Although I would prefer to write about fun subjects, such as the location and shape of Earth, the heart of existence, the design of existence, the merging of sound substance and energy, the programming code of existence, sound/energy physical symbolism of words, the design and purpose of consciousness, and the wonders of what may be beyond our sound file, as the chronicles of this sound existence, my understanding of the above points (as well as my ability to write them out) unfortunately seems to be correlated with the movement of my personal process of standing equally as one with what is here. Which is to basically say that my personal process (from the within to the without) apparently proceeds my understanding of all of the above.
So here goes. The legal case that’s been going on for about 5-6 years, involving the house that my partner and I purchased 16 years ago has moved into a new phase. Unfortunately, our roof is now being torn off of our home and is going to be replaced with another less expensive and perhaps lower quality type of tile. The thing is that, instead of simply having the roof tiles replaced as the other homes did five years ago, the person pushing the suit against us in the community (who apparently has a lot of control within the community) has somehow set it up with the community, the local government and the roof company to far exceed the legal mandate. So that not only are they going to tear down our roof, they’re also going to tear down part of our next door neighbour’s roof and they’re now saying we have to pay four and a half times the normal marked rate. Being on the receiving end of punishment for daring to question the status quo is not fun at all. Though perhaps it is a lesson that I will learn from and maybe benefit by walking through.
All told, that means instead of getting a bill for about six thousand dollars, we could end up actually being ordered to pay about twenty-six thousand dollars. Obviously (from my perspective) we pissed some people off; the thing is all we did was exercise our legal rights to “legally” challenge what we viewed to be an infringement on our rights as homeowners in the first place. And for our defiance and perseverance, we were targeted, and of course we in return we also targeted them with legal action. That being said, whenever I ask myself, whether or not I would go back and change everything if I could, my answer strangely enough is always no because all that has been, all that I have walked through, including the bad experiences up to the present assisted me in so many ways to change.
Thus, instead of bowing my head and feeling sorry for myself, I’m out there every 15 or 20 minutes taking pictures and video that may eventually be used as evidence. In seeing under our tile, as I have said all along, it’s absolutely clear to me that our tile was in excellent condition and would have lasted another fifty or more years. Regardless of whether or not we are successful with our legal cases, we’re going to see them through to the finish. In reality, this means that even though I have been wanting to sell and move out of this house for several years, we’re probably not going anywhere for awhile and we’ll perhaps also have at least another two more years of legal challenges and perhaps 4-5 more legal cases (added to the ten or so already processed). I always used to wonder what it would be like being one of those people that had to deal with so many legal cases. Now I kind of have an idea and thankfully it’s my partner who’s the estudious law student. She is one of those kinds of people who don’t run away and never give up. And by the way (for the record), having inspected (to see the underside of the roof) and taken lots of pictures of the removal of our roof, I am able to once against state with certainty that our roof was in “excellent” condition up until the moment they began ripping it off.
So what exactly is my internal problem that I’m facing in all of this, the problem that I feel the need to write out and corrected by changing myself? No, it’s not that the system isn’t fair, even though that is a major problem that needs to and is being addressed worldwide. It is that I’m still judging myself to an extent and projecting that judgment onto what I call “the opposition” as being a corrupt liar, cheater and a pathological thief who seems to just keep getting away with it. For example, even if the courts eventually decide that we only have to pay the marked price (as is clearly stipulated by law), the community may still end up having to pay the money out because they gave that one person the authority to handle this and so many other matters. Wherein the corrupt guy can then turn around and get his kickbacks from everyone that got payouts. It fascinates me how so many don’t seem to see this or just don’t seem to care. Which is I guess a story for another post.
On a slightly lighter note, I will say that even though I feel as though my hands are somewhat tied in this matter, after repeatedly checking into myself (as a matter of respect), I am able to say that I feel no desire whatsoever to go out and settle this man to man so to speak, which I will thankfully add as a point wherein I have in thought, word and deed changed in a very important way. Additionally, although I woke up this morning (now yesterday morning) with emotional energy churning in my stomach, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, certainly not as bad in relation to similar past experiences. And then while laying in bed this morning and noticing those exact same energetic processes innocuously begin slipping building up, I immediately said “Not this time, no way! And I I stopped the emotional processes. Yes, unfortunately, there still is a tightness in my stomach this morning on the third day of the ripoff of my roof, which is why I’m still writing on this subject today.
On a side note, from my perspective, this kind of battle (that my partner are facing on a much smaller scale) is very similar to what is occurring around the world between those pushing for change utilizing the rule of law and those of the corrupt old system attempting to hold on to the corrupt ways of the past. And this is one of the reasons that I am determined to see this point through. This is in my view the direction of push for change that we all are able to push for keeping within and applying the rule of law to stand up for the rights of ourselves as well as others in the process of eventually changing the rules of the system on the path to completely retasking the system itself to stand (as a form of life) equally as one with all life, as is best for all. However, that is also part of another topic, too.
Sometimes when facing difficult points, I ask myself how I would like to review or remember myself standing when I look back at this point at various moments in the future - as a memory point that I occasionally set to review at a later time. After all, this is a point I’m facing in relation to the system and my being able to coexist with different types of people (as just one of many life forms) equally as one with them, as is best for all of us. At this point in my personal process, the question becomes, how well am I really living the words that I’ve redefined, such as respect, honor, integrity, care, consideration and so? Honestly, I’m still judging some as being courageous, some as cowardly, intelligent, a mental blob and so on - lol. So, I do still have plenty of processes to process out of myself as points to change to a standing that is best for all, and I commit to do exactly that until this process is done and everyone is standing equally as one, as is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and thereby tie my self-expression to my definitions of the external reality of my home, neighbours and the world system (especially the legal system), thereby accepting and allowing myself to be moved by my definitions of the external reality instead of living the word respect by bringing all judgments of what is really happening here back to myself, letting go of all judgements and/or definitions so as to clearly see and face what is physically here and then stably walk through the system of the external reality by responding (instead of reacting) only to that which I require to address and physically respond to. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself being attacked by others using the system to their advantage, thereby creating a point of blame within and as myself in relation to the world system, thereby tying myself to the system rather than looking inwords at how I define myself in relation to the system and change myself from within so as to no longer be defined by the without of the system. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being victimized as though I were being unfairly attacked rather than simply being tasked with having to face points that I myself opened up by refusing to go along with the rest of the community simply because I didn’t agree with them. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define what really happens in the external environment in terms of positive or negative definitions, thereby creating an external reality based on judgments and definitions of what is really here rather than letting go of the definitions/judgments altogether so as to simply face what is real (as in what will remain) and respond to it as best I am able. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being in danger of losing the war by being at risk of having to pay out punitive costs (as though such a payout would cause me to lose my dignity) rather than see, realize and understand that when it’s all said and done, the ups and downs of energy/emotion were nothing but that, leaving me far better off by only focusing on who/how I am in relation to this point. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being helpless to protect my home, therein judging my home as being destroyed rather than seeing, realizing and understanding what’s really happening - tiles being replaced with tiles, nothing lost except for the monetary value I place on the money. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being at risk of losing thousands of dollars rather than seeing, realizing and understanding that as long as I am still here, nothing that’s real can actually be lost. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the energy game of wanting to be a winner instead of remaining stable and focusing only what what is really, physically happening here = without attaching energetic definitions to what I see. When and as I find myself thinking that I’m losing a battle that I defined as being a worthy fight, I commit to stop, breathe and embrace to live the word eternal, wherein stand now as I would have myself standing a thousand years from now regardless of where I am, completely stable to see/hear and respond as best I am able to what is real and will remain. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define what’s happening now, the tearing down of our roof as well as part of the neighbour’s roof, as another attack for which I’ll have no recourse, rather than seeing it for what it represents, having to pay a little money or a lot of money, a new roof and additional cases for my partner to practice her legal skills.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on my imagination of good and bad possibilities rather than that which is really here that I really require to deal with in order to walk my personal process of self-change for the better. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as though I’m being abused and there’s nothing I can do to stop it, rather than seeing, realizing and understanding the plain and simple truth that I am still here and nothing harmful has actually been done unto me. From this point, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody a mode of impatience rather than patience and commitment to see this case through to the finish - as part of my personal process.