Dreams

As a child and a younger man, I often used to dream of places and things that were not of the current reality, at least not of the one I was living. I dreamed of demons and fighting in wars. So many wars, a sea of blood and red battle cloth like the Romans used to wear. Me in the middle of it all with my shield on my left arm, swinging my sword with the other, blocking, lunging and a lot of just hacking into and through so many bodies. In these dreams, I was a soldier, killing was what I did, I was very good at it and there was not fear, not even remorse. 

In other dreams there would be huge bodies of water, mountains, rivers and lakes with the clearest blue waters that I would swim in and even breathe under water. There were also large white stone buildings that I guess I lived in. This place was like heaven to me, a timeless repreve that I wished would never end, but I know it always did. Thus there were the dreams of the physical reality and those of being in heaven. Some of them were so clear that I was certain and still am that they were of past lives, deaths and, I guess my vacations in heaven.

In one dream, I remember being awakened from my sleep in a dark cave or room made of stone. A very big man in a fur coat had just walked in and even though it was dark, there was a dim light around him. As got up to defend myself, I saw his long slender knife with a blade that appeared to be made of white stone or ivory. As we moved towards on another, he thrust the knife into me and upward just under the center of my ribcage. And just like that, another life was done. The thing about this dream was the experience, of floating while still there, no longer cold and alone, but warm and embraced.

I wish I could remember or dream more about all of the good deeds that I’ve done. I’m sure they are many, too many to count. So many things that I wonder about: does everyone treat knives as though they were dangerous weapons, never, never to be left out after going to bed? I do and everytime I touch one, it’s the same thing that comes up in my mind as a knowing. I push the thought away, do what I’ve set out to do and then securely put things out of sight and away. I could go on and on in wondering about myself and I think I will for a little while, today.

Let’s talk about demons. Strangely enough, where they are concerned for the most part, my memories are good, full of adventure, overcoming fears while rescuing the demons. As a teenager and into my early twenties, my technique for finding demons evolved to an extent. What I would do before going to sleep was to instruct myself to remain awake while my body slept. At some point, the ethereal me (I guess you could call it) would begin to float and I would will myself to move more into or out of my body. We used to call this astral traveling, but now I think that I didn’t actually move anywhere. When I first started to do this - waking up while still sleeping, the demons would surprise me, play tricks on me and it was very scary. For example, one time as I was walking through a dimly lit tunnel, I came upon an old lady in need of some help. As I naturally approached her, she embraced me and put her mouth close to my neck as though to whisper something to me. Instead what I got was a scowl from her and a cold breath of air on my neck that I could still feel as I awoke. However, the more I encountered the demons the less I began to fear them. Eventually, I even began to search for them. I learned that I, too could play tricks and even harm them if I wanted, but usually, almost always except for once, I helped them. At least my intention was to help them and I believed that I was by showing them a way to set themselves free. It was something I guess that I had read in one of my books. I would embrace the demons, tell them that they were lost in between worlds and all they needed to do was to call out and look for a loved one and then follow that light - lol.  As far as I was concerned, this methodology worked, I enjoyed using it, so I did quite often. Unfortunately, not all of my stories have happy endings.

At about the age of twenty-six, while traveling through Thailand and staying in a hostel, my own room of course. For, in order for me to actually sleep, all of the doors and windows always needed and still do need to be locked and checked at least three to five times before I’ll go to bed. I guess that’s probably normal activity for a lot of people. Anyway, that day I awoke with a message or a feeling that the boarding school I had attended in high school was in danger. Thus I immediately went back to sleep with the intention of traveling there. When I arrived moments later, I went straight up into the attic of the very large old main building. There, sitting in front of one of the small windows at the top of the building was a bloated demon, purple and blue with shades of dark red. When it saw me, it turned its head and released a growl that was more like a moan. Without thinking or even considering its plight, I extended both of my hands in its direction and willed bolts of energy at it. locking it in so that it had no chance of escape,  I maneuvered it down the grand stairway and towards the large wooden doors. As the doors flung open, I summoned all of my strength. The red bolts of energy turned green and I literally (in a dream sense) blasted that demon into smithereens.  To this day, I’m not sure why I did that. Was it fear or anger, I don’t know. What I do know is that I had judged myself as guilty of harming that which I could have helped and from that point on, my dreams of doing good deeds while mixing with demons came to an end.

So many dreams that some might say are just fabrications that I’ve made up inside of my head. This could be true, for in my world sometimes I think that everyone is but of part of me, which would mean that in their worlds I am but of part of them. Think about it, each of us living out our lives, each within a matrix inside of our own little bubbles.

There’s one more dream of the past, that I want to talk about today and then I’ll get to the one I had last night. It wasn’t of dying and it wasn’t of killing, but suddenly it slips my mind. Breathe in, hold and then breathe out. Now I see it, the question, am I a good magician or a? That was the question chanted over and over from an unseen force twirling me in circles round and round in the air. In watching TV shows, movies  and even the news of late, it would appear that so many are still dreaming of being magicians, witches, vampires and even demons with super powers to do what power always seems to do - rip apart, harm and destroy - all for the better good of course. Does this mean that the age of magic is once again descending upon us? Perhaps, but what is always shown and rarely realized or understood is that, power consumes and begets only power. And like that which dreams are made of, the power never lasts - at least not without unconditional giving and receiving.

 In last night’s dream I was a young man, probably in my late teens. Upon showing the people that I had some talent and that I could sing a little, they offered to train me and let me join their troupe. Although I wanted to learn to sing and dance, I also knew that I had other learning to attend to. Thus I knew deep down inside that this was something I probably wouldn’t do. No, it wasn’t much of dream, but it is part of a change that I’ve begun to notice. Specifically, it seems that I’m beginning once again to dream as I dreamed when I was young.

On a closing note for today, I’ve noticed an old message has begun to pop up - like from deep down inside of me. It says that the time is coming for me to do a lot more writing. I wonder, is this just another part of my programming? For me, this is sweet but also a little sour. For with writing comes responsibility in consideration of what actually needs to be written - not just the fun stuff like today’s writing, but principles that need to be imputed.  And then there’s the message that I recently heard on Eqafe.com: the time of inputting messages is over, now is time to live. Excellent point. Therefore, like a turtle knowing where it’s going, yet not too concerned when it will get there, I will now look ahead and I take another step.