I've written about
shame, the place within/as me, us all that we dare not go, because to
do so would mean giving up the illusion, having to face ourselves,
and take responsibility with no strings attached. I realize that much
of what I speak/write is still but ideas based in the
illusion/mind/energy; this is my quest/journey to the truth of me. I
know where my shame lies, and this is where I’m heading, layer by
layer.
Currently, I’m
focused on the polarity-layer I've defined as Survival vs. Freedom.
The battle between these two concepts (survival having a negative
charge, and freedom having a positive charge) has defined my entire
life from the age of about 7. Survival of course means having money,
which requires that I at times give-up that which I have defined as
freedom, and enter into the system to work or play the money game.
Why am I not free in the process of acquiring money? Because I’ve
given positive definitions/energetic charges to my idea of freedom.
Unfortunately, according to the law of polarity or balance, the
experience of the positive (even in the illusion of/as mind) is
defined by its polar opposite. In other words, that I’ve defined
and participated within and as the experience of Freedom as a
positive energy, requires that I also experience its equal opposite
or negative energy. Thus, I’m left to also endure the negative –
restriction/control/limitation. In short (as much as I have enjoyed
teaching), because I had defined “not working” as a positive
experience/freedom, I had tied myself to also experiencing the
negative. If only I had known; if only I had understood. Yet, as I’ve
always said, it's never too late to change.
I've written a basic
mind construct on this topic and applied self-forgiveness and
self-corrective statements to the point that, I've stopped
participating in most of the energies associated with finding work
and working, and I've stopped compromising myself, i.e., agreeing to
do stuff for the sake of having a job and or avoiding conflict. Now,
I'm going to write self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements
directed at the polarities within and as which I’ve defined my
space-time, so as to release the charges/definitions I’ve given to
these two states of mind, so as to no longer participate in the
roller-coaster ride of the world system/mind.
Self
forgiveness based on Polarities
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as positive, knowing that my schedule is flexible in the near future.
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define having a flexible schedule or not being obligated to do something as “positive/freedom”, and within this not see, realize and understand that when I allowed the positive experience I was also committing myself to experience the negative as in – not being free/being obligated/having to go to work. Within this I see, realize and understand that true freedom is without polarity, not defined. I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to define myself, my space-time activities within and as polarities, and instead to walk/accomplish what I.m involved in, without judgment/definitions, so as to stop the roller-coaster ride.
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define “having to go to work in the near future” as negative, thus subjecting myself to the experience of anxiousness/anxiety. I now see, realize and understand that by defining my Time as positive/negative, I tie myself to time and thus abdicate my responsibility to direct myself in/as the present/moment. Within this, I now see, realize and understand that to be responsible – self-directing me, is to be without polarities. When and as I find myself defining time or anything else within and as a polarity, I stop, breathe, let go of the energies, and direct myself to accomplish what I’m doing, stable, without energy.
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define my experience on the morning of going to work, as a positive because there is no uncertainty/waiting/expecting a time to end/begin.
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