How I've Been is Not how I Have to Remain

Consciousness of the Spider Monkey - Part 1

If you asked me who I am and what I have been, even at a young age in terms of the undercurrent designs that I had embodied, I would have said that I am a soldier fighting for my rights to live free and do as I please. It’s not that I wanted to trample over the rights of others, but that I just wanted to be left alone to do as I please. I wouldn't intentionally harm anyone, I may even have helped some ones, I just wanted to be left alone. But "they" wouldn't leave me alone, they wouldn't let me be free. Therefore, I used to think, I would just keep on fighting again and again, I would fight to the end.

Not a pretty picture, not even for me, but this is how I have I have defined myself in so many ways - a soldier fighting for my rights and sometimes the rights of others to be left alone to do as we please as long as we harmed no one.

Then in 2008 or 2009 when Desteni arrived on the scene, I began to consider the  principle of oneness and equality and the point of self responsibility as in (the extent of) my ability to respond to any and all inequalities affecting humanity - equally as one affecting me even if am often not consciously aware of the effect. Why? Because, as one of the sum of all the parts (amounting to the whole), any inequalities affecting another or others are also affect me, regardless of whether or not I am aware of it.

I sometimes wonder how the simplicity of this mathematical certainty had been missed for so long; it is of the alpha and omega of math, the mathematics of One as I call it. For example, think of humanity in terms of a biological or computer system. When even a very small part of that system, such as the little toe is overtaxed, overburdened and becomes disabled, the entire system will slow down and deteriorate to an extent and this is what's happening currently to humanity, the world system, nature and the animal kingdom on a global scale. Now that I/we I comprehend this, our responsibility to ourselves, each as one with whole is to (as best we are able) correct the situation.

As I see it, in order to correct what ails humanity, we require to expand our awarenesses to see, realize and understand our oneness and equality, i.e., what affects one affects the whole, which in turn affects equally affects each one of us. The quickest way to expand our awareness of equality and oneness I guess, is to equalize the good/bad experience throughout all of humanity to the point wherein no one can deny that the suffering of one is the suffering of all, and this is how I view the current realignments taking place in the world system of humanity, e.g., the disappearing middle class and the mass migration/integration, etc. It's kind of like an existential equalizing to nudge or jolt human beings to embrace the reality of oneness and equality - what affects one, does in fact affect all. Eventually, I’m guessing that, as more and more begin experience the misery equally as one, more and more will begin to realize that the best alternative is to embrace the principle of oneness and equality with what is best for all.

By understanding who I am, how I've been, so to so to change myself as a point of integrity = a fully transparent, functioning component of humanity standing equally as one awareness of everything that is here, in support of everything that is here. I realize it's a lot; nevertheless, we've gotta start somewhere and the best place to start is always with the next step, which brings me back to my personal process of taking self-responsibility by investigating to see, realize and understand who/how I've been as one of humanity at war with myself. Yea, I do see now that, my war comes mostly, if not entirely from within.

Therefore, I am now investigating an undercurrent design/definition of myself  leading to the self-definition of “I am at war."  As I said, it’s not pretty, but this is how I’ve defined myself for almost as long as I am able to recall. Life, as I viewed it was but a battle field and I was at war. On this, I will continue in upcoming post as I come to better understand the undercurrent designs and how I came to decide to embody such a design.

Home on Summer Vacation

• Even though everything is actually going quite well or fine, my mind after a time always seems to kick into overdrive and make it appear as though things are falling apart. This is how I woke up this morning and let me just state, I’m not taking the bait. In other words, I’m not buying into my mind’s interpretation of reality. Instead, I’ve decided to do some writing to address some points.

I’ve been home on summer vacation for about 10 days now and I’ve been busy every day. I started swimming again and I was surprised that I am still able to swim a kilometer each time. Then I started cleaning the house, walking up and down many flights of stairs, which I really enjoy. I even enjoy getting down to the first floor, realizing that I’ve forgotten something on the sixth floor and having to walk all the way back up and then back down again. I was surprised and thankful that I was still able to do all this physical exercise, especially since I hadn’t done that much exercise throughout the school year. Then I noticed a tightening in my right knee. At first, I thought that it could be gout. Then I thought maybe it has to do with certain constructs I’ve been working on, system components disintegrating as I change how I am in relation to certain points. Now I’m thinking, maybe it’s just over exertion… Perhaps mixed in with some system disintegration, lol.

The battle on the homefront with a few of the neighbours continues as I knew it would. For more on this, please see “Horrible Neighbors or Horrible Me” parts one, two, three, four, five, six and seven. I actually wrote an update on this point and then I deleted it due to an excess of projections. Therefore, suffice to say we’re working within the rules of system to adjudicate differences of opinion and it’s not pleasant. Nevertheless, we are learning a lot and we’re standing our ground. Follow up note: as I was cleaning this morning I came across some writings that I had printed out and the first words that I read were, "When living and working within the system, it is necessary to work within the rules of the system." Continuing, "The people I'm going up against are high end legal experts and the wealthy majority shareholder of the company." Strange how things change, yet remain the same. 

Anyway, having just finished up my third year at my favorite university, I’m left feeling once again that I am able to do better. Honestly,  I guess I feel this way at the end of every year. Thus, I will once again revise each one of my syllabuses, all nine or ten of them. This time, in addition to reading, speaking and listening, I plan to double the amount of blog posts that my students write. As for classes such as Global Citizenship, I would like to find topics that students actually give a shit about. Democracy, human rights, wealth inequality… No one seems very interested and I guess I can’t really blame them. Afterall, as far as societies go, Taiwan is one of the freest places I’ve ever lived. That being said, I will nevertheless continue to push for a new understanding of Democracy and Human Rights, too.

On a more joyous note, I’ve been noticing that my relationship to money has changed and perhaps I’ll write about this in my next post.