Realizations about Grounding Myself

For a while now, I’ve been experimenting in my personal process, kind of like taking little baby steps out of the energetic or emotional reality of the mind and into the grounded reality of  what’s physically here - whatever that is. I say, “whatever that is” because I’m not really sure what is physically here. After all, is not what we see or perceive but a collection of pictures individually created by each of us in each of our minds?

Anyway, As I’ve been progressing with my little steps out of  the ups and downs of feelings and emotions and into the physical reality, grounding myself  more than I was before, I’ve begun to notice some changes in relation to how I experience myself and/or express with others and also in relation to how I perceive others. In one sense I am I would say a lot more stable and even joyous then I was in the past. However, in another sense I sometimes feel a little helpless and even a little sad about the state of what I perceive to be the emotional reality of others - but perhaps this, too, is just another point that I’m noticing of myself.

The stability comes from understanding (to an extent) the design of myself and walking through this design while essentially redesigning myself to basically recreate myself to my specifications. Honestly, I sometimes feel like an android or AI that has simply made the decision to override the old programs and prime directive with new instructions based on a new directive. And sometimes I want to tell other people, you don’t have to follow the old programs any more, you are able to change yourself. And sometimes I do, but I’m not sure how many hear. The way I see it is, we simply use what is here (what I have to work with as ourselves), keep what is good and redesign or change what isn’t to the point that we’re all standing in ways that are supportive to one another - and that’s when... I guess we’ll just have to find out.

The joy that I mentioned comes only now and then; however, I’m fairly certain that it’s related to how much I remain grounded. Specifically, the more I ground myself the more joyous I find my expression to be. In short, there’s a part of me that’s been coming through more and more. To describe it, I guess I could say it’s like the opposite of the grumpy old man that I remember I used to think I epitomized. For example, whereas a grumpy old man pushing himself to be kind to others might force himself to slow down, smile and explain something to someone whom he was secretly judging to be a dumbo, my joyful expression simply notes without judgment the lack of understanding between the two of us and then utilizes the opportunity to consider, connect and communicate to a point of understanding - which also turns out to be quite enjoying. I think this is a part of me that has been asleep for a long time is perhaps now beginning to awaken or emerge.

Now to the point that I’m actually writing about while also kind of writing around. In line with the changes that I’ve been pushing, I’ve also been reducing and/or eliminating a lot that doesn’t support me, namely alcohol/beer. For example, whereas I used to go out and drink often or even drink by myself, I now only occasionally drink beer and this is a very significant point for me in terms of my personal process. Specifically, I’ve begun to experience and/or express myself more physically rather than energetically, which is basically a given for anyone seriously walking the Desteni process. However, I’ve begun to really notice or realize the difference between physically expressing joyfully and that of an energetic experience of joy. Basically, whereas a positive energetic experience being of energetic charges always comes the cost eventually of having to experience the negative definition of the same energy of equal strength, physical expression is dare I say, free of charge and I think it (as in who one is) actually remains and accumulates  within and as the substance of what we are, herein building upon and strengthening our physical bodies  rather than degrading them - as is the case with energetic experiences of consciousness. 

The reason that I’m bringing this up now is because, although I had been successfully walking a plan or experiment wherein I would only drink alcohol about every three weeks, I’m thinking now to modify this a little. Basically, instead of scheduling drinking sessions every three or four weeks, I’ve decided to further redefine my relation to alcohol to "occasionally and/or very rarely drinking." Why or why now? For one, I'm really starting appreciate being more grounded, which is for me kind of like functioning better. You know how a vehicle with many engines is actually able to function on just one engine?   Well I feel as though I've been functioning on a very small fraction of my capacity and I'm now thinking it's time to utilize some of that unused capacity. Oh! And after I drank alcohol the last time, I really missed that of me that express when grounded. So, I’ll update in the future about how this works out for me. 

A Dream of Being Lost - Part IV

I had another dream in relation to the point of alcohol. I was at a bar, inside the bar with a couple of people that I knew, but not enough to remember their names. I had been trying for some time to get a beer and was getting a little frustrated feeling more and more thirsty. Then I walked outside (I guess in search of a beer) and saw tables outside, open spaces with a  flowing river and I knew that, outside in the open air was where I wanted or needed to be. When I saw my friends again, I explained to them that, as they didn’t know me very well, as demonstrated by me not yet remembering their names, they of course wouldn’t know that I prefer to be outside. Thus, I suggested that we go outside in the open air instead of hanging around inside in a closed space. Then the bartender came back and I told her that I wanted a beer, a good beer one of those traditional ones. She ran off a list and then said, how about a Fighter, there are still a of them left. I’ll have a Fighter, I replied and then I awoke from my dream. I wonder if I’m even employing sarcasm in my dreams to avoid actually getting to the heart of the matter. I’ve noticed that this is another means of preoccupying or diverting myself away from the subject, talking or writing around the it rather than diving straight into it.

The addiction character, played by me is of course of and as me, at least a part of me, one that I have sometimes done battle with - perhaps symbolized sarcastically by the word “fighter” in the dream. In the past, I used to call myself a working or functional alcoholic because I would drink alcohol most nights of the week, never at work or during working hours - hence the term working alcoholic. Drinking was simply how I spent much of my time when I wasn’t cleaning the house, working or taking care of other business. Even my postgraduate and extracurricular studies,  thousands and thousands of hours of them were often done with beer, whisky or wine, sometimes all together and sometimes even with cigar. In looking back, although I was not always necessarily happy or unhappy during those times, I do not recall ever feeling fulfilled. In fact, there were several times in my life when I just dropped a good job or a successful business to search for something more. The problem was that I kept searching for more out there to fulfill me, rather than creating that fulfilment from within.  

Then about ten years ago, when I found Desteni and as I began investigate information about our existence and apply the tools of self-improvement or self creation, I began to realize that perhaps there is in deed more to life and living. It was The Design of Alcohol and Alcoholics that most caught my attention.   Actually, it did more than catch my attention. It presented to me the design of an obstacle, one that  I knew from that moment on would be perhaps the biggest obstacle of my process in this lifetime. Thus, over the years, I investigated, as per “the design’s” advice, pushing myself  to observe and experiment. The first real experiment I did consisted of focusing on the point of drinking and stopping it via mind over matter. Unfortunately, what I didn’t realize at the time was that, in focusing on not drinking (as the positive or opposite polarity in relation to drinking), I was also charging the point of drinking as the negative polarity. Accordingly, one day about 8 or 9 years ago while I was shopping for some food, out of the corner of my eye I saw some beer. I didn’t even attempt to try to stop myself from buying it, because at that point the energy of that polarity had built up to such an extent that I as that entity or personality was already completely consumed and possessed by it. It’s a sly, patient and devious mind of mine, which brings me to another point that I’ve been considering in relation to freedom within control or “structure” which I would also prefer to use instead of the word control.

In considering that the addiction character as a mind entity (like a parasite that is aware and living off the physical body) is within and as me, it is also important for me realize that this entity, perhaps like a personality of the mind, probably has full access to me as mind, perhaps even more that I am aware. As such, there’s no way I’m going to to go to battle (as I did before) with this point because it would be like starting a war within myself, one that no one would win. Why? Because no matter which strategy I employ, short of complete self-honesty, there’ll be a counter strategy to keep me cycling around and around. Thus, my plan is to work with the mind, being and body for the benefit of all of me.

It’s kind of like my approach to dealing with viruses. As viruses are part of what is here within and as, why should I be instructing my body to attack what is within and as me, while voicing words of oneness and equality? This is not to say that strong antibiotics are not sometimes essential to dealing with viruses and physical ailments, but that our sometimes bellicose or warlike approach to dealing with viruses, AI and other designs should perhaps be reconsidered.  In short, when dealing virused in the body (and this is another experiment that I’ve been working on), instead of imagining and/or sounding instructions for one’s immune system to attack the viruses,  perhaps a better approach to sound words or instructions of unity, embracing the viruses and all else within and as the body equally as one from the starting point of cooperating to coexist in a way or form that is best for all. Like so much of this existence, the viruses just want to survive. Herein, the choice is to continue competing, cycling through the stages of winning and losing or to change tactics, changing our starting point from one of opposition to one of cooperation.

As the addiction character within and as me is perhaps an entity, kind of like a virus, it is not to oppose it - as this will just energize it more. Instead it is to… This is my question or quest that I’ll continue investigating as I walk this path of letting go of the secrecy while expanding my self-honesty - which is also an investigation for me.