Saturday, December 24, 2016

Am I changing me from within or is something inside of me is changing Me

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I wonder sometimes if every now and then, a new or different being jumps inside of me and perhaps the one that was in there before, jumps out or perhaps we merge to something somewhat different. I remember when I was around 9 or 10, maybe even 13. I was walking up the street, pondering my existence: why am I here, where did I come from and how did everything all begin, that sort of thing. The answer as to how everything all began was clear enough to me. As a big blue blob with nothing more to learn and no more challenges to be found, we exploded into gazillion pieces with the mission, go forth to learn what else there is to be understood. However, I also remember thinking to myself, I hate it here. Actually, I wasn’t so much thinking to myself, as much as I was talking to the voices inside of my head. I really did hate where I was. I felt like the entire scene that I was trapped in, was sooo beneath me. So much so that I literally asked, requested and even begged to have someone replace me. This is why I sometimes I wonder, especially when something of me changes suddenly, something that I did not initiate consciously within awareness. 

The change I am talking about has to do with the entertainment I watch on my computer. For many years, as far back as I remember, I preferred to watch action packed, often quite violent TV. For instance, until a couple of months ago, The Walking Dead was my favorite show. Nowadays however, I find The Walking Dead to be quite so-so, almost even lame. Instead, I now prefer watching simple, silly TV shows and I am also watching a lot less entertainment altogether. This is a point that I haven't quite figured out, so I figured I would write it down as part of my journal. There is one more point that I would like to point out, not as big a deal as letting go of the addiction to violent TV shows, but noteworthy nonetheless. The energy ensemble that I have been hearing inside and around my head, off and on for about the last eight years or so, has suddenly seemingly increased its intensity, meaning it is a lot louder. What does this mean? I have some guesses, but they are a little too far out there, even for me to be writing down. BTW, I guess that the reason I suddenly stopped watching violent TV shows has to do with changing my attitude in relation my physical body. I am now caring for myself much more than I used to. 

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