Breathing in the Benefits of Self Trust

I’ve been noticing a strange thing. Sometimes when I’m moving around the house or my apartment, I’ll get to a place that I’m walking to and suddenly not recall what I walked there to do. This isn’t the strange part though, because I’ve actually been doing this occasionally for as long as I can remember. What’s strange or should I say kind of new is that I’ve also begun to notice in such moments, that I have essentially two choices. One is to activate my mind, which always seems to be up in the right side of my head for some reason eagerly waiting for me give it the go ahead, and the other is to simply stop for a moment and breathe. Usually by the second breath, that which I had set out to do will appear as a word, image or a knowing more in the center of my upper body, slightly in front of me. Surprisingly, it takes quite a lot of self trust to do this and although I use the word, “simply” when referring to what is actually a movement of stopping for a moment - lol, it still requires practice and some getting used to. It’s kind of like really wanting to go for a short walk without your smartphone, but also really not wanting to risk being without it.

In noticing this and practicing it, I’ve also begun to realize some interesting aspects and benefits to applying self trust in moments by simply breathing it in, rather than looking to the mind to solve problems. For example,  last Sunday, in hanging out in my apartment, I had got up to get some tape out of a cabinet drawer, but by the time I got to the cabinet, the image of that which I was looking for was no longer up front in my mind. Of course in that moment, I knew that I could simply direct more energy or resources to my mind to go back and retrace my thoughts/steps, but instead I simply took an in breath, breathed out and by the next in-breath, I knew what I was looking for. The thing is that this time the solution or answer was a knowing rather than a return of energetic based images.

What’s the difference? Well, by initiating a search in my mind (essentially asking my body computer to “return” to me my reasoning for walking to the cabinet in the first place, I’m also agreeing to allow my mind consciousness system to resource from my physical body the energy necessary to carry out the processes to fulfill that request. It’s kind of like the difference between leaving lights on in the house or turning them off to save electricity. Although leaving them on for a short time doesn’t seem to cost that much, over time, it adds up.

In the past, I wasn’t so concerned with the amount of energy or physical resources that I was consuming of my body to run my mind. However, as I’ve been getting older (55 this month) and looking into myself more, I’ve also begun noticing the effects that thinking and storing memories has on my body. Little aches and sometimes big pains seem much more prevalent these days. For example, when it comes philosophising or thinking about existence, what is here and who I am in relation to it, I’d say that I’m kind of an expert. Meaning that I used to go for days and days, thinking about and writing out so many pages of theories based on information that I literally pulled out of myself. Yes, I’ve found that if I push or pull hard enough, I’m able to pull up information on just about anything.

The only problem I also found that the process of pulling the information out of me can be quite painful and tiring.  It just now occurs to me that, perhaps the reason it’s often been so tiring for me to pull up information out of me is because I’ve been using my mind as a tool rather than simply trusting myself and then breathing in the benefits. This could turn out to be so much cooler than just remembering that I needed some tape from the drawer. Thus I’m going to experiment some more.

Fear of Authority = a Lack of Self Trust

Authority is a point that I’ve been working on for a long time now. I have been making progress, lots of progress. However, I’ve once again come to realize that there are parts of me that this point is created of, that I’ve not yet completely dealt with. I’m not even sure where the fear of authority comes from, I only know that I’ve always feared being caught up or entangled in such lines.

These days, even though time seems to slowing, so much still seems to be happening - even in such a short time. While I still seem to be dealing with so many points.  As soon as I think I’ve dealt with one point, another one pops up and sometimes it’s actually of the same point. I’m not complaining though, for that would just be another point that I would have to deal with. Instead I let go of the desire to complain, cry or blame, and I just keep on walking my process from consciousness to awareness, often falling, yet always getting up and occasionally remembering to look back and say thank you to all that made it possible and plausible for me to walk through such points - even if I have not yet completely seen  them all through.

In terms of the point of authority (over me), I’ve been whittling it down, line by line to see, realize and understand that everything,  without exception, always eventually comes back to me. For example, wherein  I once viewed many of the situations that I gotten myself into, as though I were the one being victimized, I now begin to see through a different set of eyes, the physical eyes of self-creation, wherein everything that I am able to view (in the physical reality) is actually a point self-responsibility. Believe it or not, this way of looking at things, actually simplifies things tremendously. For example, when it comes to self-responsibility, I no longer feel the need to sift through all of the event lines in order to decide which ones are my responsibility and which ones  I can cast onto another by pointing my finger in blame. Instead, I now accept responsibility for them all. I know that this might sound really crappy to some; however, in taking self-responsibility for everything, I not only give myself the power to change myself in every way in relation to everything, but I also give myself the authority to do so.

Here is an important key that I now begin to understand in relation to changing myself. Specifically (as it relates to authority), in fearing authority, I have actually been fearing myself for lack of enough self trust to place in my hands alone, complet responsibility for who I am or how I stand in relation to everything else. Thus, the point that I had once believed was a fear of authority has actually always been a fear of taking self responsibility, for a lack of self trust = a fear of myself. Herein, I now see, realize and understand that the real point that I require to work on and develop is that of self trust.

When and as I find myself thinking about the future (in fear of the future), I commit to bring all points back to myself and, in taking complete responsibility always for who I am and who I will be, I commit to gift unto myself absolute self trust.

For more on the subject of authority, check out Eqafe.com