Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Letting the Baby out

In my dream, I see a young mother lying down holding a baby. She disappears, there is only the baby lying on a stone slab. I pick up the baby and hug it close to me. The baby hugs me back. Then there is this feeling within me and I know what's going to happen; yet I still hold onto the baby even as it begins taking bites out of my neck. Then in a voice of a sarcastic old man, from the baby, I hear, “Hmm! This is yummy.” I'm sure I’ve had dreams like this before; yet in the past I would have thrown the child away in horror; this time I held onto it; not long, just a second and then I woke up. I decided to write about this because I’m certain the child represents me or a part of me, the part that I keep hidden. Who is this child in me that I fear to let go of; yet also fear to let out? Perhaps the child is my ego, and that is why it was biting my neck, symbolic of the part of me that still consumes the physical? Perhaps it's the nature of me, who I am as life that I fear. It's a strange thing: I’ve always been certain that I was capable doing harm, and never considered until starting Process, that I could do  immense good.  Everything is Life – matter; thus what matters is who one is within and as our relationships, our acceptances and allowances. Specifically, regardless of where I am, the key for me is to be the best I'm able to be, and that is logically that which is best for all. This is the process for me, to be and become that which is best for all Life.

Fast forward exactly one year from the date I published the abve, and the baby and mother and me are back. This time the mother who is obviously a friend is caring for the baby not more a day or so just born.  We are talking about going somewhere so she can have the baby (it must be some sort of time overlap), and I say to her that I can take here wherever she wants to go. She says to me that perhaps she will go straight to the hospital and have the baby but it may take some time, meaning that I may be occupied for quite some time. She asks me if I'm ready for that, and I reply that I have prepared myself, I am in al ways ready for everything. I'm not sure of a sequence to this dream, but somewhere when the mother is caring for the baby, she says the word "beach" in Chinese, hai-tan. And then the baby repeats it back to her in an excited like yea! tone. As I begin awakening, I note how fast the newborn is learning to speak - in just a day or two. Then I also note how when my students say "beach", they're often trying to say "bitch"; they just don't seem to get the pronunciation right. Just yesterday one of my students, a little girl was teasing me with the repetition of beach, beach, beach, and I kept responding, yea I like beaches, especially the ones with white sand.

So, what does this dream signify - exactly one year from the last baby dream? Perhaps I have decided to let the child/baby in me, out.

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