Another day in the Journey

I guess it wouldn't really be a journey to life if I were to remain dishonest to myself and others about my reality. It's certainly not boring, and there are parts of it that are really cool, challenging ones that I often enjoy. However, there are also times that are not so pleasant, ones that I realize I am able to do better, when and if there is a next time. This is one of those times that I'm writing about, right now instead of putting it off as I used to in attempts to hide from others my reality and sort things out in my mind.

The other afternoon, I met my friend at the karaoke fish pond, and outdoor place to eat and sing. Some people even fish, while I enjoy sitting outside and watching the sun go down. Anyway, after a little while there, we decided to go have some noodles in town. After the noodles, I agreed to sit down in another karaoke place around the corner even though I don't really care much for indoor places.

As my friend and I were sitting at the table conversing, a very intoxicated man came over, sat down and began talking. I was not annoyed; yet I was also not interested in catering to this man. After a while, after me having to physically keep this man from invading my personal space, the manager, an older woman managed to get the guy out of her place. My friend told me that the guy was OK and that he was just drunk; however, I disagreed, perhaps because I saw something different in his eyes.

After about 15 minutes, the man returned and I basically ignored him – other than to make sure that he didn't get close enough to me to cause me a problem. Unfortunately, I guess my friend wasn't considering this person the way I was. I wasn't watching them directly, yet I could clearly see them. The man was standing with a glass cup in his hand, and then very rapidly he smashed it on my friend's head.

In the next moment, a split second, I was up, and within three seconds, that man was on his back on the floor in a choke hold. By my calculations, as I counted it as he hit the floor, it was three seconds, and as I looked at him, I thought to myself, why did I take that long?

Yes, this was my first thought or consideration, and then as people were pulling me off of him, as I was looking the whole situation and telling them that I didn't have a problem (meaning that I wasn't intent harming him), I also realized that I really wasn't upset, my heart rate was only slightly above normal. However, I also realized that part of me, perhaps the nature of me felt quite comfortable the situation.

The points wherein I see that I have changed or am changing are: first, I didn't react in fear and anger, I responded with clear intent to simply quickly subdue him. Secondly, other than doing what was required of me to subdue him, I was not intent on harming him, and I didn't.

There is however, the point of me not preventing the entire incident. Specifically, earlier, as the man was staring at me, I had looked back very closely into his eyes and although I didn't define it at the time as possession, I saw it and responded by making certain that there was a distance between me and him. I did this for myself; yet clearly I didn't do enough to make my friend understand the possible dangers associated with that man in a state of possession. Herein this understanding, I forgive myself for my errors, and I write self corrective statements so to better direct such situations in the future.

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to react to a drunken man as an inconvenience instead of immediately seeing where I was able to assist him and all involved so to not let the situation erode into disharmony.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalize self-protective considerations of my behavior in regards to heightened risks of danger without fully communicating these heightened risks to my friends and others around me.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge me as being slower than I should have been in responding to a violent situation.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to remain self-aware of my surroundings – the physical space between me and a threat – while not fully informing or instructing others to do the same.
• When and as I find myself facing a point of a possessed person or people within and as my physical surroundings, I commit myself to first stabilize me so to completely assess the situation (with the intent of establishing and/or maintaining as high a degree of harmony as possible), and to inform others who will listen of my considerations of the risks of danger and behavioral changes that one might consider implementing so to lessen the risk of harm.
• When/as/if I find myself at the point of no option but to physically interact with someone, I commit myself to do-so from the point of responding with the intent of defusing the situation.
• When and as I find myself at the point of maintaining physical space between me and a threat, I commit myself to communicate/instruct others as I would ask others to do for me.

I see some change within/as me, I have changed somewhat. I now harbor less fear, and herein, I would say that am less likely to harm others within and as threatening situations. I realize that, wishing that I had simply assisted that man – as I am able – does not change what happened to my friend and what may result through legal actions directed at that man by my friend. However, I do now see, realize and understand that ignoring – as though it's nothing more than an inconvenience – is not an option when it comes to people in states of possession.

Day 105: Anxiety, Anxiousness, Excitement...

As I’ve stated many times before, although it may appear in different shapes and sizes, it's always only just Fear. It comes, and even though I rarely give it more than a fraction of a second to check what it's pertaining to, it often still lingers. Using a technique I learned here, I get rid of it or absorb it back into me. Actually, I’m not really sure where it goes, but it does go..., and sometimes return. The key that I’ve begun realizing is that it (the energy) is not who I am; of this I am certain because I am able choose not to follow it. Thus, I don't follow it, and although my presence as energy is still often there instead of here in and as the physical, I am more and more rarely moved by it. In other words, I do what I do and am going to do, without allowing the mind energies to interfere.

What I find very interesting is that I see how this world changes, how we create from the small to the big. Yet, when I speak of it to others, there comes resistance to even the simplest of equations. It's like the concept, the whole being equal to the sum of its parts, only applies to a 360 degree circle on a piece of paper. Move it into and as the “whole” physical reality, and it suddenly becomes a religion or a conspiracy theory, as though it cannot be because it's gotta be far more complicated than all of us having to take individual responsibility for ourselves as points within and as the whole, and the whole as a point that we are all equally responsible for and able to change as we change ourselves. Thus as a whole, nothing gets better in this world because the mass of ignorance/abuse still far exceeds the mass of self-change that will benefit the whole. Still it's cool (for me) because although the changes that I face and push through are usually uncomfortable, I am certain they are beneficial both in the short and long term to me and all else.

In a world in reverse, words of common-sense (of physically applied simple-mathematics) are shunned in favor of the illusions of love and light, happiness, etc., which allow the user/abuser the freedom of choice to view in a mode that doesn't require responsibility or even physical reality, just a mind and an idea of what one cares and wants to see. I see the changes taking place in this world – for better or worse, most of it worse: the little things/consequences that so many have come to accept as norm, believing/hoping as in the past, that they will stay one step ahead of the game because they/we are somehow special. Good luck there! We then think/want to believe that there are those – at least a few, controlling what happens in this world, and so whatever happens will be theirs alone to atone. Shame that so many refuse to apply the simplest of mathematics: 1+1=2, meaning that each and every one of us are creating the outcome/sum of what is here. And even though many have sold their peace of the pie/the right to decide to another, in the end each of us is responsible for weapons as ourselves and we do decide what we accept and allow, buy and sell.

Sometimes when I am facing a point, sitting here in my house with enough food to feed ten of us, thinking that my life sometimes really sucks, the idea occurs to me that any time I could escape all of this by just embracing the ignorance – the light of the illusion. Then, in looking back at the reality of how I have been, I realize that I do not recall ever being better. So I continue, determined to see what's really in a lifetime.

Self forgiveness on participating in Polarities

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define as positive, knowing that my schedule is flexible in the near future, and within this not realize that I was also the negative experience directed at not having a flexible schedule.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define having a flexible schedule or not being obligated to do something as “positive/freedom”, and within this not see, realize and understand that when I defined freedom as a positive experience I was also committing myself to the negative experience – defined as not being free. I see, realize and understand that “freedom” is without polarity, and thus I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to define space-time activities within and as polarities, and instead walk without judgment/definitions so as to not subject myself to the positive/negative poles of experience.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define “having” to go to do something in the near future as negative, thus subjecting myself to the experience of anxiousness/anxiety. I now see, realize and understand that by defining my Time as positive/negative, I tie myself to time and thus abdicate my responsibility to direct myself in/as the present/moment. I also realize that to be responsible within and as self-directing me is to be simply be here without polarities – without charge. When and as I find myself defining time or anything else within and as a polarity, I stop, breathe, let go of the energies, and direct myself to accomplish what I’m doing, stable, without energy.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness in my solar-plexus area, and within this not see, realize and understand that I have the ability to stand equal to this energy, and direct it so that I am not moved by it. When and as I find myself at the point of feeling/experiencing energy accumulating within/as me, I take a couple of breaths, and direct this energy as me.

Day 66: Mind noise and Mind constructs

Sometimes during this process of writing to explore/understand me, self forgiveness to release the energy/physical relationships, and the self-corrective application as a road map to actual physical living: I go silent – figuratively speaking. Basically, I'm assessing where I am, where I’m heading and weather or not I’m heading in the direction that I want to be heading. Which is technical speak for, “maybe I've taken a wrong turn.” I'm not exactly certain what I’ve realized in this last week of assessment/silence, except that it's time to start writing again. I'm currently doing a mind construct on “Work.” I generally don't enjoy doing mind constructs; perhaps that's the reason to do them, in that I as the mind don't enjoy them because they reveal too much, and they do seem to lead to actual physical living changes. So I’m not going to write about work just yet, because it's a point I’m dealing with in the mind construct; should be interesting. Besides focusing on work for the last week I was also noticing that the frequency sound inside and around my head area has increased in intensity – at least in the intensity that I am aware of it. In other words, the sound may not have changed at all, I may just have become more aware of it, or it may have increased in volume/intensity. Since I started trying to figure out what this noise is, I've considered that maybe it's the sound of silence; I've considered that it is the sound of life; I’ve considered that it is a condition called Tinnitus that some say exists within the ear area; finally I’ve also mostly considered it to be the sound of energy, because when compared to my database of sounds, it most nearly resembles the sound I have heard while standing in a quiet open field under high tension/voltage cables listening to the electricity move through those cables. I don't remember when I first started noticing this noise, yet I have been paying attention to it since I began investigating the Desteni material and paying attention to my mind. I haven't written anything about it because I realized that in time my questions would be answered. And recently while listening to an Atlantean female-being speaking through the portal, she mentioned / specifically described this sound that I’ve been hearing for so long. In noticing the increase in intensity of this noise, I of course question why. My guess is that the more one realizes or becomes aware of self as the mind/energy, the more one may also become aware / hear the sounds of the mind/energy.

I guess I should also write about is my resistance to doing mind constructs, what is it I enjoy and don't enjoy about them. The first point that comes up is the part where I require to label the components of the time-line – judgment, justification, manipulation, belief, etc. I always seem to see these components differently from the way another sees them. I've looked at this and perhaps it's because it really “all” comes down to the dimension of “Fear” and from there, depending on the starting-point or dimension within which this point is used/accessed by the mind (as I view it) the component is then labeled accordingly. I “think” what happens with me is I tend to over analyze when labeling these points. So this time I’m going to keep it simple, and where that doesn't work I’ll experiment with labeling or taking the component directly to its origin – Fear, and see how that works out. Another part that I’ve noticed in regards to mind constructs is that when I do them one after another, it's not always clear to me if I as the mind am not actually manipulating the design of the mind construct. Perhaps this point is irrelevant in that the outcome is realigned within the self-honesty of the self-forgiveness and self corrective statements. The last point regarding mind constructs is that historically when I’ve been focused on a mine construct I seem to write fewer blogs and do less studying. I'm addressing this point now – in regards to “writing and studying,” by allotting only certain time frames within which to work on the mind construct. Having written about my resistance towards mind constructs, I'm now seeing reason to continue doing them, especially regarding work.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/defined myself as not enjoying doing mind constructs, and within this not see/realize and understand that I had place myself in a polarity of doing and not doing, thus missing the principle of doing mind constructs – to see where and why/how it is that I’ve come to define myself within/as polarities of enjoying / not enjoying and within this why I’ve allowed myself to be directed by such definitions – instead of simply directing myself to that which is best for me and all as me. I now see/realize and understand that for me to actually be free of the constructs/polarities that have directed me for so long is to understand how/where and why such constructs operate/originate, so as to stop their creation and influence over me, and in doing so direct me to stand and direct myself to create solutions that bring about an existence that moves together in equality. Within this I commit myself to not allow myself to define mind constructs as positive or negative, but rather use them as tools to unravel the constructs within and as me.
• I forgive myself that (regarding mind constructs) I have accepted and allowed myself to get bogged down on the definitions of the components, and within this not see/realize and understand that the solution to this may be to not think about the labels – after all it's just another definition.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and develop a resistance towards doing mind constructs, and within this not see that by allowing myself to project my aggravation of doing mind constructs onto the mind constructs themselves, I was in essence playing into the mind's hand of the mind not wanting to be exposed.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that in doing mind constructs, I am exposing the the processes of the mind and within this I as mind will put up resistance so as to maintain my individuality / personalities / freedom of choice / right to abuse life/substance. I now see/ realize and understand that in doing mind constructs I am exposing myself as the mind so that I may once and for all see the patterns that I have accepted and allowed, and stop them so as to direct myself in alignment with that which best for all.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for reasons why not to do mind constructs, even though I do see/realize the benefits of doing them. I commit myself to do these mind constructs in conjunction with my other research and writings, and to no longer place a positive or negative value on doing them – but to see them for what they are - useful tools to change me so as to walk out of the mind and into practical physical living.
  Creation's Journey to Life
  Heaven's Journey to Life
  Earth's Journey to Life
  Desteni
  EQAFE
  Thomas La Grua
  DIP Lite