Wednesday, July 4, 2018

What to Right?

Although I meant to title this, "What to write?"as I wrote it out, the word became “right” because that is perhaps what I really wanted to say.  As I've often stated, I use such words interchangeably and sometimes I even wonder why we even bother to spell such words differently.

When I write the words, I right myself. Or should I say, when I right myself, I write the words? Or how about, when I right/write the words, I write/right myself. And how could I forget the Wright brothers - especially when, as I was writing or righting the previous sentence, I spelled the word, wright instead of write or right. For me, the spelling is different, yet as it sounds’ the same, so too must its meaning be basically the same. Which brings me to another point that I so enjoy staying over and over again to so many students: don’t worry about your grammar or spelling; just write the words as they come out; for as you write the words, so too will you right yourself. What is point in all of this? I’m sure yet; however, I am certain of why I am writing - to write myself.

This morning before awakening, I had a dream that I was a teacher. Actually, it was more that I was a teacher in training. I was talking to one of my teachers, explaining to her that, while I was learning, I was also already teaching. Then, a student of mine appeared in a wheelchair with a breathing device attached to it to essentially keep the young man alive by breathing for him. The scene changed and I noticed that the young man had disconnected the breathing device to disconnect himself from this life. Although I knew that this choice was ultimately his to make, I also knew that it would be a mistake. So I began to speak to him of why he should reconnect his breathing device, push through the hardships and stay connected to this life. Although it is hard, I said and there is not yet any light to be seen at the end of the tunnel, as you push through, things will change, the technology will get better and eventually you will be through. It is just a matter of pushing and pushing until you are through.

The dream ended and as I awoke, I knew that I was the one in the wheelchair, connected to the breathing device as well as the teacher teaching and also the one giving me advice. It also appears that I am still defining myself as wheelchair bound and on life support. Furthermore, in looking at the word “through,” I see that it has always been within and as me a word that I utilize to support myself to keep on walking. No matter how difficult the path may appear, it is always only a matter of taking the next step to eventually walk on through. And this is the message I will take with me from the dream.

On a related topic, yesterday, as I walk through the park with my partner, I noticed her becoming irritated, a point that I immediately brought back to myself to take responsibility for who I was in that moment. In shifting to observer/participant, looking into internal reality while also participating in the external reality, I could see that my view from within had darkened and was becoming physically painful. In backtracking from the tonality of the words that I could hear myself speaking, I was also able to see that my starting point as the directive principle was being consumed and diminished increasingly by emotion in reaction to my partner. The tonality of my words, the nature of my thoughts and let’s not forget the blame and projection that were starting to come through from the nature of such thoughts. These are points that I’ve learned to flag and to push myself through to live the principle of what is best for all, which equals doing unto others as I would have others do unto me if they were standing in my shoes and I in theirs. From that point, I knew that I had to reconnect with my life support as my self-directedness in order to push through and return to self-directedness.

For me, one of the most difficult aspects of living of in real time the principle of what is best for all is that of pushing through my energetic illusion of righteousness. In looking back into my mind at some of the times that I’ve faced this point, it’s as if I am surrounded by a  dense wall of a thick, dark substance embedded with the noise of pictures, emotions and sentences of blame as justification for me to stand my ground and fight for my right to have a harmonious external reality. When in the reality (of what is physically here), all I actually require to do is push through the dark, slimy, nasty, irritating black goo (of myself) until I am through to see the physically reality as one with me, not good or bad - simply what is here. Strange as it may sound,  pushing through the illusion of the dark, slimy, nasty, irritating goo (blinding us from seeing what is actually here) is simply a matter of pushing through the illusion of the virtual-reality of our own minds.

Accordingly, the problem is not the physical reality in and of itself, but the energetic definitions that we  create in our minds and then attempt to walk through our days dealing with  what is here, without realizing that we’re looking through virtual reality goggles of our own minds. Once we realize that and determine to change our views, it then becomes a matter of pushing through the goo. However, as pushing through the goo does not in and of itself ever seem to get easier, the solution, as I see it, is to eliminate the goo altogether and never allow myself to create such a mess ever again.

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