Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Day 97: Writing to Right


Mine eyes have perceived an image of me, and although I’ve perceived there may be worse, I realize there is much more to me than just this perception. I no longer agree to view images through the TV inside/as my mind; I will see, being that which is here. If only it were as simple as speaking/writing the words: “I'll bet it is,” says the little voice in my head, “there's always a back door, a shortcut to bypass those suckers.” To which I respond, “That would be death, and it's probably just another trap.”

This is the kind of stuff I write (yet only sometimes post) when the energy inside of me wants to whine – do anything else but write out the the energies – big and small that curse through the veins. I would have thought that after having forty plus years of experience dealing with and often ignoring the energy inside, this energy itself would have given up. But no, it persist because like me who insist on righting it, we're both one in the same. Kind of cool, walking with myself to overcome my self ego-I to win this war, even without the use of a backdoor program. After all, what kind of programmer would I be is I wasn't able to deprogram and reprogram me?
This morning when awakening, before opening my eyes, I put my fingers to the eye sockets, nose, and lips. Touching to see without using the mind's/image. Each time I asked myself “what is this, what am I?” and, like magic an image appeared. I realize that the image that appears in the mind is just a representation of the past, blurred by time, memories of pictures, emotions and feelings. Who am I; what am I without an image in the mind's eye of me? The answer is easy enough, substance. The image that appears in the mind is just energy derived (so I have learned) by consuming the the physical/being/substance to transform into energy – so as to view and experience the image.

Have a look at the images of Heaven we all keep hidden away in our minds. Most are probably special, the happy place in the mind where everything is going to be OK because one day that's where we'll be – with grandma and grandpa, whee! Not mine (image) of heaven; it's not that sweet. So why, if heaven is such a wonderful place to be, don't more people just kill themselves and be on their merry way? Because there is doubt: deep down inside they fear a grave mistake has been made, maybe they've been conned. Imagine being inside the minds of one of those “praise Jesus Christ” folks. I mean, I see/write what comes out of me, and it's sometimes fun, but usually not. Yet to even imagine being trapped inside one of those minds that believes/hopes/preys that some god is will come and save them (let alone that they must die for even the opportunity), that's, that's just another story. Which, having a look at what I've just written (fun/sarcastic) brings me back to a reality wherein, one mind the other, we're all trapped, coping in our own ways. Honestly, if I ever get out of this place / the mind, my plan is to stay – not just run away; stay until all are free.

I sometimes enjoy writing like this. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, I’ve got more important issues such as writing out the energy that's been buzzing around in my stomach since this morning. Once again, it has to do with work – keeping my hours down and finding a place close by. What's interesting is that, since I’ve written this, the energy in my stomach has dissipated even though I didn't write about the energies themselves; or did I? It's all in the words, and regardless of what words one uses and or abuses, the essence of the being comes through; perhaps not as clearly as in the spoken word, yet it's still here. And now I see why it's so important to write (every day); even though I may write around the subject, I’m still writing, righting me.

Self forgiveness and self corrective statements
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the real – unsimulated me does not require a simulation see me or tell me who I am. Within this, I commit myself to following through on this plan(et) to breaking out of this simulated mind-reality.
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the real me / a new me emerges within and as each breath that is without simulation, and the more I am without simulation, the closer I come to seeing/hearing/being here.
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to play the game of not seeing and within this game, not take responsibility for all as me. It's like I got so used to the game simulation that I've been afraid to return, fearing it's too late to go back, and within this not realize that it's not about going back, but about stopping the energy and moving myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be labeled, identified as a singularity, separate from all that is one me.
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to energize myself into “thinking” that it's time to find a job, instead of simply moving myself to go an find a place that I’d like to work. I see, realize and understand that moving myself in this reality does not require energy, just some practice. Within this I commit myself to (tomorrow and the next day, and so on) to moving myself without (or at least less and less) energy.
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