Yesterday, I had an opportunity to test an application I have been working on. It consists of facing an energetic/emotional experience of another, aimed at me. My goal is to remain physically stable so as not to react to the words and/or frequency of the words coming from the other person. In the case of yesterday, for the most part, I remained stable. In other words, I considered the words and tonality of the words I would use, and I responded with the intent of assisting the other person to stabilize, which is what happened after a while. However, I realized that even though I remained stable on the outside, the ball of energy stilled appeared inside of my stomach and it was painful. I did not react more than a tiny bit; yet there was still a big ball of energy sitting in my stomach.
In looking at this point, I see that I am beginning to determine in the moments, how I will be. The problem is that, a part or parts of me are still functioning in automatic mode. Yesterday, I physically moved me to respond as I determined to do. Yet, somewhere deep down inside, a part of me is still running on its own. This part, I guess of the mind/body relationship, created the energy and released it into me. I stopped the energy in the stomach; I guess because I did not give it anywhere to go. This ball of energy, stuck in my stomach was painful, so I decided to take a walk. After a while, it dissipated on its own. Now as I write this, I realize there is another method I could have used to release that energy. I do it through breathing. During the in breath, I pull the energy up from the stomach, into the lungs and then I direct it out through the mouth and nose. The way I am able to tell it is working is when the inside of my nose begins to itch a lot, so much so that I sneeze 2-3 times; expelling the energy and then it is gone.
Here, once again I am looking at the question of how that ball of energy was created inside of me, even though I remained physically stable and was not aware of any reactions except for the energy. Perhaps, it was coming from my unconsciousness or perhaps it was coming from what is called the quantum physical – a term I still do not yet fully grasp. Either way, I am thankful for these opportunities to test my application of physically responding instead of energetically reacting. The key I see here is to remain aware of what is happening within and as the physical body.