Monday, March 9, 2015

Waiting for Relations to change my Relations

Over the last several years or so I have implemented to live a kind of change, but it's been more of a method's change in relation to my current relations without so much changing the types of relationships in which I participate. In other words, when I look into me, I see that I have changed internally and externally in relation to what I relate to; however; I have not yet expanded my relationships that much beyond my comfort zone of certain types of people in certain locations within the system.

I see in me that I am becoming the man that I care to be in relation to that which I relate; however, I also realize that I have been stagnating when it comes to expanding into new kinds of relations. It's like I have been waiting for clarity, a sign saying “move this way to the next phase of change” or “this point here - in the external reality - is now important to write right.”

Waiting, waiting, waiting for the opportunity or sign to arrive, I have kind of trapped myself into believing that opportunities will arise from my internal and external change me in relation to my external reality instead of me directing me to take the next step to physically walk into the darkness of ever new environments so to expand me as the doors of opportunity that I have not yet seen or created. 

I don't yet see what the next best step for me is, and I guess this because I have not yet taken it by stepping into the unseen, the darkness. Some call this next step, faith; however, I am certain that it is simply a point of self-trust, me understanding that wherever I step or misstep, I will determine who I am.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for opportunity until I felt ready to face new opportunities instead of moving me to opportunity as I change me, creating me as the opportunity.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning and look into imagination of the day for opportunities, and (in not seeing anything new) resign myself to make the best of my current situation instead of physically moving me into and as new relations so to the new opportunities.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that to expand me is to once again step out of my current situation, now one of comfort and security, and move myself into points that I have defined as vulnerability.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define vulnerability as being in the danger zone instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the process of stepping into and exposing myself to that which I do not yet understand is the process of understanding new points of me. When and as I find myself at the point or cusp of stepping into and as uncertainty of expanding me to new horizons of unseen risks and opportunity to expand me, I commit myself to step into the darkness, face the fear and walk.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my current relations are of my determination instead of realizing that my current relations have been me taking the path of least resistance. Herein, I commit myself to expand me in relation to others by walking into new situations, especially those which I have imagined to be too time consuming, so to physically understand these points instead of simply imagining them.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to maintain relations mostly with those whom I have found to be the easiest for me to relate to instead of challenging me to constantly and continuously expand me in relation to all, especially those whom I have defined as superior higher in the system and/or difficult for me to relate to them.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project onto others the point of “them” being difficult to relate to instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this point of difficulty is within and as me and therefore my responsibility alone.
  • I commit myself to walk to other types of people (those who I have in the past not related to very much), and begin the process of expanding my relations with them.



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