Pushing Through the Timelines

Sometimes when I’m swimming, I think to myself, maybe I’ll just do a little less today or maybe I’ll just get out of the pool right now because it’s so crowded. But then I consider: what if I applied this standard to other things I do, like walking my personal process, preparing for next semester, answering and sending out emails, etc., where would I be then? So I swim through the half hour that I’ve allocated for exercise and physical expression within the water because I realize that in order to actually see this life and my process through the way I care to, I've gotta push through everything I set out to do.

While last summer was excruciatingly challenging for me from a mental or energetic standpoint, this summer has been more work oriented, yet also not without  the challenges of letting go the energetic perceptions, namely the ones in relation to ongoing legal disputes and disagreements within the community where I spend my winter and summer vacations. However, when it comes to disputes,  I’ve now realized that I've always had the ability to from my point of view or standpoint eliminate or prevent all disputes within and as myself in an equitable, fair way based on the principles of equality, oneness and what is best for all, which is also always going to be what's best for me.

It's still something I'm learning how do, pushing myself to understand and see this point through so as not to repeat my mistakes of the past. For example, last year, for numerous reasons (including those of extreme energetic reaction that I had participated in last year), I decided to walk the timeline of my community dispute in consideration of just two paths (one focused on myself and the other my partner) instead of the one path that would have been best for all. Why, because I didn't expand my view to enough to see that there was another way for me to walk through these points for myself without having to hit the bottom so to speak before I was willing to exert the will power to stand up.

As a result or consequence, whereas I used to love living in this house overlooking trees and the park, there came a time where I just started hating it because I blamed the house and its location for my emotional reactions. Thankfully, one year later, after huge amounts of self-introspection and self forgiveness, I’ve begun once again to enjoy being here, yet not as an experience, but more as just another place that I call home.

As for the second path that I spoke of, it concerns walking through the legal system with my partner, who because of this has been studying law (massively) and now plans to perhaps one day take it up as another professional career. It seems that, almost every week, we get a certified letter from the courts that she has to respond to with legal writing and documents. I don’t enjoy having these letters come to our home, yet I do accept that it’s part of the legal system that she's in the process of learning and that we've both agreed to walk through.

As a result, in relation to the legal system there is now a pending enforcement action ordered by the courts against us. Specifically, since we still refuse to do it, the courts are planning to come and tear off our irreplaceable japaneses tiled roof and replace it with basically the cheapest tiles on the market - which is one of the many reasons I disagreed with changing our roof in the first place. I always used to wonder what it would be like to one house that refused to sell to the developers. Now, I kind of have a feeling for that. Anyway, in terms of walking through the legal system, I agree with the saying, it ain’t over till it’s over.

Interestingly, when this was all beginning, I looked at the timelines in relation to the legal system and the ongoing dispute within the community and I saw much of it quite clearly, just as it’s playing out now. I considered the hardships that my partner would have to endure and I thought to myself, she's strong and she'll come out of it stronger. However, what I didn’t see, was the personal process or hardships that I would have to walk through. Perhaps, that’s because the timeline points in relation to my personal process had yet to be written, which is kind of what I’m now still in the process of doing. Furthermore, in looking back at my standing, the path that I chose, albeit the most painful was I guess the best path for me to take based on my condition at that time. Meaning, sometimes a jolt of reality based consequence is the most supportive medicine even though it may not seem that way at the time.

Oh, and in terms of the walking the legal system, I have come to realize that it really isn’t about winning or losing cases, but about how we stand in walking through the system. In other words, although I really would appreciate not have my roof torn off our home and replaced by the government, what’s more important for me is the learning process that my partner and I are going through and how we stand and see it through. Thus, we are a work in progress, progressing through the processes of learning how to stand within a community system and the legal system while changing ourselves so as not to be moved by any system.

Altogether, along with more employment work responsibilities than I’ve ever had to do in a summer, I’ve also got loads of legal considerations and this is where pushing through the timelines come into the picture. The way I see it is, once you create a new timeline or buy into one that’s already been laid out, you’ve gotta take advantage of every opportunity to change yourself for the better and see all points through to the end, least you miss the some points and end up having to redo part of the timeline again. For me this means pushing through to change myself at every opportunity on a personal level while also utilizing the system to its full extent. The key here that I've been steadily building on is the practice of redefining and living words. For example, whenever I notice energy movements within me, defined perhaps as victimized to defiance, I replace that space within me with the words humbly determined - defined as the way I commit to relate to others within the community while also remaining determined utilize the legal system to address my concerns in relation to the functioning of the community.

Finally, a friend of mine recently said, “I couldn’t stand it, I would just pay the money and have it done.” I’ve considered that a lot. However, I also consider this. If I just paid the money to have this done with on this occasion, would I not be just as likely to rely on throwing money at the next problem that arises? Maybe and maybe not. Either way, as I’ve chosen my path, I’m going to see it through while taking advantage of every opportunity to change myself to living words.