Saturday, October 6, 2012

Day 52: And... not so quiet


Why is it that when my mind is quiet, I don't write as much? Because I write to write out issues that I've allowed myself to become / occupy me as the mind, minding my business. Where as when I am quiet, issues are not pressing me for attention and I am not minding them. This is where I’ve been for the last couple of days, and then almost as if – per request the issues present themselves, and just when I had completed downloading the first season of the TV series, Homeland, which upon watching became another issue – to be explored a little later. The first issue to materialize has to do with my inspecting my wife's car and renewing the insurance which is something I do every year. When I went there and asked if I could pay with credit card, and the woman said, “No.” So, I inspected the car, got the paper work and went home. Last night when my wife was checking the paperwork, I asked for confirmation of insurance – as in the receipt, and it wasn't there. But my personality was, and in quantum time it pointed out to me the risks of transacting without verifying the transaction, which in my reality (the cross checking / verification) is aligned the value I place on money or the value of that which I can afford to lose, a luxury one affords or doesn't afford based on his/her relationship to money. Anyway, this wasn't the first time I was able to immediately put together how I could have been effectively ripped off – for lack of due diligence on my part. The reason I was and have been able to put the pieces together so quickly is because I had done it before, to another. The year was about 1987. I was in Florida in a furniture rental shop, and a group of people came in with a big wad of cash, wanting to rent furniture and pay three months in advance. I bypassed the credit check and saw to it that they got their furniture, and without giving them a receipt, got away with two months proceeds which I used to purchase something to take care of grizzly bears for my planned trip to Alaska which never happened as I ended up going to Central America instead which is many stories in itself. Last night, my mind really wanted to get this issue going in/as me, and even though I stopped the conscious-thought activity, the subconscious continued to spin it around for quite some time – noted by the physical feeling in the solar plexus area. It's not that I’m worried about losing the money – about one hundred dollars (full coverage auto insurance is cheap in Taiwan), it's more the “what if” question “if this then what?” So, I’m going to go back to the office in an hour so as to reassure my, i.e., get a receipt. I went back to the office and reassured myself, as I was almost certain that I would. Yet had I not gone back, there would have remained a question (which would have left that feeling in my stomach) of what if the car was in an accident and it turns out we didn't have insurance. It's interesting that even though I stop the thoughts as words and pictures, there is still the silent thought which I’ll read up on today, the feeling/experience in the gut, a knowing without words or pictures. For sure it's a thought form from an activated personality; I feel the energy associated with it.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if there are no issues coming up as in irritating thoughts then I have nothing to write about. Within this I see/realize and understand that “all” thoughts may be traced back to a seed/memory which is currently being used by a personality to evolve itself. Thus, I commit myself to investigate and write out all thoughts and within this no longer define the thoughts as harmless, negative or positive, so as to absolutely clear any and all thoughts are indicators a personality has been activated – meaning that I am not here in the physical but instead occupied in/as mind/energy in the process of consuming the physical.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seeing irregularities, follow a pattern of searching for that which could go wrong and upon finding a possibility, define as an issue with a question mark that must have a resolution. I see/realize and understand that this patter of searching for deception arises from within me – as in me seeing where I could deceive and or thus be deceived. Within this I commit myself to stop looking for deception and to no longer define irregularities as anything more than an irregularity that I may deal with, specifically not allowing myself to step into a personality suit, thus not allowing any form of energetic reaction.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view potential problems with financial transactions, from the a perspective of insuring that I haven't been taken advantage of / cheated. Within this I see/realize and understand that this not wanting to lose / be cheated is a personality trait with which (although downsized) has yet to be eliminated. Within this I see once again that I’m still quite some way from stopping/eliminating personality. Thus I commit myself to continue to investigate/research the interdimensional physical design of personalities, and in eliminate them.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and hold onto ideas that others might cheat me in a certain manner because I have cheated and been cheated in that manner before. Within this I see/realize and understand that I’m still carrying guilt as in the fear that of having done unto me what I have done to another.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that by carrying the past, I am not living in the present. Within this I forgive myself of accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as guilt for cheating another, and within this I commit myself to walk in the present, self-honestly, for and as what is best for all.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to (during financial transactions) base my degree of being here in breath, on the the value that I have placed on a sum of money. Within this I see/realize and understand that in these moments I am placing a monetary value on my life. Thus I commit myself to during all financial transactions breathe and be aware of all the details because in this manner I am certain that I am participating here in/as the physical.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a feeling projected onto a possibility of being cheated.

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