As 2021 Begins

 

Rather than start this year off with "the hardships to come" kind of talk, I'll use this moment to have a look at where I am.

Honestly, I would say that even though there have been some very difficult times for me over the last decade, it has still been the best decade of my life. It has been a time of letting go, a time of redefining, embracing and living new definitions of words that I had never understood nor even imagined I would ever live. Words such as care, compassion and consideration and even empathy — as a combination of care and consideration that I now live by placing the experience of another — as I imagine it —  into myself while remaining stable in order to decide how best to stand in relation to them. Even though I never understood empathy and I rarely cared about anyone but myself for most of my life, I now understand what it’s like to care and empathize. And nowadays, while I usually notice when I’m living those words, it is no longer something that I need to push myself to do — almost as though it’s a natural doing for me.

 In essence, I’ve redesigned a substantial portion of myself (with room for expansion and/or improvement of course as need be) to give myself that flexibility to continue walking a journey that I/we began long ago. This is not to say that I am perfect, far from it, but that I have proven to myself that I am able and willing to face what is, take responsibility for it and change it as myself to that which is better in relation to all. In essence, I’m still on a never ending mission on a never ending journey with room for lots of funnying and adventuring on top of that.

 Additionally, until recently, I guess about the last 1-2 years ago, I would often wonder why my voice always seemed to be out of pitch, like there was something interfering with the natural sound that I imagined I ought to be making, yet never seem to be able to produce, especially when I dared to sing.  Nowadays however, when I sing (which is a lot) to myself at home with the geckos that sometimes greet me or when I’m in classrooms (with the students diligently attending to their smartphones), I no longer hear that scratching and screeching noise coming out of me. These days, I love hearing the sounds that I create, and while I may not be in perfect harmony, I enjoy the balance it brings to my environment and it’s an improvement in the direction I care to be heading.

 Recently, my physical body went through a reorganizing of sorts wherein I felt quite ill for about two weeks. During this time, I reduced my weight by about four kgs and cut out the canned tomatoes and canned mackerel that I had been eating quite often. It turns out (from my analysis) that the canned foods contained toxins that I was ingesting over the long run. Thus having removed that aspect, as well as most glucose from my diet and doubled the fruit and veggies that I eat, I now feel much better — like physically reorganized. And that’s why I’m posting my picture with these blogs – for the record.

 I’m going to leave it here today because I’m considering (on this Sunday), either doing some cold water swimming or going shopping for supplies.