How much money is enough?” For me, as long as I have enough money for food and a place to live, that's enough. I went for a job interview today, and as a result I’ll probably end up signing a contract to work three days a week for at least the next 9 months. The truth is, we could probably get by without this money, and I would prefer to work less so as to spend more time on that which I will, but my partner insists I work more because “we have a lot of bills.” It's not about right or wrong in my eyes, it's just compromise. I've enjoyed the last 5 months, studying/learning and transitioning, yet in the area of money I do have the ability to earn/get more, so that's what I’ll do. Why: pay the bills and “feel” more secure, I guess. I don't see that it is necessary to have more money than one needs, so as to feel more secure. On the contrary, I see the world money system in the process of collapsing, and I don't see money/cash as such a good store of future value. Yet historically, I’ve rarely been very accurate at timing things. The issue I have with working is the “commitment,” the have-to regarding my time. Yep, I've always reacted when someone said to me. “you have to do it.” I would look at them, and think or say, “I don't have to do anything, except perhaps, die.” My dog is kind of like that too – push her, even towards her food, and she'll counter with equal force. It's an issue which I have done self-forgiveness on to the point where I no longer react to the words, “you have to,” however the commitment of having to do something is still something that I seem to take very seriously, as though I'm giving up my “control over me.” One improvement that I did notice is that before and during the interview, I didn't go into mind, and so far it appears that the results are better than I would have planned.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project onto money the reason that I don't want to go out and work, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define “work” as something that I am forced to do and thus rebel against it. I see/realize and understand that the nature of the world system is such that “working for money” is that which we have become, and until we change the system, that's how we'll remain – selling ourselves solely to survive.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to believe that I would prefer to work less so as to spend more time on myself, as I see/realize and understand that even when I work more I will simply adjust my the way I allocate my time, so as to accomplish the same, but with a bigger discretionary spending allowance.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that, as time is relative to mind, it is only the mind that minds not being in control. Within this, I see/realize and understand that as long as I stand here in breath, self directed, I am the directive unto myself and not the mind.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see a commitment as something supportive within my process, as commitments are that which I stand by, and within what is best for all, all commitments may be aligned, thus allowing me to walk in the system while in the process of changing me and the system.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that part of my commitment to life is to be in the system and walk this process at the same time – live the words that I write, thus seeing who I am in word and deed.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough time to write and study, and within this not see that I have not even begun to use my time effectivly.
- I commit myself to use my time more effectively, i.e., less mind, more life.