Day 13 Chasing the Mysteries

Yesterday's writing

Anyway, what I’m writing about has to do with a part of me that sees everything as pieces of puzzles, and attempts to put those pieces together with the goal of one day being whole, again.  I've never seen me as a new life to be; I've since childhood always seen me as piece of the original (as I see all) that long ago separated, with the instructions – go forth and explore, and then return – to oneness. The puzzle I’m focusing on today has to do with dreams that I’ve had throughout my life, having to do the end of civilization/world and “life” sucking vampires. When I was younger, the theme of dream would consist of your basic end of the world scenario, and me evading the life-sucking vampires that were now roaming earth. Over the last 5 or so years, the theme has changed: the end of the world doesn't seem to be so imminent, and the vampires have been hunted almost to extinction – to this I experience sorrow that a once great race is now almost extinct. Fast forward to about a month ago, and (in a dream) the vampire who was looking at me, said he was looking at my line – as though I was one of them. Then, yesterday, while reading Creation's Journey to Life Blog, I saw the word, progenitor, which I don't recall ever encountering before, so I looked it up: an originator of a line of descent. I didn't think anything of it, until that same night while watching True Blood, the same word popped up on the screen. Now, just to get this out in the open: regarding vampires, I had already written these dreams off as something attributed to that of the past – not the present, and so have for the most part disregarded it, as I have with other vivid dreams of my childhood. The point is, I often see things/information in my reality that (as I see it) is placed there specifically for me to see. Usually, the source of that information is clear to me in an instant, however, this “life sucking vampire” stuff perplexes me because I don't see where it's coming from. I get it that I as a mind consciousness system is just that: a life sucking/consuming vampire/parasite. What I don't get is why I’m consciously noting or perhaps even creating these connections.

Today's Writing

Sometimes I think/believe I see things that stand out as though I should take notice. Some would call them coincidence, but I don't really see occurrences as coincidence; as far as I’m (now) concerned, they're all consequences of though, words and deeds, and the starting-point (as in best for all, or self interest) is the degree of the acceptance of the instigator's circumstances and the allowance with which he/she continues to accept those circumstances – as opposed to saying for example, till here no further – from now on I direct the outflow. The point I'm getting to is that, just because there are no coincidences, doesn't mean that all occurrences that I notice, should be seen by me as having an esoteric message that requires my attention, that must be followed, that must be deciphered – as a clue to the puzzle that is me. In other words, regardless of the message – truths and or lies to be uncovered within the message, if the time spent on uncovering such truths and or lies is unlikely to result in an outcome (based on common sense assessment of the possible outcomes) that is best for all, then it's time wasted, and it's time for me to stop chasing such mysteries, time to stop searching for hidden treasures (Today's decision).

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into traps of being intrigued by mysteries – the unanswered past that is or isn't me. I see/realize and understand (once again) that it's not about finding me – that's the trap; I’m here as that which is physical. I am not that of the mind's mysteries = pieces of puzzles designed to keep me intrigued for eternity.
• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see / realize and understand that the time for searching for treasure / the answers to mysteries has long come and gone. I see/realize and understand that there is no more time left to play these time-wasting games of self-interest, and that if it doesn't support that which is best for all life, then it's harming life / harming me.
• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trick/manipulate myself into creating and following mysteries because they're intriguing and I want to 'believe' that I’m something more – a victim instead of an accomplice/perpetrator of the crime of sacrificing/separating life to be but for a moment, an energetic experience, an Igod. I see/realize and understand that I as mind, have been creating my external perception of reality, based on my ideas – based on my desires and beliefs, and it is from this starting point that I've been messing up – allowing me as mind to plant the seeds of suggestion, patiently waiting as I water them with support/connections that I've selected/created from and within my external reality. Within this, I see/realize and understand that I’ve once again manipulated myself into chasing the illusion, at the cost of life.
• I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place value (in the form of my attention and or perusing a mystery) on that which is not life and the pursuit of which will not result in that which is best for all life. I see/realize and understand that does not support me or another as me, in that which is best for all life, is a wasted opportunity to support life; chasing a mystery just prolongs the misery.
• I commit myself to no longer chasing the mysteries, but instead focus only on what is here so to assist me and others as me to walk this process of birthing life from the physical, to no more to be just relationships of energy. Within this, commit myself to thoroughly understanding and applying the Desteni material, no longer wasting time chasing dreams.
• I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to indulge in the curiosity of that has intrigued me, and within this I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to be intrigued, but to stand and walk with and as only that which I am certain is best for all.
• I commit myself to as breath, determine what is illusion and what is physical reality, and within this, direct me to see/be/live only that which is here in and as the physical reality.