On Monday, I was actually quite successful in stopping my participation in the majority of my thoughts for most of the day and into the evening. What I found interesting is that around 2:00 am, I woke up with an extreme hunger or emptiness feeling in my stomach area. It wasn't a normal hunger feeling, it was much more extreme. I went downstairs and ate a bowl spaghetti with sausages, and this did settle the feeling down quite a bit. Yet I do wonder if hunger/experience was caused in part by the mind consciousness system not being fed its usual diet of energy. I will investigate this more write about it if I find a connection stopping thoughts and that hunger feeling. In the “mean” time I'll write about some of the more trivial goings on within/as me. It is the trivial stuff, or so the stuff that I have defined as important that I have allowed to define me, so hear it is – the trivial drivel for the week. In the work section, I've agreed to do the three 20 minute demos, and they'll be just that – demonstrations of how and what I teach during 15 minute of a 40 minute period. The last 5 or so minutes I’ll leave for me to speak with the parents about whatever. Compromise (in this case) is the realization that the work environment has changed, and for what I'm looking to do these days, the setup I have – what is physically hear, is quite cool; so I compromise not my ethics or standards, just my pride. And there it is, the root of my angst, pride.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel/believe as though I have a certain value and that this value is what I should be compensated in return for my professional services. Within this I see/realize that pride is that which I have projected outward based on my interpretation of my value, and in this not considered how much value I actually add to an organization from which I have expected to be compensated. I also see/realize and understand that pride has no place in an equal and one environment/existence because pride is that which says I am better than / worth more than another/others. How much easier/lighter my mind would be without the weight of “pride.” Therefore I commit myself to stop/cease/terminate all thoughts/projections, emotions/feelings, etc., rooted within and as “pride.” I commit myself to when and as I find myself at a point of acting/reacting in any way or form of pride, to stop, breathe, and so not participate. I commit myself to investigate where it is that I have defined/limited myself within and as pride, and within this – apply self forgiveness and correct my standing so that pride is no longer an obstacle/aspect/point within and as me.