As I’ve stated many times before,
although it may appear in different shapes and sizes, it's always
only just Fear. It comes, and even though I rarely give it more
than a fraction of a second to check what it's pertaining to, it
often still lingers. Using a technique I learned here,
I get rid of it or absorb it back into me. Actually, I’m not really
sure where it goes, but it does go..., and sometimes return. The key
that I’ve begun realizing is that it (the energy) is not who I am;
of this I am certain because I am able choose not to follow it. Thus,
I don't follow it, and although my presence as energy is still often
there instead of here in and as the physical, I am more and more
rarely moved by it. In other words, I do what I do and am going to
do, without allowing the mind energies to interfere.
What I find very interesting is that I
see how this world changes, how we create from the small to the big.
Yet, when I speak of it to others, there comes resistance to even the
simplest of equations. It's like the concept, the whole being equal
to the sum of its parts, only applies to a 360 degree circle on a
piece of paper. Move it into and as the “whole” physical reality,
and it suddenly becomes a religion or a conspiracy theory, as though
it cannot be because it's gotta be far more complicated than all of
us having to take individual responsibility for ourselves as points
within and as the whole, and the whole as a point that we are all
equally responsible for and able to change as we change ourselves.
Thus as a whole, nothing gets better in this world because the mass
of ignorance/abuse still far exceeds the mass of self-change that
will benefit the whole. Still it's cool (for me) because although the
changes that I face and push through are usually uncomfortable, I am
certain they are beneficial both in the short and long term to me and
all else.
In a world in reverse, words of
common-sense (of physically applied simple-mathematics) are shunned
in favor of the illusions of love and light, happiness, etc., which
allow the user/abuser the freedom of choice to view in a mode that
doesn't require responsibility or even physical reality, just a mind
and an idea of what one cares and wants to see. I see the changes
taking place in this world – for better or worse, most of it worse:
the little things/consequences that so many have come to accept as
norm, believing/hoping as in the past, that they will stay one step
ahead of the game because they/we are somehow special. Good luck
there! We then think/want to believe that there are those – at
least a few, controlling what happens in this world, and so whatever
happens will be theirs alone to atone. Shame that so many refuse to
apply the simplest of mathematics: 1+1=2, meaning that each and every
one of us are creating the outcome/sum of what is here. And even
though many have sold their peace of the pie/the right to decide to
another, in the end each of us is responsible for weapons as
ourselves and we do decide what we accept and allow, buy and sell.
Sometimes when I am facing a point,
sitting here in my house with enough food to feed ten of us, thinking
that my life sometimes really sucks, the idea occurs to me that any
time I could escape all of this by just embracing the ignorance –
the light of the illusion. Then, in looking back at the reality of
how I have been, I realize that I do not recall ever being better. So
I continue, determined to see what's really in a lifetime.
Self
forgiveness on participating in Polarities
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define as positive, knowing that my schedule is flexible in the near future, and within this not realize that I was also the negative experience directed at not having a flexible schedule.
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define having a flexible schedule or not being obligated to do something as “positive/freedom”, and within this not see, realize and understand that when I defined freedom as a positive experience I was also committing myself to the negative experience – defined as not being free. I see, realize and understand that “freedom” is without polarity, and thus I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to define space-time activities within and as polarities, and instead walk without judgment/definitions so as to not subject myself to the positive/negative poles of experience.
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define “having” to go to do something in the near future as negative, thus subjecting myself to the experience of anxiousness/anxiety. I now see, realize and understand that by defining my Time as positive/negative, I tie myself to time and thus abdicate my responsibility to direct myself in/as the present/moment. I also realize that to be responsible within and as self-directing me is to be simply be here without polarities – without charge. When and as I find myself defining time or anything else within and as a polarity, I stop, breathe, let go of the energies, and direct myself to accomplish what I’m doing, stable, without energy.
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness in my solar-plexus area, and within this not see, realize and understand that I have the ability to stand equal to this energy, and direct it so that I am not moved by it. When and as I find myself at the point of feeling/experiencing energy accumulating within/as me, I take a couple of breaths, and direct this energy as me.
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