Yesterday I went to the hospital to
have my knee looked at. The diagnosis is still inclusive, but my
guess is that the tendon that connects the patella or kneecap to the
quadriceps muscle is damaged – stretched or torn. It's interesting
because I see this injury as learning point, a lesson learned, one
that need not be repeated. The lesson that I’m (theoretically)
speaking of has to do with the physiological/anatomical changes
associated with walking the process of writing and self forgiveness,
and self corrective application. In short, some time ago while doing
a mind construct, it was pointed out to me that I was writing self
forgiveness from a morally righteous standpoint. Sure enough, a huge
percentage of the self forgiveness was written from a self-righteous
standpoint. I didn't even need to look at my writings for the last
several years to know that most of it has also been from a
self-righteous polarized, “I do this because it's the right thing
to do” point of view. From that moment of realizing and beginning
to realign my stance (with extensive self forgiveness) to neither
right nor wrong but instead – self-directed, I started noticing
changes in my right knee. Within the next two days the whole knee had
become stiff and painful, almost like gout, but not quite the same.
The pain lasted about two or three days, after which the entire knee
– inside and all around was stiff as though it was all scar tissue.
Even with the difficulty walking, I still had to walk. The
interesting thing that I noticed was that my walking on my right side
had changed as though it was now correctly aligned. I'd say, for the
better in terms of no longer walking on my outer right sole. The
cartilage clicking sound when bending my knee was also no longer
there. After about 8-9 days in total, the pain went away and so too
did most of the stiffness, but my knee seemed weaker. Then last
Friday while doing four-hours of teaching (most of the time,
standing) I knelt down to pick up something, and stretched or perhaps
tore the tendon that connects the tibia bone to the knee cap. What
did I do wrong? Suddenly I found myself walking correctly on the
right side (on left, I'm still walking on my outer sole), and I
thought, wow this is great. The problem is that I didn't consider
that any realignment is also likely to place stress on other parts of
the body where before there may have been less or none. In other
words, anytime there is a realignment in the physical, I'd say –
especially for older people, that it is necessary to slow down a bit
to enable the surrounding muscles/bone/tissue to adjust, just as one
would in rehabilitating an injured muscle or tendon. I didn't do
this, and as result I may require some form of surgery. I do not plan
on repeating this error, and I would prefer that no one else the same
mistake.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when changing the mind, it is also necessary to realize that the physical will change too.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that changes to the physical will need to be walked carefully so as to insure that the physical has time to adapt to such changes.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that as I am walking into the physical, means that I as the mind/being/physical need to consider the shape/condition of the physical so not to injure/over exert the physical.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I as the physical am superman with super human powers that defy this reality. I see/realize and understand that physical exertion must be aligned to the capabilities of the physical, and within this – man know thy physical self.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand the risks associated with moving to too quickly, and within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that the need to move quickly, overrides the need for care.
- I commit myself to paying closer attention to the strengths and weakness of the physical, so as to insure that no more unnecessary injuries occur.
- I commit myself to spending the time and effort to insure that my current kneecap injury is fixed and rehabilitated.
- I commit myself to continue walking this process.
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