Sometimes during this process of writing to explore/understand me, self forgiveness to release the energy/physical relationships, and the self-corrective application as a road map to actual physical living: I go silent – figuratively speaking. Basically, I'm assessing where I am, where I’m heading and weather or not I’m heading in the direction that I want to be heading. Which is technical speak for, “maybe I've taken a wrong turn.” I'm not exactly certain what I’ve realized in this last week of assessment/silence, except that it's time to start writing again. I'm currently doing a mind construct on “Work.” I generally don't enjoy doing mind constructs; perhaps that's the reason to do them, in that I as the mind don't enjoy them because they reveal too much, and they do seem to lead to actual physical living changes. So I’m not going to write about work just yet, because it's a point I’m dealing with in the mind construct; should be interesting. Besides focusing on work for the last week I was also noticing that the frequency sound inside and around my head area has increased in intensity – at least in the intensity that I am aware of it. In other words, the sound may not have changed at all, I may just have become more aware of it, or it may have increased in volume/intensity. Since I started trying to figure out what this noise is, I've considered that maybe it's the sound of silence; I've considered that it is the sound of life; I’ve considered that it is a condition called Tinnitus that some say exists within the ear area; finally I’ve also mostly considered it to be the sound of energy, because when compared to my database of sounds, it most nearly resembles the sound I have heard while standing in a quiet open field under high tension/voltage cables listening to the electricity move through those cables. I don't remember when I first started noticing this noise, yet I have been paying attention to it since I began investigating the Desteni material and paying attention to my mind. I haven't written anything about it because I realized that in time my questions would be answered. And recently while listening to an Atlantean female-being speaking through the portal, she mentioned / specifically described this sound that I’ve been hearing for so long. In noticing the increase in intensity of this noise, I of course question why. My guess is that the more one realizes or becomes aware of self as the mind/energy, the more one may also become aware / hear the sounds of the mind/energy.
I guess I should also write about is my resistance to doing mind constructs, what is it I enjoy and don't enjoy about them. The first point that comes up is the part where I require to label the components of the time-line – judgment, justification, manipulation, belief, etc. I always seem to see these components differently from the way another sees them. I've looked at this and perhaps it's because it really “all” comes down to the dimension of “Fear” and from there, depending on the starting-point or dimension within which this point is used/accessed by the mind (as I view it) the component is then labeled accordingly. I “think” what happens with me is I tend to over analyze when labeling these points. So this time I’m going to keep it simple, and where that doesn't work I’ll experiment with labeling or taking the component directly to its origin – Fear, and see how that works out. Another part that I’ve noticed in regards to mind constructs is that when I do them one after another, it's not always clear to me if I as the mind am not actually manipulating the design of the mind construct. Perhaps this point is irrelevant in that the outcome is realigned within the self-honesty of the self-forgiveness and self corrective statements. The last point regarding mind constructs is that historically when I’ve been focused on a mine construct I seem to write fewer blogs and do less studying. I'm addressing this point now – in regards to “writing and studying,” by allotting only certain time frames within which to work on the mind construct. Having written about my resistance towards mind constructs, I'm now seeing reason to continue doing them, especially regarding work.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/defined myself as not enjoying doing mind constructs, and within this not see/realize and understand that I had place myself in a polarity of doing and not doing, thus missing the principle of doing mind constructs – to see where and why/how it is that I’ve come to define myself within/as polarities of enjoying / not enjoying and within this why I’ve allowed myself to be directed by such definitions – instead of simply directing myself to that which is best for me and all as me. I now see/realize and understand that for me to actually be free of the constructs/polarities that have directed me for so long is to understand how/where and why such constructs operate/originate, so as to stop their creation and influence over me, and in doing so direct me to stand and direct myself to create solutions that bring about an existence that moves together in equality. Within this I commit myself to not allow myself to define mind constructs as positive or negative, but rather use them as tools to unravel the constructs within and as me.
- I forgive myself that (regarding mind constructs) I have accepted and allowed myself to get bogged down on the definitions of the components, and within this not see/realize and understand that the solution to this may be to not think about the labels – after all it's just another definition.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and develop a resistance towards doing mind constructs, and within this not see that by allowing myself to project my aggravation of doing mind constructs onto the mind constructs themselves, I was in essence playing into the mind's hand of the mind not wanting to be exposed.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that in doing mind constructs, I am exposing the the processes of the mind and within this I as mind will put up resistance so as to maintain my individuality / personalities / freedom of choice / right to abuse life/substance. I now see/ realize and understand that in doing mind constructs I am exposing myself as the mind so that I may once and for all see the patterns that I have accepted and allowed, and stop them so as to direct myself in alignment with that which best for all.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for reasons why not to do mind constructs, even though I do see/realize the benefits of doing them. I commit myself to do these mind constructs in conjunction with my other research and writings, and to no longer place a positive or negative value on doing them – but to see them for what they are - useful tools to change me so as to walk out of the mind and into practical physical living.