Sunday, September 9, 2012

Day 38: Knee injury

Knee injury
Pain in the right knee – again. This time it's due to an over exertion injury, probably. I actually went to a hospital to get a brace of something for it. However, as is usually the case with me going to hospitals in Taiwan, I ended up driving and limping around for about 2 hours, only to find that this big county hospital was closed for all but emergencies. The internet did say to call, but I didn't. This has happened to me many times in Taiwan; I even told my wife exactly what was going to happen before I left, and it happened just the way I said it would – exactly. I don't usually go to hospitals because of the uncertainty involved with going to them, entering into their system... I'm certain that all these repetitious kind of events could be avoided if I could just see what the hell is going on in this world – behind the scenes. I don't trust the medical establishment, yet I see that they do have their uses if one can just get around the complexities, the variances between useless-formation and useful information. If we are to create a new world, I’d say that one language is all that is necessary. This injury could have been prevented if had not pushed myself so hard/physically in the classroom, trying to exorcise to get back in shape after my 4-5 months of inactivity. I really have very few clues as to what the hell is going on in relationship to me, the mind, and the physical. Since April, I’ve been in pain – sometimes extreme, more than I’ve not been in pain. I realize there is a lot of pain going on in this world; I’d say that this world has become pain, the manifested representation of pain, and it comes/materializes in all sizes, shapes and forms. In other words, I don't feel sorry for myself. I see myself as in a dark cave, an underground river. There is no light, I just go with the flow; perhaps I will reach a place of safety and perhaps I will in this cave; either way I have no choice but to continue on. Which in a way is where I’ve been for some time with my back still against the wall, alone with only one thing to do, continue on. I will continue writing with self forgiveness, self corrective statements; more so as journal, a way for me to see me – as opposed to a guide for others, how to / how not to, the blind leading the blind. Anyway, perhaps it's just a stretched muscle...

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that if I do not continue on, who will as me. I see/realize and understand that our entire existence we have given up, thinking that it would be easier dealing with the unknown rather than sticking it out until it's done.
  • I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to as energy and substance, the mind and the physical from the beginning to now seen realized and understood my relationship within and as the physical, and in not understanding, suffer the consequences of the damage done unto me by me.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame/project onto others the cause of my suffering / lack of understanding, and within this not realize that I am solely responsible for me and all as me.
  • I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that the key to being is within me, thus it is to move/reverse self.
  • I commit myself to continue walking this journey, even if I have to crawl – I will be one with and equal to what is here.
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