Day 37: The Know-All character
It may sound funny, but I as the know-All character don't see it as funny; I see it as an issue to be analyzed, hypothesized, theorized, supported, rejected, and then acted upon. Perhaps, in terms of the infinite-possibilities of understanding, I as who I am (that matters) am equal to all; plus or minus a some issues in/as expression due to the mind / mind-consciousness system, my beingness and physical, not standing one and equal. I would really prefer not to use the word, “know” because its sounding is negative, which just adds to the strangeness of the English language. For example: in saying, “I do not know,” I am actually (in sounding) saying, “I do no no” which is like saying, I + affirmative movement + negative + negative, which when summed up as the sound, equals, what? What our words / language is showing us is that, as with everything else, it's in reverse / inside-out / inverted... Thus, when I say, “I know it all” I'm actually saying “I (am) not (one with) all.” If I am/was one with all, I would probably say, “I understand all” and of course I wouldn't use the word, think.
I probably started creating this character when I was around 14 years old. That was when I went away to high school and actually began to study – learn to read, write, etc. The reason I’m writing about this character is because this is where so much / most of my internal conversations come from: the outcomes of calculations based on knowledge and information, which form theories that crisscross, arise with new information, sleep when incomplete... This is who I have defined myself to be; I see it as neither right or wrong, yet I realize that this character is a obstacle to my process of living in the physical. For example, recently I agreed to start working part time at a school starting this Monday. The principal was supposed to email me a contract. He called and confirmed the hours and asked me if I had received his email with a contract. I hadn't received the email, and instantly / in quantum-time, this character deduced (high-probability based on many factors – personal experience, legal, business, etc.) that he hadn't yet sent the email/contract. Here, I have no problem with the accuracy of the deduction, yet the question arises: “does it change anything; and if it changes nothing, why then should I accept and allow these physically consuming computations in the first place? The answer, BTW is, it changes nothing; because I proceed based on what is here/real, not on what is fantasized in the mind. Thus, I see that I am very aware of what is taking place in/as my conscious mind, however I’m still waning myself off the mind much too slowly.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to know it all is to be of knowledge and information, separate from life, separate from what is here. I see/realize and understand that the more I walk in the physical (less mind), the more efficient/accurate I am in resolving situations for the benefit of all. Thus, I will continue decreasing mind participation, and increasing physical self-directing.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here one with and equal to all that is here, but instead cut and paste all see that is here into an interpretation box of the the mind-consciousness system, to be spit out according to the wants/needs/desires of the mind-consciousness system, and within this not realize that I am being spoon-fed information by the mind, thus reacting to what is here instead of expressing won with and equal to it. I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to simply accept the possibilities of the mind, and instead continue to diligently direct myself to move/direct self only according to what is here.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is not about winning in the system, but about all in the system changing the game so that all are equal in their starting point and the only rule is that all movement be what is best for all in all ways.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the words I write/speak clearly show me myself. Thus, I commit myself to continue writing every day with self-forgiveness, and self-commitment statements that I live.