Mine eyes have
perceived an image of me, and although I’ve perceived there may be worse, I realize there is much more to me than just this perception. I no longer
agree to view images through the TV inside/as my mind; I will see, being that which is here. If only it were as simple as
speaking/writing the words: “I'll bet it is,” says the little
voice in my head, “there's always a back door, a shortcut to bypass
those suckers.” To which I respond, “That would be death, and
it's probably just another trap.”
This is the kind of
stuff I write (yet only sometimes post) when the energy inside of me
wants to whine – do anything else but write out the the energies –
big and small that curse through the veins. I would have thought that after
having forty plus years of experience dealing with and often ignoring
the energy inside, this energy itself would have given up. But no, it persist because like me who insist on righting it, we're both one in the same. Kind of cool, walking with myself to
overcome my self ego-I to win this war, even without the use of a
backdoor program. After all, what kind of programmer would I be is I
wasn't able to deprogram and reprogram me?
This morning when
awakening, before opening my eyes, I put my fingers to the eye
sockets, nose, and lips. Touching to see without using the
mind's/image. Each time I asked myself “what is this, what am I?”
and, like magic an image appeared. I realize that the image that
appears in the mind is just a representation of the past, blurred by
time, memories of pictures, emotions and feelings. Who am I; what am I
without an image in the mind's eye of me? The answer is easy enough, substance. The image that appears in the mind is just energy
derived (so I have learned) by consuming the the physical/being/substance to transform into energy – so as to view and experience
the image.
Have a look at the
images of Heaven we all keep hidden away in our minds. Most are
probably special, the happy place in the mind where everything is
going to be OK because one day that's where we'll be – with grandma
and grandpa, whee! Not mine (image) of heaven; it's not that
sweet. So why, if heaven is such a wonderful place to be, don't more
people just kill themselves and be on their merry way? Because there
is doubt: deep down inside they fear a grave mistake has been made,
maybe they've been conned. Imagine being inside the minds of one of
those “praise Jesus Christ” folks. I mean, I see/write what comes
out of me, and it's sometimes fun, but usually not. Yet to even
imagine being trapped inside one of those minds that
believes/hopes/preys that some god is will come and save them (let alone that
they must die for even the opportunity), that's, that's just another
story. Which, having a look at what I've just written (fun/sarcastic)
brings me back to a reality wherein, one mind the other, we're all
trapped, coping in our own ways. Honestly, if I ever get out of this
place / the mind, my plan is to stay – not just run away; stay
until all are free.
I sometimes enjoy
writing like this. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, I’ve got
more important issues such as writing out the energy that's been
buzzing around in my stomach since this morning. Once again, it has
to do with work – keeping my hours down and finding a place close
by. What's interesting is that, since I’ve written this, the energy
in my stomach has dissipated even though I didn't write about the
energies themselves; or did I? It's all in the words, and regardless
of what words one uses and or abuses, the essence of the being comes
through; perhaps not as clearly as in the spoken word, yet it's still here. And now I see why it's so important to write (every day); even
though I may write around the subject, I’m still writing, righting
me.
Self forgiveness and
self corrective statements
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the real – unsimulated me does not require a simulation see me or tell me who I am. Within this, I commit myself to following through on this plan(et) to breaking out of this simulated mind-reality.
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the real me / a new me emerges within and as each breath that is without simulation, and the more I am without simulation, the closer I come to seeing/hearing/being here.
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to play the game of not seeing and within this game, not take responsibility for all as me. It's like I got so used to the game simulation that I've been afraid to return, fearing it's too late to go back, and within this not realize that it's not about going back, but about stopping the energy and moving myself.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be labeled, identified as a singularity, separate from all that is one me.
- I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to energize myself into “thinking” that it's time to find a job, instead of simply moving myself to go an find a place that I’d like to work. I see, realize and understand that moving myself in this reality does not require energy, just some practice. Within this I commit myself to (tomorrow and the next day, and so on) to moving myself without (or at least less and less) energy.
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