Desire, desire, desire: what is it I don't desire – that's what I “want” to write about, so as to keep the rest suppressed. But that won't assist me at all, so here are my desires: Women, sex, alcohol, fame and acclaim, a spaceship and the freedom to explore... Or how about just this one: I Desire to be Free of All Desires, free of the puppet strings – intimacy undefined, self-honesty all around, no more illusion and no more lies – the end of consciousness, the end of time, the beginning of Life, blah, blah, blah! That was two hours of writing anything and nothing at all. The problem is, I'm not ready to make public that which needs to be written and forgiven. So, I'm going to leave it here and do the rest of my writing on this topic, in private.
I now see that my problem has all along been simply, a lack of Self Intimacy. I’ve been thinking that I needed to be more intimate with another, when in actuality, the only intimacy I require right now is self intimacy.
- I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire to be intimate with another, and within this not see/realize and understand the desire to be intimate with another is the mind consciousness system's method of keeping preoccupied looking elsewhere so as to not see me – as in intimacy – “into me I see.”
- I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame/judge myself for not being able to initiate with another – even me, and within this not realize that to be intimate with another, I must first be intimate with myself.
- I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear self-intimacy because I have defined the word, self-intimacy as dirty and shameful, when in reality – it is simply, to look self-honestly into me, or “into me I see.”
- I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define intimacy with another, as the act of being together uninhibitedly, and within this not realize that to be uninhibited requires self intimacy.
- I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as desire for relationships, and within this not see/realize and understand that that desire is of the trap of the mind consciousness system, to keep me from looking at me.
- I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to imprint within and as me, desire as definitions, judgments, comparisons, reactions, pictures, sounds, memory moments, etc., and within this not see, realize and understand that that which I call, desire is but a program; it ain't me.
- I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live here within and as breath, free of the definitions as the strings of desire, so as to see, realize and understand that all I am one with is all that is here; and desire is of the trap that has served only to keep me from seeing that, and realizing me.
- I see/realize and understand that for me to be intimate with another, I must first be intimate with myself, and that this requires me to explore and understand every aspect of me = No Self-judgment.
- I see realize and understand that the desire that I have been projecting onto others, has served only to trap me into not seeing me.
I commit myself to no longer use desire as an excuse to seek and hide me in relationships.
I commit myself to self-intimacy, exploring all aspects of me, without self-judgment.
I commit myself to self-intimacy.