Jumping back into Facebook

Having gone on a hiatus from Facebook for about two years, I recently decided to jump back into the fray. For I have come to realize that communication, even without overt agreement, is in itself a form of agreement in-progress and therefore better than no communication at all.

My experience over the last few weeks in relation to such a diverse community, runs the gamut of the mind.  Everyone seems to be out there in some form or another, but mostly it reminds me of being in a warzone  with most of the participants just trying to survive by keeping their views alive. And me with the difficult, self-imposed task of avoiding serious conflict, refrain from triggering anyone or getting triggered and most of all, don’t harm or destroy. It’s like a virtual reality Game of Thrones with the money changers pulling the strings and tweaking things from the top in the name of social order just enough to keep the war simmering until the orders are given to wreak havoc upon humankind.

I tell myself that I just wanted to test my application of self-forgiveness and self-commitment in terms of living words, such as consideration, respect, honor and integrity - that I have been working with over the past several years. And I guess I was also somewhat curious to look and see more closely into the divide. It’s scary when you realize that all that information “out there” is connected to human beings, while at the same time, it’s all all inside of me.

Overall though, I would say that we (as a mixture of mankind) are making awesome progress. I wanted to educate, but it seems that I was the one that got educated about myself and where I am in my process. For the most part, I recognized and stopped the reactions that came up within me, but not always. Sometimes I ended up going so far as to backchat about someone or something before it occurred to me to bring that point back to myself and take responsibility for it. So I will continue to push myself to communicate with others, as I would have world leaders and policy makers do, too.

Communication Creation, Feb, 11, 2017

So, I had an epiphany in relation to communication creation. Now it is a question of changing my knowing to an understanding. However, before I even post that sentence with the word, epiphany, I am going to check the internet for (let’s call it) a common understanding of the word. Then, I am going to check my own definition to see if they are both aligned in-order to communicate my intention as best I am able.  Not really as best I am able, but close enough for now.

Epiphany (according to Merriam-Webster): “a (1) :  a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) :  an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3) :  an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure b :  a revealing scene or moment.” Yes, epiphany is the word I will choose to use here, for now.

What was my epiphany about? Words and the communication creation process, that has been compromised by a lack of awareness of how we communicate to create from the within of ourselves to the without of the world system. At this moment, I am not in a position to verbalize clearly or type out everything I know, because it is still a knowing, not an understanding. However, I  will (over time) pull this knowing out of me, piece by piece to place it here and there to see where it fits as I rewrite and revise until it is right and all of the pieces fit into place.  

I had read that, Jesus said to become the living word or something like that, but, I did not understand the dynamics or science behind such a statement. However (and this is where my epiphany comes in), I am now beginning to see the science or relationship lines embedded into and as the words as the tools of communication, the tools of creation. Now, the process for me is to extract, for lack of a better word or technique as of yet, the essence of my knowing, so to change myself from a knowing to an understanding.

Do these sentences look scrambled? From my perspective, they are extremely scrambled; nevertheless, this is my method or process of extracting and unscrambling information from inside of me. Sometimes, it's like pulling relevant information out of the air, but most of the time it's like extracting a deep splinter that been embedded close to the bone. Thus, I often end up utilizing a lot of time and many words to write right, just one sentence to the point, that I am satisfied that my intention embedded into the sentence will be communicated clearly and not easily be misinterpreted or misrepresented. This is not to say that the sentence is complete, but that my intention embedded into and as the words of the sentence is aligned with what I intend to communicate/create in consideration of those to whom I am communicating.

For example, in searching for a clear definition of the word, democracy, I probably ended up writing fifty to one-hundred pages, often setting the project down for a while, then going back to it, revising it here and there, until I arrived at the following. Democracy is a form of collective decision-making, wherein the degree of democracy expressed by the collective is equivalent to the degree by which all members of the collective have the opportunity to participate equally in all of the decision-making processes that affect the collective. It sounds simple enough; so, why did it take me more than a year to come up with?

Why must one write so many words just to arrive at one clear, succinct definition of intention to then communicate one's intention? The answer (in short) is because, I/we have entangled ourselves into and as so many different definitions, embedded in our words, thereby contradicting or countermanding with unrealized meanings, the intent of our communication, which ends up compromising our communication, thereby creating unintended outflows.

Words cast in spells, mold the clay that form the world.

From the within to the without, communication-creation requires two or more. This is why redefining our words in order to be certain of our intentions - as the main ingredients embedded into and as our words - is an essential step in the communication/creation process.  However, even though one's communication may be of a benevolent starting-point, this does not necessarily mean that his or her communication will result in benevolent outflows. Why? Because the complete “meaning” of the words cast in spells, that molded the clay into and as the world, has not been understood.

This is perhaps another dimension of the communication/creation process, one that I intend to explore and perhaps unveil. That being said, the journey may take quite some time. Thus, I will include this renewed purpose in my personal process. After all, as communication creation requires two or more, what we create will never be anything more or better than the least each other's intentions, even the suppressed and/or hidden ones.   Hence, the importance of each one's personal process.

Redefining my relation to Ants

What a pain in the ass they can be to me, lol. I left my apartment for three days, and when I returned, there they were, nesting in some tubing surrounding a doorway next to the kitchen-sink. 

Ever time I did anything with food, it was as though an alarm had sounded “Food! Food! Food!” I ended-up killing many of them even though I often tried not to. It was as though they understood the risks; yet still they proceeded to place themselves in harm's way. I wondered what would make any living creature sacrifice their lives in search of food so to care for their community.

One day, I blocked their entrance with an extremely hot chili pepper, and they didn't come out for a while. Then I wondered how I would feel, trapped inside with no way out; so I removed the chili pepper and decided to try another way. Perhaps, I thought, we humans and ants could live together in cooperation the way I have so often written of humans  coexisting in harmony with all life. So I said to the ants: “Let's make a deal. I don't mind having you around the house here and there; it's having you guys on the countertop chasing my food every time a little bit drops. So how about we compromise? Every day, I'll place some food next to your entrance, which you can take inside to store for winter. In return, I simply ask that you stay off of my countertop.”

Upon placing the first bits of food next to their entrance way, I immediately began to notice the difference. Whereas before, there were usually hundreds of little ants roaming around the counter-top and on the floor, now there were more like a dozen or so. Ten days into my experiment of cooperation instead of confrontation, and it was as though the ants and I had come to an understanding.

I wondered: did they understand the words that I spoke; how could possible know? The only point in regards to them of which I am certain is that, as their survival needs are being met, they now rarely cross paths with me. In fact, except for when I place food at their entrance, I rarely see more than two or three of them at a time. They come out to get their food and take it in, and that's that.

Two weeks on, and my experiment in cooperation has produced gratifying results. I no longer feel like a monster for killing living creatures that are just trying to survive. Instead, I share extremely tiny bits of food with them, and for this, I no longer require to protect my food on the countertop from them. I enjoy coexisting with and caring for them even to the point of considering what nutrients they may require to sustain themselves through winter until spring time.

Some may say that in supporting the ants, I am encouraging them to stay. To this I would reply, “So what? In this case, they do no harm unto me.”

Day 61: No-one to Speak to

I wrote a quite a bit today: technical stuff – theories/hypotheses; the kind of stuff I enjoy studying and writing about. It's weird because I’m starting to wonder where this enthusiasm for this kind of studying and writing comes from. Until I started exploring myself and existence – what is here, about 5-6 years ago, subjects such as quantum physics, existentialism, psychology, the mind/beingness/physical embodiment – the mind consciousness system, etc., were very far from that which I considered worthy of my short attention span. Nowadays, however I enjoy spending 8 plus hours a day absorbing this kind of information and writing about it. The dilemma is that in focusing on the technical kind of stuff I sometimes neglect to write out that which I react to. So, here's some of that.

This morning I got up early to do some writing and investigate whether I could find usable tests for the subjects I’m teaching. My wife was on another computer which was using bandwidth and slowing down my search for the material I was looking for. She for the most part stays up at night and sleeps during the day. What I realize is that she and I, as with me and almost everyone else I know don't really communicate; that's it. I live in a world where, in terms of the words I use, except when someone reads what I write, I don't really communicate what's going on inside of me. I communicate with children very effectively as I see it, yet not so much in words. To be honest, the only people that I do communicate with in my reality are children – my students, and I am thankful for them. Anyway, I would really enjoy communicating more with people, especially my wife. The thing is, no one seems to want to communicate with me on the topics that I find interesting and important. Basically, I feel/see myself moving further and further away from the few people that I used to be close to, and it's not them, it's me. It's sometimes a bit uncomfortable, yet there is within me no question / no uncertainty as to my commitment to remain on this path of self discovery/revelation. The thing about communicating here in Taiwan is that I have to do almost all of it in Mandarin and as such, much is lost in translation because of my proficiency level. I have a theory on how I might quickly raise that level, but the last time played with such a method I got mixed results – another story. I could go back to the USA and communicate with people there; that was my original plan for a long time. The way I see the US is it's in the process of being divided into penal areas – forced labor sectors, and sectors for the privileged/elite. This or whatever transformation it is in, has been taking place over some time and is now increasing in pace. The prison system has be incorporated, walls have erected on the borders, FEMA, Homeland security... I wrote about this five years ago, and sent warning emails out to everyone I knew. Short of some sort of heavenly intervention, I don't see the steamroller slowing down. That's the reason I haven't wanted to return to the US. Yet, there I wouldn’t have “any” problems communicating. Perhaps, that's where I’ll be.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder where my interest in studying and writing about myself and existence comes from, and within this not see that perhaps this self-directed interest or interest within and as the nature of my beingness. In all cases I commit myself to continue my investigations and to not accept and allow myself to fall into the trap of self doubt – such as I am unworthy of investigating and writing on such issues. I see/realize and understand that learning/understanding is a process in which one arrives at understand through directing self to get there.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my writings on self, in favor writing or studying that which I consider more fun, and within this I see/realize and understand that by neglecting writing on self I am giving into resistance. Thus I commit myself to write -even if it's just a little, every day about how I experienced my day. Simple solution.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to communicate more with others and within this I see/realize and understand that my desire to communicate with others is of fear – me as ego wanting attention, support... Thus I commit myself to not allow myself to go into energy mode of highs and lows based on interacting / or not with others, as I realize that the feelings that I feel are not real, but simply changes in energy levels.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to state that no one seems to want to communicate with me, and within this not realize that in such a statement I am just blaming others. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for me not communicating with others... because...
• Creation's Journey to Life
• Heaven's Journey to Life
• Earth's Journey to Life
• Desteni
• EQAFE
  Thomas La Grua

Day 46: The communicator

I have decided to write a follow up on the subject of “communication.” The reason for this is that over the last 5-6 years, in trying to communicate with others, on the subject of existence: the relationship/s between the mind / energy,  and substance / the physical, I have (to be honest) had very little success. When I say “success” I'm not saying it from a point of judging myself; I'm saying it from a point of observation in terms of seeing / not seeing others follow up on these topics. However, this morning while talking to the same person that I speak with almost every Saturday morning in the park, I herd him say several times that he understood what I was saying. The only thing different that I see that may have contributed to my conveying this information is the self-forgiveness on Communication that I did last night. I've tested self-forgiveness before, and it assisted me a lot.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others to be resentful/angry at my persistence in trying to get them to hear and explore that which I am trying to convey, and within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my judgments of them are of a point within/as me that is insecure about what I am saying, fearful that I may be seen as a “religious” fanatic. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will view me as a religious fanatic out to propagate his beliefs, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as being trapped or lost in their beliefs, without seeing that when I convey an idea/thought, I too am conveying a belief.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as being religious fanatics – pawns of a system of enslavement, and within this not see/realize and understand that within the current system all are pawns until all are equal.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that to communicate as an expression of life – equal and one with my words, is to let go of the preemptive thoughts of the mind that entwine the sentences with self-interested symbolism/code, thus to communicate self-honestly through the physical, only that which I am living – my living words.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire that others understand that which I am trying to convey, and within this not see/realize and understand that my words need not be understood by all, just aligned to what is best for all.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “try” to convey ideas, thoughts and pictures, instead of simply standing equal and one with what is here and expressing my standing in regards to a subject – as who I am as that subject.
• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I as life in/as the physical am the creator/communicator: the words come from life/physical, thus the words are living. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust me in/as the physical to communicate, convey the expression of life as the words I am living.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the end result of my communication process is the consequence outflows created by the words created by me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse words by throwing-out / speaking and writing them without considering the consequences they may create.

Self Commitment statements

• I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to judge others' interpretation of my communication, and instead to see/realize the impact / outflows that my words create, so that I may modify them as necessary to stay aligned or realign them to what is best for all.
• I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to fear what others think of me, and within this to stay true to my self-directive of self honestly expressing me within and as that which is best for all in equality and oneness.
• I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to attempt to convey/communicate that which I am not living as a statement of who I am as life; thus I insure that my communication/conveyance is an expression of who I am as life – not subject to the strings of self-interest.
• I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to judge others as being trapped in their beliefs, and instead to communicate to them by expressing myself as a living example of that which I am becoming.
• I commit myself to at the moment of speaking or writing, be sure that my words will stand as what is best for all, and in doing so take responsibility to cure/correct the outflows of the words I have created in self-interest.
• I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself as mind to co opt the communication process, as I see/realize and understand that I as mind has yet to completely realize my equality and oneness, and therefore I as the physical as source of the words am best suited – as the character of life, to speak and communicate to all as me.
  Creation's Journey to Life
  Heaven's Journey to Life
  Earth's Journey to Life
  Desteni
  Thomas La Grua