anyone wants to know who's responsible for all this misery, look no further than me and my TV's, computers, cars, motorcycles..., and the rest of us who sit back in comfortable chairs, thinking, believing that there's nothing we can do.

In the past, I have been asked “what are you going to do about it?” My answer is quite simple: change myself to become a force that stands for and considers what is best for all. The only way for All to have more is for all to equally have more, equality and oneness. It's the way we all should have been moving all along, yet somewhere along the line we went wrong – forward in spite and self-interest to arrive at where we are now, a world in reverse. So let's just right it by writing and walking the change.

Day 99: More on Change and the Symbolism of Words

Change, I define as the difference between two or more points. Each point/moment/breath is an opportunity to direct self to become that which One is becoming (Humpty Dumpty putting self back together again), within/as A-wareness: either here in/as the present/gift to be lived, or not here but instead lying in status as Energy/Ion separated from self, lost in the illusION / religION of the mind. Change, as in becoming what one is becoming is a point or points that no longer hide in fear within and as the illusion [ill us(ed) ION] or religion [re lig(ed) ION] of and as energy. Whether the ION experience is positive, negative or neutral does not matter because it is all of the same source/starting point of friction/conflict to transform substance/physicality into mind energy. Change is measurable as the accumulation of breath/moments: from that of charged particles/mind/ion, to awareness equal and One with all that is physically here in and as the present. From here, the obvious key is to remain here, unchanged and unchained, innocent and free of all charges.

I enjoy exploring words, the sound/physical energy symbolism imbedded into and as the words themselves. Words are part of the code by which we as human beings are programmed. What is cool is that, once we realize that our words are who we are and thus – our responsibility to and as such words, we are then (through writing and speaking) able to change ourselves to become self-directed physical beings living for and as what is best for all. In other words, it's all in the words, and within understanding our words, we are able to self-direct ourselves to redefine/change our words, thus changing ourselves and becoming living words that create outflows that are best for all.

Self-forgiveness

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that every word that I think, speak and/or write will create within and as it, outflows either of consequence or that which is best for all. Within this, I see, realize and understand that to stand as what is best for all, is to be – think/speak/write, only words that will create outflows that will be best for all. In this, I commit myself to guard/monitor my thoughts, words and deeds so as to become the change that is best for all.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to in moments/breathes, not be here and as such, miss opportunities to direct myself here in/as the physical. I see, realize and understand that within this life, opportunities are limited, and within this I commit myself to be more diligent – aware of the moments as breaths, so as to move me out of the mind's energy and into physical living.

Day 97: Writing to Right

Mine eyes have perceived an image of me, and although I’ve perceived there may be worse, I realize there is much more to me than just this perception. I no longer agree to view images through the TV inside/as my mind; I will see, being that which is here. If only it were as simple as speaking/writing the words: “I'll bet it is,” says the little voice in my head, “there's always a back door, a shortcut to bypass those suckers.” To which I respond, “That would be death, and it's probably just another trap.”

This is the kind of stuff I write (yet only sometimes post) when the energy inside of me wants to whine – do anything else but write out the the energies – big and small that curse through the veins. I would have thought that after having forty plus years of experience dealing with and often ignoring the energy inside, this energy itself would have given up. But no, it persist because like me who insist on righting it, we're both one in the same. Kind of cool, walking with myself to overcome my self ego-I to win this war, even without the use of a backdoor program. After all, what kind of programmer would I be is I wasn't able to deprogram and reprogram me?

This morning when awakening, before opening my eyes, I put my fingers to the eye sockets, nose, and lips. Touching to see without using the mind's/image. Each time I asked myself “what is this, what am I?” and, like magic an image appeared. I realize that the image that appears in the mind is just a representation of the past, blurred by time, memories of pictures, emotions and feelings. Who am I; what am I without an image in the mind's eye of me? The answer is easy enough, substance. The image that appears in the mind is just energy derived (so I have learned) by consuming the the physical/being/substance to transform into energy – so as to view and experience the image.

Have a look at the images of Heaven we all keep hidden away in our minds. Most are probably special, the happy place in the mind where everything is going to be OK because one day that's where we'll be – with grandma and grandpa, whee! Not mine (image) of heaven; it's not that sweet. So why, if heaven is such a wonderful place to be, don't more people just kill themselves and be on their merry way? Because there is doubt: deep down inside they fear a grave mistake has been made, maybe they've been conned. Imagine being inside the minds of one of those “praise Jesus Christ” folks. I mean, I see/write what comes out of me, and it's sometimes fun, but usually not. Yet to even imagine being trapped inside one of those minds that believes/hopes/preys that some god is will come and save them (let alone that they must die for even the opportunity), that's, that's just another story. Which, having a look at what I've just written (fun/sarcastic) brings me back to a reality wherein, one mind the other, we're all trapped, coping in our own ways. Honestly, if I ever get out of this place / the mind, my plan is to stay – not just run away; stay until all are free.

I sometimes enjoy writing like this. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, I’ve got more important issues such as writing out the energy that's been buzzing around in my stomach since this morning. Once again, it has to do with work – keeping my hours down and finding a place close by. What's interesting is that, since I’ve written this, the energy in my stomach has dissipated even though I didn't write about the energies themselves; or did I? It's all in the words, and regardless of what words one uses and or abuses, the essence of the being comes through; perhaps not as clearly as in the spoken word, yet it's still here. And now I see why it's so important to write (every day); even though I may write around the subject, I’m still writing, righting me.

Self forgiveness and self corrective statements

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the real – unsimulated me does not require a simulation see me or tell me who I am. Within this, I commit myself to following through on this plan(et) to breaking out of this simulated mind-reality.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the real me / a new me emerges within and as each breath that is without simulation, and the more I am without simulation, the closer I come to seeing/hearing/being here.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to play the game of not seeing and within this game, not take responsibility for all as me. It's like I got so used to the game simulation that I've been afraid to return, fearing it's too late to go back, and within this not realize that it's not about going back, but about stopping the energy and moving myself.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be labeled, identified as a singularity, separate from all that is one me.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to energize myself into “thinking” that it's time to find a job, instead of simply moving myself to go an find a place that I’d like to work. I see, realize and understand that moving myself in this reality does not require energy, just some practice. Within this I commit myself to (tomorrow and the next day, and so on) to moving myself without (or at least less and less) energy.

Day 96: Energy Entity

The other day I reacted to seeing one of my posts reposed. Illogical yes, but that's what reactions are, illogical. It was an energy-entity type reaction, not so much associated with a personality as much as it was latent unaddressed guilt for having judged myself as not moving/asserting myself equal to my ability. By, “asserting myself” I'm referring to: posting blogs everyday, writing self-forgiveness, waking-up humanity, etc. I have all sorts of excuses for not doing more, yet none of them have anything to do with what's physically here. It's more as though I'm waiting for something (I picked that up from one of the Atlantean interviews, and seems to fit).    I have been waiting for something; I just don't know what it is or how long I’ve been waiting, and now I’ve begun to wonder if “waiting” isn't just another mind construct designed to keep me stuck in limbo, just waiting for the right moment.

Getting back to my reaction: I was quite surprised because I saw myself as having just gotten over a hump – kind of like transcending some points, and suddenly there I was, reacting. What is also interesting is that, after looking at what I had reacted to, I realized that my reactions were completely unfounded – based totally on my own suppressed self-judgment and guilt. After half an hour or so I had stabilized myself, yet I realized that the cause / starting point of this energy-entity is probably still lurking within me. So, my plan is to target it with self-forgiveness while at the same time, digging deeper into what it is that I’m waiting for, why is it that I spend so much time in wait. I've always seen myself as being capable of accomplishing absolutely anything and everything that I determined to accomplish. Perhaps that's the problem, deep down inside I fear exposing the image of myself as just that, an image.

One thing that I appreciate is that, the points to be dealt with, generally don't come up all at once, they come up when I’m ready to face them. Also the Eqafe interviews: I used to see them as knowledge and information, the secrets of the universe, and now I’m more noticing the assistance they provide. I have a budget to listen to only so many of those per month, and with a library to choose from it has sometimes been hit or miss, especially when I “think” about which ones to choose. So, these days I just look for titles that stand out/ring a bell, and this method seems to be working. Information and assistance all is right here; seeing it is just a point of standing equal to it, being ready to here.

Self-forgiveness

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to react in guilt – fearing that I had been called-out/caught/busted, and within this not see, realize and understand that the point of guilt is the part of me that knows what I require to do, yet isn't doing it. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that doing is also the point of learning to do; it's like the chicken and the egg, they both moved at the same time, and so too must I do so as to learn how to do it; i.e., write self-forgiveness to see what it is that I require to write. Within this, I now see, realize and understand that the writing self-forgiveness is also the process of seeing what it is that needs to be written; doing it is just a question of writing and seeing what gets written. Therefore, when and as I find myself at the point of “not having an idea about what to write self-forgiveness on; I stop the thoughts and simply begin typing and see what comes out of me.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as guilt for not moving myself according to my response abilities, and within this not realize and understand that it's not necessary for me to always wait for points to come up as energy; I am able to pull them out by targeting personalities, expanding on the little points, etc., until something comes up. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only the big reactions are worth writing about, and within this, miss the little points – which are actually the big points. In this, I commit myself to stop waiting for the points to come out of me, and go inside the mind and find them.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not moving/asserting myself equal to my ability to do so, and within this not see that my self-judgment is the act of me excusing myself to not take self-responsibility for that point. I commit myself to stop this “whatever” attitude, and challenge myself to see where it is that I haven't been.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m required to wait for the right moment at which point I miraculously manifest myself into a being worthy of life..., and within this not see, realize and understand “my own” tactics of luring myself/opponent into a state of self complacency – believing that there's plenty of time: mind manipulation used against myself to get what the mind wants, take it easy, sit back and relax. I now see, realize and understand that the only one inside of me is me, and that my state of complacency that I've been experiencing for quite some time now is a state of mind, the opposite polarity of worried haste. In this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the key to being more than before is self movement, consistently challenging myself so as to be more than before. Herein I commit myself to at each point of comfort, challenge myself to explore more within and as what is best/more for all.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to limit my self determination to points within my comfort zone, and within this not see, realize and understand that I’ve been catering to fear of failure. I now see, realize and understand that in not pushing myself to explore more of me, I was “staying safe,” locked away in fear. Thus, I commit myself to each time I sit down to write/walk/breathe/express, take the exploration just one step further to see what's here.

Day 95: What is Change?

Looking at humanity's history of the usage of the word, change, I see that (like most words in this world), it has been used and abused to evoke positive images of more money, prosperity, beauty, etc. While that which physically matters such as the environment, nature, animal kingdom, people, clean air, and so forth, are ignored as if they were not living parts of all that is here. The illusion that banker/politicians and the media propaganda would have us believe is that beneficial changes for all, begin at the top, work their way down, and all that the people need do is borrow and consume. For the human race that has valued only money while ignoring what is here as life, change is and has always been a constant race to the Finish line, self-annihilation, death by consumption. The tell tale signs that we are nearing this finish line are all around us: the water and oil wells are drying up, food stocks are dwindling, and noticeably – instead of expanding the money supply inline with a growing economy, bankers/governments are printing money as though it will magically restore economic growth. It won't, and nothing short of radical change on the individual and collective levels, is going to save us from finally reaching the finish-line of self-consumption.

Collective Change

On a collective level, real change is change that will benefit ALL aspects of life – animals, plants, humans, etc. It begins with the simple acknowledgment that All life is equal and as such, fighting for the right to have more is a crime against life. Nothing is separate and thus correcting the whole requires addressing needs of each individual piece of the whole. It's a process that must be walked in space-time and will require that we let go of much – all that we once perceived ourselves to be – as in separation. 

I started writing this with the intent to define change so as to benchmark my process. I now see that change as in where I’m heading is undefined. Interesting.  I have been walking this process of change (with Desteni) for some time now. It's a cool journey that isn't always pleasant because it's a process of letting go of that which I once beLIEved was me; writing-out the pre-programmed aspects of me, forgiving/deleting them so as to let them go, writing the new program in the form of self-corrective statements, and then walking these statements to the point that they become me.

Self forgiveness

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to desire and search for a definition of “change,” and within this not see, realize and understand that change within/as life is to be lived – not defined. For what is the difference between two points but the steps that are walked in between. Within this I see, realize and understand that no one tell me what change within and as me is, because I’m the one who must walk/live it. Herein I commit myself to let go of my preconceived ideas of change, and instead just live in/as the points where I happen to be.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that change would be easy, and within this not realize that to reverse me, I must first stop me by letting go of that which I thought was me; everything.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to secretly believe that I would be able to hold on to some aspects of me, and within this still not get it – if I have to hold onto it, it isn't me. Here, I commit myself to explore those aspects of me that I have judged as worth holding onto, and see what happens when I let go of them.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and idea that, the consumer/human race ends with self-consumption, and within this not see, realize and understand that – like me, the future is ultimately determined within/as the present, and as such we are able to change it.

Day 93: Time to check out the countryside

This is basically how I’ve been making my way through the world system as far back as I remember, stopping for a while, exploring, and then moving on. There are considerations that I apply to where I work and live, such as the cost of living, the currency rate, the environment, etc., yet on this occasion it is for the most part a comparison of the benefits/drawbacks of staying home in my current location, versus the benefits/drawbacks of setting up somewhere else. Looking back at the last year or so, I see that this is just about the way I planned it; in a sense, right back where I started, yet this time with a different point of view. My family – wife and dog appear to be healthy, and I have regained the strength/use of my legs (ankles and knees), which is interesting because my posture/walk is now better than it used to be – a post for another day.

What will I do with my opportunity? (*Every breath is actually an opportunity)

I’ll use it to continue testing/investigating/walking my path, to see what changes I've solidified and what remains of mind. As far as whether I’ll stay in Taoyuan City or go somewhere else to live and work for a while remains. for me to see, keeping my eyes open for something new. The main point as I see it is to continue walking step-by-step, and not get lost trying to go back to the way I was before; I’ve been down that back-road before and I didn't enjoy it. So, tomorrow I’ll drive down to central Taiwan to the area where I had lived and worked at the Buddhist elementary school. I enjoy the environment down there – mountains, rivers, trees, bicycle riding, hiking, etc. It's the location I've been eyeing as a place to possibly resettle – trade in the city life, for a house with a garden and trees in the country. Last year I went there thinking that it would be simple to do just that. It didn't work out that way; my big plans rarely do, because they really do require to be walked in space time, step by step. Since that time, I've realized that I had created an idea based on how I imagined my life should be, and in chasing that idea, I had skipped some necessary steps required to actually get there. This time around, I’m slowing myself down. After-all, I now realize that it doesn't really matter what location I’m at, as long as I am directing myself to be and remain here.

• I commit myself to stay on the course of change that I’ve established and within this, direct myself to move deeper into/as the physical, living here.
• I commit myself to expand me within and as the changes that I have begun to realize, and within this solidify these changes. Specifically, I commit myself to when deciding which direction to move, keep it practical and physical.
• I commit myself (within planning and deciding where I’ll be living and working) to keep my focus on what is practical and best for all those involved.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the act of driving around in the city, looking for a parking space, eating out, and regretting that I didn't just insist that we stay home and eat.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge “eating out for entertainment) to be a waste of money and rarely fun.

Day 92: Why do I write similar Self-forgiveness and Self-corrective statements over and over again?

Writing the same statements over and over again makes it appear as though I am making the same mistakes over and over again, which leaves me exposed as being less than I have imagined/ portrayed myself to be. So, why do still it; because (as is seen from the statement above) my ego still has a hold on me. Consciousness – the autopilot program by which I've produced an image of me has backups, and as soon as I redirect one point the backups kick in and attempt to override the new settings. Thus, I reinforce my new position/stand by rewriting it as many times as necessary and by living that which I’ve written so that it becomes my nature, a natural expression of me. It's like disassembling myself while at the same time recreating myself: from a being that feared, bowed and begged, to one that which stands and walks. Changes that I've lived for only a short time are like wet cement that's just been applied to a hole in the ceiling. Much of it may fall down; so I apply more, and I keep applying until I as that point is covered and solidified. The ceiling which is also a floor is me in the process of standing and walking through the world system to change me and the world system at the same time. Simply tearing-down the ceiling/me to build a new one is not an option because I require the use of the ceiling/floor to be able to function in this system so as to change me and the system from within. As I see it, it has to be done in such a way because I/we are the system/problem, and thus we must become the solution, re-creating ourselves from the inside out.

On another note, have almost 3 more weeks left of not working, called vacation. Yet it's not really a vacation because these days I've only been working 3 days a week anyway. I actually prefer my working weeks. This Saturday, I will go for a drive to visit some places, go camping and sit in some hot springs. Then I’ll come back and take my wife to Chayi to her father's home, for the New Year gatherings.

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself as ego to interfere with my process of change – my process of eliminating me as ego. I now see, realize and understand that the points where I concern myself with what others may perceive of me, are points of ego, based within/as fear. Herein, I commit myself to write/walk through these points until I have nothing more to hide.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in making the same or similar mistakes, not see, realize and understand that just as it took space-time for me to program me to act in certain ways, so to will it take space-time to remove the program and change the nature of me.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself use imagination to create an image of myself, and within this not see, realize and understand that a picture is always of the past.

Day 89: Suppressed Negativity Part 2, Ending the Game, Brick by Brick

I usually write with some measure of pretense that the nature of who we are as beings, deep down inside will eventually show, growing to become an unstoppable force of Benevolent change to bring about the new world order of Equality. It really is just a pretense – me in writing a certain way, forcing myself to be/write as I would have myself and others be and become. Once again I make it clear that I change myself for Me and the (as I see it) miniscule chance that I may become a force of change that, along with a small group, may implement change unto and for the rest. In a reoccurring dream that has once again surfaced, there is a force chasing/hunting me as though it is a game for them. Each time within me, there is the certainty that I can and will defeat them all, but not by playing their game. First, I must escape and evade, circle back and attack them one by one, and so I do, but the game still never seems to end, and the struggle goes on and on. I see reality in similar light; we keep on fighting and the game just keeps going and going with no end in sight. Let's just stop the game.

Stopping the Game, Brick by Brick

We may have a Democratic solution to bring about Equality for all, yet if the implementation of such a solution is dependent on the current Democratic system – dysfunctional and upside-down, then the design of Equality is like having an airplane to fly but no runway on which to takeoff. In other words (as I see it), we're not going to change the world system by playing by the judicial rules of those at the top. The way to win this game is to end it once and for all, terminating the old and birthing the new at the same time. We start at the bottom, and systematically begin turning off the power to nonessential systems, thus starving the systems of the power that we through our participation provide. From the small to the big, one brick at a time, we pull out the bricks of the hierarchical system, to build and Equality System from the bottom up. Just spread the words, when and where to Stop participation.

Self Forgiveness

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is necessary to write as though I believe or am certain that the human race will change, that we will all persevere.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the human race / judge myself as unlikely to become a force of change that will bring about what is best for all. Within this, I see, realize and understand that my judgment is of and as only me, and therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, not seeing/understanding that judgment is a self-imposed barrier to change. In this I commit myself to let go of my judgments of me and all as me, so as to focus on a solution – whatever it may be.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that to win the game, I had to play the game, and within this not see, realize and understand that the mind-game of inequality will never be won until all stop participating, stop playing the game. I now see, realize and understand why it is that we on an individual level must first stop our participation within and as energy; because the small and the big are one in the same. Herein I commit myself to stop my participation in/as energy, and become one with a force to stop this game of separation.
• Desteni
• EQAFE
• DIP Lite
• Creation's Journey to Life
• Heaven's Journey to Life
• Earth's Journey to Life
• Thomas La Grua
• Economist Journey to Life
• Equal Money

DAy 87: Spring Cleaning

Spring cleaning, Chinese New Year, the Festival of Spring: cleaning the house, doing things that require to be done every so often, and just relaxing a bit. Spring Festival is a time to visit family, clean the house... Really, it's just like any other holiday, corrupted by consumerism; a time to renew Ties that a Bind friends and family ,spend money, waste food, gamble, drink, give money to children and elders – what a contrast. There are aspects of this holiday that I have in the past enjoyed – camping at various hot springs, visiting people way up in the mountains, and the extra friendliness of the people in general. I'm writing about this because many of the behavioral changes that I’ve been walking through for some time now, suddenly seem threatened by (of all things), my imagination. In other words, whereas I used to interact with many, these days I don't, and to be honest, I enjoy me this way. Whereas I would turn down invitations to visit people during other times of the year, to do so during these holidays would be – in terms of tradition, impolite and bad luck for the one doing the inviting. Herein my imagination keeps coming up: how will I be with these people if I am not the old me? Will I still be liked if I don't make it my mission to see to it that everyone is having fun? Like I said, it's my imagination, unreliable memories of the past, displayed as a possible future... I guess I’ll just walk through an see; I’ll not plan who I’ll be, nor imagine what they'll think of me; I’ll simply direct myself in the moment.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that the future is going to be like the past, and within this, fear the future, wanting instead just to remain here where I am, locked away in my safe house. Within this, I see, realize and understand that the future is what I make it – as long as I direct myself within and as what is physically here in the present. When and as I find myself at the point of thinking/back-chatting/imaging about the future, I stop, breathe, and walk it through here in the physical – like going for a test drive.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I participate in parties where everyone is partying and apparently having fun, that I will revert back to my old partying ways. Herein I see, realize and understand that there is not positive/negative, just me as that which I accept/allow or as the self-directive principle. I commit myself to self-directive/self-honest/responsible.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my writing must be written for others to read, and within this judged my writings and thus judged myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all my writings is for me to understand me, and perhaps one day for others to see where I am at this point. Herein I commit myself to stop judging myself as though I have nothing to say, and instead just write what comes out – for me and anyone else who might care to read.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that changing me is a long-term process that takes time, and in this it is not important where I am in my journey, but that I am still walking it.

Desteni

EQAFE

DIP Lite

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Thomas La Grua

Economist Journey to Life

Equal Money

Day 80: No Doom's day today

I’d be lying if I said that I haven't for a long time been hoping, perhaps the last of my hopes, that the end of the Mayan cycle would produce something, a wake-up call if you will to humanity, that change is now the order of the day. Alas, the day has come and almost gone, and all through-out the land, people are still shopping, including me. No tsunamis have come, not even the usual earthquakes that Taiwan so regularly sees. Billions will still go to sleep, hungry tonight, the rigged stock exchanges will still open on Monday, garbage will still flow into the ocean, trees will be cut down... Longing for the end of the Capitalist system, how do we put a stop to it; it's like it just doesn't want to die, crash and be done so that a new system (Equal Money System) may be put in place. I realize that it's not that easy – like Revolution and War. The most important aspect of change – other than its direction, is it's foundation, and here is where patience is obviously crucial. Once again I find myself with more questions then answers. Regarding the Mayan calendar there's more to this mystery, something – like so much else that I’m still not seeing. For example, why is it that the mainstream media such as CNN, never jumped on the 2012 craze, they never pass up an opportunity to hype an issue. Perhaps it's because they weren't involved in creating this one, or perhaps they're just focused on creating a different issue. Either way, I’d call this a day, one more step in the direction of letting go of the hope – small as it may have been, and turning once again to face what is to be faced, the consequences, slow and steady. The reason I am certain that there are still consequences to be faced is because I can currently see them playing-out and still being created. At least it wasn't plan A.

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to hope that the Mayan calendar had been aligned to an external event that would force would instantly force change upon us, and within this not see/realize and understand that hope in external events causing humans to change is one of the causes of our not changing. I see/realize and understand that it is necessary for us to change ourselves. Within this, I commit myself to continue walking my process of change, as long as it takes, and within this to come to understand/live the word, patience.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to long for the end of Capitalism, and within this not realize that longing for a system to end, only prolongs it. Within this, I commit myself to further investigate an Equal money system, and write more about it.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that the world as we know will end, and within this not see/realize and understand that without the necessary preparations for a new system being in place, the suffering would be even far more than it is now.
  Desteni
• EQAFE
• DIP Lite
• Creation's Journey to Life
• Heaven's Journey to Life
• Earth's Journey to Life
• Thomas La Grua
• equalmoney.org

Day 79: Self Observations

I almost always look over or what I’ve posted on my Blog and You tube. It’s interesting to once again do video blogs. I still enjoy (although not as much as I used to) watching myself on YouTube, and the same goes for reading what I’ve written. It's not “All” ego at play here; there is a consideration regarding the process of change that I’m looking at. For example in watching myself, as the main character in the last two Youtube videos, I see that the manner in which I speak indicates to me that I’m still playing a particular character that I’ve played for most of this life – the little devil's still in there, having fun – or perhaps that's the real me. I've also noticed that I state things as though they're “true,” when in fact, they're just as likely to not be. I guess that the main change that I’ve noticed in watching the videos, is that I’m more honest than I used to be – regardless of the accuracy/inaccuracy of what I’m saying. In looking at the question of how to be more truthfully accurate within and as what I’m speaking, I’m probably just going to continue to focus the point of being self-honest. Just looking at the word, “TRUTH,” I see that in one sense, we as a whole are probably as far from it than we've ever been, and from another perspective nothing has ever changed.

Mind Constructs

I’ve recently just about completed another Mind Construct on the subject of “Work.” I once again see why I as mind have resisted doing these. Even when I manipulate them – as I do to an extent, they still seem to bring forth realizations. The main realization regarding this latest construct is that, in compromising or giving in to demands of another, while there is no compromise on the other side, I’m was only compromising myself. In other words, compromising or giving in to one-sided demands (even if it is giving in to a lesser degree), is still giving in / compromising self. I had been projecting my giving in, as a stand, but in reality it was more like a fall back and stand, fall back and stand... which is not a stand at all, but a falling back. So, quite a few realizations there. It's cool how upon completing these mind constructs, aspects of my reality change as though others have changed – once again showing me that the nature of my reality.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the need/desire to check over my writing or vlog because I want to see how I sound to others, i.e., attempting to perceive how others perceive me, and in doing so not realize that I am judging myself – being an observer instead of the director. I see and realize that I am still participating in thoughts of how others will perceive me. Within this I commit myself to not allow myself to project onto others my reason for checking my blogs and vlogs, and instead simply read and abserver to see where it is that I’m still speaking/writing as ego.

Desteni

EQAFE

DIP Lite

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Thomas La Grua

equalmoney.org

Sandy Hook Massacre: What if it were you and Yours?

The senseless murder of children is a point for which I have no words to accurately describe the pain felt by those parents who are left behind. Why did it have to be their children? What did they do to one day be safe in their homes, as dutifully loving and protecting parents, and the next day, without warning, from someone whom they never even knew, be cast into the deaths of hell, beyond pain and sorrow... If only they/we could turn back the clock and go back in time. Yet, there is no going back, not for the parents of Sandy Hook, who's lives have been shattered by a pistol-bearing demon who may have lived just down the street; not for the victims of a drone strike, ordered by a general because a man he called a terrorist happened to be walking down that street. And certainly not for those that are left behind, now hiding in fear that they may be next. 

What would you do if this were you or yours?

What would you do if it were you? Put yourself in the shoes of those grieving parents, and ask yourself, what would you do. What would you give to turn back the clock for just a few days, a week or two? Would you promise to be good and prey every night, give a little more to the church, how much money would it take? Ask yourself this question, because tomorrow or the next day, this may be you. There is no going back, not for me and not for you. Yet, what if we are able to change the future and create a tomorrow based on equality – no more killings, murders and other atrocities. What would you do for this opportunity – would you change you? Would you begin to see anther’s pain as your own, her child as yours? Would you protect a stranger you never knew? Would you stand up for him, and give your life to save his child, as you would your own, or would you turn away, put your hands together and prey? So many are depending on so few. Who is willing to face their fears, ask these questions and become the answers?

Stand up and look in the mirror, because time is running short for all of us who still have the resources/money to take a stance, stand-up and put a stop to the abuse that is so clearly taking place in this world. Within the current Capitalist system, children are starving, being raped and murdered every single minute. Nothing is getting better, it's all getting worse – spreading like a plague. Now is the time to ask yourself. Are you willing to give unto another, an equal opportunity for live a dignified life. If so, start with a simple standing for an Equal Money System, as a stepping-stone for real change.

It's about consequences: our acceptances and allowances of the past that is now catching up with us in the present. It's about you and me taking responsibility for each other, standing-up and stating, “Till here no further, what happens to one, happens to all.” Within this stance we may begin to see the bigger picture and participate in changing it. Because, if you and I don't, the consequences will reach a point of total devastation, and not even all the money in the world will buy you or I a place to hide. To learn more about standing-up and taking responsibility, visit a group that are doing just that: Desteni.

Where Demons Lie

Do you really want to know where the demons lie, and from where they will arise? Close your eyes and imagine a picture of those who stand-ignorant and idly by while others surfer and die. See the starving children in a far-away land. See the aftermath of a drone strike, a surviving child picking up the pieces of what's left of her extended family. Keep your eyes closed, and picture yourself putting your hands together and preying, “God, I know you work in mysterious ways, but please don't let this be me and my family.” Then walk into the the bedroom and stand in front of the mirror. Now, open your eyes. See the demons that hide in the shadows of the love and light of ignorance while others suffer and die. Go to church and look at them sitting in their pews, paying and preying for god to do unto them that which they're too frightened to do for another. Look closely into their eyes and you'll see a reflection. Perhaps then you'll realize (the real I's), the evil-demon responsible for all the abuse in this world, that we've never allowed ourselves to see, has always been here in and as our own reflections, the part of ourselves that we hide. It's always been only us. And now, slowly but surely as the veil comes down, look into the eyes of the universe – the eyes you call “I”, and ask yourself, ignorance aside, “What should I do, now there's no where left to hide?”

If you knew that you could change the future, and in doing so turn this world around and save millions of lives? Would you take responsibility for all as you? Would you exercise the demon of ignorance, self-interest, and selective-love? Together, one way or another, we all shall realize and see.

For those that really do care (for all), I suggest to begin the process of investigating how All, within and as this world actually function, and within that, what one's responsibility is to All. For, with an understanding of what is happening and why, we enable ourselves to direct and change the present – before it becomes the consequence of our past (probably why it's called the Present).

Take a stand and become aware. Assistance and support is available by following any one of the links below.

Desteni

EQAFE

DIP Lite

Equal Money System

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Self forgiveness

• I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to state, “I have no words to accurately describe the pain felt by those parents who are left behind.” I realize that I do have words for it. Within this I commit myself to write and speak the words of what is here as life, regardless of the pain, as I realize my responsibility in waking-up others to the reality, as I too awaken.

Day 76: A forgotten piece of me

It's 10:40 pm (3 days before), and I just woke up after sleeping just an hour and a half. What's interesting is that I feel/felt that I’ve slept for about 6 hours. The same thing happened to me yesterday after an afternoon nap of about the same amount of time. And as with yesterday it was a deep sleep in which I dreamed clearly. Tonight's dream was about my dad and another side of me that I haven't often considered. In the dream I’m grown, my other brothers are there and my sisters are no where to be seen. My Dad suddenly shows up on the scene and has decided to be part of our lives. He (in the dream) is a rebel, crazy kind of guy – as though he's grown up in street fights and prison. My brothers are weary of him, yet within me there is an unwavering belief that I can help him, and that's what I’m going to do... When I awoke, it occurred to me that for much of my life I had always had this unwavering belief in myself that I could help anyone/everyone and perhaps subconsciously that (when I was 7 years old) I should have helped my father (and I did try), yet I wasn't successful and my mom still kicked him out of the house, only to be seen by me once or twice after that. Over the years, I still believed that if would come back home, I’d be able to help him. He was apparently a bit schizophrenic – believing that there were bases on the moon and cities under the earth, of all things. Still, through-out the years, I’d often call him and tell him he was welcome to come back – always believing that I’d be able to straighten him out. In looking at this belief/idea of mine that I could correct/cure others, I see that I’ve for most of my life believed unwaveringly just that. I remember traveling through-out Central America through much of the 1080's often seeing myself as having healing abilities. I would see sick people, offer my assistance, look at them, diagnose them, sometimes put my hands on their wounds, tell them what to do, and be on my way. I would pass by people that I saw as unhappy or sick, send them happy/healing energies, and continue walking on. I had long forgotten about this part of my life, yet when looking back now, if I had to say whether or not I had indeed helped/cured/assisted them, I’d say that I probably did; that's the way I saw things back then – energies were unlimited and could be channeled, so why not use them for good. And as I recall, that was my only rule for that – never send harm or negative energy. Funny how this one dream suddenly recalled a side of me that somehow faded away when I came to Taiwan in 1991 when I was about 27. What if I am able to assist all; what if we are all able to assist one another, yet we just don't see/realize this ability within / as us. I'm going to explore this forgotten side of me, and rekindle it, for regardless of whether anything actually went further than my mind (and through my words and actions, the minds of others), it was a side of me that was in a way and perhaps still is absolute/certain.

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for my father leaving and me not being able to help him / convince my mom to let him stay. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in any way carry this guilt with me, as I see/realize and understand that I was not in control of the situation and certainly did not see the whole picture.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to let of and forget a side of me that was as I recall – pure in intent, and good... Within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to blame my wife for me changing myself to let go of a part of me, because of her pushing me to be more like a Taiwanese man, a businessman.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that nobody forced me to let go of a part of me. I was aware of it and I made a conscious decision put on a serious face and do business.
• I commit myself to allowing myself to once again care about others/all, and within this explore what it means to care for all equally – as I care for myself.
  Creation's Journey to Life
  Heaven's Journey to Life
  Earth's Journey to Life
  Desteni
  EQAFE
  Thomas La Grua
  DIP Lite