Thursday, January 24, 2013

Day 88: Suppressed Negativity


Over the last 3-4 weeks, I've experienced kind of a condensed version of what I experienced a while back when I suddenly stopped writing. It feels kind of like withdrawal symptoms – writing and self-forgiveness withdrawals. What happened (from my perspective) is that right around the beginning of the year or towards the end of the year, I was not experiencing very much in terms of energetic reactions. So when I went to write about me, not very much came out, and thus I started focusing my writing on politics, capitalism equal money, etc. Here, I found myself somewhat out of alignment with the phase that those working on an Equality system are currently involved. To put it clearly, I do not see any redeeming qualities to be derived from Capitalism, that will be more Life-friendly (than they are now) within an equality system. Yet, I do agree with exploring all aspects of the old system, and the possibilities of the new. It's a process that must be walked in space-time, which requires patience.

Getting back to me
What I’ve noticed about writing less is, that the less I write, the more my mind has a tendency to slip back into the auto pilot mode of thoughts, internal conversations, imagination, reactions, etc., which when left unchecked becomes very uncomfortable. It's like getting use to spring weather year round and then suddenly having to face bouts of bitter cold. The cool thing is that, whereas in the past it took me quite a while to realize that I was off course, this time around it's only been a few weeks. The culprit lies in my personality that still cares what people think about me, and perceives that what they think about me is based on what I write. Therefore, I as mind seek-not to write to understand me, but to present a version of me in my favorite suit. So much of what I have written has only been the neutral and positive of me – for presentation. In my writing, I’ve suppressed the negative, believing that the positive moves/manipulates others, while the negative turns them away, and I justified this type of writing because I wanted to change people's ideas. All in all, I wouldn't say my endeavors have been a failure; I have after all written-out quite a bit of one side of me – the positive, leaving me a bit unbalanced. What are these negative points that I have suppressed?
  1. I honestly want Civilization as we now know it to END. As I see it, if we allow even one part of life to suffer, then we should all equally endure that suffering, until we all equally end our suffering.
  2. Bring on the viruses, earthquakes and tsunamis: nature has for far too long footed the bill for us to kill and consume, and in this regard, is equally as one responsible for implementing/forcing change. We are all equally the cause, and therefore must all equally become the solution.
  3. To those who believe they are entitled to more because they whore/work more, I would ask to see their title to life, their right to be master over another. As I see it, no one is entitled to have More than another, regardless of how much More they may work/contribute. Some may work more, and some may work less, so what.
  4. Democracy has never been but an illusion functioning in reverse of what was/is meant to be, (ALL) voting for what is best for all, not (ALL) voting for a few to make dicisions for all. We human-beings are but fools living in reverse of how life should be. How ridiculous it is to blame even those at the top, while we underneath hold them up – as pillars upon which their platform is based. For starters, I vote that we all just stop paying All debt, and watch how fast the top layers fall. I vote that All laws that are not or do not apply equally to all, be nullified; why should some be protected while others are not. I vote for a new world currency – one that is distributed equally to all... Suppressed Negativity, to be continued


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