The Elitist Mind

Recently while listening to an Eqafe interview called The Elitist Mind, I suddenly realized that I have been harboring and nurturing an elitist personality suit. I thought that I was eliminating my ego of superiority/inferiority in relation to others, but I was not completely correct. Perhaps, while focusing one point, I was amiss in not seeing that I was evolving another, the elitist personality within and as me.

In judging myself as not communicating effectively enough and not willing to accept responsibility for that, I suppressed the judgement of being less than perfect in favor of an elitist personality suit that I defined as humbleness justified by my perception that, I as more knowledgeable and intelligent than others ought to be kind to those who are less than me. Like squeezing part of a balloon: when I pressed down on one point, another point popped up, but because it made me feel better about myself, it was easy to ignore. Herein, like waking up from a dream while still in the dream, all I did was go from ego of desiring to be seen as more, to the ego of an elitist personality of silent righteousness veiled within an air of humbleness. Lol, once again I find the joke’s on me.

For sure, I am my own worst enemy; nevertheless, I reckon I am also able to turn my greatest weaknesses into my greatest strengths. Thus, I will continue to bring every point straight back to me, even when it means considering to realize that, the mountain I believed I had climbed was perhaps only a dream. 

I am thankful for the assistance in seeing this point, and now I see what I have to do. For those who would like more information about the design of existence and the design of the mind, here is a link for Eqafe.

Day 26: The First Character - wrong direction, wrong directive

Having just finished reading day 79 of the Blog, “Heaven's Journey to Life” I can definitely say that I resemble in a big way, the first character of our existence, “there must be more than ME, there must be more than HERE” Apparently, so too do we all because we’re all of and from that first character, that which seek “More.” It fits right in with the way I've seen things my entire life, as a search, exploration for that which must be out there that is yet to be found. It's always (as I've seen it) been my reason for being – to go forth and explore. Unfortunately, I/we as existence messed up with this directive because in an attempt to move/search, we separated ourselves from substance, into and as energy, lost ourselves in our own creation, interpreted “More” to be the more of – as in energy, and so have evolved only as Mind Consciousness Systems in terms of how we obtain and experience the “More” as in positive energy experience, always from the beginning in/as separation from substance/Life/physicality.

• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to from the beginning not question this search/exploration, why it has never been defined but always represented something over there that I just wasn't seeing. I see/realize and understand that in that first moment/movement of/as existence I/we in separation, defined our beingnesses as the search for more, and since that first moment/movement have been lost in separation in endless cycles of searching for the more (as our interpretation) positive-energy experience.
• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not to see/realize and understand that everything that I’ve ever searched for in my entire life, my life's quest has been from a starting point of searching for more (positive-energy experience), something out there. I see/realize and understand that this existence was fucked from the very first moment/movement/separation / interpretation of our reason for being. Yet we have come to see/realize and understand the nature of ourselves/existence in separation, the nature of the beast, and thus the necessity of absolute equality and oneness.
• I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to question “why” I always thought that I had to search for something out there, why I never thought to look right here at me as the physical – that which is here. I see/realize and understand that the reason I never thought to look at me as the physical as what is here is because I as IGod/mind consciousness system has since the beginning in it own awareness realized that an understanding of oneness and equality by any of its parts would signify an end to its existence as the mind, which is where we are now – in the end game.
• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that the reason I never looked at me from any perspective other than the mind's is because I as mind (in control) has always only had one objective: to obtain and maintain its existence as energy within and as the experience of “more.”
• I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that all my characters throughout my entire life have been scripted from a starting point/objective of obtaining energy for only the mind to survive, without regard for anything other than (the mind's) own survival as energy/mind.
• I commit myself to terminate the search for “more,” and in doing so return me as mind/energy to substance so as to live here as life.
• I commit myself to, through diligently monitoring me as energy and substance, the mind and the physical, direct me to “live” here, focusing only on what is here in the physical, and to stop my participation in energetic activities; I commit myself to stop the control of the mind, so as to end the separation.
• I commit to (as a human being) thoroughly investigate and come to understand this existence, educate others, and assist in correcting our mistake/s, so that all may eventually have the opportunity to live here and express themselves in equality and oneness.
• I commit myself to taking on and stopping consciousness, and in doing so return me as energy to substance, so as to be/exist here in/as equality and oneness – man.

Day 19: The gentler face

Yesterday while visiting a mall, there was an occasion during which I was walking by a woman, and when I looked at her and she looked at me, I in an instant unconsciously softened my my facial features. Yes, I was consciously aware as this was happening, but I in no way directed it to happen – I as life wasn't in control, consciousness was. That my facial-features softened indicates that they must have been tenser just prior to that moment, which leaves me to question: why were my facial features tensed in the first place, and why should they automatically/unconsciously soften upon me noticing a woman? What is a normal/neutral/natural state for my facial muscles; what is normal/neutral/natural state for the physical as a whole? As I see it, as I came into proximity to this woman, I as a mind consciousness system, through an analysis of her resonance/aura/presence, concluded that her mind consciousness system had something to offer me that would (through the downloading or merging hers with mine) increase my (mind's) chances of survivability. Thus, auto pilot kicked in, which I immediately shut it down – which is cool. What would be cooler is if I would stop analyzing the energetic resonances of those around me for the purpose determining if they may provide me with an energy experience that I “think” I want/need.

• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be directed by a mind consciousness system, and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully take charge/control of and over me as mind, so as to instead of chasing after self-interest / energy, direct me here as life for what is best for all.
• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to from the beginning in and as oneness and equality see/realize and understand that the attraction I’ve experienced towards others throughout my entire life has always been me as the mind seeking gain for self only, and has never had anything to do with me expressing self within and as oneness and equality.
• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that that which I am attracted to is that which I experience within and as myself as inferior – that part of me (that is there) of which I am unaware.
• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not yet stand one and equal to the mind consciousness system, by reprogramming me to instead of chasing energies, assist in creating a system that values all life equally.
  I commit myself to continue to strive for 100% awareness, here in/as breath, and to note each time I am not here in and as breath, so that I may trace/track the points wherein which am falling, and address these points so as to no longer allow me to be tricked by them.
  I commit myself to continue to investigate "all" of the points in which I as the physical am being moved/controlled by/as a system, and to -- point by point, stop accepting and allowing me to be controlled by a system. 
  
  

Day 17: Laughter: Character or me?

Yesterday, I went and taught a class of four 1^st grade kids. Since most of the students are on vacation, it was basically me just keeping them busy. So I started out with my usual thing: what's your name, where are you from... and I heard one of the kids say, “Earth,” which I thought was really cool because that's what always teach them, “I’m from Earth.” I ended up having a really enjoyable conversation with these kids, in which we really laughed a lot. When I say, “laugh,” I mean real laughter, which – getting to my point, is something that I find I find that only do when I’m around children, and there are no other adults present. It's like with children (and my dog), I get to be silly, and I don't worry that I’m going to be judged. I still teach them English and relay to them important aspects of the world system that may or may not get through to them or be of any use to them now. I guess this is one of the reasons I’ve gone back to teaching children: it is the only time I find myself really enjoying/laughing, having fun simply by expressing myself in the same way they do – unconditionally. Why do I only do that with children? Why don't I/we live such unconditional expressions of ourselves 24/7 ? My mind gets in the way. It sees me as somebody that I have to protect form those who would use honesty/unconditionality against me, and so I protect me by painting my face with that which I fear in others – dishonesty/conditionality. It's a viscous cycle that I am determined to stop. Is this laughter/enjoyment that I experience/express when I’m around children, an real expression of me as life, or is it just an experience I have as one of my characters? The only way to see for certain is to stop role playing – remove all characters – 7 perhaps.

• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be divided into characters within and as personalities suits of the mind, and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as life, here in/as physical living – but instead have allowed myself to be hijacked by a mind consciousness system which seeks only to consume substance to transform into energy for its own survival as IGod/energy/money.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself and others, in that I have allowed myself to pretend to be someone / a character other than that which I am as a true expression of life here in and as the physical unconditional expression of me – without fear/prejudice, standing alone for all to see, so as for me to say, this is me. I see/realize and understand that if I am to truly stand in/as oneness and equality with and as all that is here, I must take the first step/stand/be unconditionally here, showing/demonstrating to the world that this is how it's done – let go of your/my fears and join with me in and as self honesty.
• I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the reason that I express myself with children, as opposed to adults is because I have accepted and allowed myself to be conditioned / suited up with personalities to such an extent that I wear and change these suits unconsciously, presenting for all to see a false image of me – fear hiding behind the masks of reality's pictures of me.
• I commit myself to identify each of my characters/personalities, write about them – describing and analyzing them, and doing self-forgiveness on them so as to release myself from the energy relationships bonds with which I have attached them to me, until there are no more personalities claiming to be me.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the personalities I put up in front of me are but a mirror of the mind which is not seeing what is here, but existing in relationships based on energy and its need for more energy – thus the mind will do everything in its power to see to it that I keep these personalities, using deceit, deception and lies to name but a few in its arsenal of weapons as words, thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc., to manipulate me to not give up these/my personalities. Thus, I commit myself to not allow anything to stand in my way of erasing them all from me – even the ones I thought protected me. I see/realize and understand that those personalities, all of them are and have always been just smoke screen to keep me from realizing myself/me here in and as oneness and equality.
• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that I alone am responsible for this process of removing these personalities from me, for if it is done unto/for me, who would I be but that of  another – not me self created form nothing. It's my journey to me; I walk it alone, with all.
• I commit myself to the act of dismembering these personalities, their relationships I’ve accepted and allowed to be established within and as the mind and physical me, one by one, piece by piece until it is done.
• I commit myself to further investigating all that is available for me to research, regarding Life / Existence, so that I may understand how and why we as Life/Existence allowed ourselves to be sacrificed for but an inverted picture presentation of Life.