Of the questions I ask, none have eluded me (as answers) more than the question of change. What is real change, what am I really to be and become that I am not now nor have ever been that is really, really real self change? It’s the ultimate question within and as the purpose of the personal process self-creation.
And just like that, for a moment, I once again find myself floating somewhere out there philosophising about the nature of process and, the quest for change as a question to ask and be answered by someone out there instead of grounding myself right here, becoming question, making the decision and manifesting myself as the answer to the question of my own process of self creation. So, did I answer my question? In applying the tools of self-creation, grounding myself in writing, self-forgiveness and commitments, for that moment, I guess I did.
However, when it comes to the question of what is real change on a personal level and how exactly should each one of us be changing, no one else but each one of us for ourselves is able to correctly say that this is how you should be and this is what you must do to become that way. In some ways this has been difficult for me to comprehend or accept. For a long time, I just wanted someone else to define for me my mission that I required to accomplish so that I would have an idea or an image of what I needed to accomplish and how I should be and become. Alas, this isn’t the way of self-change or self-creation, For the process of self-change as a matter of self-creation (for it to be of self) must actually originate from self. With this in mind as well as body, I ask myself, how do I honestly want to be an become, i.e., what image do I have of myself in the future? WRONG QUESTION AGAIN!
Imagining how I want to be in the future is a mind consciousness system distraction trap of imagining how the future could be without actually doing what it takes to create or manifest that future right here and now in the present, the only time/space/moment opportunity each one of us will ever have to change ourselves and create (new) realities. Thus it is for me push myself to remain focused here and now on the present, that which I require do to change myself now to solidify and become that change forever more in the present moments to come.
Why has no one ever been able to provide me with a specific definition or the design of self change as a matter of self creation? Because no one is able to define for another what self change really is. Because for it to be of self, the change must really originate from self. Furthermore (and this is the scary or exciting part), because for the change to manifest as a matter of real self-creation, that which is manifested must also be that which is new, never having been of one’s location point or awareness before = the new as a matter of real self-creation. Hence the necessity of self-will to push one’s self into the darkness, embracing it with the knowingness that as creators of our realities and existence as a whole, each one of us alone together create in each moment what is, will be and become.
In a sense, it seems like a risk and in the past I guess it was, due to our intentions being quite broad and almost undefined - there must be something more, now go out there and find it. Now, having found the more in the form of more suffering, more misery and greater inequality, it is clear that the more was actually an ever increasing number of the diminishing returns as a fraction of the whole/one. Funny, I keep wanting to explain to people that the largest number is actually One, but now I’m philosophising again, thinking how best to prove my hypothesis, so I’ll end this here with a recap.
In my view, aside providing the tools of how to change, no one is able to accurately tell me or you precisely how we should change to create ourselves anew. For, each point of creation (for it to be real self-creation) is unable to even be imagined, for at that particular location, each one’s point of awareness, the point of creation has yet to be manifested into existence. Thus it is, the importance of self-experimentation to see what works and what doesn’t, keeping the good while letting of the bad.