Yesterday while speaking with someone that I have recently met, I found myself anticipating what he was going to say – clumping it all into one category, and unconsciously back-chatting as to how I could bring this person to a level beyond his current view. While these conscious and unconsciousness interactions were taking place, there was also a voice way back there that was saying, “just listen to him.” Unfortunately, I didn't fully listen to that little voice and I didn't fully listen to him, which is to say that I was not fully here listening to what this person was actually saying, thus did not respond equally to the words he was speaking.
Regarding the knee, I just got back from the doctor, and he's confident that I won't need surgery, and I agree because I was able to hold my leg out straight once it was lifted up. I hadn't tried really hard to lift it before because I was afraid that if the tendon was injured I would just injure it some more. It's cool that I probably won't need surgery, just rehabilitation. The doctor told me what wasn't wrong with the knee, but he didn't tell me what is wrong with it. So I’m just going to take it slow and wear a brace for a while. What I find very interesting is that for the last 5 days I kept the knee wrapped up because it has been really painful and I believed that it was seriously injured. However, since speaking with the doctor (extensively questioning him), and removing the wrappings, I’m finding the pain has lessened and there is already more mobility; leaving me to question: how much impact the mind has on my self diagnosis of an injury. Perhaps I saw this injury as very serious because I had no reference for it, except perhaps when I got stuck while trekking in the Himalayas many years ago and an old man assisted me in finding a shortcut to the nearest road. That was much worse in terms of pain and difficulty, but as far as the mind was concerned – hospitals, surgery, and rehabilitation were not an option so I just kept on going down through India, on bicycle. Where is the balance; how do I know when it's too much, when to slow down, and when to stop – if only for while? I guess that in the absence of visible damage to the physical, the best way the best guide is the pain.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here one with and equal to the words of another so as to here what another is really saying, and within this I forgive myself that I did not allow myself to listen, but instead judged what he was going to say before he said it. I see/realize and understand that by not being here in breath as one is speaking, I am not listening nor seeing this person for who he/she really is and thus am unable to fully/accurately respond to the individual.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to slip back into the mind/characters and in doing so not give myself the chance to participate/communicate with another in equality.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that each time/moment I speak with another is an opportunity to be here in and as the physical, hearing/seeing the words of another.
- I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that I was seriously injured and would require surgery to correct this injury. Within this I now see/realize and understand that there is always a better way than cutting into the physical and sowing it up, but it requires a seeing as one with and equal to the physical so as to direct the repairs.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe that I as the mind, need to know what is wrong with the physical so as to get it fixed, and within this not see that the physical is fully capable of repairing itself and does not require the mind directing it to do so. I see/realize and understand that the to assist the physical is to not allow the mind to react in fear.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that to support the physical is to remain here in breath.