Friday, December 2, 2016

A difficult experience for which I am Grateful

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I guess it is time a good time to finish writing about this subject. My mother died on October 25 in the USA. When I got the call, it was the 26th for me. I guess you are supposed to be sad when someone dies, but I do not seem to get that way, even though I considered my mom to be very awesome, a gift to me. I was glad that she had lived such a full life and had passed away on her terms, at home in her bed, rather than one of those care facilities.

Anyway, I stopped what I was doing and I prepared to fly to the US to be with family and friends. The next day, I got on an airplane and began the 30-hour journey across the globe. It was a horrible journey. I was stuck between two people most of the time. I wanted to stretch out and walk around, but everyone just seemed to sit there as though as though it were normal. I did get up and move around sometimes, but even in the aisles, it was so crowded.

When I arrived in Virginia, I felt okay, but I was not. Apparently, while in Georgia, crossing through customs, I had squatted down to tie my shoe and pulled a tendon connected to my knee. It took some time for me to feel the pain, but it came and I limped a lot. Then, on the second day in the US, I began to notice a pain in my stomach. I felt so tired and I thought it was just the time difference, but it was not. My sister Maureen recognized my symptoms immediately. She said I had diverticulitis, a stomach infection, and that I needed to take antibiotics right away. I do not like taking antibiotics, so I drank some vinegar instead.  Dan’s wife, Cathy, who is a nurse, took my temperature and told me something was definitely wrong. I called my brother Jim, the medical doctor in the family. He prescribed some very strong antibiotics for me and told me not to eat any meat or drink any alcohol. Thus began my push, as a point of certainty within me, to either change my lifestyle or die. I decided to remain here and in looking back on that experience, I am very thankful for it.

The points that I am working with right now consist of learning how to care for the body, mind and being, equally as one. In other words, it is not enough only to eat right, exercise and eliminate the alcohol from my diet. Actually, I am not exactly sure where the life path that I am walking to live, will bring me. However, I am sure that it requires I take more responsibility in relation to the care in which I relate to others and myself. I used to fear this point of responsibility for the uncertainty that I attached to the point and projected onto my external reality. However, do not fear this point anymore and I am sure this is the result of the process I have been walking, from consciousness to awareness, which is I am probably going to discuss a lot more in the future. For now, I will say that, I move to understand and live my potential. I realize that I have much more to write; however, for the most part, my process right now has to do more with physically righting myself on a day-to-day basis in each moment. 

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