Thursday, December 20, 2012

Day 79: Self Observations


I almost always look over or what I’ve posted on my Blog and You tube. It’s interesting to once again do video blogs. I still enjoy (although not as much as I used to) watching myself on YouTube, and the same goes for reading what I’ve written. It's not “All” ego at play here; there is a consideration regarding the process of change that I’m looking at. For example in watching myself, as the main character in the last two Youtube videos, I see that the manner in which I speak indicates to me that I’m still playing a particular character that I’ve played for most of this life – the little devil's still in there, having fun – or perhaps that's the real me. I've also noticed that I state things as though they're “true,” when in fact, they're just as likely to not be. I guess that the main change that I’ve noticed in watching the videos, is that I’m more honest than I used to be – regardless of the accuracy/inaccuracy of what I’m saying. In looking at the question of how to be more truthfully accurate within and as what I’m speaking, I’m probably just going to continue to focus the point of being self-honest. Just looking at the word, “TRUTH,” I see that in one sense, we as a whole are probably as far from it than we've ever been, and from another perspective nothing has ever changed.

Mind Constructs
I’ve recently just about completed another Mind Construct on the subject of “Work.” I once again see why I as mind have resisted doing these. Even when I manipulate them – as I do to an extent, they still seem to bring forth realizations. The main realization regarding this latest construct is that, in compromising or giving in to demands of another, while there is no compromise on the other side, I’m was only compromising myself. In other words, compromising or giving in to one-sided demands (even if it is giving in to a lesser degree), is still giving in / compromising self. I had been projecting my giving in, as a stand, but in reality it was more like a fall back and stand, fall back and stand... which is not a stand at all, but a falling back. So, quite a few realizations there. It's cool how upon completing these mind constructs, aspects of my reality change as though others have changed – once again showing me that the nature of my reality.


  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the need/desire to check over my writing or vlog because I want to see how I sound to others, i.e., attempting to perceive how others perceive me, and in doing so not realize that I am judging myself – being an observer instead of the director. I see and realize that I am still participating in thoughts of how others will perceive me. Within this I commit myself to not allow myself to project onto others my reason for checking my blogs and vlogs, and instead simply read and abserver to see where it is that I’m still speaking/writing as ego.
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