Last night, I met with a friend whom I had not seen for about one year. I enjoyed sitting outside of a Family Mart, a convenience store like a 7-11 in Taoyuan city, Taiwan. While we were speaking, another friend messaged me, saying she wanted to visit with her boyfriend. They came over and so did another longtime friend and I enjoyed sitting and conversing with them outside the Family Mart. Then, we decided to go to a local pizza place where you can drink beers and listen to live music. We walked about twenty minutes because there were no taxis in that area. When we walked into the place, I immediately noticed three women, one of whom I felt an attraction towards. I noticed the attraction and of course, I asked myself, why. The short answer is that, she was thin, had blond hair and blue eyes just like my mama, lol. The strange thing about attraction is that, it does not usually show up with a detailed explanation. Instead, it arises as a feeling of being compelled or pulled towards something. As a magnet pulls a piece of metal, that is just the way things are – or so we think and therefore believe, often without investigating.
Attraction, as I view it is caused by the interaction of the fields of energies that form the bodies or matter in formations of substance = information of life. Each point of substance of matter has a field-strength that, when interacting with other bodies, determines its position. From this, we get or experience magnetic attraction, which I guess can become a distraction without sufficient self-determination. I am sure there are other ways to define it and this is one of the reasons I am wirting this. It is not clearly defined and this is not Ok with me. I am (I guess) a body as a universe of bodies of the matter of substance formed by energy, in formations of symbols meandering within/as and through existence. Yet, instead of moving myself to explore, I almost constantly experience the influence of attraction as a distraction seemingly pulling me from the here of where I am to somewhere over there. Why?
The attraction I experienced is explained easily enough due to her outward appearance – blond hair and blue eyes, of the group of Irish decent or something like that, like my mother. However, when I look deeper into the point of attraction, I see that there is so much more to it. It is an experience of lacking from which, arises the experience of desire to fulfill the experience of lacking. Adding to this mix is of course, a fear of the object I desire. Why do we fear that which we desire? By investigating this on a personal level, I have come to realize that, the fear is of something having power or influence over me due to my desire for it.
I have been cleaning or straightening up what I call the mess of me as mind being within and as a body for at least six years now, and every time I get one part organized, another tangled mess just seems to pop up as part of the process.
Attraction is not so difficult to comprehend; however, I am still not seeing the whole picture – the plasma fields of interaction defined as attraction. I care to see beyond the blond hair and blue eyes translated into an image for me by my mind. I would like to see each particle in relationship connection with one another to understand how I create the experience of attraction. Then, I would address each point of imbalance so to fulfil = balance me from within. That which we experience as lacking is just an experience based on self-definitions. Therefore, instead of attempting to fulfill an internal experience of lacking with an externalized perception of having, I will instead, let go of the self-definitions of lack so to understand fulfilment.