Considerations of Change, Expanding awareness and Suffering: 7-24-2021

 

Every time this amazing realm of ours begins to reveal another level of the maze, I find myself once again absorbing as well as assimilating information to understand myself within and as the maze as well as the opportunity.

According to the Taiwan News: TAIPEI (Taiwan News): “Taipei residents who have come into contact with COVID-19 cases will be required to quarantine at designated hotels starting Friday (July 23). Previously, people were allowed to isolate themselves at home if they had their own rooms. However, this approach has been blamed for the rising number of household infections despite the capital's dwindling cases. Mayor Ko Wen-je (柯文哲) said at a COVID briefing on Thursday (July 22) that about 10% of contacts quarantined at home have been testing positive, adding that the city has to take tougher measures to cut transmission risks.”

Satire: and to think that it wasn’t that long ago that most people in the world had little to no idea where Taiwan was even located, let alone any clue as to its strategic importance in the overall scheme of things to come. And just like that, out of nowhere, the little-known mayor of Taipei (distinguished mostly by his apolitical comments and funky hairdo) makes his move onto the world stage as a leader who’s not afraid to make tough calls. “To hell with human rights, to hell with the rule of law; we’ve got a flu virus to fight, and if we have to lock down a city of 2.6 million people and deprive the people of their constitutional rights in order to save this great democracy of ours, then so be it!” 

A common theme related to expanding one’s awareness seems to be that suffering somehow motivates beings to push beyond their preconceived limitations to glimpse, see, realize and eventually understand who they/we are able to become. I say that, while suffering in and of itself will not expand one’s awareness, it does unfortunately seem to be a common side effect associated with expanding one’s awareness in the shortest amount of time.  

To expand one’s location-point/awareness is to let go of our preconceived limitations of who we are (at a certain point) by letting go of that which we had previously given value to and defined ourselves by, to then expand our location-points of awareness beyond a certain point. In other words, once we let go of that which we had previously given value to and defined ourselves by, we are then (in a manner of speaking) free to expand our awareness (understanding) beyond the space that we had previously occupied and only been aware of.

Unfortunately, as the process of letting go is often accompanied by a feeling of loss, we are probably going to be experiencing a lot of that in the days, weeks and years to come. As time is limited, the idea (as I perceive it) is to cram in as much letting go (loss) as possible in order to maximize the use of the time we have. This means that, while the sense of loss is likely to be very intense or maximized for many people, the duration of the pain of that loss will also be minimized. 

Look beyond the immediate turmoil, discomfort and pain to see a plan wherein many parts and pieces may come together to perhaps create something new, something that is best for all. 

As 2021 Begins

 

Rather than start this year off with "the hardships to come" kind of talk, I'll use this moment to have a look at where I am.

Honestly, I would say that even though there have been some very difficult times for me over the last decade, it has still been the best decade of my life. It has been a time of letting go, a time of redefining, embracing and living new definitions of words that I had never understood nor even imagined I would ever live. Words such as care, compassion and consideration and even empathy — as a combination of care and consideration that I now live by placing the experience of another — as I imagine it —  into myself while remaining stable in order to decide how best to stand in relation to them. Even though I never understood empathy and I rarely cared about anyone but myself for most of my life, I now understand what it’s like to care and empathize. And nowadays, while I usually notice when I’m living those words, it is no longer something that I need to push myself to do — almost as though it’s a natural doing for me.

 In essence, I’ve redesigned a substantial portion of myself (with room for expansion and/or improvement of course as need be) to give myself that flexibility to continue walking a journey that I/we began long ago. This is not to say that I am perfect, far from it, but that I have proven to myself that I am able and willing to face what is, take responsibility for it and change it as myself to that which is better in relation to all. In essence, I’m still on a never ending mission on a never ending journey with room for lots of funnying and adventuring on top of that.

 Additionally, until recently, I guess about the last 1-2 years ago, I would often wonder why my voice always seemed to be out of pitch, like there was something interfering with the natural sound that I imagined I ought to be making, yet never seem to be able to produce, especially when I dared to sing.  Nowadays however, when I sing (which is a lot) to myself at home with the geckos that sometimes greet me or when I’m in classrooms (with the students diligently attending to their smartphones), I no longer hear that scratching and screeching noise coming out of me. These days, I love hearing the sounds that I create, and while I may not be in perfect harmony, I enjoy the balance it brings to my environment and it’s an improvement in the direction I care to be heading.

 Recently, my physical body went through a reorganizing of sorts wherein I felt quite ill for about two weeks. During this time, I reduced my weight by about four kgs and cut out the canned tomatoes and canned mackerel that I had been eating quite often. It turns out (from my analysis) that the canned foods contained toxins that I was ingesting over the long run. Thus having removed that aspect, as well as most glucose from my diet and doubled the fruit and veggies that I eat, I now feel much better — like physically reorganized. And that’s why I’m posting my picture with these blogs – for the record.

 I’m going to leave it here today because I’m considering (on this Sunday), either doing some cold water swimming or going shopping for supplies.

Stably Walking through Disruption

Having been called to an emergency meeting at my school last week, it was no surprise to me that I would have to make some changes to my agenda and routine in response to the virus. Not very much does surprise me these days; even going back to the month of December, I could feel that there was something different in the air. Due to intuition or whatever you want to call it, I ended up leaving a lot of tasks open ended. At the meeting, all of the instructors in the foreign languages department were told to move everything - from a classroom based learning structure to an online learning structure - by next Monday, which was three days away - like mission impossible.

However, now that I was clear to me how how things were going (including having a general guess as to how this virus thing (as but the first wave of consequence is going to play out, peak and die down until the next big event and so on over the the next 4-5 years), I now needed to figure out how to get prepared in time classes to begin in three days.

In addition to having to learn how to use an education software platform that I had never bothered to really learn because I deemed it to be outdated in comparison to Google docs, I would have to effectively use that platform, design new course material, organize it with detailed instructions for students and so on. I’m laughing a little here because I guess that working 14-16 hours a day is normal for many people, but not me. I like doing things at my own pace, taking afternoon naps, going for walks, while also always being prepared for disruptions - which is why I had 2-3 months of emergency supplies on hand even before the virus scare, just in case there’s a really a big earthquake, but I guess that’s another story.

In terms of how I used the process that I’ve been walking for several years now, writing out my mind in mind constructs and so on, I simply did what I’ve become very good at, standing as the directive principle, identifying the programs that were already in place, redesigning them to then reprogram the outflows.

My first directive though was to remain stable and primarily move myself physically rather than mentally so as not to consume too much substance (literally) and end up burning myself out by thinking too much. In observing myself moving, I found it really cool that even though there were so many points (like de-energized molecules) surrounding me, that I probably would have in the past used to define myself as being emotionally stressed out, this time around, I simply walked through them, all the while being sure to breathe and keep my awareness grounded. It was kind of like finally being the director of a team, me, as a mind, being and body cooperating for the common good. Herein I now see that what I’m really getting at isn’t so much in relation to difficulty level of what I had to do. Rather, it has to do with “how” I ended up doing it, stably, almost completely without the emotional impacts that I would have had to also deal with in the past. And I call this Progress in my Process.

Writing and Posting Blogs in the Classroom

Although I have not been doing so much personal process blog posting, I have been doing a lot of blog posting for school. Basically, whenever I ask students to write blog post, which is about 7 different classes every 2- 3 weeks, I also write one with them right there in the classroom on the projection screen and I also usually post them and put their links on the updated class syllabus for them to go back and check out, which I guess some actually do. Sometimes, I leave blank lines for them to fill in their own words. It’s kind of like guided writing or paint by numbers, but with words instead of colors.

In the past, I didn’t really consider this kind of writing to be associated with my process. However, now in considering how I am assisting the students (my intention) while also assisting myself, I guess I would classify classroom writing to be part of my personal process. Why? Because, as one of my main goals or reasons for walking with Desteni and doing my personal process of self change has been to change myself to understand and live the word, care as a doing without having to force myself to do so.

Now, although I hadn’t consciously considered this point in some time, I have occasionally  been noticing some personal behavioral changes in relation to others, wherein I would do or say something in relation to them in ways that seemed to indicate to me that I actually cared.  Usually, it would just be a moment wherein I look up and quizzically wonder as what I had done or said and that would be the last of it. Then, the other day  as I was showing students how they could outline their self-introductions by first listing some of their most noteworthy personal traits, I wrote the word, care as one of the personal traits that I would include in my self-introduction. As I was writing that word on the board, I stepped back for a moment and looked into myself to see if I was being self honest. Do I really care, I asked myself. My answer without hesitation was yes. And in that moment, I realized that, in assisting others to write and doing so almost effortlessly, I was actually living the word, care. One more thing, although it may look as though the students are playing with their phones, they’re actually using them to write and post their blogs.

Navigating the Currents so not to be Swept Away

Walking through the Currents while not being Moved by them; swimming through the ocean, enjoying the calm and the churn, doing as I determine, instead of wasting away focusing on and fighting what does not fall into place or go my way, dancing with the wolves sounds cool, too. Essentially, I am looking at ways to walk through the waves of energy, while still determining who I am in all ways.

Although, my whole life has been like a roller coaster ride of energy waves and spikes of highs and lows, I now realize that I am able to determine who I am, how I am, regardless of the highs and lows of energy circulating through my body. In other words, Just because I physically feel different degrees of energy circulating through my physical body, does not mean that I have to accept such degrees as definitions of who I am - as in being happy or being sad. In communicating with my physical, I have often stated that, I as awareness here, am determined to stand equally as one with the physical, which includes experiencing to understand equally the the pain that the physical endures. As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.

We have all experienced pain, but have we been aware of the pain of our physical bodies? Have we stood equally as one within and as that pain? Have we shared the burden of what we three as mind, being and body have together created? My guess is we have not. Instead, our physicals have been carrying the burden, while we ignored the pain and/or medicated it out of awareness. I guess furthermore, that this is about to change and that the energies that I have been experiencing more of late, that which I have been complaining about (sorry about that), is going to get worse before it gets better. Herein, I best be clear how I will stand in response, so not to fall into reaction.

When and as I find myself entering into or experiencing accumulated energies defined as feeling good, I commit to slow down and not to allow myself to indulge in the  euphoria of experience, because I realize that, to indulge in the euphoria is to invite the despair, consuming the substance of the physical body for the substantiation of the mind at the cost of my being here. The same rules apply to that which I have defined as neutral and/or low currents of energy flowing through me, within and as me.  When and as I find myself searching for external causes upon which to blame by energetic experiences, I commit to flag such points as warning signs of the energetic mind fields ahead, awaiting to possess me, should I continue down that path. Hence, as soon as I notice that I am entering into a belief or perception that these energetic storms within me have been caused by something out there, I commit to support myself and stand, even in the worst of storms, by expanding myself to move while not participating in and as such storms.

Practically, this means that I must consistently check my focus to see that I am moving physically through each moment, doing things by pushing the points and not being moved by the energies within. Therefore, today, I am going to go out and look at cars, instead of waiting for an opportunity to come to me.