What does it mean to be True to Myself?

What does it mean to be true to myself? Immediately, I want to think about this and come up with something eloquent that will also be understood by others. However (as I tell my students): don’t think it about, just write it; thinking about things isn’t a doing that gets you anywhere or any closer to writing to finishing that paragraph, so just write.

Ok, so when it comes to being true to myself from the within to the without, the truth is it doesn’t come so easily for me and it can even be frightening. Even the idea of letting others see the true me brings up images not only of joyful expression with others, but also of being ridiculed, teased and even feeling threatened. While a part of the true me seems so innocent and kind, another part of me has in the past also often been quite destructive, especially when I’ve felt threatened. Additionally, the true me doesn’t really care that much for relationships, chit chat or small talk, but I’ll often initiate them both not only for the purpose of assisting others, but also for the purpose of structuring my environment. In this I see two sides of me, one that cares (as a doing) for the sake of others and another that cares for others for the sake of myself. This is the true me that has I’m finally coming to understand. The  way I reconcile the two is through my understanding that, that which I do for others (as I would have them do for/unto me), I do for for/myself and vise versa. From this realization, I would say that it doesn’t really matter if I’m doing it for myself or I’m doing it for them, because mathematically speaking (of the mathematics of One) it’s one in the same. Hence, the key for me is to do unto others as I would have them do unto me.

There is the way I’ve been and the way I have decided to change myself to become. As these two paths merge into one, the way I’m heading and the way I ought to be is not always clear to me because it’s a new path for me. I guess that’s what the journey of self creation is really about, deciding where and how one wants to be, plotting out a path and walking it while correcting one’s course as needed. 

To put this into words that others might more easily relate to, I would say that being true to myself is about self-honestly looking at what comes up in inside of me in each moment and deciding to either live that aspect of me or change myself to express myself differently. I don’t actually put such moments into words and speak them aloud inside of my head, because there’s not time for that. Instead, it’s more of a check to see where I’m at in any moment within and as the question, is this how I want to be. When I find myself being as I care to be, I continue doing as I’m doing. However, in such moments when I realize that I’m not being the way I care to be, I’ll usually stop acting that way and change myself for the better. A point of self honesty here is that I don’t always do as best I think I am able to do for myself. Rather, I often do as I want to do, which isn’t necessarily what’s best for me. I know this and I don’t judge myself for it, but I do sometimes find it somewhat peculiar.  When I look into me, I see so much, almost as time doesn’t exist, as though I’m here where I’ve always been with just the scenery changing as I change myself. In short, I haven’t really been embodying a sense of urgency or banging against the walls of my perceived surroundings. Instead, I’ve usually focused on the walls or constructs that are ready to come down, retrieving and/or creating new pieces of me here and there by focusing more on the overall picture rather than just what is right here. However, I now see that such a long sighted approach to self change has led me to miss out on many opportunities that are right here in front of me. Thus, after listening to Journeys into the afterlife interview from Eqafe, I’ve decided to begin focusing more on what is right here in front of me and as me.

So, what does it mean to be true to myself? For me it means acknowledging without judgment the good and the bad of the past and the present, what works and what doesn’t, while also pushing myself to change for the better, the way I would have others change in relation to me. I still have a lot of work to go on this and the truth is I’m not really certain where I/we are heading - other than to say that our destination is the same. The one truth of me for which I’ve always been certain though is that I will continue walking.