Sunday, September 23, 2012

Day 46: Up and down the rabbit hole

Again I ask, what comes first: equality and oneness, or the realization of equality and oneness? I'd say that within existence, they exist simultaneously, because everything is already here as all the possibilities within and as that which is here (where else would it be – in another existence?). Perhaps only our forms and expressions change/evolve so as to realize the possibilities/consequences, thus we as creators of ourselves, our current forms/expressions have the option of trusting that our our predictive capabilities of the past as the programs we inserted into and as ourselves as substance during our previous forms/expressions, are that which is currently best for all in/as existence. Or we may choose to trust ourselves in our current forms/expressions and direct ourselves here and now. It's really simple: trust/direct ourselves in the moment based on the accumulation of all that is here in this moment as us; or we trust the decisions that we may or may not have made as ourselves within and as our previous expressions/forms. I vote that we direct ourselves here in this moment, take self responsibility for ourselves as all, and do what is necessary to be done to insure that ALL are cared for equally and equally afforded an opportunity to express/live. This is the stance/expression that I have decided/chosen to be and become. Yet, how do I live this stance to be/become that which I am becoming? This too is a choice that all must make: how to live so as to be/become that which one would be/become. The answer again is in our words and deeds.   Life, as that which we are and that which we are becoming is seen in/as our words and lived/expressed in/as our deeds. The words we create are of life of the human-physical/substance that is here of/as earth of/as the universe of/as existence... Regardless of if words are spoken or written, they are of life and therefore alive, expressions created by us – their creators. And here within/as existence, so shall they (the words) remain as consequence outflow. From the laughter of a children, to the cries of soon to be slaughtered creatures: words are of life that affect/shape the whole / all of existence. We decide who we will be, as lived/expressed in our words and our deeds. The truth as what is here has always been here in plain view, yet perhaps in searching for more than what is here, we missed that which is here as ourselves, so plainly seen in/as our words, and expressed in our deeds; no wonder we've searched for more, not realizing that the “more” is here in/as ourselves to be created/shaped in form and expression – not found through splitting up and searching. I realize that once I have placed a words and deeds into existence I can never take them back. However, I can replace those same words and deeds so as to redirect the consequence outflows of those words and deeds, to an outflow that is best for all. 

I've edited/cut this writing quite a bit, and after letting it go for a couple of hours, I had almost decided to come back and delete it or put it with the other theoretical stuff that I often write, yet not post. The reason that I wasn't going to post it is because immediately after writing it, I went into a shift of sorts, as though a personality that I once knew decided to drop back in. I just stopped it – after an hour or two. And then I realized that I've once again been embracing knowledge and information as though it's who I am as life – when it's not because if it were I wouldn't have to read and or listen to it – I’d just be it. I’m still going to post this because it's not about being theoretically right or wrong at this point; it's about writing out the point that I’m facing in the moment, and this is that point. 
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my words and deeds are irrelevant in deciding/directing the totality of all that is here in/as existence.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for others, expecting to be told what to do to change me and all as me to be and become that which is best for all in equality and oneness. I hereby end/stop my expression of waiting to be told what to do at each turn of the way, and within this I commit myself to use all that is here to change what is here to an absolute expression of equality and oneness, because I will not accept anything less than absolute equality within and as “all” the the parts within/as existence.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the point of living is self-expression within/as oneness and equality
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that absolute self-trust is me in/as equality and oneness with and as the physical, and that will only be realized at the point of me  as energy, absolutely letting go of control and walking into and as the physical. Within this I commit myself to – point by point, through writing/speaking/walking/living; return more and more of me as mind/energy back into/as the physical by stopping me as mind/energy/consciousness, and within this – directing me in/as physical to live in equality and oneness – mind/energy and physical/substance, equal and one.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that knowledge and information that is separate from me is not reliable, as I am not living it as a statement of who I am as life, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes forget that the point of change is the letting go of the past, to live/create the present. I commit myself to continue asking questions, researching possible explanations; and applying what I learn in a manner so as to facilitate the process of standing equal and one to all that is here.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will see me as arrogant and or wasting time for posting my interpretations, theories, etc., regarding existence. I realize that my position in terms of my accumulation of knowledge and information is as a grain of sand to the mountain – yet equal to all the other grains of sand, just in different expression.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to withhold from posting theoretical writings because I perceived that some might judge me as wasting time theorizing on knowledge and information that has already been tested and provided to me by the creators of existence. Within this I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to fear judgment or that I am in deed wasting time, because I see/realize and understand that it is not to suppress the nature of my beingness, but to change it to the nature of that which is best for all in equality and oneness. Curiosity doesn't kill the cat, ignorance does that.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project onto others the reasoning for my reluctance to post much of what I write because I realize that much of is incomplete and or incorrect. And within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that others will read my writings, and judge me as writing without understanding.
Here is a battled taking place within me. On one side is me walking to live only in the factual/physical/present/moment, and on the other is me in the process of breaking out so as to express freely – me, whomever I may be or am becoming... Perhaps it's not really a battle; more like a getting to better see/realize me.

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