Righteous condescension disguised as Consideration

Having written yesterday for 3-4 hours on the point of righteousness, condescension and consideration, I came back this morning to it. In looking at what I had written, I just sighed for the confusion that I had written without organizing anything into a solution. So here I go again, this time, short and sweet - including a solution - a simple one perhaps.

In an attempt to address and correct points of friction and conflict that would arise within me as undercurrents of fear as though I were being threatened or on the verge of being attacked sometimes when  having discussions with others, was to redefine the words criticism or criticized.

●      Criticism or criticized: an opportunity for me to see, hear unconditionally the perspectives of others for the purpose of standing as the words care, consideration  and compassion as best I am able in order to give unto myself and others as I would have all others give.

As I began applying my new definition (or parts of it) when communicating with others, I began to notice that, while I wasn't reacting as much as though I were being threatened by their differing perspectives, there was still an undercurrent or feeling that would sometimes come up within me. It seemed to me that one person in particular would often assume a condescending attitude or tonality directed at me in relation to our discussions. In looking at this point by myself, I checked myself and noted that I was indeed living the words care (as the starting point intention not to cause harm to another) by considering what and how to speak to others (so as not to trigger them with knowledge and information that was simply beyond their  comprehension), thereby also living compassionately. Lol, I wonder how many people noticed my mistake or fatal flaw in the lines above. I didn’t at first see it and perhaps was because a part of me didn’t want to see it. Perhaps because the righteousness in me just wants to be right.

To summarize: what I was doing “incorrectly” in an effort to live the words care, consideration and compassion was applying consideration for others from a point of righteousness, which is actually what people do when condescending to others. Ironically, at first when I looked at this point, I just thought to myself, “I am considering them; that’s why I have to them in simple terminology with words at their levels that they’ll understand and not react to…” But actually I haven’t really been very considerate to many people, because I haven’t been unconditionally seeing/hearing them, others or anything. Instead, I’ve been conditioning my seeing/hearing of everything into personal perspectives and perceptions which was reflected back to me - in this case as though someone was being condescending towards me.

In taking responsibility (once again) for this point, I commit once again to focus really on the point of standing unconditionally in relation to others/all, which requires letting go of all judgments from the within to the without.

Every now and then, I begin to notice or have glimpses of understanding as to why the key to living physically here is to breathe, stop the mind and be here.  To stand unconditionally is to stand without judgment. 

From Righteousness to Principled Living

Last summer was a very difficult one for me. Although it wasn’t as bad as the one I spent in the summer of 83 on a dirty old ship called the USS Lamoure County, the energetic parallels that I experienced were of a similar hellish nature. Back then, I was curious and all I wanted was to explore this reality freely  without the constraints of any authority. Basically, I would say that I was like an innocent nineteen year old child with and extremely capable mind and body, the will to explore and a fierce desire to be free. 

In short, I ended up fighting against the authority on that ship, losing the battle and having to bow down just to save my and be permitted to walk away. From my perspective at the time, I knew that there was just something wrong with that whole operation. A huge amount of weapons heading down to Nicaragua,  the CIA and so on. As it turns out, I was right about the operation being a dirty one - part of the Iran Contra affair. However, in focusing only on my perceived rights, I veiled myself from seeing the bigger picture, the one of me walking through the system, while not getting entangled in it. 

My problem was that I just couldn’t stand taking orders from people whom I knew to be in the wrong. And  back then, even though I wasn’t able to pinpoint the specifics of their wrongs, I believed that I was right and that this was something worth fighting for. Fast forward to last summer and even though I had been walking the process of changing myself for several years, I still had not fully addressed and changed myself in relation this point of righteousness and the belief that, people had the right as well as the obligation to stand against those in the wrong. This point was so ingrained into and as me as a self definition, that even when it was pointed out to me, I didn’t see it. It was as though all I could see were the poles of right and wrong with me having no option but to choose a side on which to make a stand. Of course, as I believed that I was right and they were wrong, I chose the side of righteousness.

Essentially, when I got stuck on that one point of righteousness, I veiled myself from seeing the bigger picture of consequential outflows that I would end up creating by fighting for my rights. In walking a long process of self-forgiveness on this point, what I have essentially come to realize about righteousness is that it tends to focus one’s attention only on one point, leading them to disregard the bigger picture (of for example, peaceful coexistence) in favor of a bloody war. It is the same age old war now playing out once again between the left and the right all over the planet. Both sides essentially want  the same thing, peaceful coexistence and they’re all also righteously willing to fight, kill and die for peaceful coexistence. In focusing only on what we believe to be right, we veil ourselves from considering a compromise to achieve a mutually agreeable outcome.

I now see this point because I’ve been walking through it. What I now practice is letting go of the definitions of right and wrong (for they are both one in the same point divided into and as polar opposites) to then expand my perspective and intention (beyond the righteousness of the small) to create beneficial outcomes that are acceptable to all. Thus, whenever I face a point wherein I am certain that I am right, I immediately  let go of my definitions of right and wrong and the energy/emotion associated with such points to then expand my view or imagination and intention to create and walk a path to create outflows that will be best for all involved, herein redefining the word, righteousness to a kind of principled living. I’m still in the process of walking this point.

What to Right?

Although I meant to title this, "What to write?"as I wrote it out, the word became “right” because that is perhaps what I really wanted to say.  As I've often stated, I use such words interchangeably and sometimes I even wonder why we even bother to spell such words differently.

When I write the words, I right myself. Or should I say, when I right myself, I write the words? Or how about, when I right/write the words, I write/right myself. And how could I forget the Wright brothers - especially when, as I was writing or righting the previous sentence, I spelled the word, wright instead of write or right. For me, the spelling is different, yet as it sounds’ the same, so too must its meaning be basically the same. Which brings me to another point that I so enjoy staying over and over again to so many students: don’t worry about your grammar or spelling; just write the words as they come out; for as you write the words, so too will you right yourself. What is point in all of this? I’m sure yet; however, I am certain of why I am writing - to write myself.

This morning before awakening, I had a dream that I was a teacher. Actually, it was more that I was a teacher in training. I was talking to one of my teachers, explaining to her that, while I was learning, I was also already teaching. Then, a student of mine appeared in a wheelchair with a breathing device attached to it to essentially keep the young man alive by breathing for him. The scene changed and I noticed that the young man had disconnected the breathing device to disconnect himself from this life. Although I knew that this choice was ultimately his to make, I also knew that it would be a mistake. So I began to speak to him of why he should reconnect his breathing device, push through the hardships and stay connected to this life. Although it is hard, I said and there is not yet any light to be seen at the end of the tunnel, as you push through, things will change, the technology will get better and eventually you will be through. It is just a matter of pushing and pushing until you are through.

The dream ended and as I awoke, I knew that I was the one in the wheelchair, connected to the breathing device as well as the teacher teaching and also the one giving me advice. It also appears that I am still defining myself as wheelchair bound and on life support. Furthermore, in looking at the word “through,” I see that it has always been within and as me a word that I utilize to support myself to keep on walking. No matter how difficult the path may appear, it is always only a matter of taking the next step to eventually walk on through. And this is the message I will take with me from the dream.

On a related topic, yesterday, as I walk through the park with my partner, I noticed her becoming irritated, a point that I immediately brought back to myself to take responsibility for who I was in that moment. In shifting to observer/participant, looking into internal reality while also participating in the external reality, I could see that my view from within had darkened and was becoming physically painful. In backtracking from the tonality of the words that I could hear myself speaking, I was also able to see that my starting point as the directive principle was being consumed and diminished increasingly by emotion in reaction to my partner. The tonality of my words, the nature of my thoughts and let’s not forget the blame and projection that were starting to come through from the nature of such thoughts. These are points that I’ve learned to flag and to push myself through to live the principle of what is best for all, which equals doing unto others as I would have others do unto me if they were standing in my shoes and I in theirs. From that point, I knew that I had to reconnect with my life support as my self-directedness in order to push through and return to self-directedness.

For me, one of the most difficult aspects of living of in real time the principle of what is best for all is that of pushing through my energetic illusion of righteousness. In looking back into my mind at some of the times that I’ve faced this point, it’s as if I am surrounded by a  dense wall of a thick, dark substance embedded with the noise of pictures, emotions and sentences of blame as justification for me to stand my ground and fight for my right to have a harmonious external reality. When in the reality (of what is physically here), all I actually require to do is push through the dark, slimy, nasty, irritating black goo (of myself) until I am through to see the physically reality as one with me, not good or bad - simply what is here. Strange as it may sound,  pushing through the illusion of the dark, slimy, nasty, irritating goo (blinding us from seeing what is actually here) is simply a matter of pushing through the illusion of the virtual-reality of our own minds.

Accordingly, the problem is not the physical reality in and of itself, but the energetic definitions that we  create in our minds and then attempt to walk through our days dealing with  what is here, without realizing that we’re looking through virtual reality goggles of our own minds. Once we realize that and determine to change our views, it then becomes a matter of pushing through the goo. However, as pushing through the goo does not in and of itself ever seem to get easier, the solution, as I see it, is to eliminate the goo altogether and never allow myself to create such a mess ever again.