Continuing with Emotions

A common theme throughout my life has been my ability to bring out or elicit the best and the worst in people. I guess I would call it one of my talents; however, as with all gifts or talents, there is also  self-responsibility that comes with it. As this point applies to me, what I had been noticing in the past (in working with this point) was that whenever a person started getting emotional towards me or a subject that we’re discussing, my first inclination would be to antagonize so as to elicit more emotion, almost as though I was saying, if that’s the way you want to play, then so be it, you’re just going to explode.

In addressing this point and deciding to change myself in relation to it, instead of eliciting more and more emotion, I’ve gradually begun pulling back in such situations, controlling the pressure if you will, yet not solving the issues nor even assisting and supporting myself or another - which is what I am determined to learn how to do. Honestly, it’s been trial and error for me. For example, the last time I was in front of someone who started getting emotional, I tried to point out to that person the emotion that was being created and how it was important to slow down and breathe a little before continuing the discussion. The problem with this approach was that by not backing off myself, I was not giving that person the necessary space to slow down and breathe. Instead, I was in playing psychologist from a point of righteousness, I was actually reacting and contributing the emotional buildup.

Thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to other people’s emotions by by attempting to slow down the build up in them, therein projecting onto them blame instead of taking responsibility for myself by stepping back, breathing and giving us both the necessary space, assistance and support to slow down. Herein, I now see, realize and understand that, to really assist and support another during emotional outbursts sometimes requires stepping back to give that person some breathing space while also dealing with any emotions that may be coming up within and as myself. Thus, the next time I find myself face to face with an emotional person, I commit to step back for a moment to give that person and myself so breathing room for both of us to stabilize ourselves. Furthermore, I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge anyone’s emotions instead of immediately looking into me to see if and where I am reacting so as to correct/change so as to stand as an example rather than an agitator.

Continuing with Self Responsibility & Toning Down Emotions

You know I used to think or believe that I could write on subjects such as Responsibility and put everything into one post. I used to believe that I could put it all into one page, one sentence and even one word. Honesty, I am still 100% certain that I/we are able to put all our communications of a moment into one word or one sound, I’m just not quite sure how to do that right now.  Thus, I focus on what I do understand right now, the process of writing it all out, forgiving myself and rearranging the sentences into guidelines of commitments to walk and live. Which, once again brings me  back to this all encompassing topic called self-responsibility.

In my last post, I wrote about how instead of taking my mind’s cue and fueling the emotions of people around me, I directed myself to speak, move or stand from a starting-point intention of toning down the emotional energy of the environment. In looking some more at this point, I see that,  instead taking the bait (of other minds) and counter attacking or arguing back, I   lowered my guard (metaphorically speaking) and stood there at the receiving end of the energy/emotions that were being targeted at me. Strangely enough, I actually even began singing (if you can call it that), basically letting out a various sounds as though I were attempting to background melody for the chorus. I’m not sure that it did any good, but it certainly didn’t fuel the fire any more. I think perhaps it has something to do with commitments I’ve written to stand as a sound of harmony for the purpose of harmonizing my environment. Or perhaps, I just lacked the right words, the living words. Hmm.

Anyway, while standing on the targeted end of an outpouring of emotion, I also noticed a familiar self-definition arising from within me. To put it into words, this definition was saying to me, “hey, you’re being abused and it’s not only your right, but your duty to retaliate and put these people in their places.” Thankfully though, I didn’t allow myself to embrace and become that definition, but even though it only lasted only for a moment, a strangeness, like an echo of uneasiness still lingered within me for part of the day. It was as though that particular moment were to have been a cause of uneasiness due to bad relations that were to have been created between me and a couple of people in the office. The only thing is that the moment didn’t playout as it as per the usual program.

The point that I wanted to make here in relation to self-responsibility is that, sometimes (as one is able), it may be supportive to stand for a moment on the so-called receiving end of high pitched discord. Actually, it’s not  even the “receiving end,” as long as we simply let the energy run its course, going right through us without getting hung up on any self definitions. Furthermore, I also realize that even though it might appear to some as though the one remaining stable and not retaliating is being abused, it’s not actually abusive to the stable one due to the stability creating a kind of harmony of mind, being and body - ideally.

Here I am not now suggesting that we should all go around allowing ourselves to be yelled at and screamed at all the time. Merely that there will be times when people around us become emotional and even possessed. In such times, I now see that the best I am able to do for myself, others and my immediate environment as a whole is to remain stable, non confrontational and non aggressive so as to let emotions run their course without retaliating and making the situation worse. In doing this the other day in relation to some people in my office, I see that, not only did I prevent the situation from getting worse, but (from my perspective) I also assisted and supported others as well as myself in my work environment.

Finally, the coolest thing about this episode, experience or moment is that, except for that tiny bit of self definition of feeling as though I deserved to retaliate (a point of my personal process), I didn’t experience any pain (as I might have in the past) in relation to the energy that was being aimed at me. Very interesting.

Navigating the Currents so not to be Swept Away

Walking through the Currents while not being Moved by them; swimming through the ocean, enjoying the calm and the churn, doing as I determine, instead of wasting away focusing on and fighting what does not fall into place or go my way, dancing with the wolves sounds cool, too. Essentially, I am looking at ways to walk through the waves of energy, while still determining who I am in all ways.

Although, my whole life has been like a roller coaster ride of energy waves and spikes of highs and lows, I now realize that I am able to determine who I am, how I am, regardless of the highs and lows of energy circulating through my body. In other words, Just because I physically feel different degrees of energy circulating through my physical body, does not mean that I have to accept such degrees as definitions of who I am - as in being happy or being sad. In communicating with my physical, I have often stated that, I as awareness here, am determined to stand equally as one with the physical, which includes experiencing to understand equally the the pain that the physical endures. As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.

We have all experienced pain, but have we been aware of the pain of our physical bodies? Have we stood equally as one within and as that pain? Have we shared the burden of what we three as mind, being and body have together created? My guess is we have not. Instead, our physicals have been carrying the burden, while we ignored the pain and/or medicated it out of awareness. I guess furthermore, that this is about to change and that the energies that I have been experiencing more of late, that which I have been complaining about (sorry about that), is going to get worse before it gets better. Herein, I best be clear how I will stand in response, so not to fall into reaction.

When and as I find myself entering into or experiencing accumulated energies defined as feeling good, I commit to slow down and not to allow myself to indulge in the  euphoria of experience, because I realize that, to indulge in the euphoria is to invite the despair, consuming the substance of the physical body for the substantiation of the mind at the cost of my being here. The same rules apply to that which I have defined as neutral and/or low currents of energy flowing through me, within and as me.  When and as I find myself searching for external causes upon which to blame by energetic experiences, I commit to flag such points as warning signs of the energetic mind fields ahead, awaiting to possess me, should I continue down that path. Hence, as soon as I notice that I am entering into a belief or perception that these energetic storms within me have been caused by something out there, I commit to support myself and stand, even in the worst of storms, by expanding myself to move while not participating in and as such storms.

Practically, this means that I must consistently check my focus to see that I am moving physically through each moment, doing things by pushing the points and not being moved by the energies within. Therefore, today, I am going to go out and look at cars, instead of waiting for an opportunity to come to me.