Monday, September 10, 2012

Day 40: Physiology

Yesterday I went to the hospital to have my knee looked at. The diagnosis is still inclusive, but my guess is that the tendon that connects the patella or kneecap to the quadriceps muscle is damaged – stretched or torn. It's interesting because I see this injury as learning point, a lesson learned, one that need not be repeated. The lesson that I’m (theoretically) speaking of has to do with the physiological/anatomical changes associated with walking the process of writing and self forgiveness, and self corrective application. In short, some time ago while doing a mind construct, it was pointed out to me that I was writing self forgiveness from a morally righteous standpoint. Sure enough, a huge percentage of the self forgiveness was written from a self-righteous standpoint. I didn't even need to look at my writings for the last several years to know that most of it has also been from a self-righteous polarized, “I do this because it's the right thing to do” point of view. From that moment of realizing and beginning to realign my stance (with extensive self forgiveness) to neither right nor wrong but instead – self-directed, I started noticing changes in my right knee. Within the next two days the whole knee had become stiff and painful, almost like gout, but not quite the same. The pain lasted about two or three days, after which the entire knee – inside and all around was stiff as though it was all scar tissue. Even with the difficulty walking, I still had to walk. The interesting thing that I noticed was that my walking on my right side had changed as though it was now correctly aligned. I'd say, for the better in terms of no longer walking on my outer right sole. The cartilage clicking sound when bending my knee was also no longer there. After about 8-9 days in total, the pain went away and so too did most of the stiffness, but my knee seemed weaker. Then last Friday while doing four-hours of teaching (most of the time, standing) I knelt down to pick up something, and stretched or perhaps tore the tendon that connects the tibia bone to the knee cap. What did I do wrong? Suddenly I found myself walking correctly on the right side (on left, I'm still walking on my outer sole), and I thought, wow this is great. The problem is that I didn't consider that any realignment is also likely to place stress on other parts of the body where before there may have been less or none. In other words, anytime there is a realignment in the physical, I'd say – especially for older people, that it is necessary to slow down a bit to enable the surrounding muscles/bone/tissue to adjust, just as one would in rehabilitating an injured muscle or tendon. I didn't do this, and as result I may require some form of surgery. I do not plan on repeating this error, and I would prefer that no one else the same mistake.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when changing the mind, it is also necessary to realize that the physical will change too.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that changes to the physical will need to be walked carefully so as to insure that the physical has time to adapt to such changes.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that as I am walking into the physical, means that I as the mind/being/physical need to consider the shape/condition of the physical so not to injure/over exert the physical.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I as the physical am superman with super human powers that defy this reality. I see/realize and understand that physical exertion must be aligned to the capabilities of the physical, and within this – man know thy physical self.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand the risks associated with moving to too quickly, and within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that the need to move quickly, overrides the need for care.
  • I commit myself to paying closer attention to the strengths and weakness of the physical, so as to insure that no more unnecessary injuries occur.
  • I commit myself to spending the time and effort to insure that my current kneecap injury is fixed and rehabilitated.
  • I commit myself to continue walking this process.

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