Friday, January 18, 2013

Carrying Past definitions

A point that has come up regularly through-out my life has to do with cars/vehicles – specifically their potential to break-down or malfunction, unto which I have often projected my aggravation/exacerbation/desperation... Today has to do with registering my car, the old car that I specifically bought so as to avoid costly repairs, breakdowns, etc. I have have for the most part avoided costly repairs and breakdowns. Yet, since this car had been modified – raised up, bigger tires, roof rack, etc., getting it inspected is (what I term) a hassle because every 6 months I have to make changes to it, enough so as to get it through the government inspection. When I bought the car, the seller assured me that everything was legal, yeah! Here's a point, where I’m realizing that just because I've been directing myself to be honest with others, doesn't necessarily translate into others being honest with me. However, in most instances, it does appear to have a reciprocating affect. Perhaps, those times when I'm being honest in dealings with others, and they're being dishonest, leading to a miscalculation, are times when I am simply accounting for my dishonest dealings in the past. Anyway, the point of today isn't about the person who sold me the vehicle, as much as it is about me reacting to the process or as I see it – the hassle of dealing with government regulations in a language that most people, regardless of which languages they speak, don't speak – Government, which is just another method by which government harms/controls through regulations that are applied to most, yet comprehensible to only a few. At the end of the day, I did get everything taken care of, with far fewer reactions than I had experienced in the past while facing the same task. Yet, the goal is to get the reactions down to zero.
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to react to the thought/prospect of having to inspect my car, and within this not see/realize that my reactions had less to do with the car then they did with the uncertainty associated with not understanding the requirements, the possible costs, and the possibility of having to face rejection.
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection, being turned down, left stranded with no option but to take a loss on the vehicle, thus realizing that my strategy of buying what I bought was a failure. Within this, I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to place a positive value on being correct, and within this not see/realize and understand that wherein I had placed a positive value on the experience of being correct, the equal opposite negative experience is bound to come around. I now see/realize and understand that by defining myself as being right or wrong, I’m relegating myself to to equally experience both. Thus, I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to participate in the experiences of being right and wrong, and instead simply note the outcomes of my decisions so as to learn from them.
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that in order to stop the reactions and be certain that I will not react to similar circumstances in the future, requires that I walk through these points – breathing/remaining here. I see/realize and understand that my reactions relate to how I had defined situations in the past and then carried those past definitions to the present, thus not giving myself the opportunity to walk through the points here in the present.
  • I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the definitions of past experiences so as to stop projecting the definitions of the past onto the present. When and as I find myself at the point of defining a place/situation/person/event, I stop/breathe and do not allow myself to be sucked into the trap of carrying forward the past. Instead, I walk in the moment with only what is here, so as to simply do what I require to do, and move on to the next point.
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to carry with me an experience as a child, of being inside my mom's broken-down car, and feeling stranded. I see/realize and understand that that one point had defined my relationship to automobiles ever since. Til here no further; I hereby release myself of the energetic ties of how I defined that experience in the back seat of my mom's car, so as to no longer be tied to the definitions of the past, thus no longer allowing that experience to dictate who I am in the present in relationship to cars.   

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